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Friday, February 6, 2009

holy colder than a witch's tit, Batman!

I do not know how you people who live in colder climates do it day-after-day. I would cry if I had to deal with this bullshit cold every freaking day for, what is it, five months!! Shit, I hear Frosty the Snowman is even throwing a tizzy over it!

It's been so cold here...well, it's just been too fucking cold here! I can't get warm no matter how hard I try. Last week, I had to dig my wool jacket with faux fur hood out of the dark depths of my coat closet in which I found my favorite pair of leather gloves with warm Cashmere lining after having given up on finding them ever again for the past four years. I was ecstatic for all of two seconds before remembering that I actually had to wear them or else my fingers would chip off and break away from the freaking artic blast outside. Along with sweats on top of sweats, I still felt like I was as frozen solid as an ice sculpture. I couldn't believe how cold my fingers were despite having those damn gloves on! Upon walking Jasper this morning, my breath kept steaming up my damn glasses and I know he must have peed icicles! And even though I have the heat turned up inside my house to 27 million degrees Fahrenheit (the temperature of the core of the sun and yes, I had to look that up) right now, I'm still wearing my wool jacket because the cold has penetrated my core ten times over! If it wasn't for the sight of those beautiful palm trees here everyday, I would have already given up on life as I know it!

Alright, that's a stretch, but I am really not happy with this weather!

OMG! How do those people in Alaska do it with half the year being in the dark from morning 'til night?! I'd have to be constantly doped up on fucking hallucinogens just to get me through it!

And those poor eskimos. Those poor, stupid little eskimos. If I were there right now, I would bitch-slap each and every one of them for choosing to live in such a frigid climate.

The warmest spot in my house is my pantry. I'm honestly thinking about putting a sleeping bag in there and calling it my bedroom until this cold spell leaves.

*heavy sigh*

I am contemplating searching online for a fur comforter for my bed. Anyone wanna' pitch in towards the "Save Her Booty from the Cold" fund?!

Did I mention that it's headed up into the 70s this weekend?! Heh.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Attila The Mom said...

It's kind of weird---we live at 9000 feet in the mountains, and it's hardly been cold or snowy at all!

We've been praying for some, because well, the ski industry needs it, and because of the fire danger. LOL

Send some of it our way!

February 6, 2009 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I hate cold weather, only good thing about it is I like my winter clothes and shoes better lol

February 6, 2009 at 10:05 AM  
Anonymous Giggle Pixie said...

I like it as long as I can stay at home, sipping cocoa and coffee in my flannel pjs. If I have to go out in it, however, it sucks. :)

February 6, 2009 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for you. It was 8 degrees this morning when I left for work. A few weeks ago it was below zero. Aren't you from Philly? You've gone soft!!!

February 6, 2009 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger WavyDavy said...

Can you say, "...penetrated my core..." again?

Shut up, Beavis!

Sorry.

February 6, 2009 at 4:44 PM  
Blogger WavyDavy said...

By the way, I truly read something wrong and thought you wrote, "the warmest spot in my house is in my PANTY." And I said to myself, "How's she gonna get a sleeping bag in there? Must be big panties." Ahem. Again, sorry.

February 6, 2009 at 4:47 PM  
Blogger Tug said...

Sweetie, I go outside & count inventory in that weather...it has been down to 22 below zero. seriously. I layer until I look like a linebacker. ;-) Hot chocolate & a fireplace; lifesavers. (Mittens are better than gloves for warmth)

It was 70 here yesterday, supposed to get cold again & snow by Sunday. Ahhh...Colorado. Hell.

February 6, 2009 at 7:55 PM  
OpenID honeywine said...

I can't do it either. Once my core is cold, it takes FOREVER to get me warm again. It's nuts!

February 11, 2009 at 10:11 AM  

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