The Kool-Aid Chronicles

home again

2009-07-24T22:51:00.001-04:00

I arrived home this afternoon from one of my infamous visits with my family.

*heavy sigh*

Where do I begin?!

I won't tell you about my sister who remains as chemically imbalanced as ever. Whatever. Her problem.

I won't tell you about my parents who feel the need to schedule our every waking minute. The funniest thing about that is that I hear the exact same thing every single time prior to our trip...

"We're not planning anything. We're playing everything by ear."

...only to get down there to find out that everything has been worked out and written down to the smallest detail. Do you know that they actually had the nerve to tell us that the day after we arrived, and completely exhausted I might add, that we were going to go out to breakfast at 7:50 AM?! Yeah, and my ass hair looks like Michael Jackson's face and I'll be auctioning off a picture of it on eBay. NOT!!!

Needless to say, I told them the kids and I were sleeping in and they could have a lovely breakfast without us. I should add that no one went to breakfast at 7:50 AM the day after we arrived. Score for Koolio!

One thing I will tell you about is how my generous parents have helped me pay off my mortgage. As nice a gesture as it was, there's the usual blame-game when my parents do something nice for me. And, as usual, a story behind a story!

The history of this story goes back a few months when interest rates dropped and I tried to refinance through my mortgage company. I spent time talking with a mortgage expert, collecting vital information and then suddenly, being ignored with my calls and Emails not being returned. It was frustrating to say the least. As it turns out, I didn't need to refinance because my interest rate dropped remarkably low on it's own and for the next six months, I was secure.

My father Emailed me one day at the end of May and graciously announced that he and my mom wanted to pay off my mortgage and offer me an incredible, unheard of rate through them. Of course I couldn't say 'no'! But I should have because I knew what was about to follow!

Before I arrived at my "vacation" destination last Saturday, I knew that my parents would want to talk with me about their mortgage loan. It wasn't about how glad they were that they could help me. It was about how my need for them to do this for me was cutting into their retirement fund and that basically, I owed them a couple hundred thousand dollars! That I now had to look into getting at least a part-time job to help pay them back so they would no longer have to give me their annual tax-free "gift"/allowance.

WTF?!?!

Of course I should never be surprised by the things that come out of their mouths, but I was a bit taken aback this time. I finally had had it with their degrading treatment and told them what was on my mind. First, I let them know that as always, I was very appreciative of their generosity and that I never took what they offered/gave me for granted. Then I reminded them that they were the ones who came to me years ago about this annual gift and that I had never once asked them for money. I also reminded them that they were the ones who came to me with their mortgage solution, that I never looked a gift horse in the mouth but I was not going to allow them to make me feel guilty for doing it.

Their response?

My father was not pleased I had contributed my two sense and still made me feel guilty for it and not with a pleasant demeanor. He was never good, even when he worked, about people 'beneath him' speaking up. Ah well, at least I tried. And when they're living under an overpass in a large cardboard box that they call home, I'll visit them. Once. Maybe I'll even throw them a few bucks, ya' know, in appreciation. *wink*

One other thing occurred that my soon-to-be 12 year old son (tomorrow, YAY!!) picked up on and he let my parents have it but good! A little background first....

It's been some time now since I've seen a photo of myself with the kids in my parents' place that isn't hidden on a large nightstand in my parents' bedroom or when the kids were four to five years younger than they are now and yes, I am completely insulted by this. More so this time when I showed up and on the coffee table in their living room where they have photos lined up of the kids, something new caught my eye...a set of photo coasters with my kids pix in them and oh, will you look at that! A photo of my son with my sister. Where was a picture of me with either child? Conveniently not there.

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you may recall that every time I'm visiting my family, my sister is invited along. Yes, the only sibling I have, the crazy one, the one who always takes credit for being my kids' mother when we're outside my parents' home. And now, it would appear, that my parents are trying to give the impression to all visitors that A) they're first born is more important than I and B) she is the kids' mother to all unsuspecting house guests.

I have never said anything about this and the closest thing I've said something about what assholes they are regarding this matter, is handing my camera to my father to take pictures of me and the kids thinking that at some point he'd catch on. Unless proven otherwise, I'm assuming he's purposefully ignoring the hint.

Apparently, I was not the only one who noticed the absence of my photo. My son picked up on this and one evening while we were dressed more nicely than most as we were getting ready to go out to enjoy a nice meal to celebrate my kids' birthdays, the picture-taking started - my mom with kids, my dad with kids, my sister with kids and...my son, directed towards my father, blurted out...

"How come whenever we're here you never take pictures of mom with us? That's really rude! It's like you don't want any pictures of her! L. is not our mom and you care more about taking pictures of her with us and none with my mom! I'm not taking anymore pictures with any of you until you start being fair to mom!"

Have I told you how much I love my son?!

This was the first time I've ever seen or heard my son stick up for anyone. I guess it would be apropos, that just a few days before he was to turn 12 that he would exhibit some maturity. And boy, did he ever! That and he made me smile!

STOP is not the new GO

2009-07-15T16:37:00.000-04:00

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you know many of my pet peeves revolve around bad drivers. You name it and I've probably bitched about it!

It seems that around these parts, many people think coasting through intersections where there's a STOP sign is okay as long as there are no cars coming. I'm convinced that many of said people probably don't know the definition of STOP.

I also know that many people around here don't comprehend what YIELD means. For those of you out there who don't know the definition, YIELD, in traffic terms, means that oncoming traffic has the right-of-way and that you pause until the time that you can safely proceed. If you don't get that, you shouldn't be driving.

Almost every day I deal with this one busy intersection where there's a YIELD sign. I can't tell you how many times I've been cut off because of people who react improperly to the sign. Yesterday, some twat hole actually laid on his horn at ME because I didn't let him go! Not only was it rush hour so traffic was slow-moving, but the douche bag pulled up next to me in the other lane and lucky me with my window down, was greeted with an earful. In usual Koolio form, I had a few choice words for him in return:

Hey dumbass! YOU had the YIELD sign which means that not only do other drivers not HAVE to let you merge into traffic but that you just have to hold your fucking horses! But if you want to drive with one fist up your ass and the other hand on your dick, be my guest, just don't EVER get in my fucking way again or I'll report you to 911 as a reckless lunatic who's smoking crack while driving. Have a nice day, fucker!

With that I waved the bird at him high and hard and grinned as wide as I possibly could. I could tell you that he wasn't happy but that would be an understatement. :)

Fucking Congress needs to pass a law that allows people like me to pick off these asswipes with a sawed-off shotgun. Just sayin'.

birthdays don't get better than this!

2009-06-28T07:12:00.001-04:00

I'm 41 today. It seems like turning 40 was a lot harder!

For those of you who haven't been following me long, I am an avid fan of slasher films of the '70s and '80s along and every kind of B-movie inbetween.

So when I awoke this morning to Alien Apocalypse on the SciFi channel and watched two astronauts battle aliens that resembled termites that drank the nuclear waste (aka Kool-Aid. Heh), I was in seventh heaven!

So these two astronauts, who have been on a decades-long mission, return to earth to find that aliens have taken it over. And the humans were dressed in animal skins with really bad, knotted, never-been-brushed hair. Kinda' made me wanna' reach through the screen with a hairbrush, but I digress.

When the final battle started, I knew it was going to be good and I wasn't disappointed! Yellow gunk oozing from alien bodies as they were punctured with swords and arrows. Alien heads rolling as they were knocked from their bodies. An astronaut spitting on an alien she had just slaughtered. Ahhh, sheer pleasure!!

I'm convinced that in another life I must have been a serial killer. I like this shit waaaaay too much! But I'll worry about that another day! Today, my daughter's coming home from overnight camp and I can't be concerned about possible underlying serial-killer tendencies, now can I?!

camp swine flu

2009-06-27T15:19:00.003-04:00

You may have heard in the news recently about the flu outbreak in camps in the Georgia/North Carolina areas. My kids go to overnight camp in that general area.

A little more than a week and a half ago, we received an Email from the camp director saying that he wanted to put everyone's mind at ease, that their camp was not one of the camps mentioned in the news. Just days later, we received a conflicting report, saying that there had been concerns with about five of the campers, that the CDC, Family/Children Services and a local hospital administrator had been present at the camp to test these kids [who all were found negative] and to check on the camp's procedures and documentation and all was fine.

As the camp director was writing that Email, two campers came down with what is presently known as the Swine Flu. Motherfucker!

A week later, we received a follow-up Email that said 23 people had come down with it - 20 campers and 3 staff! Fuck-ryingoutloud!

Through all the madness, their operation seems to be on the right track. They have set up several wellness centers, have hired five additional medical personnel along with some camp parents who reside in that general area who run whatever errands need to be done. The good news is that the CDC is disappointed that a name was given to this flu since it seems to be far less severe than other strains they've seen. The bad news is they said Tamiflu is not a viable solution to treat this particular flu. It just doesn't work.

This is like Camp Crystal Lake and Jason is represented by big scary machete-carrying germs!

This morning, I received an Email from the camp director that read:

Good morning! (showing that we should never forget to use our manners during a possible epidemic!)

Your son was just admitted into the infirmary feeling faint with a low-grade fever of 99.3. He said he just needs fluids and rest (Yeah, Dr. Son). We'll monitor him and keep you posted.

I have two words for you...FUCK and ME.

I know my son well. First, I can count on one hand how many times in his 11+ years he's gotten a fever, so this is a definite concern of mine. Secondly, I think this may be more heat-related than flu because the little shit refuses to wear his baseball hat in the blazing sun. No matter how often he's been nagged by me, my sister and my parents through Email messages sent to him in the last two weeks he's been at camp, he just will not fucking listen. Can you say 'stubborn little fucker'?! Unfortunately, both his parents are stubborn fuckers so he had little chance not to develop that gene.

I received a follow-up message a little while ago that read that his temperature was down with meds and they would keep me posted.

I'm hoping for the best. Coincidentally enough, my ex is headed up there today to pick our daughter up as she was only scheduled to attend two weeks. If our son is either not doing/feeling better or he has spiked another fever, my ex and I will decide if he should come home as well.

I'll keep y'all posted.

the ice queen cometh

2009-06-24T08:05:00.000-04:00

I think I've officially graduated to cold-hearted, insensitive bitch.

You may remember this post from the beginning of June in which I talked about the gal whose husband passed in early May. Well, yesterday the shit went down.

Last week, she made a comment on my Facebook homepage for me to call her up to spend time with her while my kids were away and I responded that the last time I tried to get together with her, she blew me off.

A few nights ago, a little bit of drama occurred in my life which brought me down low enough to go out and buy alcohol. Those who know me well know I don't drink. Before the other night, the last alcoholic beverage I had was years ago. I can't even give you an exact timeframe because it's been that long. Anyway, a little bit of alcohol goes a looooong way with me - i got pretty fritzed pretty quickly and, if I can toot my own horn a little bit, I can be a pretty funny drunk!

So I was posting a bunch of off-the-wall statuses on my FB profile page and this gal made a comment about bringing some of that alcohol over to her house. Hmmm...it kinda' seems she wants everyone to do everything for her, doesn't it?

I came clean and basically told her I don't make an effort for those who don't care to make an effort with me. Not in those words, but she understood what I was saying alright 'cause I got an Email from her yesterday.

I will admit, I have never had a family member pass away as suddenly as her husband did. I will also admit that I've never known such a strong love like the one they had for each other. I admit, I have not walked a mile in her shoes so I don't have a clue what she's going through. So when she wrote to tell me that she had no recollection of what I said she'd done, my first thought was that she needed to go check herself into the nearest psych ward! I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone and then a few hours later, not recall what that conversation was unless you're losing your flippin' mind?! It never occurred to me that she's just going through the daily motions without really remembering what she was doing.

And I did think it was kinda' odd for someone who lives two minutes down the road for me to Email me and not pick up the phone.

So I wrote her back and I didn't make a big deal out of things. I apologized for not realizing what she was going through and that everything was cool. Not that I'm gonna' go outta' my way for her, but just mending bridges.

But then she called at nearly 11pm last night. Crying. No, bawling. The kind of crying that comes from one's heart and soul and is so strong that you have no idea what the person is trying to tell you.

I had to tell her to calm down several times as I couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying. The first thing I understood was "I don't call people.".

Um...okay. I'm not sure I understand that one. So you're going to call me with these crying jags and use the whole "I don't call people" as your excuse for not calling me back when I made a generous offer to you on your birthday of all days?! And then, after you've already called me, you're going to try to make me feel bad about saying that you called me because of what a great friend I am?

HUH?

Sorry people. If this makes me a person with a heart of stone so be it, but that's just bullshit. If you don't try to reach out to people at a time of need, then don't complain to me that everyone is fake and no one likes you. They're not fake, they just don't like getting blown off either!! C'mon, I realize she's not thinking clearly these days but can she really believe that these people are fake because they've chosen to stop calling her?

So I let it go and I gave it to her straight. I told her that was bullshit. That this was the time that she needed people to rally behind her and to put her silly no-calling policy behind her. Her life was starting over whether she liked it or not and she was being forced to make changes that she may never grow to like or understand. That because she was feeling weak, she needed the support of others and that when she became stronger again, then she could weed out the fake friends from the true friends.

Blah, blah, fucking blah.

I know I sound like a total icy bitch but as emotional as she was, I still felt nothing. And maybe it's my own shit that I'm trying to deal with right now that caused me to react that way, I don't know. However, I've always been the kind of person who cannot tolerate someone who always plays the victim and while I certainly sympathize with her situation, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our conversation.

And not to make it any worse, but I really don't have time for this. Perhaps these feelings come from knowing what kinds of friendships I find healthy versus what kinds of friendships I find toxic. Lastly, I'm days away from turning 41 and honestly, I'm too damn old to be bothered with this bullshit.

I know some of you out there are trying your hardest not to reach through your computer screens to wring my neck but I can't make myself feel something I just don't feel. Let me have it! I can take it!

close encounters of the bad kind

2009-06-22T06:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, I lied. I wasn't done blogging just yet.

I love movies. All kinds. My least favorite kind of movie are action movies but every so often I'll find one that I really enjoy. My all-time favorites are thrillers. Scary and/or psychological ones.

My kids have now been at overnight camp for a week now. There isn't as much to do around here as I originally thought! Sure, there are projects that require attention but some of these also require money to have them resolved and some of said projects are not in my budget right now. So I have to fill my empty time with things to do, right?! I mean, I just can't sit on my ass all day long and watch TV, can I?!

*wink*

This past weekend, there seemed to be an extravaganza of psychological thrillers on the tube. The first one was Dr. Giggles which I actually was dumb enough to waste money on at the theater! It's a really stupid slasher film but leaves you wondering about the medical profession! In fact, it's so stupid, there should have never been a synopsis written about it!

The second movie was called Danika and it totally fucked with my head to the point of possible permanent ~~dain bramage~~. ~~Bain dramage~~. Fuck it, you get the point.

The third was called Crazy as Hell which really should have been named Stupid as Hell but nevertheless, it really got me thinking, had me wide-eyed and shaking my head by the end. Great performances but the direction the movie went was a bit disappointing.

Early this morning, after getting into bed and hoping to go to sleep, I was flipping through the channels (first mistake) and saw that The Talented Mr. Ripley was on (No! Damnit, NO, Koolio, you're not watching this again! You know you won't be able to sleep after watching it! Don't be such a dumb fucking twat!). This is the kind of movie where you cannot watch it just once and while I can't recite the lines, I've watched it enough times to be able to tell you which scene comes next and tell you about the scene in detail before it's played out. If you've never seen the movie, go read the synopsis before continuing.

Aside from the fact that Matt Damon plays the role so creepily perfect that I can't watch another movie with him in it without thinking back to his Tom Ripley role, it really gets you thinking about life and how you would have reacted if put in his situation. So here it goes...

If you were some scam artist about to be caught, would you keep lying, cheating and killing to get your way out of it? Would you escape, moving from place-to-place, changing your identity and living your life as someone else just to try to keep yourself out of trouble? And on the flip-side, if you were someone who encountered someone such as Tom Ripley, what would you do? Would you do your best to get away from him or fuck with your own life and destiny and report him to the authorities?

Please don't ask me to answer my own questions as my brain is too fried from all this movie-watching!

later, bitches!

2009-06-16T19:21:00.000-04:00

I'm just gonna' lay it out for y'all...

I'm kinda' blogged out right now. My kids are off at overnight camp and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs! I took a few days off and now it's time to get some things done around here that have been on hold for awhile and none of them include blogging.

I'm probably taking the summer off from blogging and when I return, it may be a new and improved blog. Or not. I haven't quite decided.

I will still be around to visit your blogs but for now, my complaints are too few to speak of (I know, can you believe it?!) so I hope y'all enjoy your summers and I'll 'see' you soon!

Y2K 2009

2009-06-12T08:11:00.000-04:00

So today was the day for 'the big switch' - TV, from analog to digital. The local news was making a big to-do about it. Like it was the biggest news since...since...well, since sliced fucking bread.

So I waited. And at 8am, a message appeared on my screen that read that the station was ending their broadcast in analog.

And then...

A blank screen.

OMFG.

And I have cable too! They claimed those of us with cable wouldn't notice a change!!

About 30 seconds later, a picture came into focus with the message that the station was commencing broadcasting in digital.

Phew!

And then...?

The picture started going bonkers!

LOL!!!

It corrected itself within a few seconds but I gotta' tell you, this was worse than that whole Y2K bullshit in 2000. They made a huge production over that, warning people of power outages, updating computers and all that other nonsense, and it turned out to be a major disappointment! I mean, raise your hand if you too were hoping for major looting and gang violence in your area?!

Enjoy your digital, yo, and have a wonderful weekend!

a little hung up on this one

2009-06-07T07:00:00.000-04:00

Every so often, I talk about this girl. We went to high school together and she's an up-and-coming actress. Although after what I saw the other night, I think she's an up-and-cumming actress. Allow me to explain.

Every now and then, I get a message from her dad updating us on her newest projects. She's done commercials, had bit parts on soap operas, done some jobs on and off Broadway, has been in several TV drama and comedy series, her latest playing the mother in the new Jonas Brother's show on Disney.

So I'm flipping through channels the other night and I see a preview for the new HBO series Hung.

And there she is.

The first time I thought I was seeing things but when they showed her again, I couldn't believe it.

She's going to be in a show about a man who has a big pecker and prostitutes himself.

WTF?!?!? I didn't get an Email update about this!!!

But wait...

How do you tell your dad that you're gonna' be acting in a role where you're having sex with a man who has a super duper schlong?! And taking your clothes off?! Would you tell your parents?! I sure as hell wouldn't tell mine!

Hmmm...something tells me her dad doesn't know about this one. And something tells me that it's not gonna' be long (pun intended) before he finds out!

If you get HBO, she'll be on the second episode (July 5th, I believe) entitled Great Sausage. Her character's name is Lorena. Hopefully, she won't Bobbitt off his great sausage. Heh.

seriously now...why bother?!

2009-06-06T03:33:00.001-04:00

Lemme' just lay it out there for y'all...I have a zero bullshit policy.

So when this dumbass from my past contacted me on Facebook, trying to friend me, and acting like I wouldn't remember how she dissed me several years back, I let her have it...

"Hey Girl! Remember me? I was so bummed we lost touch years ago. B. just told me you are on Facebook. Wanna hook up again?"

Uh, you mean much like I'd wanna' have someone squirt acid in my eyes?! Yeah, thanks, I'll pass.

Here's how the story goes...

Years ago, when I was still married, I was feeling lost and lonely and looking to connect with people as I felt no connection to my then-husband so I registered myself on some penpal website. There was this gal from another country and we connected. Never having met, we continued corresponding with each other for years through Email and IM.

When some psycho blogger didn't like something I had to say on her blog and turned all her little blogging friends against me, this gal friend of mine had some words for this psycho blogger.

We blogged together. Literally. Until the day that someone hacked our blog, probably the psycho blogger or one of her cohorts. After that, this gal and I had both set up separate blogs and it wasn't long after that I noticed that she had become good blogging buddies with some of the psycho blogger's friends.

While I certainly don't tell anyone who they can be friends with, this bothered me. I think we had "known" each other well enough that we wouldn't do that to each other. Or at least I wouldn't have done it to her or anyone else I felt I had established a friendship with. I explained to her my feelings and she laughed off my words. To say that it was hurtful, would be an understatement. It was much later that we lost touch mainly because I couldn't be bothered with someone I felt was a back-stabber.

There was also another incident not long before all that happened in which I learned she couldn't be trusted. When I was on that dating site, I was in touch with this one guy. One night I was IMing with him and her separately and it became too much of a chore so I just set up a conference where we could all chat together.

Shortly before all that happened, I had been trying to get her to give me her phone number so we could chat on the phone and she either ignored me and/or just kept coming up with excuses. So we're in touch with that guy, it was close to New Year's Eve and he asked me to call him on New Years so I did...only to learn that she had sent a picture of herself to him all dressed up for the New Year's Eve party she was attending with the message "Don't tell Koolio I'm sending you this.". Yep, she was trying to keep secrets from me. Luckily, this guy felt uncomfortable enough about this situation that he told me that and that they had also talked on the phone. Nice, huh?!

I decided I'd had enough of her bullshit so I stopped visiting her blog and stopped communicating with her. Suddenly, there was a rush of Email messages that she wrote me which I chose not to respond to and then I chose to delete her from my address book completely so that all her messages went to spam. She sent me some E-card as well which I chose not to open.

Fast forward to tonight when I got that message from her. My response to her was the following...

Yep, I remember you. You were the one who dissed me when I needed a friend. You probably don't remember and it doesn't really matter at this point so let's just leave it at that.

I knew exactly how she would respond, with trying to lay all the blame on me for the friendship falling apart, and reminding me how she'd written Emails that I never responded to with her not once owning up to the true nature of why I stopped corresponding with her.

I ended up blocking her on Facebook so that she can never contact me again. Then I decided to Email the guy who told her I was on Facebook to let him know I wasn't pleased that she had contacted me only to find out that he had his privacy settings set so that I couldn't view his profile. Since it makes no sense to me to have someone on your friends list and then not allow them to view your profile, I deleted him from my friends list. I'm not like some people on Facebook who just add people to their friends list for the sake of adding. I'm not on the same quest as others appear to be to see who can have the most people on their friends list.

Who has time for all this game-playing bullshit?! I don't know about y'all, but I left high school a long time ago!

get your thinking caps on

2009-06-04T07:11:00.001-04:00

Last night was a strange one. Just as I was putting the kids to bed, the power went out but flickered back to life moments later. Twenty minutes later, the same thing. About twenty minutes later, the power went out and stayed out. Ever try hanging laundry by flashlight?! Loads of fun (get it?! Loads?!)!!

After about ten minutes, I realized the power wasn't coming on anytime soon so I called the electric company to report the outage. It said we should have power by 12:45am. It was only 10-something at the time. Good thing I had a book. Bad thing it was on Georgia ghosts!!

At about the time that the power was supposed to come back on, having had my fill of ghost stories, I went to sleep. I awoke at 1:38, no power. At 2:19, I heard the A/C kick on and the lamp on my nightstand went on. I turned out the light, turned over and went back to sleep 'til my alarm went off at 5:30.

Between the ghost stories and the power, a good night sleep was not to be had and on nights like these where I usually have off-the-wall dreams. It's not often that I remember my dreams so I wanted to share this doozy with y'all!

I was in my office. Having just solved The Black Dahlia case, I was feeling pretty good. I get a call from my girlfriend, actress Scarlett Johansson. I asked her where she wanted to go that night to celebrate my career-making moment and she said Eastrails.

I had never heard of the place (of course I just Googled it and all it turned up were a bunch of railway lines in Asia) and suddenly, I was standing in front of the place, still talking to Scarlett. It was a fine dining establishment with a huge jewelry gallery. Well, of course she wanted me to take her there! The bitch wanted me to buy her jewelry!!

I cannot even explain to you the back-and-forth I had with the hostess. She was some snooty British-wannabe and just annoying in general.

As I'm standing there trying to simulataneously make the reservation and talking to Scarlett, it seems Scarlett had fallen asleep on the phone as she wasn't answering me! And that's where I woke up.

Okay...I'm waiting for your amazing dream-deciphering abilities to take over. Let me have it!

the nerve of some people

2009-06-02T05:51:00.004-04:00

I think I've used this title for another post. As if I care.

Oh yeah, this is one of my more pissy posts. Hold on, this is gonna' be a bumpy ride.

I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Or the dead's wife. But I'm going to anyway for several reasons - because I can and because she deserves it.

As I promised her mother, I've been trying to check in on her, call her, in other words, look after her. At this point, her mother can go take a flying fucking leap.

It started last Friday when I wished her a Happy Birthday on her Facebook page. The next day, her status showed that neighbors on her street did something special for her's and her son's birthday yet I got no acknowledgment for my good wishes.

Let me back up for a minute and tell you that about a week after her husband's passing, she told me that she wished people would stop doing things for her. That if they wanted to do something, to do it for her son. Since they both share the same birthday, I bought him a gift card to a local movie theater, thinking that I was actually going to have a chance to give it to him. Saturday morning, I called her twice to offer my best wishes. The first time she was out at the gym so I had to call back. I learned that she had plans to go to the beach with some friends that day. I told her I had something for her son and that if they had time, I would love to treat them for dinner later on that night. She told me she would call me when she got back from the beach that afternoon and if for some reason we couldn't get together on Saturday, we'd make it a birthday weekend and get together on Sunday.

I guess I should stop waiting for that call to come.

Yeah, she wasn't able to call me but she was certainly able to respond to my Facebook status...at 11pm Saturday night.

So I waited for that acknowledgment for my extending birthday wishes to her through Facebook. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she didn't. This morning I checked her profile page and would you know that she tagged as liking every other person's birthday wishes but mine?!

To say that I'm annoyed is an understatement. And because of her 'situation' I've chosen not to say anything and just vent it here. I certainly don't want to make her feel bad when her husband has only been dead not even a month but why call me a good friend if you're just gonna' treat me like shit?

Someday, I'm gonna' find a deserted island and leave all this bullshit behind. Apparently I'm doing a shit job in the friendship department so I might as well go be by myself. Just me, the coconuts and a bunch of wind-driven sand up my ass crack. And I'm not inviting her to join me!

word of the day

2009-06-01T07:10:00.000-04:00

I haven't done this in awhile so I thought it would be a nice change of pace from my usual complaining. So, the word of the day is...

fallyzat

Again, do not bother looking it up, it is not a real word. I get my 'words' from the word verifcations of blogs that I visit.

Okay, have at it! Create a sentence using the above.

a little too much info'mation

2009-05-30T06:47:00.001-04:00

I was tossing and turning early this morning, ya' know, like every other morning, when I opened my eyes, looked at the TV and saw the ShamWow guy. Only he wasn't excitingly regurgitating information about ShamWow, it was for something called Slap Chop, a little plastic device that when you slam your hand down on it a few times, it can chop and dice anything you can think of.

So he's chopping away - potatoes, fruit, your grandma's little finger (just wanted to make sure you're paying attention) - and he suddenly says...

"Oh, you're gonna' love my nuts!"

*blank stare*

Yeah, he proceeded to chop up some nuts but for a brief moment, the tone in his voice made me think that he was actually gonna' whip out his balls and wave 'em at the screen. I mean, I believed him about the Shamwow and wasted $20 on them only to discover that they move liquid around really well but don't soak it up the way he claims they do so why wouldn't I believe that he would yank those babies outta' his pants?!

This is the only up-side to not sleeping well. You get to see all the crap trying to be sold on TV in the wee hours of the morning.

two musts and a must not

2009-05-29T18:51:00.001-04:00

Guilty pleasures. We all have 'em.

Mine is vulgarity. If a show I'm watching doesn't have some degree of cursing, I find myself disappointed. When some TV shows (think the ground-breaking show, NYPD Blue) were given the OK to have their actors curse, I almost creamed in my pants.

That brings me to two recommendations. I have been seeing previews for Nurse Jackie on Showtime and just a little while ago, I was able to watch the first episode on ONDemand. It is a must see. Edie Falco is awesome as a saint-like, pain-killer addicted, foul-mouthed hussy nurse who doesn't tolerate shit from anyone. When it airs on June 8th, you must see it. And if you don't have Showtime, hunt someone down who does, even hold them at gunpoint if you have to, just so that you won't miss seeing this show.
If you like raunch like I like raunch, what better movie could I recommend to y'all but Zack and Miri Make a Porno?! Anything with actor Seth Rogen is a must see. I can't even tell you a thing about it without giving anything away (yeah, obviously they make a porno! DUH!), but if you can tolerate people using obscenities like they're going outta' style, rent it!

The last is a must not and has nothing to do with films. This requires me to tell you a bit of history.

I don't know when exactly that it happened but over the years I've become quite the little purse whore. I have a stash of mostly designer purses that Paris Hilton would be proud of. Okay, that's a stretch! Of course, I know my limits and I never have nor would I ever purchase a purse for thousands of dollars. I'm actually quite thrifty and can track down designer accessories for pennies.

This brings me to tell y'all of my latest find. While stopping by TJ Maxx yesterday to pick up a large duffel bag to hold my daughter's camp belongings, I noticed designer purses hanging on their racks. And when I mean designer, I mean $300-$400 numbers on sale for, like, $40!!! So if you're weak like me, do not under any circumstances step foot near your local TJ Maxx store!

And if you're wondering, yes, I bought a bag. A bag that as I was checking out realized that not only didn't need but that it was a rather fugly bag and I have plans to return it next time I'm in that area of town! Whatever made me think a bag in the color of Pepto Bismal mixed with one's gastric juices was attractive, is beyond me! I'm guessing my momentary lapse in good judgment was from the bag-asm I had when I saw such discounted prices!

i am not shitting you

2009-05-28T19:19:00.000-04:00

Actress Kelly McGillis licks the clitoris!

That's right, folks. I was just sitting here, minding my own mindless business on the computer when I should be organizing/packing for my kids' camp and folding laundry while Entertainment Tonight was on in the background, when Kelly McGillis herself announced that she's a lesbian!!

You may have already heard this news as she apparently confirmed this towards the end of April. But just in case you didn't and give a shit, she has, in fact, gone the way of the gay.

Nothing wrong with lesbians, just sayin'.

As you were. *wink*

we made it through the spew

2009-05-24T06:39:00.002-04:00

I believe my daughter and I are in the clear.

Now watch...the second I post this I will hear the familiar wretching noises coming from the other room.

*heavy sigh*

But in the meantime, I told you I would tell you how the cleaning of my son's room went and I am true to my word.

Let me just say, he had grilled cheese for dinner on Friday night.

*wretch*

Let me also just say, that I hope you're not reading this over breakfast. If you are, then it's your fault! You should know better than to eat while reading my blog! I know that sounds bad [for me] but you know how disgusting I can be at times! Heh.

So I brought out my trusty Spotbot mini-cleaner that has served me well in the short time that I've had it. I put on the latex gloves which I've always kept a pack around ever since the time long ago when both kids woke up within two hours of each other and took turns tossing their cookies. It was traumatizing enough for me that I recall my son doing it 13 times, my daughter half that. Oh yeah...and then my ex and I took turns in the days following that wondrous event. It was a true family affair!

You would have thought I was entering the autopsy room, the way I applied the menthol goo underneath my nose to help keep the scent out only nothing was going to keep that scent out. I dove right in, methaphorically-speaking, of course. It took me just about two hours to get everything out and only then did I stop because I ran out of the super duper carpet cleaner. Thankfully, there is only one area that needs some touching up.

In the end, the bedding was washed three times. Everything was Lysoled upon Lysoled and then retouched every other second. I went through half a mega-bottle of hand sanitizer. I demanded my son and daughter keep away from each other...or else! My hard disinfecting work seems to have paid off.

Yesterday morning, I had a little sit-down with my kids and told them that as much as I love them, they were old enough now to at least try to make it to the bathroom or grab their trash can instead of doing it all over their stuff and the floor. My son felt bad as he said it was sudden, as soon as he opened his eyes it was already coming up. Perhaps he can't control it but boy that's gonna' make for one hefty cleaning bill when he's older if he can never hold it until he gets to the bathroom!

I think I've made myself nauseous. I'll let you know if the chunks start flying again. *wink*

the taming of the spew

2009-05-22T07:12:00.002-04:00

I'm really getting tired of this shit.

Up until last night, neither of my kids has had a stomach bug for about two years. My kids were at their dad's but came home earlier than usual because my son was complaining about a stomach ache. I was hoping for the best but kinda' knew what was going to happen.

Sure enough, about an hour after he went to bed, I heard coughing from his room and I knew what had happened. This is the part that pisses me off...

My kids have always gotten sick in the middle of the night. And always at my house, never at their dad's! And as familiar as they are with the uncomfortable stomach pains that go along with an approaching stomach bug, why can't they ever fucking run to the sink, toilet or aim it at a trash receptacle for instance?! Why must they always puke all over their beds and floor?! Don't get me wrong, I'm a compassionate person when they're ill but they're going on 9 and 12 here, so is that too much to ask them to at least try to keep their vomit off my walls?!

Please forgive me if you're reading this over breakfast. Just be happy I didn't go into color and consistency of the spew.

Needless to say, I had him remove his pajamas and redress himself, got him situated in a comfy spot in the family room with a basin by his side as there was no fucking way in hell that I was gonna' allow him to crawl into another bed, removed his bedding, immediately put everything in the washer and sat with him all night.

That's right, I have yet to clean his room. I'm sure it'll be a delightful experience.

Luckily, what he did in his bedroom was it. He sucked on a few popsicles in an attempt to get rid of that burning sensation in his throat and was able to sleep as was I. Until I realize that my stomach was knotting up on me. Oh, joy!

Thankfully, my stomach upset was due to a shitty dinner I'd eaten and a little sleep took it away. That's not to say that my daughter and I still don't have something to look forward to, that's just saying I made it through the night without my own shit to deal with.

I'll let y'all know later how the cleaning of his room went 'cause I know you're on the edge of your seats in anticipation. Heh.

keeping my distance

2009-05-18T16:13:00.000-04:00

I have absolutely nothing of any interest to offer and because of that, I've been trying to avoid blogging like the plague. But like everything else these days, it caught up on me...like a stalker ready to pounce on his victim. Okay, bad analogy. There's proof that my brain waves aren't...uh...waving properly.

I'm bogged down with things to do. In two weeks my kids will finish up with school and this end-of-the-school-year/beginning-of-summer crap has left me with my head spinning.

My house is a total shit pit, I kid you not. Well, there's not actual shit laying around, but I've just become so unorganized. I don't even know where to begin reorganizing. It might be better if I took a torch to the house, collected the insurance and started over. Pretend you didn't read that. It's just an idea. Most of the time, I don't follow through with my own ideas. I said most of the time. *wink*

Gah! What a shitty post! I know, I know, it's several seconds of your time that you can never get back! My deepest apologies. You can kick my ass later.

processing

2009-05-10T19:32:00.000-04:00

Sometimes life is a big heaping bowl of WTFs.

It was the usual crazy-end-of-the-school-year shit to keep up with this past week. A time where there's ton of camp stuff to get ready for on top of the usual shit to get done and not enough time to get it done in.

And then on Wednesday night, while the kids were off at their dad's for a few hours, a friend, whom I don't talk to often, called and I chose not to answer the call simply because I'm the kind of gal who, at the end of a long day, chooses her sanity and peace-of-mind over shmoozing on the phone.

I should have answered the call.

The next morning, after dropping the kids off at school, my ex called to tell me that a mutual friend of ours had died the night before. His wife was the one who tried to call me. Fuck.

I immediately called her to see what I could do for her. She was okay, pretty much acting like it hadn't sunk in yet which I suppose is a normal reaction. Her 11-year old son was doing...fine. Just fine. Kinda' weird, but everyone grieves in their own way.

I wanted to see her as she wanted to see me but I had a doctor's appointment I couldn't get out of. When I was available, she had a houseful of people and I didn't want to crowd her anymore. She asked me to come over that night but when I called at the end of the day, there was still a houseful of people, she seemed completely exhausted and frazzled and I told her I would come by early the next morning before anyone arrived.

I was going to stay strong for my friend. No, I was going to try to stay strong for my friend. I was friends with both she and her husband and there were many good times among us so it was gonna' be hard, I knew that. I was not prepared for her to say to me the second I walked in the door "We had so many good times together and that's never going to happen again.". OY! How do you not show emotion over something like that?! So I was not a strong rock like I'd hoped but I don't think she gave a shit.

Forty-eight years old and he dropped dead from a heart attack while, of all things, during a workout at the gym. Unbelievable. No, that doesn't describe the true emotion of the situation at all. I don't think there is a word that can best describe that kind of shock. Unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise how he died as both his parents and his older sister passed in the same way. The true shock was that no one ever expected how short his life would really be.

Two nights later was the wake. My ex and I decided it was best for our kids to choose for themselves as to whether or not they wanted to view his body. Unfortunately, it wasn't much of a choice because my friend was standing right by his casket and in order to express one's condolences, they had to walk right by the casket. My son was okay, my daughter seemed a bit freaked out by it. She didn't cry or anything but I don't think that's a memory she's going to forget any time soon.

It's always a strange thing seeing someone who was laughing and breathing the last time you saw him, laying there looking like a wax figure. It also doesn't help, having worked briefly for a funeral home when I was younger, to see someone you know and know the amount of preparation behind making a body presentable - eyes and mouth stitched shut because of possible involuntary reflexes, rectum packed with cotton so that there's no...um...leakage...yeah, I won't go on with the gory details. And the makeup - yeah, my friend didn't need that much makeup. So when I told my kids that he was going to look like he was sleeping, I never expected that it would look like he was sleeping and looking like Divine at the same time.

And all through this, their son was fine. Just that, fine. No tears, holding strong for his mom.

Saturday morning was the memorial service and it was probably the loveliest memorial service I've ever been to. There were a few things that really struck me during this service. The first was what their neighbor said who gave the eulogy. At the hospital, in which many people from the gym were there to support my friend during this tragic time, the paramedics appeared at the nurse's station and my friends' son went over to them and thanked them for trying to help save his dad.

*blank stare*

How is it possible that an 11-year old child can be that amazing upon hearing the news that his father was dead? I can tell you - when he has the same heart of gold as his father.

I learned from listening to the pastor that he and his dad had a relationship like none other. At least none that I've never heard of before. This man, who always had a smile on his face and nothing but kind words to say had the most amazing relationship with his son. The tight bond I have with my kids pales in comparison.

My friend is broken, more lost than anyone I've ever seen. Twenty-three years of spending nothing but happy times with her soulmate and their, yep, perfect son.

Death sucks.

friends who play nicely together

2009-05-04T11:39:00.000-04:00

The person who shall not be mentioned here is being nice to me. Don't be too shocked, it won't last long, I'm sure.

He knew I wasn't pleased with my cell phone so he bought me a Motorola flip-top, ordinarily a $200 phone, through his work for $15.00. He was told it had a new battery but it didn't so on Saturday I stopped by the store to get a new one.

On a Saturday, probably the busiest day of the week for most if not all businesses, there were three customer service reps and one of them took off to take his lunch break. And then there were two. Just call me Agatha Christie. Heh.

Needless to say, there were more customers that customer service reps and the number was growing. A friend of mine walked in. We got to chatting and during our chat, I coughed a juicy-sounding allergy cough. Here's the conversation:

Friend: Wow, you don't sound so good, are you okay?

I looked up to see her left eye winking at me at light speed. It took me a moment to realize she didn't have a twitch, then I forced myself to cough again.

Me: Yeah, I haven't been feeling so hot since I got back from Mexico.

Then I let out a huge 'hack' just for effect.

The reaction on some of the other customers' faces was priceless. A woman with her two young children couldn't get outta' the store fast enough. A few other people left as well. A woman told me it was an Oscar-worthy performance. The manager of the store said something to me to let me know he was annoyed that I cost him business. My response?

The last few phones your people have sold me have been crap so you're just lucky I'M still a customer. And I wouldn't be so quick to blame your customers for lack of business. I've seen plenty of people come and go since I've been here all because on the busiest day of the week, you decided that only three customer service people would be sufficient in helping a Saturday crowd. All of these desks should be filled with people being assisted. And what do you keep doing? You keep going back and forth between here and that closed door when you should be out here helping your employees. But no worries, I'll make sure that corporate knows how you treat your customers.

With that, he stormed off to that room behind the closed door...the walls are probably covered in kiddy porn. Just sayin'.

may you say?!

2009-05-01T03:33:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe it's already May! Hard to believe I'm up at 3am. Okay, no it's not.

Once again, I've been running around like a chicken without a head. Yesterday was frookin' nuts, I tell you! And the funny thing is, I can't remember half the shit I did.

No seriously, I think my brain is starting to turn to sludge.

I really don't have much to tell you. It's been a crazy week. I'm not gonna' get into stories like my son having to recite Shakespeare in his Language Arts class the other day and how I helped him get an A by showing him the right hand gestures and body movements to use, or my daughter winning a cake at school as a result of donating money to the 5th grade who was collecting for cancer and then her winning a cake for her donation in a raffle, (which she is proudly serving her dad tonight for his birthday) or her complaining last week about not being able to see the board clearly at school, getting an eye exam a few days ago and finding out she did, in fact, need reading glasses. I'm not gonna' tell you any of that. Heh.

Because honestly, that doesn't make for good blog reading. Shit, I'm falling asleep just thinking about all that. And then again, it could be 'cause it's 3-something in the frickin' morning.

No, I just wanted to wish y'all a Happy May! In 28 days, my kids will be getting out of school. Where does the time go?!

trying to make funny outta' not so much

2009-04-29T04:26:00.001-04:00

Did anyone understand that title?! 'Cause I was trying to be clever but with a brain that shuts down promptly at 5pm (when I started to write this), clever doesn't always work. Anyway, onto the post.

My son's baseball coach sent out an Email the other day that yesterday's game was rescheduled for 4pm because it was more convenient for the officials. Fine. Whatever. Bring on the peanuts, the popcorn the cracker...oh, nevermind.

So we're all there waiting at the field. And waiting. And, yep! You guessed it! Waiting. No officials. At 4:15, the three coaches on our sons' team were huddled together on the field, whispering. Turns out that the dipshits who run the field never bothered to tell the officials that 4pm was a more convenient time for them to officiate the game. Gotta' love the dumbasses of our world!

The coaches decided that they were going to wait another five minutes and they would call the game. "Great!" I exclaimed, "Call the game!". I was eager to get home and clean before my cleaning girl comes today. Heh.

One of the other mothers looked at me and said, "No. He means they'll call the game.".

Oh. Fuck.

So I yelled out to the coach that I could ref but, of course, it would be in our favor. He liked that idea. Then some of the other parents started calling out what they could do to help and I said "Oh fine. I'm Jewish, I'll just sit here and complain.". For some odd reason, *wink* people liked that one.

I am Jewish, by the way. And, in case you haven't already noticed, I complain. A lot.

Needless to say, most of us parents were a bit annoyed at the people who run the field. And not only did the officials not show up but they never opened the concession stand and if you think I complain, you should be around my daughter when she's starving. Non-freakin-stop. I had to leave the field at one point just to make a Mickey D.'s run.

With bad weather putting a bit of a damper on the season, it's been a long one. Our kids have put forth their best effort and we've closed in at times but we've only won two games so far, yesterday being one of them. Well, when the Bad News Bears play the Worse News Bears, how could we not beat the team?!

It was sad, actually. I felt pretty bad for the other team. I started channeling Tanner Boyle from tthe Bad News Bears movies and felt compelled to scream out "booger eatin' moron" a few times but restrained myself. Even though there have been times where our boys have been pretty sloppy on the field at least the other teams can't say we don't give them a run for their money. This team we played yesterday gave up before they even came up to bat.

Anyway, the game dragged on. We made some pretty decent plays, one of which was by my son, thankyouverymuch! We finally mercied the other team, 9-0 and could leave.

As much as I love watching the kids play ball, that was truly the most uninteresting game I've ever seen!

exit strategy my ass

2009-04-28T06:45:00.001-04:00

Some of you may remember this post in which I felt it necessary to stop talking to this guy friend of mine who's going through a difficult time in his marriage right now. Well, the night I posted that story was the same day I had Emailed him and that night, he called me and we talked it through.

Then, about a week later, the same bullshit started all over again. Here's how it went down...

I [unfortunately] know the ins and outs of his marriage. His wife is a total mental case and, well, he's allowed her to stomp on his balls 'til they turned into squashed little grapes. To sum it up, their marriage is coming to an end and despite her daily giving him a dose of her psychotic behavior and blaming him for everything gone wrong in their marriage, he continues to take her abuse and is too pussy to leave.

I once again ended the friendship and told him not to contact me again. Here's why....

Those of you who've been following my blog(s) for awhile know that in 2002 I went through a divorce. My kids were two and five, young enough not to understand what was going on so they were able to adjust rather well. Don't get me wrong, they had their moments but today, they are very happy well-adjusted kids who enjoy their two homes.

Allow me to apologize in advance for the tone this post may take on because just thinking about this topic makes my fucking blood boil.

I am the first one to understand the difficulty of divorce especially when there are kids involved. My divorce wasn't like others because we chose not to get lawyers involved and only had a mediator. While I know that doesn't work for everyone, it worked out favorably for us. We were divorced within a few short months. He signed over the house to me and even though we lived in separate rooms, he still resided in this house for about nine months so that he could save up to find his own place. It was very amicable.

Amicable is not a word used in my former friend's situation. Here are just a few examples of the shit that's going on his life - his wife wants it her way or no way. She orders him to 'move out' and then when he says 'fine' she flips out and blames him for ruining hers and her kids' lives. She's constantly saying derogatory things about him in front of the kids. She once asked him if he was gay because they don't have sex.

Let me stop with that last one. When he told me that, I think I laughed for three days straight! That the man she chooses to put down each and every day would still have the desire to be intimate with her! What, does she shit gold or something?! I've seen his wife and trust me, she shouldn't be acting like she's all that!

In any case, it pains me to end a friendship with someone who clearly needs the support during this time, but I cannot tolerate the excuses anymore. He claims to have thought everything through, the term 'exit strategy' keeps reappearing every so often. I guess when you and your wife are business partners, there's got to be some kind of exit strategy, right?

But his supposed exit strategy never takes shape. "It's hard because of the kids." he told me. No, it's not hard because of the kids. Do NOT use your kids as an excuse!!! Again, I've been there. My kids had their rough moments after we divorced but kids are resilient, they bounce back and once you start acting like your kids won't be able to handle things without you being there, that's when you should just give up and sign them up for years of expensive therapy because all you're doing is enabling the undesirable behavior instead of encouraging them to be strong individuals.

I've been put in this kind of position before and I hate it. I've learned from experience that the only way people pick their sorry asses up off the floor is when you get mean. So, I got mean.

I told him to stop blaming the kids for him not leaving. That he was the reason he wasn't leaving and when he finally dug his head out of his ass, hopefully sooner rather than later, he would clearly see that. That deep down inside he enjoyed the attention she gives him, because however negative it may be, it's still attention. I told him to stay with her and be miserable. To shit his whole life away on someone like that when someone else out in the world could bring him a loving relationship that he truly deserves. And lastly, I told him I no longer wanted to communicate with him until he was no longer married to her. At the rate he's going, I could be collecting Social Security by the time I hear from him again.

I cannot tolerate massive amounts of drama especially someone else's drama and the fact that we were always having these heated discussions about his ridiculous wife, well I'm fairly certain that anyone in my shoes would have gotten tired of it all as well. Then again, maybe I shouldn't assume that since I pretty much can't tolerate anyone or anything these days!!

After several back-and-forth Email messages, I finally told him to respect my wishes and not to contact me again. I have not heard from him in days and guess what? I don't miss him. Sad to say but true. It became very clear to me that despite my enjoying supporting people during difficult times, these are not relationships I thrive on.

In the past few years, as I was approaching the big 4-0, I realized what was healthy and not healthy for me in my life. I ended a lot of friendships and while I don't want to wind up alone and friendless, I just can't seem to get past other peoples' flaws and I realize that is a huge problem. But I know what I want and need in my life. If I can't be true to myself, who can I be true to?

i feel like i drank the Kool-Aid

2009-04-27T12:56:00.000-04:00

I feel like a hem that has become unraveled.

Every day it's another ache or ailment to deal with.

In early April, I was sick with some kind of funky virus that went on for nearly two weeks. My tonsils were the size of rocks, my throat was swollen, I woke up one morning with the start of a sinus infection, goop in my eyes and on and on it went. Every time I sneezed, I thought I saw a little piece of gray matter coming out my nose. Okay, maybe those were boogers but still...Honestly, it was one of the worst and strangest sicknesses I've ever had.

The only good thing that came of it is that it seems to have cured my migraines. I went from taking a migraine pill every day for the past two+ years to taking only two this month. Not really sure what happened but now it seems that OTC meds work fine for me. I'm sure it's only temporary but at least for now, I don't get many severe headaches and I'm very happy about that.

Now I'm sick again. Well, at least I felt sick yesterday so I'm not sure if it's another cold coming on or my allergies are going wonky. Whatever the case, I've been hacking up heaves of guam. Heaves. I like that word. I wonder if they use that measurement in the metric system?! I like 'guam' too because you can almost taste the mucus and you don't think I'm talking about the country.

Last week, I started feeling some minimal discomfort in my right thigh. When I stand up from a seated position, whether I'm at my desk or getting outta' the car, I have to limp it off. I feel like I'm channeling Dr. House (you won't understand that unless you watch House). I'm sure it's just another crazy thing that will work itself out soon enough, but it's fucking annoying!

Last night, I was doing dishes when I felt a strange pain in my chest. I'm still here so I take it is was nothing but c'mon already!!

I'm a good girl. I take my vitamins daily, drink my juice, eat fruit like it's going out of style, watch my weight (and sometimes I watch it grow), etc.. Is it too much to ask that I be healthy as I enter my 41st year?!

And to make matters worse, a few days ago, I noticed a pimple on my chin. I've been forgetting to apply zit cream so of course now, it's the size of Mt. Hood. Fucking pimple.

As I get older, I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of people in general. First it was just other peoples' kids, now it's people. All of 'em! Including my own son! Take what happened the other day, for instance...

On Saturday, I was dealing with that crazy credit card bullshit. It was also the country fair at my kids' school. Just last Saturday, I had to buy my son a new pair of sneakers and, of course, the most comfortable were a pricey pair of Under Armor. So Saturday night he was having a triple date (at 11 years of age) and he calls me an hour before he's supposed to meet his friends at the movie to tell me that when he was at the country fair, he picked up a pair of size 3 sneakers that looked just like his.

Now here's the problem with that...my son is a size 6.5. He can't see the difference between the two sizes?! Furthermore, what was he doing between 3pm, the time that the fair ended, and 6pm, when he was getting ready for his date? Obviously he hadn't been wearing any shoes for the those three hours so, what, he was walking around like a fucking caveman?!

That on top of the fact that he broke his cell phone again a few weeks ago. IF I choose to replace it (the jury is still out on that one), that will be his fifth phone. He is so fucking irresponsible with it and then with the whole shoe thing, it just really irks me to no end. Here's the story...when he was on spring break with his dad in March, he jumped into a pool with the phone still in his pocket. Apparently, my son was completely unaware that the phone was not water-proof. *shakes head*

I got him a new one, telling him that was it. If he broke the next one I was canceling the account. "Fine." he said (yeah, right). TWO WEEKS later, while at his dad's for the weekend, he was walking aimlessly around texting non-stop to his friends, phone hip-high as he's walking, when he slammed into a dining room chair and CRUNCH! The screen cracked. The person who shall not be mentioned here Emailed me to TELL me to replace his phone, ending the message that my son was too scared to talk to me about it.

Ya' know, if it wasn't for the person who shall not be mentioned here, I wouldn't have had to get our son a phone at age ten and now he's TELLING me to get him a new one.

Well, I sent him back a rather scathing message, telling him that I didn't appreciate him TELLING me to replace the phone. "I'm not made of fucking money!" I yelled at him through the computer. Furthermore, he needs to stop enabling our almost-12 year old son and help me make him understand that there are consequences for our actions and to have our son fight his own battles instead of him doing the dirty work for him.

Sorry for the tangent. My whole point of telling y'all that story was because after my son told me about his sneakers, I asked him if he was going to continue to be so irresponsible with his things, how was I to trust him with a new phone? I made his dad go get him another pair of quality shoes yesterday and I told my son I was withdrawing the money I spent on the sneakers from his bank account at which he was horrified because, as he said, "What happens if I find the shoes in lost and found?". Ya' know what, sweetie? Who the fuck cares?! Do you see dollar bills dangling from my armpits from which I can just grab at whenever I need to pay for something?! IT'S TO TEACH YOU A DAMN LESSON!!!!

I was just too steamed for words. That night, I posted as my Facebook status that going on a murdering rampage sounded like an acceptable idea. Suddenly, I was getting lectured from some dickhead that my status wasn't cool, and starts going on and on about a story in his area about how so-and-so murdered his entire family because he didn't want them to know that he was embezzling money from his company, blah, blah, blah. Ya' know what I told him? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

It's my fucking profile page but because some asswipe doesn't like the status I've written, I deserve to be lectured for it?! Am I not permitted to have a bad day and vent my frustrations in the form of a measly status? Oh yeah, like I'm really going to go out and kill people because my son hasn't caught onto the whole responsibility thing yet?! Well, I'll tell y'all something - I may be psycho but I'm not that psycho! Heh.

When I woke up Sunday morning, he had deleted his comment without so much as an apology for offending me. I gave him ample time to offer me one throughout the day but when he didn't, I deleted him. Ta-ta, assclown!

Shit, if I wanted to be lectured about something I'd call my freakin' parents!

now just wait a cotton pickin' minute!!!

2009-04-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

Nike Air Rift sneakers. Designed on the principle of the African runners who run barefoot. I'm not a runner but I do know cool when I see it! Very comfortable sneakers. Lightweight, feels like you're walking on air. Or in bare feet. Not really but they are comfortable.

When they first came out years ago, the were in the $80 to $90 range. I'd wanted a pair for a really long time but Nike doesn't make them in abundance anymore, the ones they do offer on their site are in ridiculous patterns, I'm not gonna' pay that kind of money for a houndstooth pattern on my sneakers and they're not sold in stores. So when I did a little Googling a week or so ago and found a pair for $65, no tax and no shipping and handling, I thought it was too good to be true.

Nevertheless, as I mentioned yesterday, I received my sneakers in the mail yesterday. All the way from Shanghai, China. Hmmm....

I was organizing my receipts earlier today to be filed away and I found the receipt to the shoes. On the bottom of the receipt were the following charges:

$314.00

$4.00 (shipping)

Total: $319.00

I'm sorry...

"Watchu talkin' about, Willis?!"

Clearly, this is not right. Not only did it say on the online form I filled out that one pair of Nike Air Rift sneakers cost $64.99 but I have a receipt to prove it.

Thankfully, I checked my credit card statement and the proper amount was listed on it. Phew! If anyone has any thoughts to what those charges are on the receipt provided with my sneakers, please feel free to enlighten me!

And if luck would have it...

As I was examining my credit card statement, I did happen to spot a strange charge on it! I called the number provided on my statement and the company sells running equipment.

Huh?! Last time I checked, I had exercise-induced asthma, bad knees and, oh yeah, I DON'T FUCKING RUN!!!!

I've never had to dispute a charge before. I called my credit card company and while I was on hold waiting for a customer service representative, I saw something odd about this transaction - it was made with my Suntrust Visa credit card. The very same one that should have stopped working once I activated my new Bank of America credit card.

Motherfuckers. Someone out there is dying to get their ass kicked.

So now I have to play the waiting game since it takes a payment period or two before the dispute is resolved. In the meantime, I was instructed to contact the merchant to find out WTF is going on. Since they don't have weekend working hours, I had to send an Email asking them to have a representative from their company respond to my Email so that this issue can be properly resolved.

Guess what?! Not ten minutes after sending the Email message to the company did I get a response back. Here's how it started:

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that the auto renewal caught you off guard.

The charge is for your VIP membership renewal. As stated in your club handbook, this renewal is automatic for the convenience of our members. If we caught you by surprise, we apologize, this was not our intention.

*shakes head*

There's more but it would be pointless to bore you with the mindless words of a person who is clearly illiterate. What is it going to take to make this twat understand that I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FUCKING MEMBER AND I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE ANY FUCKING CHARGES ON A NON-WORKING CREDIT CARD?!?!??!?!

This whole dispute is going to make me go on a murder rampage. Dumbassmotherfuckingdouchebagassmunchers.

almost feelin' groovy

2009-04-24T18:40:00.002-04:00

Aside from a pinched thingamabob between my shoulder blades that is uncomfortable yet tolerable, I am having a really good day.

For one, I finally got rid of my POS McAfee Internet security. After years of disappointment but unable to find anything decent, I renewed McAfee earlier this month but my account hadn't reflected the change. It was still warning me every day that my subscription was about to expire and it was really irritating the fuck outta' me. Last week, I contacted those assholes and told them to help me figure it out. Punjab wrote me back, instructing me to uninstall and reinstall the products I had renewed. Fucking Punjab. If I ever get the opportunity to meet Punjab in a cold, dark alley...well, for his sake, I hope I'm not PMSing.

Today was the day. I had two days left before everything went up Shit's Creek and my entire life would be exposed to the shit-for-brain hackers out there. As instructed, I uninstalled and reinstalled McAfee. Twice. Nothing happened. It wouldn't install.

Instead of wasting my time contacting their tech support, who may or may not have known their elbows from their assholes and I wasn't the least bit interested in finding out one way or the other, I remembered that when I took my son's computer in for fixing a few months ago, that the guy at the mom-and-pop place downloaded a very reputable and FREE security software to his computer so I Googled, located the site and it took almost the entire day to download it since I still use dial-up (shut up) but it's done and, as a result, my Firefox, which had become completely squirrely in the past year, corrected itself and now works properly!

In the immortal words of Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies...YIPPEEKAIYAY, MOTHEFUCKERS!!!!

In other groovy news, recently, a fellow-blogger trusted me enough to send me a manuscript, his memoirs, if you will. In just a few days, I finished it and I was blown away by it. It was unlike anything I've ever read. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of reading. As I wrote to him in an Email, it was hysterically funny in some parts and overwelmingly emotional in others. Honest doesn't even begin to describe it. Unfortunately, he told me that it was very close to getting published but then things fell through. I have been doing my best to be annoyingly persistent with him so that he will look into trying to get it published again but I'm not sure what he'll do. Hopefully someday each of you will be fortunate enough to read his words as well.

I received my Nike Air Rift sneakers in the mail today. That may not mean shit to y'all, but I'm happy!

Oh yeah, IT'S FRIDAY! Hope it was happy for y'all!

the power of the Hugh

2009-04-22T07:02:00.000-04:00

My recent posts have been ones of complaint. I try to entertain but I end up sounding like a sourpuss! Today will be different, I promise.

So here's what I want to know...

What is it with men named Hugh?!

And before I go on, even though he has sung about the power of love, Huey Lewis doesn't count. Heh.

Let's start with Hugh Hefner. Hugh may have been good-looking in his day but do those beautiful buxom bimbos flaunt to him like white on rice because he has a lot of money and can possibly make them famous or does he have something else that they can't get enough of?! Like his magnificently huge...mansion?! Think about it...maybe his parents looked at him at birth and said "Well, if we call him "HUGE" it will be too obvious so let's do the next best thing." and thus, Hugh Hefner was born.

Let's go overseas. There's Hugh Grant where other than his embarrassing and made very public blowjob incident with hooker Divine Brown, many people probably still wouldn't know who he is. He's an okay actor, funny at times and at others, not so much, certainly not a good-looking guy in my opinion but there must be something about him if he can nab lookers (and hookers) like former model Elizabeth Hurley.

While we're on the subject of not-so-handsome Hughs, there's another Brit, Hugh Laurie who plays Gregory House, M.D. on the fabulous TV show House. If you've never seen him in his role as the always-hilarious, antisocial, cane-wielding Vicodin-addicted doctor with a despicable bedside manner, you're really missing out!

Saving the best for last are Hottie McHothots Hugh Jackman and my personal favorite, Hugh Dancy, whom I saw and drooled over in the movie Blood and Chocolate. Hugh Jackman not only can make a gal melt at the very site of his ~~pecs~~ face but he can belt out show tunes as well! And can convincingly play a gay man, a vampire-hunter, a comic book hero with metal claws and...well you get the hint. He's all-around HOT!!

Saving the best for last is this hunkahunk of burning love. Not much more can be said about him. I really don't know if he can act, I was too busy salivating.

And there, my blogging friends, is my non-complaint post of the day. Regular bitching will continue tomorrow. *wink*

i love my neighbors

2009-04-21T11:32:00.000-04:00

While Schwartz and I were out today enjoying a leisurely stroll up and down our street in the gorgeous weather that is upon us, ~~Little Mr. Fuckface~~ my neighbor to the right of us suddenly appeared at his front door demanding that I keep my dog off his lawn. Despite the fact that I never let Schwartz do his business on this neighbor's lawn because I know what a fucker he is and that this man had just seen me pull my dog off his lawn, he still felt it necessary to be his usual pleasant self.

I looked up when he spoke and then turned my head away, choosing to ignore him. Here's the pleasantries we exchanged thereafter:

LMFF: Did you hear me?

Me: Did you hear this? *I flipped him off*

LMFF: If I see you on my lawn again, I'm calling Animal Control!

Me: *laughing* Really?! What are you going to say to them? "Hello? Animal Control? My neighbor, who walks her dog on a leash past my house everyday, allows her dog to touch my grass, please help me!". What are you going to do, show Animal Control the dog crap left on your lawn by your kids' dog and blame me for it?! Yeah, try it. See what happens.

*receiving the hairy eyeball from LMFF*

Me: Or maybe I should call the cops regarding that time I caught you peeping in my kitchen window at my kids. Because that is illegal. By the way, does your wife know what a pervert you are?!

Then I added loudly for effect..."C'mon Schwartz. The mean old man is constipated and doesn't want us on his lawn."

*LMFF goes inside and slams the front door*

Koolio shoots! She scores!

You know damn well whose house I'm walking by again and again, day after day. I've lived in this house going on ten years and that is about the fifth time he's ever spoken to me. The fucker has no idea who he's about to fuck with.

*insert evil laugh here*

more reasons not to like that "friend"

2009-04-19T17:46:00.000-04:00

Allow me to start this post with the following statement...sometimes I really feel like I'm still back in high school with the horse shit that I have to deal with.

Last week "that friend" called me a few times. The first time, she called and I let it go to voicemail. She asked if she had the right baseball field where our kids were supposed to practice that afternoon and to only return the call if they were having practice elsewhere. She had the right field and I didn't return the call.

The next day, she called and I chose to let it go to voicemail again. She claimed she was calling to say 'hi' and to see how I was but after the first time she called, it dawned on me that a good bit of the time that she calls me it's to ask me something about baseball. If she would ever check her Email, in which the coach messages us at least once a day, she wouldn't have to call me about it but that's a whole other story. Anyway, because I had this revelation, I chose not to return her call. And also because I was going to see her two hours later for a baseball game.

The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me that afternoon was not "Hi, how are you?" but "I've been trying to call you." as if I shouldn't be hesitating to answer her calls. I told her I received her messages but I figured since we were going to see each other, I would just talk to her at the field. I ask y'all, is there anything wrong with that or do I need to be talking to her as I'm driving up to the baseball field and parking right next to her?! I guess that didn't sit well with her because instead of sitting next to me, she sat at the opposite end of the bleachers. Yeah, okay, whatever, I'm not at your beck and call, sister! I can't be bothered with someone being offended by something like that. I've got my own life with my own shit to deal with, if I stopped to answer every single fucking call that came in, I would never get anything done. Some people just really need to get over themselves.

At some point during the game, she complained that she was cold from the breeze. It was 75 degrees out, people. The breeze was warm and lovely and she was wearing heavy jeans with a long-sleeved shirt. I guess I shouldn't expect everyone to be warm-blooded. Anyway, she parked her car across the field so she would still have direct view of the game and where she could stay out of the frigid weather. *snicker* She called me periodically throughout the game to find out the inning and the score and during one of those conversations, we got onto the topic of how she wanted to take walks with me in the morning after we dropped the kids off at school. Cool, I'm always up for exercise and friendly conversation. She lives in a fabulous house on a very nice street but outside this little community near where our kids' school is located, is predominately lower class families and she refers to this area as 'the hood'. Not very nice but that's not the point. The point is, she's afraid to take walks in her own neighborhood by herself and the gal she usually walks with hasn't been interested in taking walks for the past few months. I mentioned since I'm already in the neighborhood at that time of day and that's the best time of day for me to walk, that I would walk with her since I enjoy the exercise as well. Suddenly, it was all on her terms. Suddenly, she had to do this, that and the other thing in the morning and the best time for her to walk was in the afternoon right before we picked up our kids from school.

Listen up, you fucking bitch! I just offered to walk with you because you're petrified to do it alone. I told you when I could do it and it wasn't up for debate, so if you want me to keep you company so that you're not frightened of your own fucking neighbors, you'll walk when I can walk! I'm doing you a fucking favor, fuck-ryingoutloud!

Rrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, back to the story...

I was sitting here today waiting for my kids to return home from their dad's, and the evil demon-child from across the street rang the bell. I expected him to ring my bell 'til it was broken because that's usually what he does just because he gets extreme pleasure out of watching our dog go into a Cujo-frenzy, barking 'til he's horse. He gets sick pleasure out of torturing our dog. Can you say "future serial killer"?!

In any case, whenever I'm home alone, I don't answer the door for anyone, especially that child. I do not care for him one bit. There are many reasons behind this but I will only mention one of them since it pertains to "that friend".

A month or so ago, we saw the demon-child's mother at the same baseball field that our kids were practicing at. I asked "that friend" who used to live in this subdivision and who is friendly with the child's mother (if y'all recall, this is the only person whom "that friend" would move back to this subdivision for) what she thought about the demon-child. She paused for awhile to search for the right words so I knew she felt the same about him as I. I told her some of the things that he's done and she seemed equally annoyed with him.

Let me stop there for a minute to tell you a little bit about myself. If someone confides in me for any reason, I will always hold that confidence. I am a very trustworthy person and unless you tell me it's okay to mention something to others, I do not say a word. Ever.

So the demon-child came to my house this afternoon and rang the bell. I thought it was my kids coming home the way the dog was barking and all, but it was that evil thing and I luckily retreated back here to my desk without being seen. I waited and waited, expecting the incessant bell-ringing to commence. It did not. About ten minutes later it dawned on me..."that ~~fucking cunt~~ friend" told his mother what I said about her child!!!

Now I know what some of you are saying, "Before you accuse anyone, are you sure that she told the mother?" and I can honestly say without going over there and asking the demon-child's mother myself, I am 100% sure she told her. I mean seriously folks, why else would this kid just suddenly change his ways when he gets so much pleasure out of watching my dog go nuts? There's really no other explanation. I [unfortunately] know how this kid's mind works.

For all those out there who are reluctant to believe how positive I am that "that friend" told my neighbor, here's proof...there have been times before where I've discussed personal things about the person who shall not be mentioned here with "that friend" only for her to tell me that she was going to talk to him about what I had spoken about just to try to help resolve things between us even after I told her not to say anything. I'm pretty sure she never opened up her mouth because the person who shall not be mentioned here is not afraid to give me an earful if he's heard or seen something I've done that has anything to do with him but even so, I can fight my own battles, thankyouverymuch!! If I wanted to resolve anything with him, I would do it myself not through some third party who clearly doesn't know her asshole from her elbow.

This is my fucking neighbor! She lives directly across the street from me and I see her every day. Do you know how this makes me look and feel?!

I'll conclude this post with one question: how fucking more uncool can one person be?

something to be concerned about?

2009-04-17T21:45:00.000-04:00

I think I've been scammed.

Which wouldn't be the first time but this one I'm particularly steamed about.

About a month ago, I received a notice in the mail from a bank. It read on the envelope "Important information about your account". Funny enough, I don't have an account with that bank, still, I felt compelled to open the envelope.

For years, I've had a Visa credit card through Suntrust bank. This letter informed me that Suntrust could no longer afford to keep their credit card division running so they sold their credit card accounts to Bank of America and that in a few weeks, I would receive my new Bank of America credit card in the mail. A few weeks later, just like they said, I received my new credit card.

I called the number on the back of my Suntrust credit card to find out if all this was legitimate and it was forwarded to Bank of America customer service department. They told me I should have also been informed of this change through Suntrust, which I was not. With that call, I had unknowingly activated my new card so my Suntrust Visa could no longer be used at that point.

Fine, whatever. I've been using my new credit card without issues. Until today...

Today I received a notice in the mail that I was pre-approved for a Suntrust Visa credit card. Um...sorry, come again?!

I have an appointment with my bank's financial advisor next week which is something I do every few years to make sure that the kids and I are up-to-date with the kinds of accounts best suited for our needs. And when I'm there, the bank is gonna' get a serious piece of my mind.

i'm going straight to hell for this one

2009-04-13T04:57:00.000-04:00

I did something today that I believe most people would consider unforgivable.

I have this guy friend who's having extreme marital problems. Divorce is eminent but with him it's like shit or get off the pot already! He has become far too needy, and has latched onto me in such ways that it is extremely aggravating, I find myself getting little to no pleasure from the friendship and very frustrated after speaking with him. While I've been where he is emotionally, I decided this morning that being friends with him at this point in my life was not healthy for me. I've neglected far too many people and things trying to help him through his personal issues that I finally put my foot down this morning.

That's not exactly what has gotten me a reservation for first-class seating in hell. What's gotten me there is that I mainly ended the friendship so he would grow a fucking backbone, take charge of his life once and for all and at least separate from that bitch he calls a wife instead of whining about this, that and the other thing, taking one step forward and a hundred back and dragging me along with him.

I, for one, completely understand what he's going through emotionally, that's what makes this even harder for me. When I was going through my own personal turmoil, I did it alone and I knew that was the only way I was going to come out whole again and ten times stronger. I had become too much of a crutch to this guy. He's relied on my support so heavily, there've been days I couldn't get through without him calling, texting or Emailing me every hour. My daughter has even become annoyed with him and she doesn't even know him personally! He's the only one I text message with and every time my phone beeps three, four times in a row she says things like "Ugh! It's him again?!". He is constantly coming up with excuses for things he's doing or not doing, it is beyond ridiculous. And ya' know what? I totally blame myself for this happening! Too often, I have allowed myself to get sucked into other peoples' drama. The advice/suggestions I offer becomes such an intricate part of their lives that, and not to toot my own horn, they use it like it's life support. It's times like these that they are unable to truly appreciate the friendship and/or the true meaning behind it and that's when the hand-holding ceases and an exit strategy becomes necessary.

Do I hate myself for this? Damn straight, I do! When all is said and done, will he understand and accept my reasons for doing it? I can only hope.

i'm all done

2009-04-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

Not with blogging, with that airhead "friend" of mine.

Last I mentioned, she had asked me to call her to get together this weekend. I had waited all week thinking about whether or not I should do it and I chose to suck it up yesterday afternoon and called her.

I don't know what her deal was, but she was less than friendly on the phone. Between that and the way she talked to me on Monday night, seemingly all happy to see me and wanting to plan something, she reminded me of Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.

Our kids have an Easter/Passover break of five days. It seems that minutes after we talked about potentially planning something for this weekend, she forgot all about that and planned a weekend getaway with her family. That's fine, it's her family and it's not like she shouldn't be permitted to go away with family. She also owes me nothing but I guess expecting a little common decency is too much to ask. After the tone in which she used with me on the phone, I feel like a total fool for falling for her shit.

Anyway, I've washed my hands of her. I guess sometimes it takes these experiences to open our eyes to the heart of the matter and I'll chalk it up just that.

all this unnecessary drama is gonna' make my hair fall out!!

2009-04-09T05:20:00.000-04:00

The story I have to tell you may get a little confusing. I don't like using real names in my posts so I usually just use the first initial of the person's name. With that, I am leaving you with a key so that [hopefully] you can follow along.

G = Girlfriend gossip-monger who first reported that my daughter was bullying.

J = The above's daughter who supposedly heard and saw what happened.

K = The mother of the girl who was not bullied.

R = The lying sack of shit who was trying to get my daughter in trouble.

( ) = If you see words written in parentheses, these are things I would have either liked to say and didn't feel it appropriate or just commentary.

On Tuesday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was G.. I knew exactly why she was calling, to get a follow-up on the situation, and I put her to voicemail. I probably would have spoken to her if my daughter hadn't been in the car with me but since the situation had already been resolved in my eyes and I had made no mention of it to my daughter, I wasn't about to talk about it in front of her.

I shouldn't have thought G. would give up so easily because she called two more times within a two hour period. She was immediately sent to voicemail those times as well. She continued to try to call. Her persistence was beyond tiresome. Ya' know, there's a reason for voicemail, people! If you're one of those people out there whose tactic is to pester someone adnauseum instead of leaving messages and waiting for the person to return your call when they're available to do so, stop it! Do I really need to explain why there's voicemail?! Leave a message and the person will get back to you when they can. Grow some patience, fuck-ryingoutloud! Actually, I think I'm growing some in my garden, I'll be happy to share some with you! Oh wait, those are Impatiens. Nevermind. *wink*

Anyway, I finally decided it be best to get it over with and call her back to see what she wanted, even though I already knew.

G: Hi! I was calling to see if you found out anything about the bullying.

(You mean the non-existent bullying.)

ME: Ya' know G., I so appreciate and admire the friendship you must have with K. for you to feel comfortable enough to speak for her, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer not talking to you about this anymore. K. and I know each other well enough that if she needs to discuss something with me, she can call me herself or speak to the teachers and the guidance counselor and they can tell her the same things they told me. We know who each other are, we've made small talk with each other on many occasions so if she needs to speak to me, please tell her I welcome the call.

G.: Oh. Okay.

("Oh. Okay." seems to be a vital part of this woman's vocabulary in order for her to convey the proper message to others.)

G: (humming and hawwing for a few minutes, trying to get out the words) Well, if you must know, J. said...

(It seems that G.'s daughter is following closely in her mother's gossiping footsteps. Well, they do say the apple never falls far from the tree so...)

ME: (interrupting) G., with all due respect, if J. is not directly involved, does not report it to the teachers or the guidance counselor or doesn't have witnesses or evidence to back up her story (I really need to stop watching all these crime dramas on TV), she needs to stay out of it. It's really not her business to police my daughter. I realize that the teachers don't always see the same things the kids see but again, if she sees something happening at school, she has to tell someone other than you. You can't do anything about it, they can. And to be perfectly honest, I was not only very upset after hearing this news from you, as I'm sure you knew I would be, but I was also very upset with myself for jumping the gun and getting so angry before finding out all the facts so in the future, should this type of incident happen again, I think it best to leave it up to the teachers or the parents directly involved instead of relying on the gossip mill. Again, I do appreciate that you alerted me to a potential situation, but if this type of thing happens, again I think it best that I hear it from them or from K. directly.

G: I hope you're not saying that you think J. is lying!!

(Oh God, here we go!)

ME: G., I never said any such thing so please don't put words in my mouth. It's all about perspective. If J. thinks she sees or hears something happening, tell her to speak up. If not or she's not sure something happened, she shouldn't. But if she keeps reporting back to you about something that's none of your business you can't do anything about it and I certainly don't want to get anymore of these phone calls prying into what I now consider personal business. Only the people involved can help to resolve things and if K. isn't willing to speak up for her own child, then I'm sorry, but that's her cross to bear.

G.: But it is my business! K.'s my friend!

ME: G., I realize she's your friend but there's a difference about it being your business and making it your business and this situation is not your business. Now if K. chooses to make her business your business, then that's her right but then you will need to find out the details from her.

By this point, I really wanted to get off the phone! Talking with her on the phone is never fun, she speaks so fast you can barely understand her and the constant interruptions, all so she can get out what she needs to say, are extremely annoying.

G: You sound mad. I hope you're not mad at me!

(Oy vey. This woman can't have anyone mad at her. Ever. She's neurotic about it. If she thinks someone's mad at her, she will obsess over it.)

ME: No G., I'm not the least bit mad at you but I really do need to go so I'll talk to you later, okay? Thanks for calling!

And wouldn't you know it? As of yesterday afternoon, she was still calling me! She called me twice, left one message and then obviously had ants in her pants and couldn't wait for me to return her call so she tried calling me again. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like nosy people! Why is it that some people can't just mind their own fucking business?!

whisper down the lane

2009-04-08T04:22:00.000-04:00

Remember that children's game where you sit in a line, someone starts off whispering something and by the time it reaches the last person, it becomes something entirely different than what was originally said?

On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from a friend of mine, a mother of a girl in my daughter's class. She told me that she'd gotten a call from another mother in the class that my daughter was bullying her daughter and that her daughter was "very scared" of my daughter.

I can't recall if I blogged about the time several months ago where I got a call from the guidance counselor how my daughter had been doing some bullying. Either way, I was mortified to know this about my daughter. As a young girl, I was bullied by kids for the glasses I wore and only finally stood up for myself in the 7th grade against that little Oompa Loompa-sized dork, Kipp Cohen after calling me a four-eyed caboose and I told him "Shut up, brace face!". That was the last time Kipp Cohen ever spoke to me. I can still see the expression on his face when he realized I fought back. Ahhh, priceless.

Anyway, because my daughter is a sweet girl in general (don't get me wrong, she has her moments!) and, most of the time, respectful of others, she was given a slap on her wrist, told how inappropriate it was to say certain things and let go with a warning not to do it again. Later on that same day, I made her promise to me that she would never do that again and that I took promises seriously so if she promised, she had to keep it. She promised. And I believe her.

So when I got this phone call, you can imagine how my blood started to boil. I had already thought about all the things and privileges I was going to take away from her after just hearing this from someone whom I knew was a gossip and doesn't get all her facts straight.

Before school let out on Monday afternoon, I was able to find some alone time with my daughter's teacher and assistant teacher. We sat down, I spoke and they both sat there looking dumbfounded. They hadn't heard squat about my daughter doing any such thing, nor had anyone reported her, nor did they really think my daughter had any opportunity during the day to behave in such a manner since there was always a teacher around, teachers are supposed to report such incidences and there were no said reports against my daughter. In fact, they said that she was delightful to have in class, that she was really keeping to herself, doing her work diligently and accurately and was the most improved student of all the kids in the class.

*blank stare*

I didn't know what to say especially since I never expected to get such a favorable report after hearing potentially bad news. They assured me that they would do some digging but that most of the kids in the class were very good about reporting others if they acted out (yeah, those freakin' tattle-tales!) and they honestly hadn't heard anything. It really was quite the odd meeting!

I left feeling very bad that I would go souly on the word of a gossip-monger and that I thought my child would be guilty of something before finding out the truth. Coincidentally enough, as I was leaving the building, I ran into the mother of the girl who said my daughter was bullying her! I stopped her to talk to her and was not about to apologize to her for anything until I finished my investigation into the matter. She was on her way in to meet with the principal as her daughter, the same one who was accusing my daughter of hurting her, was doing very poorly in school and because of that, everything else negative that happened in her life was greatly magnified. In other words, she was blowing shit outta' proportion.

Hmmmm...I had a feeling right then and there that her daughter was a little fucking liar.

Prior to my meeting with my daughter's teacher, I had already contacted the guidance counselor. She got back to me later on in the day and I met with her yesterday morning. She, too, had done some investigating and neither saw or heard anything wrong with my daughter. In fact, again, quite the opposite and she said how everyone was so proud of her. Talk about a sense of relief!

She also said that the girl in question has quite a way of dramatizing things. And with three other sisters, she was most likely doing it to get attention. She said she would bring her in to talk about. I told her that I didn't feel it was a good idea to bring my daughter in with her. After all the positive changes my daughter has gone through, I would hate for her to feel shot down if she found out someone was making up stories about her. The guidance counselor agreed.

She also assured me that the little girl doing the accusing is not scared about anything. That she knows how to stick up for herself just fine and it was probably just a case of perception. Regardless, if that little girl every tries to fuck with my daughter again, I'M gonna' kick her ass myself!

extra extra, read all about it!

2009-04-07T06:50:00.001-04:00

I've got updates people!!

Let's start with FUN (Fucked-up Nutcase) since that story is freshest in our minds...

Back when I didn't know that FUN was a FUN, we had two mutual friends in common on Facebook. It didn't dawn on me until I was about to delete her from my friend's list, that we presently had only one mutual friend in common. I was curious, I mean, you don't delete someone without a valid reason, right?

So I wrote my friend who no longer appeared on FUN's friend's list inquiring about why that was and this was her response:

She was at one point on my friends list, however It got to be weird because she was almost a stalker. If I blocked her from seeing my friends list, etc she would type me immediately and say I can't see anything on your profile. Also, R. dropped her because she acted really weird to her too. R. dropped her and she wrote her asking why she dropped her, then R. felt bad and added her and G. stole all her celebrities and removed her from her friend list. She has issues, and isn't all there. She is a stalker and weirdo.

Wait a minute...did she say celebrities?!

That's right folks, when she made the choice to try to slam me for something so insignificant, she became a third-time offender. Too bad she doesn't live in the US 'cause I know some states have the "Three times you're out" policy before throwing someone in jail. Not that her psychotic behavior is punishable by jail time but a girl can dream, can't she?!

So being Koolio, I wrote her an Email basically telling her that I knew all about the shit she's pulled with others and that while I wasn't a doctor, I knew enough people suffering with mental illnesses to know when specific behavior warrants psychiatric treatment and that she should seek it immediately. 'Cause ya' see, Koolio doesn't just put the knife in half-way. If I'm gonna' stick someone, I'm gonna' really stick 'em!

Boy, I would be so cool in prison, wouldn't I?!

Onto the next update...

You may remember this post from the other day.

Last night, my son participated in a wonderful school choir performance. I'll tell you...this choir teacher knows her shit. She selects just the right amount of Hallelujahs and classical stuff balanced with fun little numbers. The kids had a great time and the audience enjoyed it as well.

Right before the show, I was studying the program and I see out of the corner of my eye someone sit in the seat in front of me and says 'hi' to me. It was my "friend". Seemed very happy to see me, said she had seen me around town in the last few days and had tried to wave to me but I didn't see her. She repaid me for a favor I did for her and then told me that the next time I didn't have the kids for the weekend, she wanted to go out somewhere with me.

*blank stare*

I thought I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone for a minute. A total turnaround. She also seemed happier since she'd had the WoW talk with her husband and things had improved over the weekend.

Wait...someone actually took my advice?!

Anyway, I said I was available this weekend and sure, let's do something and then she blew it.

"Okay, call me!" she said as she waved and walked back to her seat.

Some of you out there might understand what it is I hate about that last sentence. I have always been the "okay, call me" girl. I have always been "selected", if you will, to initiate gatherings and plan them. It's like it's expected of me. What is it about people that they can't initiate something as simple as a phone call? Is it a popularity thing? Do they want to be able to brag to others, "Oh, all these people called me this week, blah, blah, blah...!". I just don't get it.

And honestly, such a statement still makes me feel a bit unwanted as far as friendships are concerned. It still makes me wonder if I should bother. Yeah, I complained that it felt like she didn't consider me a friend and all but do I just suck it up, take it for what it is and make plans knowing inside that's just how she is or do I count my losses and move on?

stuck on stupid

2009-04-04T22:13:00.001-04:00

For those of you not on Facebook, this will take some explaining. So, once again, grab your beverage of choice and chillax. God, I hate that word but yes, I did in fact use it.

A long, long time ago, on an Internet dating site based out of Beverly Hills, California, I "met" a woman we'll call "Fucked-up Nutcase". Yes, I made more women friends than met actual men. Go figure.

Anyway, FUN and I chatted, became "friends" and eventually and occasionally Emailed off the site. We had a falling out, my mind escapes me exactly what occurred, but nevertheless, she acted fruity and I told her that I was losing her Email address. Fast.

Fast forward to early fall when she requested to be added to my Facebook friend's list. I actually had to ask around for someone to remind me who she was! When I found out, I waited several days before adding her to my list, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. I hesitated for a reason, I only wish I had listened to my conscience then.

Facebook has a gazillion and a half of these stupid game applications that you can log into, one of which is called Celebrity Agent. Now let's stop for a moment and think about what a celebrity agent actually does. An agent represents celebrities. It's a cut throat business in which agents are always trying to scam other agents out of their clients because the entire business is about making more money than ten million Donald Trumps put together.

So what is the point of this game? To start, you select six celebrities. You then invite friends to participate because you need those friends to what? What?! That's right, steal from them. And on top of stealing the celebrity in question, you have the option of locking them in for a certain amount of time so that said celebrity cannot be stolen away from you right away. All very exciting, lemme' tell you. *rolls eyes*

So FUN is on my list of people I play against and over just the last few days she's up $20K. So as a celebrity agent, what do I do? I check out her celebrities to find her money-maker celeb. I find her and I swipe her. Fast and hard, hitting below the belt by locking her. Bwahahaha! She's mine!

I leave home to go watch my daughter play in her hockey game and arrive back awhile later to find a crazy-assed IM from FUN. It read:

Miss Koolio...what ya' doin'? I see Obama on your list all the time, he's available and I don't take him...because I don't do that to friends.

*blank stare*

Did I forget to mention that this lunatic is over 50 years old?! I really hope she's not wondering why she's still single. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, I responded to her IM with an Email. In true Koolio form, it was entitled GET OVER IT. Heh.

Of all the people on here, I never expected YOU to whine about PLAYING A GAME. Since it seems you never read the purpose behind Celebrity Agent, you are supposed to steal others celebs in order to make money. I was playing the GAME, you're just kvetching about it.

Honestly, I am very surprised with myself for even dignifying your ridiculousness over such a thing with a reply but even more surprised that you're acting like a 3 year old. Go throw your tizzy elsewhere, I'm not interested.

With that, I deleted her from my friend's list. Silly perhaps, but if I have one less crackpot in my life, the better it is for me. Then I wrote in my status bar...

Koolio says FYI - if you contact me to whine about how you think I'm not playing an FB GAME fairly, I have 3 words for you - GROW UP and "defriend". Have a nice day.

Her response to me:

Koolio...You're right not to have expected me to whine...I wasn't whining in fact I'm surprised u took the remark so seriously.

STOP! Just back the fuck up!! Did I misread something when she sent me an IM clearly complaining to me about my playing the game in what she thought was an unfair manner? Please, someone tell me! And if she wasn't serious, then what was the purpose of sending me the IM in the first place?!

She continued:

Your prerogative, of course...and if you ever feel like being on my list again, feel free.

Okay, that last part was laughable. If I ever want to be on her list again? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! How was she able to turn this around on me and make me look like I was to blame for her bad behavior?!

I'm undecided as to whether I should ream her out or move on. On one hand, reaming her out would be so fulfilling, on the other hand, haven't I wasted enough time on this fucknut??!

Oh by the way...I'm making a buttload of money off that celeb I stole from her! And the sweet part about the whole thing is that she's no longer on my friend's list which means she's no longer someone who can play against me in Celebrity Agent and she can't steal her celeb back.

Ahh, sweet reward. *insert big evil grin here*

apparently i'm chopped liver

2009-04-03T16:31:00.002-04:00

I have this friend. We'll call her Connie Clueless. She's very sweet, has a great personality and is a good conversationalist.

Even though she speaks like she's just sucked in helium which makes it sound like she's a total ditz.

But after yesterday, I know for a fact that she is a ditz!

I feel bad for her. About a year ago, her husband was introduced to that awful World of Warcraft and is addicted to it. He comes home, eats dinner and then spends about five hours on the computer into the wee hours of morning. He and my friend don't spend any alone time together anymore, don't go out together, fight about time spent and not being spent with one another, etc.. He's more in love with his WoW than his own wife.

Connie is from Phoenix, Arizona and speaks fondly of it often. She has a few friends here but no one she can really call close. She doesn't like it here and as often as she praises Phoenix does she put down this city. She feels alone and lonely and wants desperately to return to her hometown.

With or without her husband.

I speak to her often and we talk about everything. She has confided in me about her feelings on her life here and her frustrations with her husband and the new love in his life. We talked yesterday, I listened and made a few suggestions about possibly resolving things with her husband and if not with him, then with herself. That friends are great to talk to but therapists can sometimes enlighten us and help things fall into place. I told her, in all seriousness, that she should consider suing the makers of World of Warcraft for breaking up her marriage and frankly, I think she'd have a case. I told her if her husband doesn't have an interest in going out with her, she should plan a girl's night out from time-to-time.

Pay special attention to that last line!

So she said "I don't know. I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that. All my friends are married with families and have their own things to do."

*blank stare*

Interesting...last time I checked the ink on my 2002 divorce agreement was very dry.

If it weren't for the fact that this is the second time she's said something along those lines to me I'd find it funny, but now I take it personally.

So...if she doesn't consider me a friend, then WTF am I?! What have I been, a pseudo-wannabe-therapist handing out free advice?! I mean, what would y'all call it?! And then there's the question of if she doesn't consider me a friend, do I simply humor myself by continuing to talk to her or stop putting forth my share in the friendship?

This situation is exactly why I am so untrusting of people. As nasty and rude as I can be on here, I am a good friend which sometimes translates for some to take advantage of my kindness.

Motherfuckers.

ya' know what sucks?

2009-03-25T05:47:00.002-04:00

Waking up in the morning and being annoyed with some of you bloggers. Yes, YOU! Not all of you, just some of you. And being annoyed with people I don't even know but nevertheless, yes, annoyed.

Why? Well, every so often I mention on here how sorry I am that I haven't been able to get to your blogs and that I will read them when I can find time to come up from air. Apparently, some of you out there don't believe me when I tell you that being a single, full-time mom is hard work. I've been busy. Super busy, in fact. I was on the go for weeks before my kids went on spring break, then they were away with their dad for their break and while I did get some downtime, I also worked on several projects that I'd had on my TO DO list for some time, some being on there for over a year. So not even then did I get a chance to read any blogs.

Then my kids came home from spring break and their sports started right back up and I had to take my daughter to a Twilight party when the DVD was released because, as you may know, Twilight has a huge cult following and my daughter is one of their newest members. If I ever see her with her eyes all glazed over and handing out flowers on a street corner, I'll kill her...but forgive me for going off on a small tangent.

So I bought a bunch of Twilight crap, over-priced shit I promised I wouldn't buy, all in the name of love I guess, came home and was told that I will now redecorate her room with a Twilight theme. Well fuck me!! With all due respect to my daughter, when I repainted her room a few years ago, a theme was never included so I'm more than happy to oblige.

Then, on top of everything else, I made the poor choice of fucking around with my blog and now everything is wonky. Too many fonts, some that shouldn't even be there. Don't ask me to explain, I'm sure y'all can see for yourselves.

In any case, there are some of you out there who decided to choose shitty templates for your blogs where not all of us can read dark print on dark backgrounds because we've been wearing glasses since the age of 3 and/or don't have super-human X-ray vision. Or something like that. And out of courtesy I mentioned that to you, you know who you are, but you still remove me from your links because I haven't visited your blog lately. HAVE YOU VISITED MINE??????? Then there are those whose blogs take forever and a day to load and who the fuck has the time for that?! I have pee to wipe, children to chauffeur (or however the fuck you spell that word), air to breathe and a shitload of Facebooking to take care of! In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite...GOD!!!

So here I am getting all perturbed over strangers. Stupid, yes I know. But as I'm visiting your blogs, I'm finding too many of you have already given up on me and have deleted me from your links and while it's certainly your choice to do that, I think it's rude. Does all that free advertising you provide of others' blogs take up so much space that you have to make room for those people who hang on your every word and ' lol' at everything you say? I realize I haven't been the best blogging friend but I don't feel like I need to offer anyone excuses/reasons as to why I haven't been to "see" you. So in any case, don't be too surprised if you visit me and find yourself among the deleted here. I don't provide free advertising for those of you who don't reciprocate. Just sayin'.

And to those of you who haven't yet given up on me, thank you.

credit card machines of the world unite!!

2009-03-13T22:11:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been quite the week. It actually feels longer than a week since I last blogged with all the shit I've had going on. I apologize for my absence, it's not that I didn't try blogging, it's just that I didn't have enough time to write a complete post at one sitting and when I'd go back to it later, the post seemed so pointless, I'd abandon it. During the week, the thought of taking a break from blogging crossed my mind more than once. I don't find myself having a lot to blog about these days and when I do, as I said above, I really don't have a whole lot of time. Anyway, onto the post...I'll start backwards first...boy, that sounded stupid. Heh.

My kids left around 7pm this evening on their spring break journey with their dad to a resort somewhere in the Florida keys. Not five minutes after leaving, my daughter called me for the first time, crying hysterically about how much she missed me. About an hour into their ride, the same thing. Hopefully, she'll settle down once they start having fun but I have a feeling this is going to be a long week. *heavy sigh*

So how am I trying to take my mind off of things? I'm watching Hot Girls in Scary Places. Yes, I've resorted to watching three bimbo cheerleaders from USC in a paranormal investigation of an old mental hospital. It's quite amusing to say the least.

For those of you who remembered, today was Friday the 13th. I didn't see any strange characters in beat-up hockey masks roaming the streets carrying threatening weapons but as far as I could tell, the world was conspiring against me! I had some errands to do and at three separate locations, the credit card machine one swipes their cards through stopped working as I approached the counters to check out. It was beyond weird.

Happy Pi Day to all who celebrated today! My son and some other brave souls in the middle school, stood up in front of the entire middle school to spout off as many digits of Pi as they possibly could. The other night, my son knew 37 but I knew that wasn't going to be enough so I found a site that had some more digits and thirty minutes later, he knew 50. Then I found the Pi Day site that had one million digits of Pi and I thought it would be so cool for him to do that! When he was younger, he had a photographic memory but unfortunately, he never worked on developing it so he lost his Midas touch. If he still had it, he probably could have taken one look at the long list of digits and easily recited them in front of his classmates. Alas, he made it up to 57 before messing up which is great in my opinion, certainly better than I could ever do! One of his classmates took home a $10 gift certificate to the school bookstore for reciting 150 digits. Not bad at all! The digits, $10 doesn't buy bupkis at the school store!

Earlier this week, my son's baseball team pulled off a gutsy win to their formidable opponents. I was actually kind of surprised given that there are some really seasoned players and some kids who are just trying their hand at the sport for the first time. But win or lose, this year especially, I've really enjoyed watching both my kids show their individuality and express themselves through their differences and likes.

So I guess that's it for now and for the time being. I will be around to your blogs when I can but don't expect any new posts from me. I'm not saying I won't write here and there, I'm just saying that for the time being, it's last on my list. Hope y'all are doing well and enjoy your weekends!

feminine hygiene 101 - douching is for pussies

2009-03-04T06:09:00.000-05:00

Heh.

Okay folks, here it is. A real TMI post. Men, if you don't want to hear about females and their girlie regions, I'm giving you an easy way out. Right. Now.

So let me just put it right out on the table, ladies. Douching. Yay or Nay?

Have you done it and if so, did you really enjoy the three inches of the five inch phallic-shaped applicator inserted into your hoo-ha?! 'Cause I was expecting some kind of pleasure out of it and I got nuttin'. Much like I get when the gynecologist inserts a speculum. But I don't want to get ahead of myself.

For me, today is the day every woman looks forward to - her annual gynecologist appointment. A day of true celebration! I mean, how could a woman not celebrate her vagina?! Well, as much celebration one can do with gloved fingers, prodding devices and oily lubrication that doesn't wipe away for, like, a year.

So I'd never douched and after having no action for the past four years (yes really) other than the annual speculum oh, and now douching device, I was feeling a lot like a dusty attic with cobwebs galore! So hi-ho, hi-ho, a-douching we will go! Please allow me to take you on my journey which began at a local Walgreens and standing in the aisle with the douching products.

Who would have thought that there could be so many said products on the market! After standing there for twenty minutes, examining product after product, comparing Walgreen's brand to the name brands, I decided that I didn't want my hoo-ha smelling like wildflowers, so I opted for the standard vinegar and water. No not oil and vinegar! We're talking vaginas people, not salads!! No cucumbers were used in the making of this douching moment!

But this wasn't just a vinegar and water douche. No, this was an extra cleansing vinegar and water douche! Oh yeah! Yeehaw!!

For those of you who've never done it, allow me the opportunity to relay my douching experience to you...

It was gross, plain and simple.

Directions: Slowly insert nozzle into vagina about 3 inches. Gently squeeze bottle until liquid is dispensed. Do not close the vaginal opening (I'm not sure how one thinks they can actually close their vagina with a penis-shaped applicator is in it, but whatever...). Douching solution should flow freely out of vagina.

I would like to comment on that last part. The box should warn you about how much of that douching solution flows freely out of one's vagina. They should also mention that the douching solution is not room-temperature but more like a fucking ice cube has been inserted into one's vagina. If I had known that I was going to torture myself with a vinegar-scented ice cube, I wouldn't have fucking douched!

In conclusion, for those of you who are really eager to know, douching has not allowed me to feel fresh as a summer's day. If I was feeling all fresh and shit, I'd be sitting on the lanai at 6am on a breezy morning at the Hyatt Regency in Maui, overlooking the Pacific while sipping Kona coffee and reading a fucking mindless book. But all I'm doing is blogging while sipping my instant coffee, feeling like I could add to that salad I may eat for lunch later. ;)

Oh yeah...I'll let y'all know later if my doctor thinks I'm vinegary fresh later.

the emergency broadcast system...on crack

2009-02-25T06:02:00.002-05:00

"This is the Emergency Broadcast System. In case of an actual emergency, Koolio would have taken her son's baseball bat to the fucking TV set."

Rrrrrrrr.

Remember when we were younger and the EBS gave us those monthly required tests? Usually during that one scene of a program we didn't want to miss?!

I'm not sure how it is where y'all live, but here we have weekly tests. With that bright green screen and the incessant beeping that is just begging to trigger one of my outstanding, throbbing migraines.

Only this morning it was different.

The screen was black and it read that it was a monthly required test.

And then there was another monthly required test a few minutes later. I thought maybe I had an alcohol-induced black out, minus the alcohol, and during that time a whole month had passed but when a weekly required test started beeping at me a few minutes later, I knew something was squirrely.

So far this morning, there has been one weekly required test and about a bazillion monthly required tests. With the new colored screen. I guess black must be the new green. The beeping, however, is still obnoxious only toned down a notch. Motherfuckers couldn't change it to Mozart? Or Jimmy Hendrix?! For the love of Pete (not to disrespect Pete, whomever he may be), I would have even taken Britney Spears whining her way through Womanizer!

And someone please explain to me why Schwartz's fur smells like Doritos?!?!??!

serenaded by the pizza man

2009-02-22T18:01:00.001-05:00

Several years ago, the kids and I found a mom-and-pop pizza place that we immediately took to. For awhile, we had great pizza and equally as good service. The delivery guys knew us by name, we were such good customers! Unfortunately, the service started going into the shitter just this past year.

After a few times when the delivery guys showed up minus something we ordered, I started getting annoyed. The last time we ordered from them, about two months ago, the 45 minute wait time we were given turned into an hour and a half and after numerous calls inquiring about our order and no offers of compensation for my children starving for having to wait and then the delivery guy showing up again without something we ordered, I handed the food back to him and told him I was taking my business elsewhere. I told him I didn't necessarily blame him but I was tired of the people taking my order being forgetful and neglecting to put in our entire order. I mean I'm sorry people, but I don't care how hard the restaurant business may be, if you keep fucking up someone's order, then chances are you shouldn't be answering the phone and taking the damn orders!

I thought that I would hear from the owners soon after, apologizing for their fuck-ups and begging us to stay customers. That never happened. Until today.

One of the owners inquired about us yesterday seeing that we hadn't used their services in awhile and our regular delivery guy told him what happened. The owner was mortified and called me first thing today to apologize and that from now on, should I choose to use their services again, he would personally take our order and deliver it if he had to. On top of that, he offered freebies for several months! Not sure I want to go back to them but saying 'no' is difficult especially when my kids love their food!

While talking with this guy, I walked to the front door as I noticed and strange and peculiar odor which turned out to be Schwartz leaving me a rather wet and messy "gift" on my front door mat (which was immediately tossed in the nearest garbage bag, I might add) and the owner said something that caught my attention..."I'll deliver it myself 'cause I know where you live.".

Moments later, the conversation ended and the roar of an engine caught my attention - it was the owner pulling out of my driveway!

I can't seem to get "I know where you live." out of my head!

I'm afraid that he'll put something poisonous in my pizza next time we meet. I think I'll call this slasher film The Pepperoni Man. Heh.

damn you, Nicholas Sparks! DAMN YOU!!!!

2009-02-21T09:39:00.000-05:00

I like to read.

I like pumpkin pie too but there's a point to this post.

Even though I'm somewhat of a sucker for chick flicks, I don't always show my romantic side in person. I do find romantic inspiration in books.

I cried when Edward left Bella in book 2 of the Twilight series. If you didn't read it, you won't get that. And if you did read it and didn't like it, go poo up a rope.

Anyway, a few months ago, I finally took the plunge and saw the movie I'd heard so much about, The Notebook based on Nicholas Sparks' book by the same name. I am not afraid to admit that I cried. I probably would have cried more had I read the book, but there are only so many tears I allow myself to shed in a certain period of time. *wink*

So when I was in Target a few weeks ago, having just finished a book and needed more reading material, I didn't hesitate to purchase The Choice by Nicholas Sparks.

*heavy sigh*

I can't say much more than that without giving away the story so if you haven't read it yet, go to your nearest bookstore immediately. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, blah blah blah, just get the fucking book, will ya'?!

onto more important matters

2009-02-15T05:00:00.001-05:00

This past week was quite hectic as my son's basketball playoffs began Monday night and what a week it was! This is one of my longer posts so if you don't care for long, detailed posts then I won't be offended if you choose to bypass this. Otherwise, grab your beverage of choice and let's get down to business!

Monday night's game was against a school that my son's team barely beat during the regular season. And, what seems to be our team's M.O., the boys started off strong and became progressively sloppy towards the end of the game. If they thought the first time they played this team was close, I'd say the final score of 32 to 31 was a tad closer!

But they pulled it off and they moved onto the next round. I was torn between who I wanted them to play - the Baptist school with a boy that was also on the school's football team this past fall who threatened to kill each of the boys on our team or the Christian school, who thought they were hot shit and they could beat everyone. The latter was also the school with the coach who had a big fucking mouth, the same man who once worked as a coach at my kids' school but was fired due to being arrested for DUI and trying to sell drugs to the students.

As luck would have it, Tuesday night we had to play the latter. Us parents rather despise this school for the coach mainly as he instructs his kids to play aggressively. Too aggressively. Within 30 seconds of the game starting, one boy turned around and intentionally pushed one of our kids down with great force. Us parents were so angry, we started screaming to the ref to take the kid out. He did not as the kid was brought over to the coach who either told him to calm down or to do it again, I can't be sure. Whatever he told him, he and another one of his teammates consistently pushed our kids around throughout the game, clearly not being able to control themselves. At one point, I screamed out at the coach that he needed to instruct his kids how to play the game properly. I'll say this...it was a small gymnasium, the noise didn't have far to travel and my negative words attracted the attention of the parents of the opposing team.

To demonstrate the anger problem these boys had, at one point during the game, another boy got tripped up by one of our boys, our boy fell and this boy stood over him with his fist drawn back as if he wanted to punch him! Folks, it was truly shocking how angry some of these 11 and 12 year olds appeared to be but then again, with a coach like that, it wasn't unbelievable.

I had brought with me what I refer to as my Bag of Distractions - a bag full of children's toy instruments that my daughter had collected from her old playthings earlier that day. At the first game of the playoffs, I told parents that I had such noisemakers and I was determined to do whatever I had to to distract the opposing team. At this second game, some of our team's spectators participated along with me and when the other school's team were taking foul shots, we were hooting, hollering, shaking bells, clicking sticks and our strategy was working. It may not have been the most appropriate behavior but it's not like we booed, hissed, told the refs they sucked (which they did), etc.. In fact, after the game, some bitch, a mother of one of the boys on the opposing team, told me from afar that I signed a contract at the beginning of the year that I would not say or do things that would constitute as being mean. I corrected her that I did not do anything that was mean and that she was one to talk since she had a son who clearly needed an anger management course or a few months in juvenile detention. I then turned to a friend and said that my son's dad had signed the contract this year so as far as I was concerned, none of those rules applied to me. *wink*

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Close to the end of the game, one of the pushers was injured. I'm not sure of the details because I looked away at the moment it happened and the next thing I saw was this kid laying on the ground, grabbing his ankle so I don't know if one of our boys unintentionally did something or if this kid was just an asshole and Karma bit him on the ass. I'm assuming the latter occurred.

All throughout the game, one particular ref was making regular traveling calls on our boys and our coach had had enough. Now keep in mind, that this is a man whom us parents never once heard yelling at our boys or instructing them in loud, unproductive ways while they were in motion on the court and how he was able to remain calm through the entire season, is beyond me. Anyway, he fought the call and threw a tantrum like no other! No two-year old with the Terrible Twos would ever be able to do a tantrum justice as this man did! The ref immediately ejected him not only from the game, but from the building! I wish I could have taken a picture of this but it happened too quickly! And the priceless expression on our boys' faces when they realized they had no coach was another missed photo opportunity!

I turned around and told the person who shall not be mentioned here, who was sitting a few rows behind me, that someone had to go to them. There were just a few minutes left in the game and they couldn't do this alone. One of the other fathers flew down from the stands like OJ running from the scene of a murder and helped coach the boys to victory. Actually, I'm not sure what he really did to help other than make sure the boys knew they weren't alone. We were not only very proud of our boys, but we were glad to have put this other team in their place especially since they had been boasting ahead of time how much our team stunk and that they were going to win with ease. Yeah, whatever you little fuckers. It was a perfect sight watching these boys walk away with their tails between their legs.

Am I mean? Am I insensitive to these children? Those of you who've been with me for awhile know that I have a hard time tolerating other peoples' children so please, especially those who deserve to be in a prison cell, so ask me if I care.

After the game, a few things happened. The opposing team's coach came out with his arm around the boy who had an ankle injury and the boy was clearly injured and was crying. My insensitive, bitchy, black-hearted side did not permit me to feel any amount of sympathy for him. Again, Karma. You do something negative, it comes back to you tenfold. Sorry y'all if that makes me a bad person but you had to be there to understand how I felt. Unfortunately for me, his mother overheard me and told me I showed unsportsmanlike conduct. Now, I will admit that there are times I can't control myself and this was one of them! I burst out laughing in her face and said "That's pretty funny coming from the mother of a child who can't control his temper on the court!". I continued to howl with laughter at her comment while I walked to my car! Let's just say that I'm surprised I haven't received any death threats since then.

I later heard a few other stories. A father of a boy on our team, who was exploding with some very loud, negative comments throughout the game, was approached by a father on the other team who actually pushed him! Now I'm not sure what this guy was thinking when he decided approaching a tall, 300 pound black man was a good idea but he did and extended his hand as if to shake it. So Ben, the father of a boy on our team, took his hand and held on tight as this man decided to call him an awful fan, blah, blah fucking blah, and Ben just stood there, holding on and smiling. Finally, this other man knew he was screwed when he couldn't get his hand out from under Ben's grip and actually screamed and pushed Ben away from him, trying to make it look like Ben was assaulting him!

As for our boys' coach, I found out from his wife that he was really mad about the score of the first game our boys had played. Afterwards, he told our boys that they were better than that and they have a tendency to become too sure of themselves and, in turn, slip up. As for the father who ran out of the stands to be with our boys in those last few minutes of the game, the coach had a discussion with him prior to the game that he should be ready as he was so angry he thought he was going to be kicked out of the game!

So onto the championships we went and Thursday night was the big game. Our boys were playing the #1 team and the only game these kids had lost during the regular season was to us so we knew we could beat them and our boys were pumped and ready.

Prior to the game, I made a promise to myself that I would behave! My whole reason for behaving "badly" at the second game was just because I hated the coach and his team and they deserved to be taught a lesson. Yes I know, unsportsmanlike thoughts. Whatever. If my religion believed in hell, trust me, I realize I'd already be there! Anyway, the father who was assaulted agreed with me and we went in there thinking may the best team win. Well, that was short-lived!

As it turns out, the coach of our boys' team had been ejected from the rest of the tournament and was not permitted to coach the last game. Prior to the game, he met with the father who had come down out of the stands and talked to him about what needed to be done. When our coach entered the gymnasium to sit in the stands with the rest of us, we gave him a standing ovation.

Thankfully, we had more fans on our side than on previous nights and we were loud, boisterous and well, a bit on the obnoxious side. After the second quarter, I abandoned the promise I'd made to myself and started the hooting and hollering when the opposing team was making their foul shots. Let me just add, that I was not the only one. There were people who were screaming louder than I and others who were actually stomping their feet quite loudly. To say that this game was intense, is putting it mildly! It was back and forth with our team ahead then their team ahead and then our team pulling ahead of them once again. At the final buzzer, it was tied and we were going into overtime.

Back and forth again and five minutes later, we pulled off the win and our kids were literally doing back flips on the court! And then...the shit started flying.

Two women, mothers of boys on the opposing team, came down out of the stands, stood right in front of me and gave me the hairy eyeball while they discussed loudly how obnoxious I was. Yep me, just me. But me being a team-player, took it for the team! With a smile on my face I gladly agreed with their observation before taking a generous sip of water from my bottle, I held it up as if to toast them and gave them a tooth-filled grin. Then, without missing a beat, I asked her if she'd like me to call her the WAAAAHHHMBULANCE and then told her to get over it, that it was a game and to grow up.

Well, I had done it again! Like the boys working it in overtime, my mouth was working it in overtime! This woman was giving me the stink eye like there was no tomorrow and I was walking around telling all the parents to take a look at how pathetic this woman is. Oh yeah, I was working it alright, having fun yet making a really terrible situation for myself even worse! When she approached a woman that I am acquainted with through my kids' school (she's the mother of one of my son's classmates) and this woman looked back at me as if to say "Yep, I know her and she is obnoxious.", that's when I got mad. Don't get me wrong, I didn't act out or do anything to this woman or my acquaintance but this acquaintance has pretended to be my friend before and let's just say that she has picked the wrong person to fuck with.

Anyway, the mother who didn't care for me was waiting around as if she was going to pounce on me if given the opportunity. I was too busy enjoying our kids' celebration on the court, with us parents taking numerous photos of them holding the trophy. Eventually, this woman gave up and disappeared.

You may think that I enjoy confrontations but I don't. I was actually very nervous that this woman was going to approach me outside of the building and I felt it necessary to have someone excort me to my car. The reason I was nervous is that even though I despise confrontations, when I am engaged in them I tend to let my temper get the better of me and who the hell knows what would have flown out of my mouth had she said something! I, for one, certainly didn't want there to be a fist fight in the middle of the parking lot! I'm there at such events for one reason alone, to cheer my team on. I don't set out to make enemies and I'm certainly not there to intentionally piss people off but I'm also never one to back down from someone's words. I wish I could warn these people ahead of time that engaging in a war of words with me is a losing battle but I'm not there to be friends with them, only to enjoy my children and their teammates.

Then, the person who shall not be mentioned here decided it was necessary to tell me that some of the people saying shit about me were his co-workers and how embarrassed he was of me. Ya' know what? GOOD! I'm glad he was embarrassed and I hope they gave him a hard time because frankly, I couldn't give a flying Fig Newton what these people thought of me! I'm not the one who has to work side-by-side with them day after day and have to hide because I'm a big fucking pussy! I'm certain he had a lot of choice words for me to his co-workers...as he always did even when we were married in his usual snide, joking-but-non-humorous way. But that's not what got me angry. What got me angry is when my son came back from the celebratory dinner at a local pizza place and told me that his dad told him that everyone at the game thought I was obnoxious!

Was that necessary for him to tell my son that? That's like my asking people if the person who shall not be mentioned here should be permitted to survive in this world. It's a rhetorical question.

What's so amusing about all this, is that in the final seconds of the game, my son and his teammates motioned for all of us to stand up and go nuts so we gladly obliged. What's even funnier, is that with all the hooting and hollering we did to distract the kids on the opposing team, their fans did the same exact thing to our kids!!! But yet, I'm the obnoxious one. Again, I'll proudly where this badge of honor and take it for the team!

Here's what I have to say to that...I am a parent who loves watching her kids perform in whatever sport they choose. I will always be the supportive parent who cheers her child on no matter what others say or think about me. I have NEVER nor will I ever, demonstrate the ridiculous, negative behavior that these other parents demonstrated towards me. In fact, when there was just seconds left in the game and one of our kids was making a foul shot with the opposing team going apeshit trying to distract him, I turned around to a friend sitting behind me, laughed hysterically and said "Oops! I think I've created a monster!". When someone on the opposing team makes a good play, I have always acknowledged that with a nod of my head, a smile or applause. If our children had lost last night, I would have certainly been disappointed, but I would have never directed my anger and disappointed towards other people and blamed them for something so ridiculous as cheering my child onto victory.

Anyway, today our kids are champions and us parents couldn't be more proud. And without further ado, I'd like to introduce to y'all, the 2009 6th grade basketball champions...

And as a side note, our boys made school history as no other 6th grade boys basketball team has ever won a championship!

thanks for the memories

2009-02-14T06:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was D Day.

Thursday night I contacted the vet who assured me Schwartz's injuries didn't sound life-threatening especially since he was still eating, doing his business and in mostly good spirits...ya' know, given the circumstances.

First thing yesterday morning, we took Schwartz to the vet. His injury was his ear, a puncture wound right through. Ear injuries in general are bleeders. Even with people. I know that for a fact 'cause one time at band camp...I mean, one time in my freshman year at college, when I was in a semi-drunken state, I was dancing around my dorm room to Steve Winwood and I fell and whacked my ear on the heating unit and man, did my ear lobe gush! But that's a story for another day. Or not. Getting back to Schwartz - that area of his ear was shaved, cleaned and he's now on antibiotics.

Immediately upon returning home, we took Jasper back to the Humane Society. Trust me, I was still back-and-forth about whether or not I should actually do it. There was a small part of me that was thinking about giving him one more chance but I had given him that one more chance so many times, it was time that I faced up to the fact that we were not a perfect fit for his needs. He needs to be with someone who doesn't have any other pets. He would certainly thrive in an atmosphere where he is someone's soul attention.

I'm sorta' torn about how I feel about having to return him. On one hand, we're all enjoying the calm again with out that nervous boy running around here stirring up all sorts of trouble! I found it rewarding that I was able to teach him certain commands, how to walk on a leash and in just a month's time, he became more fit and healthier. Those are some accomplishments to be proud of, I think.

At the same time, I'm disappointed that Schwartz no longer has a playmate who, when he was behaving himself, was giving Schwartz great amounts of joy. I was also disappointed about not being able to break him of his few bad habits such as his jumping and his jealousy. I realize those things take time and had he not exhibited such aggressive and vicious behavior so often towards Schwartz, I probably would have been successful with both of those behavioral adjustments. But unfortunately, I just can't make miracles happen. Other than that whole walking on water thing. *wink*

And the thought of him being in that cold, dismal kennel again really tugs at my heart strings. *sigh*

The good news is is that because our circumstances were different than most peoples', we are still permitted to adopt through the Humane Society should we ever choose to again. Most of the time that people surrender their pets, it's for some lame reason...like when Jasper was brought in because the couple had just had a baby and they didn't want to be responsible for him anymore.

The bad news is, the kids heard this and immediately ran into the area that held the dogs to look at puppies! I'm not sure WTF they were thinking because I knew if I didn't keep my head on straight, I was bound to lose focus and we were gonna' be walking outta' there with another dog! I won't deny that I wasn't tempted. A lot of the dogs were puppies and adorable ones at that. There were quite a number of older puppies that, of course, the kids fell in love with and wanted to adopt! No matter how much they wanted one, the most I could do was promise them that in a few months we could start talking about it.

I think the most difficult part about saying 'no' to them was trying to make them understand that what was written on the kennel about a particular dog was not necessarily the truth and given that we adopted two dogs without being given all the details, I decided the only way we're going to be able to adopt a dog that fits like a glove into our family, is one that has no prior understanding of rules, commands, etc.. In other words, a puppy. Despite the fact that taking on that kind of responsibility is really not an interest of mine, that is truly the only way that we can train a dog not to be aggressive towards other animals, not to chase the cats, hurt Schwartz or make sure that they can fit well into a social setting. With regards to the latter, I really didn't think I would be able to take Jasper to daycare or to Camp Green Dog without hearing about him being overly aggressive towards another animal or even hurting one. Considering he was raised with no rules and no limitations, a month's training was certainly not enough time to teach him social graces.

Whatever the case, even though Jasper was not a perfect pet for us doesn't mean he won't be the perfect pet for someone else. And even though he was more aggravation than worth mentioning, doesn't mean we didn't enjoy his company at times. Luckily, I was able to fill out a detailed two-page information sheet on all his needs (which I wish I'd had before adopting him) about how loving and affectionate he was and what a great cuddler he was! I hope he can soon cuddle his way into someone else's home and heart.

it's a sad day in the Koolio household

2009-02-12T22:06:00.001-05:00

Right now I'm mad. Mad because I should be thrilled to pieces over my son and the rest of his 6th grade basketball team became the league champions this evening but it's what happened afterwards that has my insides doing flip flops.

You see this evening, Jasper attacked Schwartz for the last time. This time, he drew blood. Right now, Schwartz is contemplating a chew toy, while his stomach and ear drip blood. And I'm so mad right now...well, I don't think there are words to accurately describe how I feel right now.

I'm beyond furious at Jasper because this has happened every single fucking day since we adopted him. Clearly, this dog is not good with other dogs and/or cats as we were told. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to continue and everyday thinking it would get better. Obviously, it has only gotten only worse. And despite the tremendous agony and guilt I feel over this decision, I know it's for the best. I will tell you more about this situation sometime in the next day or so when I've had time to calm down.

My kids understand that this is no longer two dogs having a spat and they know that Schwartz's safety is now involved. So tomorrow, Jasper is going back to the shelter, Schwartz is going to the vet where he will probably need stitches for something and antibiotics to help him heal and I will hopefully be in a better mood to tell you all about my son's basketball championship and why big mouths and basketball moms don't go hand-in-hand.

Until then...

holy colder than a witch's tit, Batman!

2009-02-06T08:53:00.000-05:00

I do not know how you people who live in colder climates do it day-after-day. I would cry if I had to deal with this bullshit cold every freaking day for, what is it, five months!! Shit, I hear Frosty the Snowman is even throwing a tizzy over it!

It's been so cold here...well, it's just been too fucking cold here! I can't get warm no matter how hard I try. Last week, I had to dig my wool jacket with faux fur hood out of the dark depths of my coat closet in which I found my favorite pair of leather gloves with warm Cashmere lining after having given up on finding them ever again for the past four years. I was ecstatic for all of two seconds before remembering that I actually had to wear them or else my fingers would chip off and break away from the freaking artic blast outside. Along with sweats on top of sweats, I still felt like I was as frozen solid as an ice sculpture. I couldn't believe how cold my fingers were despite having those damn gloves on! Upon walking Jasper this morning, my breath kept steaming up my damn glasses and I know he must have peed icicles! And even though I have the heat turned up inside my house to 27 million degrees Fahrenheit (the temperature of the core of the sun and yes, I had to look that up) right now, I'm still wearing my wool jacket because the cold has penetrated my core ten times over! If it wasn't for the sight of those beautiful palm trees here everyday, I would have already given up on life as I know it!

Alright, that's a stretch, but I am really not happy with this weather!

OMG! How do those people in Alaska do it with half the year being in the dark from morning 'til night?! I'd have to be constantly doped up on fucking hallucinogens just to get me through it!

And those poor eskimos. Those poor, stupid little eskimos. If I were there right now, I would bitch-slap each and every one of them for choosing to live in such a frigid climate.

The warmest spot in my house is my pantry. I'm honestly thinking about putting a sleeping bag in there and calling it my bedroom until this cold spell leaves.

*heavy sigh*

I am contemplating searching online for a fur comforter for my bed. Anyone wanna' pitch in towards the "Save Her Booty from the Cold" fund?!

Did I mention that it's headed up into the 70s this weekend?! Heh.

support your local geeks

2009-02-05T06:44:00.001-05:00

This is a warning to all you Best Buy shoppers - Best Buy is great when it comes to reasonably-priced household appliances and techy gadgets and gizmos, but do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take your computers to The Geek Squad.

Take it from this dissatisfied customer, it's not worth the temper tantrum you will throw.

I thought I had written back in January about my son's computer problems, but either I'm blind, which is always a possibility, and can't find the post or I didn't actually write about it. In any case, my son's computer browser stopped working and he couldn't access the Internet which meant that he couldn't play his Internet games or AIM his friends. Gasp! The horror! Anyway, I took it to Best Buy to have it evaluated by The Geek Squad. The way I figured it was the computer was still considered new since I had just purchased it in September, and it was under warranty so if it needed fixing, they could fix it and it wouldn't cost me that much in the process.

The latter is a misconception. The Geek Squad is not part of Best Buy, they only rent space from them so Best Buy endorses them. The Geek Squad was not willing to offer me any great deals just because I had purchased the computer from the same store they were in. Fuckers.

But that's not really the beef I have with them.

Two weeks ago today I dropped the computer off for a full diagnostic. The first expected completion date read January 31st - one week since dropping off the computer. On a separate piece of paper, the expected completion date read February 2nd. Either/or, it was past both expected completion dates and I was determined to find out once and for all WTF was going on with the computer!

Deep inside, however, my psychic abilities had already kicked it into high gear and I knew before I even entered the store yesterday that they hadn't even touched my computer. Sure enough, I was right.

The geek punched in my information, returned from the back room where they store the computers needing work with an "Uh oh, this 'puter ain't done!" expression on his face and broke the bad news to me. I gestured to him to give me my computer, I was taking it with me. At the same time, I told him I wanted to speak to a store manager. Not quite sure why it took him five more minutes to plug in information into their computers, get me the computer and then get me a manager, but it did.

Why did I want the store manager? Well, aside from the fact that they hadn't fixed my computer in the alloted timeframe, I had tried calling the store five separate times on Monday afternoon to find out the status on my computer, each time waiting several minutes for someone to answer and no one ever answered the fucking phone. Not at the Geek Squad desk nor any sales associate within the entire store. I tried calling once a day thereafter and even then, no one ever answered the fucking phone.

I'm talking Best Buy here, people! I'm not talking some little mom-and-pop set-up where one person at a time occupies the store and may need to leave on his lunch break, I'm talking a big fucking store with at least 50 employees working the store at a time. Not one of them was able to answer the phone?!

He got my computer and went over to a fellow geek who came over to see me. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

Aside from global warming and there not being world peace, I told him that it was a problem that I asked for a store manager and that given the 'Geek Squad' printed on his shirt, clearly he was not a store manager. But I told him what the problem was anyway and he asked me "Well, didn't the person who helped you tell you that it was a 3-4 week turnaround time?". NOTE: everything in italics except for the cursing, were my exact words...

No [dipshit]. I was told a 1-2 week turnaround time and if the guy assisting me had told me it would have been a 3-4 week turnaround time, then I most certainly would have not left my computer here.

"Even so," he said, "It clearly states on the contract you signed that we're entitled to change the turnaround time at our descretion."

And clearly, [asshole], if you tell someone that you will have it done for them within a certain timeframe, then you either have it done for them or you learn how to pick up that little device otherwise known as a 'telephone' and give what's called a 'courtesy call' so that the person isn't wondering where their computer is. But given that I tried calling you guys several times this week alone and there's not a phone anywhere on your counter here, I can understand why you wouldn't even think of calling me to inform me about my computer or would have heard your phone ringing because you don't have a [fucking] phone! Now get me a store manager!

Having waited another five minutes, I saw out of the corner of my eye a store manager approach the counter.

"Yeah?". (No seriously, that's how the store manager greeted me.)

I gave her the evil death glare. I tried to get deathly, skin-piercing laser beams to shoot from my eyeballs but my Super Duper Skin-piercing Eye Laser Beams must have been on the fritz.

"Yeah"? That's how you greet your customers?

Staring. "What can I help you with, ma'am?".

Oh there's the proper customer service you must have briefly lost along with your brain cells! (yes, I did say that, too.)

I then explained again what happened but emphasized the phone calling and how no one in her store answered.

"Oh...sorry."

That's all you have to say?!

"Hmmm...well, we're very busy."

Honestly folks, I thought I was being punked and that someone from the new and improved Candid Camera show was going to jump out and surprise me that all this professionalism I was being treated with was just a really bad joke being played on me.

We're all busy, you moron! I yelled at her, grabbed my receipt, got her name and the Geek Squad manager's name so I can report them later to Best Buy's corporate headquarters, called them "incompetent idiots" (redundant, I know), not only at full volume but also made sure to enunciate so that everyone within a 100 foot radius could hear me clearly.

Upon walking away, I heard her wishing me a great day in the most sarcastic voice I've ever heard. She is who they hired to manage the store. Brilliant. I guess she thinks that after I'm done reporting her to the company that she'll still have a job by the end of the week.

But the story's not done.

I whisked my computer away to a small mom-and-pop computer shop that I had taken my computer to once before. At 4pm yesterday afternoon, Tweaks by Geeks had fixed my son's computer.

WHAT!!

a timely fashion

2009-02-04T05:45:00.000-05:00

Hypothetical situation (or not)...

You have a friend who you've been trying to contact for several days to no avail. You say to yourself "Okay, I'll try to contact her one more time before she can kiss my ass and then I'm gonna' blog nasty things about her!" and that very night, you hear through a mutual friend that this friend's mother has just passed away, the friend wanted me to know and you are told that the friend would call you the following week.

The very next day, you run right out, pick up a sympathy card, write some very sweet and personal sentiments in it and mail it. You want to talk to your friend to see how she's doing but you decide it's best to respect her wishes and wait for her to call you. So you wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Considering that her parents live in a lovely cottage on her property, you assume she's spending a lot more time with her dad these days so you cut her a break. You understand that you have never been in her position so you don't know how you would react to other's graciousness, although you were brought up right and would have probably thanked everyone as soon as they extended their sympathies and/or offered to assist in any way.

The question for all of you is, how long are you supposed to wait until you start considering your friend a rude bitch and write the friendship off?! Do you give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that everyone is different and she will get to you in due time? And what do you consider 'due time' - a week, two weeks, a month? Or do you consider her silence as a hint that she doesn't consider you a good enough friend to even bother and she'll get to you when the spirit moves her to do so?! Or do you say to yourself "Fuck that whole respect shit!" and pick up the phone to call her?!

Death is hard, I understand that but WTF?!?

back and forth

2009-02-01T07:58:00.000-05:00

The past few days have been a little better where Jasper's concerned.

He's still exhibiting some aggressive behavior with Schwartz (three attacks yesterday) but he's generally sweet and when they play nicely, boy, do they really enjoy each other!

He's become easier to keep on a bathroom schedule. In the past three days, he's been peeing in the pinestraw or at least near the pinestraw. He knows that he gets one decent walk in the morning and one in the evening and he knows as soon as he's done "unloading", that it's time to go home. I want to get him really situated with that habit before I start taking him on longer walks as treats.

And that won't happen until he stops. pooping. in. the. house.

That is still a bit frustrating although I dealt with the same shit, no pun intended, with Schwartz when we first got him too. He'd do really well with house training, poop in the house and then it would feel like it was two steps back.

Let's just put it this way...Jasper and I are definitely learning from each other.

Take last night for instance...despite the fact that Jasper hadn't finished his food, I didn't take the bowl away. Most of the time, if the dogs haven't finished their food by a certain time, I take it away so that they won't have the need to be taken out in the middle of the night. Last night I flubbed. I saw that he hadn't finished, the kids and I got preoccupied cuddling by a nice toasty fire and the next time I looked, the food was gone from his bowl. I knew that meant he would need an extra walk, which I obliged, and of course, a bit frustrated by the end of the walk that he had not done his bu'ness. That meant one thing...I knew I would find a little gift waiting for me this morning.

Turns out that little gift wasn't so little! It was once again in that same exact spot on my wood floor. He turned away as I cleaned it up. I'm not sure if that's out of guilt or if he's laughing at me! Probably a little of both. Clearly, he knows it's wrong or he'd be right there by my side, tail wagging. I suppose I should be thankful that he's leaving it in plain sight unlike Schwartz who occasionally poops on the upstairs landing and we can only sense it by its distinct scent. ICK.

Since I can see that Jasper's making progress, today I will keep him. Tomorrow could be another story. *wink*

On another note...GO STEELERS!!!

introducing...

2009-01-31T06:56:00.000-05:00

JASPER

With a face like this, how could I possibly stay mad at him?!

(By the way, he peed in the pinestraw this morning!)

life is like a box of chocolates...or a big hairy steamy pile of doggy doo

2009-01-30T05:58:00.000-05:00

Jasper's not stupid. Disgusting, but definitely not stupid.

When I woke up this morning and noticed he wasn't in my room, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was up to no good. The last time I had that feeling, he had relieved himself all over my family room carpet.

I'm still not done cleaning the carpet and after this morning, I'm glad I hadn't yet put away my Spotbot.

Rrrrrr.

I walked out of my room to find the dog I knew would be hanging his head in shame. Even in the dark, I could see the pile of shit on my wood floor. I saw Jasper on my living room sofa with his head turned away from me. The little fucker couldn't even look me in the eye! Can you say "I'm a guilty motherfucker!"??!

I went into the family room to see the damage. A nice oblong pee stain. Sweet.

Of course the shit in my hallway wasn't going to clean itself up so I took care of it and came into my bedroom to get caught up on Emails and such. Like every other day, my alarm went off at 5am, I finished doing what I was doing and got up to take the dogs out.

The pile of dog shit had regenerated! There it was, in the same fucking spot, staring at me as if I had never cleaned it up. Again, I cleaned it up and went into the family room. Another oblong-shaped pee stain. In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite, "YES!".

I can't even begin to tell you how pleased I am with this dog. Say that in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible.

Yesterday, he was a good boy. He pooped as if he was on a set schedule. He was chipper and in good spirits when we walked. I even allowed him to stay out of the crate yesterday as a sort of treat for being a good boy. All I can say is that I hope he really enjoyed his freedom yesterday because today he is going to be in that crate like a career criminal in a jail cell.

It would seem that my initial thought that he had such an upset stomach from getting into Schwartz's medication the other day would be incorrect. My newest conclusion is that when he gets upset and he knows others are upset with him, his bowels release much like the Hoover Dam - in a big fucking rush and with little control.

Talk about knowing how to get back at me! What a spiteful little pooch! Do I know how to pick dogs or what?!

Cujo

2009-01-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

Jasper is making my decision to take him back to the Humane Society an easy one. Tonight was the worst attack on Schwartz yet.

But before I get to that, if I do decide to take him back, I figured taking him back before the kids get super attached to him is wiser than waiting 'til six months down the road when they're absolutely in love with him. And while he has a tendency to stare with a rather unnerving gaze, he does have his moments of utter cuteness. However, I will not let that distract me from what's really going on here.

When the attacks happen, they happen quicker than my eye can register so I'm not sure exactly what Jasper is doing to Schwartz because I can't see any visible wounds. However, when I saw Schwartz limping the other day after an attack, you can imagine how awful I felt for him and how enraged I was towards Jasper. Usually I'm around to put an immediate stop to it but tonight it happened in another part of the house and Jasper's intense growling and snarling drowned out my commands to stop.

He's also taken up to torturing the cats. There were a few times that he's actually tried to lay on top of one or two of them but now he prefers cornering Buster, who is the one who reacts the most negatively to his advances, and barking at him while Buster, in turn, is growling back.

I don't want this and I certainly don't need it. The cats were just getting used to Schwartz and I think I may have royally fucked that up.

Should I do decide to take him back, I'm most definitely going to wipe up the floor with those Humane Society fuckers who told me that this dog gets along with other dogs and who supposedly did a cat test in which they presented Jasper with a cat and the cat didn't react negatively to Jasper nor Jasper to it. If you recall, this is the same shelter that told me that Schwartz was six months old when he was really a year and a half and who never revealed to me that he had a metal plate in his hind region from an accident. I could understand them failing to disclose all pertinent information to prospective clients if there wasn't a veterinarian on the premises but there is. If she weren't getting compensated for her services, which I'm certain she is, I could understand her blatant disregard in examining the animals and, for instance, being able to tell between a six month old puppy to a one and a half year old dog. The only conclusion I can come to is that she either earned her degree in Veterinarian Medicine from one of those bogus, non-accredited online "universities" or she studied at Imastupidtwathole University, neither one adding very much to her chosen career.

I am no Dr. Doolittle by a long shot but I think I'm a fairly experienced pet-owner to be able to read Jasper's actions and reactions. Here is a dog who, from a young puppy, was spoiled by a young couple who stupidly chose not to train him. Up until they had a baby, he was their baby whom they probably allowed to rule the roost and they never encouraged him not to. Along with my guilty conscience, it is for that reason I have kept myself from returning him to the shelter. I know with time his negative behavior can be broken but it's just how much time I'm willing to give him that comes into question.

He has his good qualities although I'm having a hard time giving him credit for them at this time because of my anger towards his hostility towards Schwartz. Since my last post, his bathroom habits have surprisingly become more accommodating. Twice now, he has willingly been lead towards the pinestraw area to pee mainly because I've made him wait a little longer than usual to relieve himself. He's actually still resistant to be lead completely to the pinestraw bed but he's getting closer. As for #2, I have had to continue with the walks but he has been "completing his business" closer to home and as soon as he's done, the walk is over and we turn back for home. For now, the longer walks will be used as treats probably just a few times/week. I can't continue to spoil him as I did when we first brought him home because frankly, his behavior has not been deserving of them in my opinion and because Schwartz needs to spend even more time out in the sunlight than Jasper because of his skin condition. Since I cannot walk the two together because of the separate paces they keep, Schwartz's needs take precedence over Jasper's.

I'm done! All this brain damage is proving to be exhausting!

more a little bit of this and a little bit of that

2009-01-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention the other day that Schwartz's hair loss condition was finally diagnosed. He has bilateral flank alopecia. It tends to be a seasonal allergy, usually from September (which is when we first saw signs of hair loss) to March. A good part of the time the dog regrows its fur but sometimes, the dog doesn't regrow it at all which would really be ashame but nothing we can do about it if that's the case with Schwartz. You can read more about it at your leisure, but basically it is caused by a lack of sunlight which completely throws me because with all the walks I take him on and all the sunny days we have here, he should not be suffering from this. And when I say "suffering", I use that word because I know of no other word to use. He's not suffering per se because he's not affected by it other than having exposed skin that can be sensitive to colder weather conditions but he's not itchy nor has he ever been. In any case, he is on the recommended medication for this medical condition and we'll see where it takes him.

I regret to inform y'all, but adopting Jasper is turning out to be a huge regret as he's become a very selfish dog. Aside from showing a jealous side when it comes to Schwartz, he has decided that we're going to conform to his bathroom habits instead of him conforming to the schedule that works well for us. Allow me to further explain...

About ten feet from my front door is a pinestraw flower bed. I've trained Schwartz to go to the bathroom there so he doesn't burn my grass into oblivion. Schwartz wakes up, goes to the bathroom where he should and all is wonderful. For the first few days we had Jasper, he followed Schwartz's lead and at least peed in this flower bed, but once I started taking him on long walks, he started refusing to go in the flower bed. He'll stand there, watch Schwartz and then look at me as if to say "Take me on my fucking walk, bitch!".

I have been taking Jasper on daily walks, sometimes up to three times/day depending on his food intake. He and I have both enjoyed the walks but he has now grown too accustomed to them, that he wants them at all times of day including first thing in the morning. His stubbornness is truly irritating. I'm a stubborn woman with two stubborn children, I will not deal with a stubborn dog, too! We have this walking/jogging path throughout our community and he has decided that the path is his one and only pit stop. In the first few days we had him, he would mark every leaf, branch and blade of grass and even poop a few times as we walked up and down my street. Now, I can walk him up and down my street for 20 minutes and he absolutely refuses to do his business on anyone's lawn.

This morning was the first and last time that I will leave my kids alone in the house at 5am to walk him, I simply refuse to do it. It's bad enough that they came home last night with their dad and had to let themselves in because I was on a late night walk with Jasper and then, upon returning home, found them waiting by the front door because they were afraid to be in the house by themselves. With my luck, I would be out at 5am and my kids would wake up looking for me. As much as I love my pets, I'm not doing that for any animal.

A few days ago, and this is only what I believe to have happened, Jasper got into Schwartz's food bowl which is where I put his medication. Schwartz is used to being on medication for one thing or another so it doesn't affect his digestive system. Unfortunately, it is greatly affecting Jasper's and for the past few days he has done little eating and has had many bouts of diarrhea. He is not in any physical danger and this will eventually pass, but he has crapped out mounds at least four times on my bathroom tile floor and has nearly ruined the carpet in my family room. The other night, I woke up to a heap of shit in my bathroom, cleaned it up, went back to bed and woke up in the morning to rinse, lather, repeat all over the bathroom floor again. As much as I hate the crate, I've decided that it's time to train him. I gave him too much freedom in too short a time by allowing him to roam free while we're away from the house whereas Schwartz had to earn that trust, so now Jasper will have to earn it as well because my house is not a toilet nor will I allow Jasper to think it is.

All I can say, is thank God for this little guy! It's greatest feature is that it has a self-cleaning option in which you can set it on a spot, leave it for the six minute-cycle, come back and the stain iand smell are gone. Life fucking Houdini, man! It definitely was worth the price and has probably already paid for itself in just one day of use! My family room carpet is far from looking perfect but it certainly looks better than having smeared shit stains all over the place. I would have taken a picture for y'all's viewing pleasure but you probably wouldn't have eaten for the next month. Blech!

So Tough Love has been activated! If Jasper does his business in the house, accident or not, in the crate he goes. And before any of you animal-lovers and/or activists out there dare scream at me that the crate should not be used for punishment, I am not punishing him, I am training him as I mentioned above. I am not doing anything different than what I did with Schwartz and Schwartz learned with no emotional scarring that requires weekly dog therapy!

As for peeing outside, that is going to change with super lightning speed as well and it's a good thing that Jasper's a quick learner! As a single mother with twice the load of tasks to do than a married couple can share, I do not have the time to take him on 30-minute walks numerous times throughout the course of one day. I'm certain that he will learn rather quickly that early-mornings are reserved for the flowerbed and walks are for later on or he will have no choice but to learn how to hold "it" for longer periods of time.

The one good thing about the walks is that they have helped Jasper shed some weight. I know this not from weighing him but because I had to cut short a walk yesterday when he decided that chasing after a squirrel was a fabulous idea and he was able to wriggle out of his collar with ease. I've also enjoyed the walks but it's difficult at the same time because I cannot take both dogs out together. Schwartz prefers a leisurely stroll to Jasper's marathon run.

Another good thing is that Jasper and Schwartz are becoming more familiar with their play habits and Jasper's attacks on Schwartz have lessened.

I'll leave you with that positive thought and all I ask for is your prayers that my carpet will survive The Dog Shit Extravaganza of 2009!

a little bit of this. a little bit of that.

2009-01-26T10:09:00.001-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged or visited many of your blogs but I've had a lot of shit going on here.

It's been one week since we've had Jasper and in that time, I've taught him how to walk with a leash, he' responds to his name, he's learned which food bowl is his and he's taken 4 heaping shits inside the house, one of which has probably permanently stained my family room carpet. In that time, Schwartz has regressed some much like a young child would when he/she sees his/her sibling doing his/her business in diapers and has peed a few times in the house right in front of us.

Jasper also has a very mean, dark side and at least twice a day, I'm screaming at Jasper when he lashes out at Schwartz and literally attacks him when playtime gets outta' hand. Thankfully, Schwartz does not have an existing injuries but if this continues past the 6 month mark, I will be taking Jasper back to the shelter. I don't think Jasper would harm any of us but I have to keep that in mind while all this is going on plus his interest in the cats has taken him to trying to lay down on them and squash them, of which he gets reprimanded for as well. I'm thinking that I should change his name to Damien because he definitely has an evil side to him.

For weeks now, I have been trying to refinance my mortgage through my mortgage company but early last week, the guy I had been working with stopped returning my phone calls and Emails and I missed out on locking in a 4.625% rate. Since I will not be ignored (thank you Glenn Close for that perfect line), I called the mortgage company to start over with someone new only to find out that no one could speak to me right then and there because all the loan officers are so extremely busy with other clients wanting to refinance and that I'd probably hear back from someone within 10 business days. Probably? I don't think so.

I then decided to contact my bank thinking that since I'm a long-time customer, they could hook me up with something decent only to find out that since I'm not employed, there's probably little chance that I could get a mortgage through them.

My only other option was to put my tail between my legs and talk to my parents about helping me refinance since that's really the only other option I have and I have to do something now because my 5 ARM/6 month deal is about to be up in the next few months and I'll be damned if I keep giving this shitty mortgage company my business.

*takes a deep breath*

Then, if all that wasn't enough, I got a call just a little while ago from the lower school guidance counselor that my 8-year old daughter has been singled out by quite a number of girls in her grade as saying bad words to them and talking about "hairy body parts". My daughter, who's been instructed by me since she started Pre-K at this school, that she will not be mean to others, is being a social bully and I am absolutely mortified and horrified at her behavior.

Do you know why she's doing this? Because the person who shall not be mentioned here and his lovely (cough, cough) bride of just over a year and a half are getting a divorce and my daughter is pissed off. She doesn't care that she knows she will feel my holy wrath when she comes home today because if she did, she would have never done what she's done. She knows she can't get away with this shit at school or at home, yet this is the kind of disturbing behavior she's exhibiting.

And, although I should be thankful, the person who shall not be mentioned here is once again his old social self with me, going out of his way to talk and be nice to me. Why should this bother me? Because the guidance counselor told me that she was going to call him when she was done speaking with me and when he called to mention that they had spoken and I mentioned "hairy body parts", he thought it appropriate to ask me if I was having "grooming" issues. Nice, huh? Here is a man who has treated me with such disrespect while he was with this woman only to continue to treat me with more disrespect after the fact. I'm glad he thinks it's funny.

I hope the person who shall not be mentioned here is happy with himself and his dysfunctional, ugly fucking cunt of a tramp soon-to-be ex gold-digging whore of a wife.

As a side note, I don't know who my daughter has heard say bad words. It certainly isn't me. Heh.

I need a nap.

oh, this one is good!

2009-01-22T09:16:00.000-05:00

I've written a puppy post update but I can't, for the life of me find time to transfer the one and only photo I've gotten of Jasper to my computer so I'm waiting 'til I do that before posting about the pooches.

In the mean time, we have a word of the day. All these words, by the way, are word verifications I've received when posting on other peoples' blogs.

Today's word is...

REECTEM

I know what word came to mind when I first saw it so I can only imagine what you sickos out there see.

Let your creative juices flow!

1 adult, 2 children, 3 cats, 1 dog and..

2009-01-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

...I must be outta' my fucking mind!!

At the end of February, it will be a year since adopting Schwartz.

In this time, he has shit and peed himself happy repeatedly in numerous spots around my house (and just to remind me that he still isn't completely housebroken, he took a shit in my dining room this morning), it was discovered that as a younger puppy, he was hit by a car and has a metal plate in his hip with rod and wires down one leg to keep everything attached and has had countless other health issues. As a first time dog owner, this past year has been a learning experience to say the least!

For those of you who've followed my blog for awhile, you know about Schwartz's loss of fur which turned out to be from a food allergy. His skin looks better although there's still some break outs occurring, almost like he has severe acne. Minimal fur regrowth is apparent but very slow and more of his fur has actually thinned out in other areas as well. When the allergy first developed, his previous diet caused him to be ravenous, he couldn't wait for his meals and he was eating them in less than a minute and then looking for more. Since starting him on the newer, high quality food, his appetite is back to normal with him taking his time eating his food throughout the course of the day. Because of the balding issue, I have not taken him to day care in some time now especially since we're in a serious cold patch right now and this particular area of skin is affected by the cold.

One other observation I've noticed for awhile now, is that he's lonely. While the kids and I spend as much time with him as we can it doesn't seem to be enough. He looks sad when we have to leave and it breaks my heart. In this year, the cats have learned to simply tolerate him. One out of the three cats still hisses at him fairly regularly when Schwartz gets too close and none of the cats have warmed up to him enough to dare cuddle with him. Even so, Schwartz doesn't give up his natural instinct to try to play with them and as doofie as he can be sometimes, he's not stupid and understands that the cats just don't care for him.

For some time now, I have thought about getting him a playmate. I've really been back and forth with it because, frankly, it's just not in my budget. Day care is great for socializing him but it's just not practical with the economy being in the toilet and with the amount of money I spend on that, having taken him two times/week in the past, spending the money on adopting a dog would equal the same amount I'd pay for two weeks worth of day care. Of course there's everything else that goes along with owning a pet like health care, food costs, grooming costs, etc. but the positive certainly outweighs the negative when it comes to full-time companionship.

So I'm thrilled to announce that as of 1pm today, Schwartz has a new full-time playmate!

The adoption happened very quickly. I saw his photo on our local Humane Society's website on Friday night and went in yesterday morning to check him out. He's been at the shelter for almost two weeks and no one before us showed an interest. The decision to adopt him was immediate. I spent ten minutes with him but knew within the first minute that I wanted him.

His name is Jasper, formally Jack. I changed his name because I didn't want him to have the same name as the devil child living directly across the street from us. From what I understand, when you change a dog's name, you should try to make it sound as familiar as the former so they are not entirely confused, that's why I kept the J-A part. Even so, he is confused which I suppose is normal and I'm sure it will take a few days at least before he starts recognizing it.

Onto the details...Jasper is a 1.5 year old Lab/German Shorthaired Pointer mix, probably more Lab than Pointer. The only recognizing Pointer features are his head and coloring. Everything else is Lab. His tail is Lab not Pointer and I haven't seen him point yet but then again, I've only had him here for a little over an hour! He is extremely overweight and will no doubt have to be put on a diet although the way he and Schwartz have been playing, he should lose all his excess weight in about two seconds! He's housebroken, knows minimal commands, seems to be good with cats and since the cats are used to having a dog around, seem to be okay with him, he has a great disposition, very sweet, very high energy and too fucking cute for words!

By now you're probably wondering WTF he looks like. Well, I gave you the description above which is all I can leave you with for now since he won't sit still long enough for me to snap a picture! Gimme' a week, I'm sure things will calm down by then!

Because we already have a dog, he and Schwartz had to have a "meet-and-greet" to make sure they'd get along before I could take him home. He also had to have a cat test to make sure he would deal well with cats and he passed. Jasper and Schwartz had a great first meeting and I can't even begin to tell you how excited Schwartz is to have a friend to play with! They are both so exhausted right now, I'm certain they'll both sleep well tonight.

I definitely have my work cut out for me. The people who owned him previously spoiled him rotten and most definitely did not train him at all. He knows 'sit' and that's it. For people who had him since he was a young puppy, I'm truly appauled they didn't take the time to teach their dog the basics. At first, I will have to take him for solo walks because he doesn't know a thing about walking, which side to stay on, etc.. He's all over the place and when I led he and Schwartz out of the shelter today, I'm surprised I didn't fall and break my neck with how caught up I was in their leashes!

The adoption happened very quickly. I saw his photo on the Humane Society's website on Friday night and went in yesterday morning to check him out. He's been at the shelter for almost two weeks and no one before us showed an interest. The decision to adopt him was immediate. I spent ten minutes with him but knew within the first minute that I wanted him.

Fortunately, the vet I take our pets to is open on Saturdays and I called them and they faxed the requested information right over to the shelter. By 3:30 yesterday afternoon, our adoption had been approved.

Now, here's some interesting news about Schwartz...

The people at the Humane Society remembered him and couldn't believe how amazing he looks! I was told that he and his litter of brothers and sisters were brought in as young puppies and that they were just very messy, ugly-looking puppies!

Anyway, that's the scoop for now. I will keep you posted and the minute I get a picture of 'the boys' I'll post it here!

i must be fucking mental!

2009-01-17T07:34:00.000-05:00

*snort*

NOTE: If you haven't read the previous post to this one, please do so before reading this. If not, you will have no fucking clue what I'm talking about and will most likely viciously curse at me/your computer screen. I have enough shit going on lately that I really don't feel like coming over there and smacking you upside the head!

Anyway, this post was originally another pissy one about the Ice Princess but it's amazing what a good night sleep will do for a person. Even if I do have shit sleep habits and I'm only fortunate enough to have the occasional good night sleep, at least the few hours that I did sleep last night seemed to have paid off and I don't feel like the same evil bitch I felt I was last night!

Anyway, my curiosity got the better of me and after I posted my last blog entry, I checked my voicemail and sure enough, there was a message left by the IP.

She said that she was at the theater watching the same movie she's seen twenty times before (as I thought) and that she had accidentally left her phone turned on so when I returned the call, the ringing surprised her, she panicked and disconnected me. She left the theater to call me back and to apologize for disconnecting me, that she was turning off her phone for the remainder of the film (as if she'd actually miss something she hadn't seen twenty times before) and that she would talk to me tomorrow (today).

Ordinarily, I'd say something like "Don't do me any favors, biyotch." but ya' know what? It's a new year and I'm turning over a new leaf. No more being a spontaneous bitch to people unless it's an absolute emergency. *snicker* Of course that rule does not apply to my blog. *wink*

With all that said, I still think she's a fucking liar and a total shit for what she tried to pull with me. Just an hour before calling me last night to ask if I'd like to go to the movie, she sounded like she was at death's door, complaining of flu-like symptoms and assuring me she was ready to throw up her internal organs, her neighbor's internal organs and the internal organs of the man who mows her lawn. I'm sorry, unless you're going through withdrawal symptoms from heroine (not that I know firsthand but I do watch Intervention from time-to-time), the flu doesn't come and go like a passing fart on the wind. I may act like I don't know my asshole from my elbow sometimes but I do know when someone's trying to pull a fast one over on me.

Not only that, but it's also my opinion that if she had really wanted me to join them, she would have tried a little harder to get in touch, like calling me back on my house phone, and not called me moments before the movie was starting.

Here's my take on liars - if you feel the need to lie to someone, then you're not worth trusting, period. While I've enjoyed her friendship over the past few months, I'm not hard-up for friends, I don't need someone inviting me as an obvious courtesy rather than actually wanting me to be there and I'm certainly not going to be a third wheel so I doubt I will continue to offer her my friendship from this point on which, of course, is ashame but I just don't care to be played for a fool.

Even so, I Emailed her this morning apologizing for the message I left on her voicemail last night and even though she said we'd talk today, I bowed out of that as graciously as possible by telling her that I'm having severe issues with my phone and I'lll be in touch. I think the impersonal nature of the Email sends the message that while I'm apologizing, she's not important enough to me for me to directly chat with and it sends a clear message, in my opinion, that I'm leaving the ball in my court and I have no expectations of her calling me for anything from this point on. We'll see what transpires. For all I know she may actually make an effort to repair the damage done but I don't live by miracles so I'm not expecting any to occur.

I for one did my part to make the friendship work and as short-lived as it was, I'm certainly not putting forth the effort anymore. I think she's probably a genuinely nice person but there's something underneath that just doesn't sit well with me and when I don't feel comfortable with a person, I try to get them out of my life as quickly as possible.

did i say i sometimes hated people? my bad, i meant that sometimes i really fucking hated people!

2009-01-16T22:35:00.001-05:00

Let me just give y'all a little disclaimer here...not only am I twitching and itching, getting ready to jump outta' my skin over something that happened this evening, but I'm close to receiving my monthly "bill" and that certainly hasn't helped matters at all. As with all my rants, when I'm this super pissed I tend to curse excessively so be prepared to bleach out your eye sockets when you're done reading! I also tend to rant for, like, forever, so if you don't like lengthy posts pass this one right by. If you do, then grab your beverage of choice and sit still for a few minutes.

Let's go back in time, shall we? October 29th, 2008 to be exact. My old cell phone was slowly but surely falling apart and I was tired of trying to listen people through white noise static. I went to my local cell phone provider, whom I've been a loyal customer of for the past twelve or so years, and explained my situation to them. As a long-time loyal customer, I was offered a free phone as has been the case numerous times in the past.

The phone I chose, as I have before, is a simple phone. I don't need a Blackberry or any other device that allows me to put on it my Last Will and Testament, access my Swiss bank accounts (yeah, don't I wish!), offer my latest dump measurements or add my newest gourmet recipes (like I can even cook!) nor do I need one that can shoot laser beams in all directions. Not that there's a phone that can actually shoot laser beams but that would be cool, wouldn't it?! Anyway, just give me a fucking phone that can save all my contacts and I'm a happy camper.

Well, let's just say that since early November 2008, this happy camper has been ready to don an old hockey mask, change her name to "Jason" and walk around killing off whomever dares come in close proximity.

My newest cell phone has never worked right. Almost right off the bat, people spoke like they were under water and I heard from more than one person how rude I was because I kept asking "What?" to every question asked. Did I build this fucking cell phone you turd nuggets?! I apologized anyway because that's what nice people do. Oh shut up, I am too nice!

Since October, I have also had a very weak signal inside my home. Because I am an ancient fart and still use dial-up for my computer, I require my cell phone at all times while my land line is tied up with the computer and I require that my cell phone actually works. So I waited and waited and last week I felt I had waited long enough. I went into the cell phone provider to tell them that my phone was a piece of crap (exact words) and that something needed to be done to resolve my cell phone issues.

Now, I can understand how that would come across...if I was the only one dealing with such a problem but there were two other people in the store at the exact same time with the exact same issues with their phones. And the people who worked there were less than helpful because no one really knew what the problem was or could be. Try a new SIM card? Sure, why not! Not quite sure what a SIM card would have to do with the weak signal inside my house but sure, I'll try anything at least once! *wink wink, nudge nudge*

They wouldn't give me a free phone because the phone was too new. Unfortunately, all the phones advertised as FREE were actually quite expensive and I wasn't about to dish out money for that kind of crazy shit! Last but not least, they took my name and address down and PROMISED that within the week, I would hear from a technician who would come out to my house to make sure it was not a cell tower issue in my area. Do you think I ever heard from that technician? I'm wondering if I'd held my breath if that would have helped the situation?! Or maybe I'd just be a dead, dissatisfied cell phone-user.

The latest and greatest to happen to this POS phone I have is that starting today, it no longer allows me to make out-going calls while I'm inside my house. Nope, all I get is that ear-piercing beeping in my ear followed by the ever-popular 'network busy' message flashing on my phone screen.

So I called the provider and basically told them "Fix my phone NOW or eat shit!". Well, fixing my fine right this very instant was not possible because, as far as I know, there is no way to teleport ourselves from here to there and make things better all in the matter of a minute. First, I let loose on a customer service TECH. Had I known that he was just a tech and couldn't help me with my account or any customer service issues, I wouldn't have wasted half my life telling him what was going on. And when I couldn't stand to hear him say for the umpteenth time "I completely understand how you feel.", I asked him to put me through to someone who would actually do something for me.

I wound up with Caroline who was so helpful, I would have reached through the phone and given her a sloppy wet kiss on her girly region had I been able to. She hooked me up with a brand new state-of-the-art cell phone FREE OF FUCKING CHARGE. Now how's THAT for service with a smile?! Of course I won't actually get to lay my hands on that phone 'til mid-week but I guess I can't expect Caroline to walk on water for me or change water into wine. She should be able to do just that but I guess I'll just settle for the free phone. *wink*

Then there's my kids' computer. *sigh* Does everyone remember that fiasco when school was in session, my son needed his computer for school work but neither of my kids happened to mention to me that their existing computer was shot to hell and I had to fork over the big bucks for a new one? Remember how easy a time I had with the purchase and the numerous issues that followed? Well, now there's yet another issue with it.

The other night, out of the clear blue, the browser stopped working. According to the phone company that I purchased the DSL from, they could see from their end that the Internet connection was working just fine but it seems that the wonderful security software I was encouraged to buy from salesperson A at Best Buy, claiming that it was the latest and greatest security software on the market, has allowed a virus in to fuck with the computer. Apparently, this phone company has seen this type of problem on numerous occasions before with this software. Now I have to take the computer back to Best Buy tomorrow so they can figure out the fucking problem and so that I can rip them a new asshole about being told that I was purchasing a great security software package that allows viruses in instead of keeping them out! Motherfuckers!! It will get resolved but nevertheless, another headache to be dealt with.

Last night my son had his fourth basketball game. His team has won all four of their games so far and are really proving to be a great team. But that's not why I'm pissed and this time it has to do with a person and not technology.

Back in the fall during my son's football season, I befriended this gal, another mother of a player. I had met her briefly last year through another friend and in the fall, we really became decent friends.

Lately, we've been doing some stuff together, the movies, drinks, etc.. However, last night something was wrong and the Ice Princess as I now have dubbed her, was completely foreign to me.

I took into consideration that her mother is currently dealing with some health issues and that she may have been preoccupied with that so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. That was after she climbed onto the bleachers on my side and walked across me to sit by the side of the friend I met her through. Kinda' rude if you ask me but these two are as thick as thieves so no big deal. We can't all have the strong, tight friendships we'd like to have.

The IP barely spoke to me, in fact, now that I look back on last night, she only spoke to me when I spoke to her. Never once did she initiate conversation with me. Not to make excuses for her but she did seem to be a little out of sorts and when I called her today to tell her that my daughter wanted to see "Twilight" again and asked if she'd care to join us (she's seen the movie about 20 times!), she said she had come down with something and it wasn't likely that she'd leave the house. She told me that our mutual friend, the one whom she sat beside at the game last night, was going and to call her but I bailed saying that my daughter was probably going to be tired from her soccer practice this evening, told her we'd do it another time and wished her well.

Not an hour later, I got a call on my cell phone from her cell phone. Yeah, she felt so sick that she was out and probably going to see that very movie with our mutual friend. I tried to call her back from my cell phone but, of course, I got my favorite 'network busy' message flashing it's evilness at me. I called her from my house phone and do you know the bitch hung up on me!

Now, I know the difference between an accidental disconnected call and someone hanging up, and that was a hang up. I thought I had gotten the wrong number but sure enough, when I checked, it was the right number and I called back. Do you know that fucking crusty cunt forwarded me to her voicemail?!

I called her house and left the following message on her voicemail...

IP, it is about 8:10 on Friday night. I saw that you tried to call me on my cell phone but, as you know, it's not working right and not only could I not hear you but when I tried to call you back several times from my cell phone it kept giving me a 'network busy' message, the newest of my problems with my phone. I tried calling you from my house phone but you hung up on me the first time and sent me to voicemail the second time. Not sure what I did to deserve that kind of treatment but nevertheless I'm not pleased with it. There really isn't a reason for you to return my call because such rude behavior towards me won't be tolerated.

- CLICK -

I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain I made myself very clear.

Not two seconds later, my house phone rang and it was she. By that time, I was already logging onto my computer and its connection cut her off. I know I have a voicemail or at least a partial one, but chances are it will be deleted without being heard. As for her reaction to my voicemail? I always anticipate the worst and I always plan my comebacks well in advance just in case. I'm not sure I'll have to use them or even waste my time using them because at this point, I'm not even sure she's worth my friendship.

Yes, the latter is really what has gotten me into a tizzy this evening because, as in my last post, I am not deserving of this kind of treatment. I may sound like a royal fucking twathole on here but in real life, I can be such a great friend to people if they allow me.

With regards to my last post, thank you to all those who responded and offered me their opinions. I have always felt that those removed from a situation can always see things more clearly and I was glad to have received all of your well-thought-out responses.

HOWEVER...

Just a little while ago this evening, my phone rang and it was my long lost lusted-after friend whom I thought had blown me off like a human tumbleweed. He called to see how I was doing and to tell me details of what was going on. So I wanted y'all to see with your own eyes that I retract everything negative I said about him because as a few of you wrote, he's just dealing with this shit and can't be bothered with anyone or anything that doesn't have to do with his present situation.

Rant over. In the immortal words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Star Ship Enterprise, "As you were."!!!!

and this is exactly why i am not in a relationship

2009-01-16T09:52:00.002-05:00

A week or so ago, a former lust object of mine resurfaced on Facebook. We started reminiscing and after numerous IM chats and one phone call, it wasn't hard to figure out that he was in an unhappy marriage.

I know, red flag. I have the talent to ignore them when I need to pay attention to them.

So we start talking about his unhappy situation. In no offense to any of you because I don't claim to know your marital statuses, but it pisses me off to no end to hear how people will stay in a marriage just for their kids.

Okay, lemme' tell you something folks, and I can say this because I am a divorced woman with two kids who aren't all fucked in the head from the divorce but ya' know what really fucks the kids up in a divorce? The parents. The fighting and hostility rubs off onto them and that is what affects them. Yes, of course the kids don't want their parents to split and want their parents to be all happy happy, but it's the residual effects the arguing has on them that causes the most damage and not the actual split. Don't believe me? Go do some Googling and read up on it.

Again, I can say that because I was once there. If I wasn't arguing with my ex, then we were ignoring each other. I, too, was one of those parents who told myself I would, I could, stay with my ex simply for the sake of the kids but when it came down to it, the minute I realized how our behavior was affecting our kids, I knew it was time to be selfish for once in my marriage and get out while my kids were still sane!

The fact remains, there is no reason why anyone should ever use their kids as the excuse for staying in a wrecked marriage. My parents did and they are two of the most dysfunctional people I know. I can recall numerous times when I'd find my mother crying in a closet and other times when my sister and I hoped my parents would divorce. Frankly, my father could be really fucking sinister when he wanted to be and it would have done him good to have his balls cut off and shoved down his throat but, of course, that's just my ~~fantasy~~ opinion.

Do you know what happens to the person in the marriage who decides to stay for the sake of the kids? That thing we call a 'spine' shrivels up and disintegrates. If my parents were to get a divorce now, my mother wouldn't know what to do with herself and would probably fall into a permanent catatonic state. Which, in hindsight, wouldn't be so bad because then she'd stop telling me I have a brain tumor whenever I get one of my migraines along with the numerous other health issues she claims she has. Can you say "Hypochondriac?"?! C'mon kids, sure ya' can!

Anyway, divorce...been there, done that, have the T-shirt! Friend-to-friend, I talked with this guy about his situation. It made sense, he got it, he knew that not all would be lost if he and his wife were to divorce. The kids would be sad for awhile and then they would recover.

We've chatted and/or Emailed every day since getting back in touch. Strangely enough, he has such a clear, strong memory of our time together down to the details of our sexual encounters. A bit weird but we were able to joke about it without letting it bother us. Suddenly, I made a comment as I had been for the last 20 minutes of our conversation and he says "Uh...oh by the way, the shit went down last night and I'm moving out soon. I'm so worried about the kids so I won't be able to chat with you for awhile.".

Huh?! How did our conversation go from joking one minute to basically telling me C ya'!!

One of two things happened here...first, I can see a brush off from a mile away and I don't appreciate such a thing from anyone, friend or stranger, more so from someone I consider a friend. Two, it was okay for him to make sexual jokes but the second I make one, he gets all weirded out and heads for the hills?! WTF?!

I will admit that I do have a tendency to read into things a bit too much but what else am I left to think? He's all but admitted to me that he still thinks about me and dangles that little carrot in front of my face and then BAM, he's gone quicker than the Star Ship Enterprise at warp speed!

As someone who's experienced divorce firsthand and who understands the ins and outs of the emotions that come into play during such a mourning period, I'm the first one to understand loneliness, neediness, and a whole multitude of emotions that goes along with first separation, then divorce and then the aftermath when you just want to sow your wild oats 'til the cows come home! I'm also the first one to understand wanting to physically get back out into the dating world but not being ready emotionally. After one experience years ago with a newly separated man that left me kinda' shattered, I made a promise to myself that I would not get involved with men who were not only just separated but also emotionally unavailable mainly because, no matter how much they will try to convince you and themselves, they are just not ready to get back out there after going through what can be such a hurtful process. I just can't do it and up until now, I've been a good girl.

In one way, it's different because this guy is not a stranger to me. When we first talked, we picked up our friendship where we last left it and it was good, familiar and fun. Nothing wrong with that. No promises were ever made to me and even if there had been, I wouldn't have believed any of them. I think what bothers me about this situation the most is that this was supposed to be a friendship, nothing more, and as soon as it restarted, he pushed it aside like it didn't mean shit.

For all I know, I could be reading too much into it and I've put together incorrectly the pieces to this puzzle but nevertheless, it sucks to feel like you've just been shit on when you've done nothing to deserve it. I'll recover, I always do and in no offense to the men out there reading this, sometimes I really hate you guys.

i'm such a lazy shit

2009-01-15T06:13:00.000-05:00

Since I've been spending time writing and Facebooking lately and catching up with ex-boyfriends (a story for another day) instead of doing things that I should be doing like, oh, refinancing my mortgage and basically doing whatever I can from allowing this house to fall into the shitter, I have nothing of any interest to write about. Not that I ever do, but today is really nothing.

So whenever there's nothing, out come the "Word of the Day" posts! Yeefuckinhaw!

Today's word is "tordaw".

Again, don't cheat by Googling because this is not a real word. You must write a sentence with a believable definition. And today, you cannot use words in your sentence like 'suck' and 'blow'. Heh.

i wanna' tell y'all a story

2009-01-12T06:13:00.000-05:00

I try to give to charities. My own sister has a neurological disorder [which is probably why she's such a hairy bitch but that's an entirely different story] so I know all about worthwhile causes and organizations to donate to.

With being a single mom who doesn't work and with the economy being in the crapper, it's hard for me to give as much as I'd like to these days. But something happened the other night that has really affected my life and I wanted to share it with y'all.

This past Thursday, I entered the school campus to get into the carpool line and noticed a very large RV parked in front of the school's auditorium. It had writing on it but I had no idea what it was about. On Friday, my son asked me if we could attend a movie screening about a young man with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. His school is very big into community service, giving to worthwhile causes, being eco-friendly, etc., so I said "Sure, why not?".

I had no idea that I'd walk out of that auditorium a changed person.

I'll attempt to tell you the story about this young man but I know I won't do it justice so all I ask y'all, is when you're done reading this blog post, to click on any of the links in this post or on the advertisement in my sidebar underneath the 'about me' section and give. For $20, it will be so worth your time and money.

Darius Weems was 15 years old when his friends-turned-filmmakers took him on a 3-week trip from Athens, Georgia to Los Angeles, all so he could try to get on MTV's Pimp My Ride to get his wheelchair pimped out. Their journey also included finding how handicap-accessible America really is. They filmed a movie about Darius's experiences, experiences that many of us will never have. Along the way, long-lasting friendships were forged, friendships that you and I will probably never be fortunate to experience for ourselves during our lifetime. Now at 19, Darius is still traveling with his friends to spread the word about his cause and about Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Their goal is to sell one million DVDs in one year. Although people with DMD are surviving longer now, it is still the number one killer among young male children and I, for one, would like to see these guys reach their goal before DMD takes Darius's life.

Folks, if my 11-year old son was left speechless by this film and Darius's larger-than-life presence and attitude, that speaks volumes to me.

Please take some time at your leisure to at least look at this site. Thank you!

the good news

2009-01-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, so last I left y'all, I had some good news to share. I wasn't going to share it right away but Pandora made a random stab in the dark in her comment to my last blog post as to what my news was and was partially right (Pan, you fucking witch!). In any case, I thought it was time to fess up.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a writer. It started in my elementary school years when I would write silly stories just for kicks to entertain others. I even won some state and national book-writing awards. My love for writing continued throughout all my schooling, including college. It didn't matter what I majored in because I knew no matter what, my desired long-term goal would be fiction writing.

As a young adult, I brainstormed like most people breathe oxygen. I carried pads of paper and small notebooks around with me wherever I went, and I still do that to this day. I wrote story lines that I developed into rough drafts, knowing one day they would develop into real writings. But time, work and life got in the way and I was never able to complete these stories.

This continued into the early years of my marriage. Just as Anne Rice was coming out with her vampire series, I had an entire vampire series lined out and, if I do say so myself, it was good. But, of course, marriage, children and life put all that on hold and I was okay with that. I knew a time would come when I would either complete those writings or do something else. If anything, I would get something published just so my children would one day see it. It didn't matter if I became a well-known author, just as long as my children had something to be proud of me.

Early on this December, I read the first book in the Twilight series. I proceeded to read the entire four-book series in a week's time, each book taking me only two days to read. For those who've seen/read the books, they are all very long so you know how much sleep I lost during that week.

You might be wondering what I found so intriguing about these books to read them so quickly. It's not that I think author Stephanie Meyer is such a fabulous writer, although I will admit she grabbed my attention from the first page which, for me at least, is very important. If I can't get into a book within the first ten pages, I usually put it down and never pick it up again.

What caught me a bit off-guard was that her story was my story! Don't get me wrong, no one stole anything but author Stephanie Meyer's Twilight novels and many of my ideas weren't just similar, they were exactly the same. And I was pissed. Not at her, at myself for not lighting a fire under my ass all those years ago and doing what I love to do best. I was pissed that it could have been me entertaining so many people with my vivid tales of vampire lust and love.

Anyway, fast forward to the present. On Friday December 26th, I left on my long-dreaded trip to visit my family. That Thursday, after years of suffering from writer's block and not really giving a damn whether or not I wrote or even if I ever had a book published, the writing bug suddenly hit me again, full force. On that Thursday alone, inbetween waiting for the hives to surface and packing, I regurgitated 173 pages of what I truly believe will be my first novel. And while I was away, I wrote every free second that was generously given to me, pretty much to help save my sanity from my family's dysfunction. For once, I was excited not to be someone who had decent sleep habits as I would awaken at 4, 5 in the morning and write non-stop for almost two hours if not more until my children would wake. As of 6:30 this past Thursday morning, I had hand-written my entire first novel and fifty pages of a sequel. My kids were at their dad's this past weekend and other than a few brief periods of sleep, eating and peeing, I spent most of my weekend writing instead of unpacking. I very rarely left my desk. It is all very rough and it will take me months of editing and fine-tuning but I do believe this is my time to shine.

In recent years, as my kids have developed more independence, I thought about getting back into writing but thinking it and doing it are two totally different things. I truly believe that everyone is put on this earth for a significant reason and for some time now I thought that mine was to be the best mother possible. There's nothing wrong with that and, in fact, not a moment has passed in my past eleven+ years as a mother where I didn't consider some aspect of parenthood fulfilling and rewarding. But I've always known that there was something more for me out there and I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for this new chapter in my life to finally take shape!

6 long days later...

2009-01-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

...I'm home! I survived!

My sister and I were civil to one another. We didn't greet each other when I arrived last Friday and we didn't wish each other well when I left this morning. My parents, while they didn't mention anything to me, were obviously aware of what was going on and didn't try to intervene. My sister and I spoke when needed which wasn't often. She's still the psycho that she always has been but at least I didn't have to deal with her that often.

I overheard that she was recently diagnosed with migraines which could have contributed to her nasty disposition over the years but like I said, she's still very much OCD and is seriously overprotective of my children in ways that are quite irritating. But I won't go into that right now because I'm ecstatic to be home!

I have good news and bad news. The good news I will save for another time because it takes quite a bit of explaining and I have a buttload of shit to get done around here this evening and I need to take advantage of it while my kids are staying overnight at their dad's.

The bad news is is that in recent weeks, my computer has started acting up on me in very bothersome ways. We all know from my stories how slow it is but now certain things aren't working. Even though it's very rare for me to turn my speakers on, they seemed to have died along with my disk drive which I may have used twice in the last four years that I've owned this POS computer. Also, Firefox keeps crashing on me to the point where I have difficulty getting online and I now have to maneuver through back doors just to get online. It's quite annoying and it looks like I may be hitting Best Buy again this week for a new 'puter.

But enough with all that, I hope this finds everyone well and recovering from their holidays which I hope were spent safe and left y'all with lasting memories! Happy 2009!!!

later, bitches

2008-12-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

I've been busy packing. Probably putting a lot more time into it than I have to considering I'll probably be coming home earlier than I'm expected to.

Think positive, Koolio. P O S I T I V E thoughts!

Okay...I'll positively be coming home earlier than I'm expected to, is that better?! Heh. This would be as good a time as any to come down with a rare illness. One that requires hospitalization for at least, oh, a week's time. Quarantine. Yeah! Even better! No visitors allowed! Just me, my thoughts, my blog and no one from my family permitted to see me! Ever again!

Speaking of health issues, wanna' hear something ironic? Last night, while I was trying to finish up the fourth book in the Twilight series (I read all 4 books in a week and trust me, I have the dark circles under my eyes to prove my lack of sleep! Talk about addicting!) when I got a call. One of the gals that helped me out a great deal in August when I had my accident took a spill and did the exact same thing to both her ankles and she did it in the same exact way I did, too, falling down stairs! Stupidly, she hasn't gone to the hospital or seen a doctor regarding her injuries so I brought her all my braces and stuck them on her. I should probably tell her she can keep them!

In any case, I'm hoping to get around to all your blogs before leaving tomorrow morning but if I don't, I hope everyone had a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas and I'll "see" y'all in 2009! Stay safe!

I'm sure I'll have LOTS to tell y'all upon my return! Can't wait!!!! 'Til I get home and tell you my tales!

when you're right, you're right

2008-12-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

Thank you to those of you who shared your thoughts with me. I have received similar advice before from those of you who said not to send an Email. Unfortunately, it's easier for me to express myself with written words instead of in person especially with a father who never lets me get a word in edgewise and always shoots down everything I say. He really has quite the talent for twisting my words!

I will go on my trip and I will deal. And if worse comes to worse and my sister is just making it too miserable for me to handle it, I will leave early. I will do my best to bite my tongue while not biting it completely off but I can't promise you that I won't come back with new scars!

If we get into the thick of things while I'm there, then we'll do just that, it will all be out in the open and then if I have the opportunity, I will throw my sister over the balcony. Pretend you didn't read that. Ya' know, just in case the FBI come knocking on your doors asking questions. In fact, just pretend like you've never even heard of me or my blog. Well most of you don't even know my real name so that should come easy for you!

And if things get really bad, then I will inform them that we will never return again. Let's all keep our fingers crossed for that one!

Thank you to those of you who wrote me private messages on here and personal Emails voicing your opinions. One person asked me if I was dependent on my parents because of money, inheritance, etc.. My parents help me out financially but truthfully, the few thousand I receive from them/year doesn't significantly impact my bank account and if I had to do without, it wouldn't make much of a difference. Yes, there are some trust funds but if it came down to it, I would tell my parents to keep it. Years ago, after I was done telling my father to fuck off during an argument, I told him to take me out of his will. Chances are, when he was done seeing red, he chose not to but I would feel relieved if he did. With my parents, everything they've always given me has come with strings attached. For once, I'd like to be out from under their thumbs even if there was a price to pay for it.

If the shit went happens to go down next week which results in my breaking ties with all of them, I would be all the happier for it. I already know that heated discussions will ensue soon into our visit when my parents realize (probably after my sister throws one of her infamous tantrums) that I'm no longer speaking to my sister and I'm sure they'll try relentlessly to get me back to talking to her. Certainly, if that continues for most of the trip I will notify them that we will no longer be coming back because that's not what a vacation is supposed to be about.

Vacation, what a joke! My kids probably hate being there more than me just because it's boring for them and they can't stand the strict rules they have to follow. The only good thing about this particular trip, is that we're staying in a rented suite in their condo because of plumbing issues that have caused my parents to have to use the guest bedroom for themselves. That means, the kids and I will be kicked out early because my sister has to go to sleep by 7 (not for her beauty sleep because no amount of sleep will ever help with her looks) and we can go out and do stuff without my family ever knowing! Yeefuckinghaw for that!

Having a good weekend when I'm not thinking about them which, thankfully, isn't often!

your thoughts are important to me

2008-12-19T20:17:00.001-05:00

I wanted to ask your opinions on what I consider a very important topic.

I was speaking with a friend of mine about the problems in my family and she strongly suggested I not take the trip next week to visit with my family. Knowing that there is tension among all members, she thinks it would not be in my best interest to go when I already know that my sister will probably put me in such a position, where I will have no other choice but to cut my visit short and leave. While I've already decided that I no longer want a relationship with my sister, it will be a very complicated and awkward situation should I arrive and she acts like everything's good between us because I don't want her thinking for one minute that things are fine and, at the same time, I don't want to make the situation bad for anyone else, especially my children.

After listening to my friend's thoughts, I felt it would be in my best interest to share my thoughts with my parents prior to the trip so they are not surprised by anything that may occur during it. As they have in the past, I will expect them to respond to me in a harsh manner and they will try to control the situation by treating me as if I'm a young child who can't make her own decisions for herself, but at least I know that they've heard what I've had to say.

So here's the Email note I've worked up, I would like everyone to voice their thoughts and if you see anything that can be improved upon, to contribute there as well.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Something has been weighing on my mind for some time now that I felt necessary to share with both of you before making the trip down to see you next week.

As you are both probably aware, L. and I have not spoken since August. This note is not about how I feel she behaved while visiting here because what's happened happened, it's in the past and it should just stay there. What this is about, and I've given this a lot of thought since my accident, is that I've decided that it's not in my best interest to continue a relationship with her from this point on. I'm sure this is not something you care to hear but I'm old enough to know when I think a relationship is toxic and unhealthy for me and the relationship she and I have has always been more negative than positive.

I wanted to share my thoughts with you now because I didn't want to spring it on any of you when we arrived, but I thought you should know that I have no interest in interacting with her during our visit. While I realize that this may make for some awkwardness, if L. and I can agree separately to be at best civil with one another and understand ahead of time that that's as far as our relationship will go and no amends between us need to be made, then I think our visit will go smoothly.

If your choice is not to accept or understand my position, then the only suggestion I can make is that we not visit. I think it also important to mention at this time, that because of what transpired here in August, L. is no longer welcome here. I'm not saying that to anger you, just to help you understand that the only time you will probably get to see the kids with L. around is at your home so we all can choose to make the best of the situation or not see each other.

I'm truly sorry it has come to this but I'm no longer willing to pretend that everything is fine when it's not.

I'm not sure if I should end it there, say more or say less. I think the above really says it all without going into too much detail but I know from my own experiences, that sometimes when someone's removed from a situation they can see things more clearly than those involved so that's where y'all come in.

For those of you who think I should just suck it up, go and pretend to be a loving sister, that is no longer an option. I've walked on eggshells for years around my sister and I have the scars on my tongue as proof of my biting my tongue all too often whenever we're around her! It's just not worth it to me anymore, I'm not willing to look past what's happened this time and my parents need to be made aware of how I feel. Whether or not they like me, respect me or hate me for it is a totally different matter but they need to understand this was not something I was going to sweep under the rug and hope it will be forgotten which is how they have always preferred handling such tense matters.

Okay...let me have it!