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Friday, July 24, 2009

home again

I arrived home this afternoon from one of my infamous visits with my family.

*heavy sigh*

Where do I begin?!

I won't tell you about my sister who remains as chemically imbalanced as ever. Whatever. Her problem.

I won't tell you about my parents who feel the need to schedule our every waking minute. The funniest thing about that is that I hear the exact same thing every single time prior to our trip...

"We're not planning anything. We're playing everything by ear."

...only to get down there to find out that everything has been worked out and written down to the smallest detail. Do you know that they actually had the nerve to tell us that the day after we arrived, and completely exhausted I might add, that we were going to go out to breakfast at 7:50 AM?! Yeah, and my ass hair looks like Michael Jackson's face and I'll be auctioning off a picture of it on eBay. NOT!!!

Needless to say, I told them the kids and I were sleeping in and they could have a lovely breakfast without us. I should add that no one went to breakfast at 7:50 AM the day after we arrived. Score for Koolio!

One thing I will tell you about is how my generous parents have helped me pay off my mortgage. As nice a gesture as it was, there's the usual blame-game when my parents do something nice for me. And, as usual, a story behind a story!

The history of this story goes back a few months when interest rates dropped and I tried to refinance through my mortgage company. I spent time talking with a mortgage expert, collecting vital information and then suddenly, being ignored with my calls and Emails not being returned. It was frustrating to say the least. As it turns out, I didn't need to refinance because my interest rate dropped remarkably low on it's own and for the next six months, I was secure.

My father Emailed me one day at the end of May and graciously announced that he and my mom wanted to pay off my mortgage and offer me an incredible, unheard of rate through them. Of course I couldn't say 'no'! But I should have because I knew what was about to follow!

Before I arrived at my "vacation" destination last Saturday, I knew that my parents would want to talk with me about their mortgage loan. It wasn't about how glad they were that they could help me. It was about how my need for them to do this for me was cutting into their retirement fund and that basically, I owed them a couple hundred thousand dollars! That I now had to look into getting at least a part-time job to help pay them back so they would no longer have to give me their annual tax-free "gift"/allowance.


Of course I should never be surprised by the things that come out of their mouths, but I was a bit taken aback this time. I finally had had it with their degrading treatment and told them what was on my mind. First, I let them know that as always, I was very appreciative of their generosity and that I never took what they offered/gave me for granted. Then I reminded them that they were the ones who came to me years ago about this annual gift and that I had never once asked them for money. I also reminded them that they were the ones who came to me with their mortgage solution, that I never looked a gift horse in the mouth but I was not going to allow them to make me feel guilty for doing it.

Their response?

My father was not pleased I had contributed my two sense and still made me feel guilty for it and not with a pleasant demeanor. He was never good, even when he worked, about people 'beneath him' speaking up. Ah well, at least I tried. And when they're living under an overpass in a large cardboard box that they call home, I'll visit them. Once. Maybe I'll even throw them a few bucks, ya' know, in appreciation. *wink*

One other thing occurred that my soon-to-be 12 year old son (tomorrow, YAY!!) picked up on and he let my parents have it but good! A little background first....

It's been some time now since I've seen a photo of myself with the kids in my parents' place that isn't hidden on a large nightstand in my parents' bedroom or when the kids were four to five years younger than they are now and yes, I am completely insulted by this. More so this time when I showed up and on the coffee table in their living room where they have photos lined up of the kids, something new caught my eye...a set of photo coasters with my kids pix in them and oh, will you look at that! A photo of my son with my sister. Where was a picture of me with either child? Conveniently not there.

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you may recall that every time I'm visiting my family, my sister is invited along. Yes, the only sibling I have, the crazy one, the one who always takes credit for being my kids' mother when we're outside my parents' home. And now, it would appear, that my parents are trying to give the impression to all visitors that A) they're first born is more important than I and B) she is the kids' mother to all unsuspecting house guests.

I have never said anything about this and the closest thing I've said something about what assholes they are regarding this matter, is handing my camera to my father to take pictures of me and the kids thinking that at some point he'd catch on. Unless proven otherwise, I'm assuming he's purposefully ignoring the hint.

Apparently, I was not the only one who noticed the absence of my photo. My son picked up on this and one evening while we were dressed more nicely than most as we were getting ready to go out to enjoy a nice meal to celebrate my kids' birthdays, the picture-taking started - my mom with kids, my dad with kids, my sister with kids and...my son, directed towards my father, blurted out...

"How come whenever we're here you never take pictures of mom with us? That's really rude! It's like you don't want any pictures of her! L. is not our mom and you care more about taking pictures of her with us and none with my mom! I'm not taking anymore pictures with any of you until you start being fair to mom!"

Have I told you how much I love my son?!

This was the first time I've ever seen or heard my son stick up for anyone. I guess it would be apropos, that just a few days before he was to turn 12 that he would exhibit some maturity. And boy, did he ever! That and he made me smile!

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

STOP is not the new GO

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you know many of my pet peeves revolve around bad drivers. You name it and I've probably bitched about it!

It seems that around these parts, many people think coasting through intersections where there's a STOP sign is okay as long as there are no cars coming. I'm convinced that many of said people probably don't know the definition of STOP.

I also know that many people around here don't comprehend what YIELD means. For those of you out there who don't know the definition, YIELD, in traffic terms, means that oncoming traffic has the right-of-way and that you pause until the time that you can safely proceed. If you don't get that, you shouldn't be driving.

Almost every day I deal with this one busy intersection where there's a YIELD sign. I can't tell you how many times I've been cut off because of people who react improperly to the sign. Yesterday, some twat hole actually laid on his horn at ME because I didn't let him go! Not only was it rush hour so traffic was slow-moving, but the douche bag pulled up next to me in the other lane and lucky me with my window down, was greeted with an earful. In usual Koolio form, I had a few choice words for him in return:

Hey dumbass! YOU had the YIELD sign which means that not only do other drivers not HAVE to let you merge into traffic but that you just have to hold your fucking horses! But if you want to drive with one fist up your ass and the other hand on your dick, be my guest, just don't EVER get in my fucking way again or I'll report you to 911 as a reckless lunatic who's smoking crack while driving. Have a nice day, fucker!

With that I waved the bird at him high and hard and grinned as wide as I possibly could. I could tell you that he wasn't happy but that would be an understatement. :)

Fucking Congress needs to pass a law that allows people like me to pick off these asswipes with a sawed-off shotgun. Just sayin'.

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

birthdays don't get better than this!

I'm 41 today. It seems like turning 40 was a lot harder!

For those of you who haven't been following me long, I am an avid fan of slasher films of the '70s and '80s along and every kind of B-movie inbetween.

So when I awoke this morning to Alien Apocalypse on the SciFi channel and watched two astronauts battle aliens that resembled termites that drank the nuclear waste (aka Kool-Aid. Heh), I was in seventh heaven!

So these two astronauts, who have been on a decades-long mission, return to earth to find that aliens have taken it over. And the humans were dressed in animal skins with really bad, knotted, never-been-brushed hair. Kinda' made me wanna' reach through the screen with a hairbrush, but I digress.

When the final battle started, I knew it was going to be good and I wasn't disappointed! Yellow gunk oozing from alien bodies as they were punctured with swords and arrows. Alien heads rolling as they were knocked from their bodies. An astronaut spitting on an alien she had just slaughtered. Ahhh, sheer pleasure!!

I'm convinced that in another life I must have been a serial killer. I like this shit waaaaay too much! But I'll worry about that another day! Today, my daughter's coming home from overnight camp and I can't be concerned about possible underlying serial-killer tendencies, now can I?!


Saturday, June 27, 2009

camp swine flu

You may have heard in the news recently about the flu outbreak in camps in the Georgia/North Carolina areas. My kids go to overnight camp in that general area.

A little more than a week and a half ago, we received an Email from the camp director saying that he wanted to put everyone's mind at ease, that their camp was not one of the camps mentioned in the news. Just days later, we received a conflicting report, saying that there had been concerns with about five of the campers, that the CDC, Family/Children Services and a local hospital administrator had been present at the camp to test these kids [who all were found negative] and to check on the camp's procedures and documentation and all was fine.

As the camp director was writing that Email, two campers came down with what is presently known as the Swine Flu. Motherfucker!

A week later, we received a follow-up Email that said 23 people had come down with it - 20 campers and 3 staff! Fuck-ryingoutloud!

Through all the madness, their operation seems to be on the right track. They have set up several wellness centers, have hired five additional medical personnel along with some camp parents who reside in that general area who run whatever errands need to be done. The good news is that the CDC is disappointed that a name was given to this flu since it seems to be far less severe than other strains they've seen. The bad news is they said Tamiflu is not a viable solution to treat this particular flu. It just doesn't work.

This is like Camp Crystal Lake and Jason is represented by big scary machete-carrying germs!

This morning, I received an Email from the camp director that read:

Good morning! (showing that we should never forget to use our manners during a possible epidemic!)

Your son was just admitted into the infirmary feeling faint with a low-grade fever of 99.3. He said he just needs fluids and rest (Yeah, Dr. Son). We'll monitor him and keep you posted.

I have two words for you...FUCK and ME.

I know my son well. First, I can count on one hand how many times in his 11+ years he's gotten a fever, so this is a definite concern of mine. Secondly, I think this may be more heat-related than flu because the little shit refuses to wear his baseball hat in the blazing sun. No matter how often he's been nagged by me, my sister and my parents through Email messages sent to him in the last two weeks he's been at camp, he just will not fucking listen. Can you say 'stubborn little fucker'?! Unfortunately, both his parents are stubborn fuckers so he had little chance not to develop that gene.

I received a follow-up message a little while ago that read that his temperature was down with meds and they would keep me posted.

I'm hoping for the best. Coincidentally enough, my ex is headed up there today to pick our daughter up as she was only scheduled to attend two weeks. If our son is either not doing/feeling better or he has spiked another fever, my ex and I will decide if he should come home as well.

I'll keep y'all posted.

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

the ice queen cometh

I think I've officially graduated to cold-hearted, insensitive bitch.

You may remember this post from the beginning of June in which I talked about the gal whose husband passed in early May. Well, yesterday the shit went down.

Last week, she made a comment on my Facebook homepage for me to call her up to spend time with her while my kids were away and I responded that the last time I tried to get together with her, she blew me off.

A few nights ago, a little bit of drama occurred in my life which brought me down low enough to go out and buy alcohol. Those who know me well know I don't drink. Before the other night, the last alcoholic beverage I had was years ago. I can't even give you an exact timeframe because it's been that long. Anyway, a little bit of alcohol goes a looooong way with me - i got pretty fritzed pretty quickly and, if I can toot my own horn a little bit, I can be a pretty funny drunk!

So I was posting a bunch of off-the-wall statuses on my FB profile page and this gal made a comment about bringing some of that alcohol over to her house. Hmmm...it kinda' seems she wants everyone to do everything for her, doesn't it?

I came clean and basically told her I don't make an effort for those who don't care to make an effort with me. Not in those words, but she understood what I was saying alright 'cause I got an Email from her yesterday.

I will admit, I have never had a family member pass away as suddenly as her husband did. I will also admit that I've never known such a strong love like the one they had for each other. I admit, I have not walked a mile in her shoes so I don't have a clue what she's going through. So when she wrote to tell me that she had no recollection of what I said she'd done, my first thought was that she needed to go check herself into the nearest psych ward! I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone and then a few hours later, not recall what that conversation was unless you're losing your flippin' mind?! It never occurred to me that she's just going through the daily motions without really remembering what she was doing.

And I did think it was kinda' odd for someone who lives two minutes down the road for me to Email me and not pick up the phone.

So I wrote her back and I didn't make a big deal out of things. I apologized for not realizing what she was going through and that everything was cool. Not that I'm gonna' go outta' my way for her, but just mending bridges.

But then she called at nearly 11pm last night. Crying. No, bawling. The kind of crying that comes from one's heart and soul and is so strong that you have no idea what the person is trying to tell you.

I had to tell her to calm down several times as I couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying. The first thing I understood was "I don't call people.".

Um...okay. I'm not sure I understand that one. So you're going to call me with these crying jags and use the whole "I don't call people" as your excuse for not calling me back when I made a generous offer to you on your birthday of all days?! And then, after you've already called me, you're going to try to make me feel bad about saying that you called me because of what a great friend I am?


Sorry people. If this makes me a person with a heart of stone so be it, but that's just bullshit. If you don't try to reach out to people at a time of need, then don't complain to me that everyone is fake and no one likes you. They're not fake, they just don't like getting blown off either!! C'mon, I realize she's not thinking clearly these days but can she really believe that these people are fake because they've chosen to stop calling her?

So I let it go and I gave it to her straight. I told her that was bullshit. That this was the time that she needed people to rally behind her and to put her silly no-calling policy behind her. Her life was starting over whether she liked it or not and she was being forced to make changes that she may never grow to like or understand. That because she was feeling weak, she needed the support of others and that when she became stronger again, then she could weed out the fake friends from the true friends.

Blah, blah, fucking blah.

I know I sound like a total icy bitch but as emotional as she was, I still felt nothing. And maybe it's my own shit that I'm trying to deal with right now that caused me to react that way, I don't know. However, I've always been the kind of person who cannot tolerate someone who always plays the victim and while I certainly sympathize with her situation, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our conversation.

And not to make it any worse, but I really don't have time for this. Perhaps these feelings come from knowing what kinds of friendships I find healthy versus what kinds of friendships I find toxic. Lastly, I'm days away from turning 41 and honestly, I'm too damn old to be bothered with this bullshit.

I know some of you out there are trying your hardest not to reach through your computer screens to wring my neck but I can't make myself feel something I just don't feel. Let me have it! I can take it!

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Monday, June 22, 2009

close encounters of the bad kind

Okay, I lied. I wasn't done blogging just yet.

I love movies. All kinds. My least favorite kind of movie are action movies but every so often I'll find one that I really enjoy. My all-time favorites are thrillers. Scary and/or psychological ones.

My kids have now been at overnight camp for a week now. There isn't as much to do around here as I originally thought! Sure, there are projects that require attention but some of these also require money to have them resolved and some of said projects are not in my budget right now. So I have to fill my empty time with things to do, right?! I mean, I just can't sit on my ass all day long and watch TV, can I?!


This past weekend, there seemed to be an extravaganza of psychological thrillers on the tube. The first one was Dr. Giggles which I actually was dumb enough to waste money on at the theater! It's a really stupid slasher film but leaves you wondering about the medical profession! In fact, it's so stupid, there should have never been a synopsis written about it!

The second movie was called
Danika and it totally fucked with my head to the point of possible permanent dain bramage. Bain dramage. Fuck it, you get the point.

The third was called Crazy as Hell which really should have been named Stupid as Hell but nevertheless, it really got me thinking, had me wide-eyed and shaking my head by the end. Great performances but the direction the movie went was a bit disappointing.

Early this morning, after getting into bed and hoping to go to sleep, I was flipping through the channels (first mistake) and saw that The Talented Mr. Ripley was on (No! Damnit, NO, Koolio, you're not watching this again! You know you won't be able to sleep after watching it! Don't be such a dumb fucking twat!). This is the kind of movie where you cannot watch it just once and while I can't recite the lines, I've watched it enough times to be able to tell you which scene comes next and tell you about the scene in detail before it's played out. If you've never seen the movie, go read the synopsis before continuing.

Aside from the fact that Matt Damon plays the role so creepily perfect that I can't watch another movie with him in it without thinking back to his Tom Ripley role, it really gets you thinking about life and how you would have reacted if put in his situation. So here it goes...

If you were some scam artist about to be caught, would you keep lying, cheating and killing to get your way out of it? Would you escape, moving from place-to-place, changing your identity and living your life as someone else just to try to keep yourself out of trouble? And on the flip-side, if you were someone who encountered someone such as Tom Ripley, what would you do? Would you do your best to get away from him or fuck with your own life and destiny and report him to the authorities?

Please don't ask me to answer my own questions as my brain is too fried from all this movie-watching!


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

later, bitches!

I'm just gonna' lay it out for y'all...

I'm kinda' blogged out right now. My kids are off at overnight camp and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs! I took a few days off and now it's time to get some things done around here that have been on hold for awhile and none of them include blogging.

I'm probably taking the summer off from blogging and when I return, it may be a new and improved blog. Or not. I haven't quite decided.

I will still be around to visit your blogs but for now, my complaints are too few to speak of (I know, can you believe it?!) so I hope y'all enjoy your summers and I'll 'see' you soon!