home again

I arrived home this afternoon from one of my infamous visits with my family.

*heavy sigh*

Where do I begin?!

I won't tell you about my sister who remains as chemically imbalanced as ever. Whatever. Her problem.

I won't tell you about my parents who feel the need to schedule our every waking minute. The funniest thing about that is that I hear the exact same thing every single time prior to our trip...

"We're not planning anything. We're playing everything by ear."

...only to get down there to find out that everything has been worked out and written down to the smallest detail. Do you know that they actually had the nerve to tell us that the day after we arrived, and completely exhausted I might add, that we were going to go out to breakfast at 7:50 AM?! Yeah, and my ass hair looks like Michael Jackson's face and I'll be auctioning off a picture of it on eBay. NOT!!!

Needless to say, I told them the kids and I were sleeping in and they could have a lovely breakfast without us. I should add that no one went to breakfast at 7:50 AM the day after we arrived. Score for Koolio!

One thing I will tell you about is how my generous parents have helped me pay off my mortgage. As nice a gesture as it was, there's the usual blame-game when my parents do something nice for me. And, as usual, a story behind a story!

The history of this story goes back a few months when interest rates dropped and I tried to refinance through my mortgage company. I spent time talking with a mortgage expert, collecting vital information and then suddenly, being ignored with my calls and Emails not being returned. It was frustrating to say the least. As it turns out, I didn't need to refinance because my interest rate dropped remarkably low on it's own and for the next six months, I was secure.

My father Emailed me one day at the end of May and graciously announced that he and my mom wanted to pay off my mortgage and offer me an incredible, unheard of rate through them. Of course I couldn't say 'no'! But I should have because I knew what was about to follow!

Before I arrived at my "vacation" destination last Saturday, I knew that my parents would want to talk with me about their mortgage loan. It wasn't about how glad they were that they could help me. It was about how my need for them to do this for me was cutting into their retirement fund and that basically, I owed them a couple hundred thousand dollars! That I now had to look into getting at least a part-time job to help pay them back so they would no longer have to give me their annual tax-free "gift"/allowance.

WTF?!?!

Of course I should never be surprised by the things that come out of their mouths, but I was a bit taken aback this time. I finally had had it with their degrading treatment and told them what was on my mind. First, I let them know that as always, I was very appreciative of their generosity and that I never took what they offered/gave me for granted. Then I reminded them that they were the ones who came to me years ago about this annual gift and that I had never once asked them for money. I also reminded them that they were the ones who came to me with their mortgage solution, that I never looked a gift horse in the mouth but I was not going to allow them to make me feel guilty for doing it.

Their response?

My father was not pleased I had contributed my two sense and still made me feel guilty for it and not with a pleasant demeanor. He was never good, even when he worked, about people 'beneath him' speaking up. Ah well, at least I tried. And when they're living under an overpass in a large cardboard box that they call home, I'll visit them. Once. Maybe I'll even throw them a few bucks, ya' know, in appreciation. *wink*

One other thing occurred that my soon-to-be 12 year old son (tomorrow, YAY!!) picked up on and he let my parents have it but good! A little background first....

It's been some time now since I've seen a photo of myself with the kids in my parents' place that isn't hidden on a large nightstand in my parents' bedroom or when the kids were four to five years younger than they are now and yes, I am completely insulted by this. More so this time when I showed up and on the coffee table in their living room where they have photos lined up of the kids, something new caught my eye...a set of photo coasters with my kids pix in them and oh, will you look at that! A photo of my son with my sister. Where was a picture of me with either child? Conveniently not there.

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you may recall that every time I'm visiting my family, my sister is invited along. Yes, the only sibling I have, the crazy one, the one who always takes credit for being my kids' mother when we're outside my parents' home. And now, it would appear, that my parents are trying to give the impression to all visitors that A) they're first born is more important than I and B) she is the kids' mother to all unsuspecting house guests.

I have never said anything about this and the closest thing I've said something about what assholes they are regarding this matter, is handing my camera to my father to take pictures of me and the kids thinking that at some point he'd catch on. Unless proven otherwise, I'm assuming he's purposefully ignoring the hint.

Apparently, I was not the only one who noticed the absence of my photo. My son picked up on this and one evening while we were dressed more nicely than most as we were getting ready to go out to enjoy a nice meal to celebrate my kids' birthdays, the picture-taking started - my mom with kids, my dad with kids, my sister with kids and...my son, directed towards my father, blurted out...

"How come whenever we're here you never take pictures of mom with us? That's really rude! It's like you don't want any pictures of her! L. is not our mom and you care more about taking pictures of her with us and none with my mom! I'm not taking anymore pictures with any of you until you start being fair to mom!"

Have I told you how much I love my son?!

This was the first time I've ever seen or heard my son stick up for anyone. I guess it would be apropos, that just a few days before he was to turn 12 that he would exhibit some maturity. And boy, did he ever! That and he made me smile!

STOP is not the new GO

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you know many of my pet peeves revolve around bad drivers. You name it and I've probably bitched about it!

It seems that around these parts, many people think coasting through intersections where there's a STOP sign is okay as long as there are no cars coming. I'm convinced that many of said people probably don't know the definition of STOP.

I also know that many people around here don't comprehend what YIELD means. For those of you out there who don't know the definition, YIELD, in traffic terms, means that oncoming traffic has the right-of-way and that you pause until the time that you can safely proceed. If you don't get that, you shouldn't be driving.

Almost every day I deal with this one busy intersection where there's a YIELD sign. I can't tell you how many times I've been cut off because of people who react improperly to the sign. Yesterday, some twat hole actually laid on his horn at ME because I didn't let him go! Not only was it rush hour so traffic was slow-moving, but the douche bag pulled up next to me in the other lane and lucky me with my window down, was greeted with an earful. In usual Koolio form, I had a few choice words for him in return:

Hey dumbass! YOU had the YIELD sign which means that not only do other drivers not HAVE to let you merge into traffic but that you just have to hold your fucking horses! But if you want to drive with one fist up your ass and the other hand on your dick, be my guest, just don't EVER get in my fucking way again or I'll report you to 911 as a reckless lunatic who's smoking crack while driving. Have a nice day, fucker!

With that I waved the bird at him high and hard and grinned as wide as I possibly could. I could tell you that he wasn't happy but that would be an understatement. :)

Fucking Congress needs to pass a law that allows people like me to pick off these asswipes with a sawed-off shotgun. Just sayin'.

the taming of the spew

I'm really getting tired of this shit.

Up until last night, neither of my kids has had a stomach bug for about two years. My kids were at their dad's but came home earlier than usual because my son was complaining about a stomach ache. I was hoping for the best but kinda' knew what was going to happen.

Sure enough, about an hour after he went to bed, I heard coughing from his room and I knew what had happened. This is the part that pisses me off...

My kids have always gotten sick in the middle of the night. And always at my house, never at their dad's! And as familiar as they are with the uncomfortable stomach pains that go along with an approaching stomach bug, why can't they ever fucking run to the sink, toilet or aim it at a trash receptacle for instance?! Why must they always puke all over their beds and floor?! Don't get me wrong, I'm a compassionate person when they're ill but they're going on 9 and 12 here, so is that too much to ask them to at least try to keep their vomit off my walls?!

Please forgive me if you're reading this over breakfast. Just be happy I didn't go into color and consistency of the spew.

Needless to say, I had him remove his pajamas and redress himself, got him situated in a comfy spot in the family room with a basin by his side as there was no fucking way in hell that I was gonna' allow him to crawl into another bed, removed his bedding, immediately put everything in the washer and sat with him all night.

That's right, I have yet to clean his room. I'm sure it'll be a delightful experience.

Luckily, what he did in his bedroom was it. He sucked on a few popsicles in an attempt to get rid of that burning sensation in his throat and was able to sleep as was I. Until I realize that my stomach was knotting up on me. Oh, joy!

Thankfully, my stomach upset was due to a shitty dinner I'd eaten and a little sleep took it away. That's not to say that my daughter and I still don't have something to look forward to, that's just saying I made it through the night without my own shit to deal with.

I'll let y'all know later how the cleaning of his room went 'cause I know you're on the edge of your seats in anticipation. Heh.

now just wait a cotton pickin' minute!!!

Nike Air Rift sneakers. Designed on the principle of the African runners who run barefoot. I'm not a runner but I do know cool when I see it! Very comfortable sneakers. Lightweight, feels like you're walking on air. Or in bare feet. Not really but they are comfortable.

When they first came out years ago, the were in the $80 to $90 range. I'd wanted a pair for a really long time but Nike doesn't make them in abundance anymore, the ones they do offer on their site are in ridiculous patterns, I'm not gonna' pay that kind of money for a houndstooth pattern on my sneakers and they're not sold in stores. So when I did a little Googling a week or so ago and found a pair for $65, no tax and no shipping and handling, I thought it was too good to be true.

Nevertheless, as I mentioned yesterday, I received my sneakers in the mail yesterday. All the way from Shanghai, China. Hmmm....

I was organizing my receipts earlier today to be filed away and I found the receipt to the shoes. On the bottom of the receipt were the following charges:

$314.00

$4.00 (shipping)

Total: $319.00


I'm sorry...

"Watchu talkin' about, Willis?!"

Clearly, this is not right. Not only did it say on the online form I filled out that one pair of Nike Air Rift sneakers cost $64.99 but I have a receipt to prove it.

Thankfully, I checked my credit card statement and the proper amount was listed on it. Phew! If anyone has any thoughts to what those charges are on the receipt provided with my sneakers, please feel free to enlighten me!

And if luck would have it...

As I was examining my credit card statement, I did happen to spot a strange charge on it! I called the number provided on my statement and the company sells running equipment.

Huh?! Last time I checked, I had exercise-induced asthma, bad knees and, oh yeah, I DON'T FUCKING RUN!!!!

I've never had to dispute a charge before. I called my credit card company and while I was on hold waiting for a customer service representative, I saw something odd about this transaction - it was made with my Suntrust Visa credit card. The very same one that should have stopped working once I activated my new Bank of America credit card.

Motherfuckers. Someone out there is dying to get their ass kicked.

So now I have to play the waiting game since it takes a payment period or two before the dispute is resolved. In the meantime, I was instructed to contact the merchant to find out WTF is going on. Since they don't have weekend working hours, I had to send an Email asking them to have a representative from their company respond to my Email so that this issue can be properly resolved.

Guess what?! Not ten minutes after sending the Email message to the company did I get a response back. Here's how it started:

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that the auto renewal caught you off guard.

The charge is for your VIP membership renewal. As stated in your club handbook, this renewal is automatic for the convenience of our members. If we caught you by surprise, we apologize, this was not our intention.


*shakes head*

There's more but it would be pointless to bore you with the mindless words of a person who is clearly illiterate. What is it going to take to make this twat understand that I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FUCKING MEMBER AND I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE ANY FUCKING CHARGES ON A NON-WORKING CREDIT CARD?!?!??!?!

This whole dispute is going to make me go on a murder rampage. Dumbassmotherfuckingdouchebagassmunchers.

almost feelin' groovy

Aside from a pinched thingamabob between my shoulder blades that is uncomfortable yet tolerable, I am having a really good day.

For one, I finally got rid of my POS McAfee Internet security. After years of disappointment but unable to find anything decent, I renewed McAfee earlier this month but my account hadn't reflected the change. It was still warning me every day that my subscription was about to expire and it was really irritating the fuck outta' me. Last week, I contacted those assholes and told them to help me figure it out. Punjab wrote me back, instructing me to uninstall and reinstall the products I had renewed. Fucking Punjab. If I ever get the opportunity to meet Punjab in a cold, dark alley...well, for his sake, I hope I'm not PMSing.

Today was the day. I had two days left before everything went up Shit's Creek and my entire life would be exposed to the shit-for-brain hackers out there. As instructed, I uninstalled and reinstalled McAfee. Twice. Nothing happened. It wouldn't install.

Instead of wasting my time contacting their tech support, who may or may not have known their elbows from their assholes and I wasn't the least bit interested in finding out one way or the other, I remembered that when I took my son's computer in for fixing a few months ago, that the guy at the mom-and-pop place downloaded a very reputable and FREE security software to his computer so I Googled, located the site and it took almost the entire day to download it since I still use dial-up (shut up) but it's done and, as a result, my Firefox, which had become completely squirrely in the past year, corrected itself and now works properly!

In the immortal words of Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies...YIPPEEKAIYAY, MOTHEFUCKERS!!!!

In other groovy news, recently, a fellow-blogger trusted me enough to send me a manuscript, his memoirs, if you will. In just a few days, I finished it and I was blown away by it. It was unlike anything I've ever read. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of reading. As I wrote to him in an Email, it was hysterically funny in some parts and overwelmingly emotional in others. Honest doesn't even begin to describe it. Unfortunately, he told me that it was very close to getting published but then things fell through. I have been doing my best to be annoyingly persistent with him so that he will look into trying to get it published again but I'm not sure what he'll do. Hopefully someday each of you will be fortunate enough to read his words as well.

I received my Nike Air Rift sneakers in the mail today. That may not mean shit to y'all, but I'm happy!

Oh yeah, IT'S FRIDAY! Hope it was happy for y'all!

all this unnecessary drama is gonna' make my hair fall out!!

The story I have to tell you may get a little confusing. I don't like using real names in my posts so I usually just use the first initial of the person's name. With that, I am leaving you with a key so that [hopefully] you can follow along.

G = Girlfriend gossip-monger who first reported that my daughter was bullying.

J = The above's daughter who supposedly heard and saw what happened.

K = The mother of the girl who was not bullied.

R = The lying sack of shit who was trying to get my daughter in trouble.

( ) = If you see words written in parentheses, these are things I would have either liked to say and didn't feel it appropriate or just commentary.

On Tuesday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was G.. I knew exactly why she was calling, to get a follow-up on the situation, and I put her to voicemail. I probably would have spoken to her if my daughter hadn't been in the car with me but since the situation had already been resolved in my eyes and I had made no mention of it to my daughter, I wasn't about to talk about it in front of her.

I shouldn't have thought G. would give up so easily because she called two more times within a two hour period. She was immediately sent to voicemail those times as well. She continued to try to call. Her persistence was beyond tiresome. Ya' know, there's a reason for voicemail, people! If you're one of those people out there whose tactic is to pester someone adnauseum instead of leaving messages and waiting for the person to return your call when they're available to do so, stop it! Do I really need to explain why there's voicemail?! Leave a message and the person will get back to you when they can. Grow some patience, fuck-ryingoutloud! Actually, I think I'm growing some in my garden, I'll be happy to share some with you! Oh wait, those are Impatiens. Nevermind. *wink*

Anyway, I finally decided it be best to get it over with and call her back to see what she wanted, even though I already knew.

G: Hi! I was calling to see if you found out anything about the bullying.

(You mean the non-existent bullying.)

ME: Ya' know G., I so appreciate and admire the friendship you must have with K. for you to feel comfortable enough to speak for her, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer not talking to you about this anymore. K. and I know each other well enough that if she needs to discuss something with me, she can call me herself or speak to the teachers and the guidance counselor and they can tell her the same things they told me. We know who each other are, we've made small talk with each other on many occasions so if she needs to speak to me, please tell her I welcome the call.

G.: Oh. Okay.

("Oh. Okay." seems to be a vital part of this woman's vocabulary in order for her to convey the proper message to others.)

G: (humming and hawwing for a few minutes, trying to get out the words) Well, if you must know, J. said...

(It seems that G.'s daughter is following closely in her mother's gossiping footsteps. Well, they do say the apple never falls far from the tree so...)

ME: (interrupting) G., with all due respect, if J. is not directly involved, does not report it to the teachers or the guidance counselor or doesn't have witnesses or evidence to back up her story (I really need to stop watching all these crime dramas on TV), she needs to stay out of it. It's really not her business to police my daughter. I realize that the teachers don't always see the same things the kids see but again, if she sees something happening at school, she has to tell someone other than you. You can't do anything about it, they can. And to be perfectly honest, I was not only very upset after hearing this news from you, as I'm sure you knew I would be, but I was also very upset with myself for jumping the gun and getting so angry before finding out all the facts so in the future, should this type of incident happen again, I think it best to leave it up to the teachers or the parents directly involved instead of relying on the gossip mill. Again, I do appreciate that you alerted me to a potential situation, but if this type of thing happens, again I think it best that I hear it from them or from K. directly.

G: I hope you're not saying that you think J. is lying!!

(Oh God, here we go!)

ME: G., I never said any such thing so please don't put words in my mouth. It's all about perspective. If J. thinks she sees or hears something happening, tell her to speak up. If not or she's not sure something happened, she shouldn't. But if she keeps reporting back to you about something that's none of your business you can't do anything about it and I certainly don't want to get anymore of these phone calls prying into what I now consider personal business. Only the people involved can help to resolve things and if K. isn't willing to speak up for her own child, then I'm sorry, but that's her cross to bear.

G.: But it is my business! K.'s my friend!

ME: G., I realize she's your friend but there's a difference about it being your business and making it your business and this situation is not your business. Now if K. chooses to make her business your business, then that's her right but then you will need to find out the details from her.


By this point, I really wanted to get off the phone! Talking with her on the phone is never fun, she speaks so fast you can barely understand her and the constant interruptions, all so she can get out what she needs to say, are extremely annoying.


G: You sound mad. I hope you're not mad at me!

(Oy vey. This woman can't have anyone mad at her. Ever. She's neurotic about it. If she thinks someone's mad at her, she will obsess over it.)

ME: No G., I'm not the least bit mad at you but I really do need to go so I'll talk to you later, okay? Thanks for calling!

And wouldn't you know it? As of yesterday afternoon, she was still calling me! She called me twice, left one message and then obviously had ants in her pants and couldn't wait for me to return her call so she tried calling me again. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like nosy people! Why is it that some people can't just mind their own fucking business?!

extra extra, read all about it!

I've got updates people!!

Let's start with FUN (Fucked-up Nutcase) since that story is freshest in our minds...

Back when I didn't know that FUN was a FUN, we had two mutual friends in common on Facebook. It didn't dawn on me until I was about to delete her from my friend's list, that we presently had only one mutual friend in common. I was curious, I mean, you don't delete someone without a valid reason, right?

So I wrote my friend who no longer appeared on FUN's friend's list inquiring about why that was and this was her response:

She was at one point on my friends list, however It got to be weird because she was almost a stalker. If I blocked her from seeing my friends list, etc she would type me immediately and say I can't see anything on your profile. Also, R. dropped her because she acted really weird to her too. R. dropped her and she wrote her asking why she dropped her, then R. felt bad and added her and G. stole all her celebrities and removed her from her friend list. She has issues, and isn't all there. She is a stalker and weirdo.

Wait a minute...did she say celebrities?!

That's right folks, when she made the choice to try to slam me for something so insignificant, she became a third-time offender. Too bad she doesn't live in the US 'cause I know some states have the "Three times you're out" policy before throwing someone in jail. Not that her psychotic behavior is punishable by jail time but a girl can dream, can't she?!

So being Koolio, I wrote her an Email basically telling her that I knew all about the shit she's pulled with others and that while I wasn't a doctor, I knew enough people suffering with mental illnesses to know when specific behavior warrants psychiatric treatment and that she should seek it immediately. 'Cause ya' see, Koolio doesn't just put the knife in half-way. If I'm gonna' stick someone, I'm gonna' really stick 'em!

Boy, I would be so cool in prison, wouldn't I?!

Onto the next update...

You may remember this post from the other day.

Last night, my son participated in a wonderful school choir performance. I'll tell you...this choir teacher knows her shit. She selects just the right amount of Hallelujahs and classical stuff balanced with fun little numbers. The kids had a great time and the audience enjoyed it as well.

Right before the show, I was studying the program and I see out of the corner of my eye someone sit in the seat in front of me and says 'hi' to me. It was my "friend". Seemed very happy to see me, said she had seen me around town in the last few days and had tried to wave to me but I didn't see her. She repaid me for a favor I did for her and then told me that the next time I didn't have the kids for the weekend, she wanted to go out somewhere with me.

*blank stare*

I thought I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone for a minute. A total turnaround. She also seemed happier since she'd had the WoW talk with her husband and things had improved over the weekend.

Wait...someone actually took my advice?!

Anyway, I said I was available this weekend and sure, let's do something and then she blew it.

"Okay, call me!" she said as she waved and walked back to her seat.

Some of you out there might understand what it is I hate about that last sentence. I have always been the "okay, call me" girl. I have always been "selected", if you will, to initiate gatherings and plan them. It's like it's expected of me. What is it about people that they can't initiate something as simple as a phone call? Is it a popularity thing? Do they want to be able to brag to others, "Oh, all these people called me this week, blah, blah, blah...!". I just don't get it.

And honestly, such a statement still makes me feel a bit unwanted as far as friendships are concerned. It still makes me wonder if I should bother. Yeah, I complained that it felt like she didn't consider me a friend and all but do I just suck it up, take it for what it is and make plans knowing inside that's just how she is or do I count my losses and move on?

stuck on stupid

For those of you not on Facebook, this will take some explaining. So, once again, grab your beverage of choice and chillax. God, I hate that word but yes, I did in fact use it.

A long, long time ago, on an Internet dating site based out of Beverly Hills, California, I "met" a woman we'll call "Fucked-up Nutcase". Yes, I made more women friends than met actual men. Go figure.

Anyway, FUN and I chatted, became "friends" and eventually and occasionally Emailed off the site. We had a falling out, my mind escapes me exactly what occurred, but nevertheless, she acted fruity and I told her that I was losing her Email address. Fast.

Fast forward to early fall when she requested to be added to my Facebook friend's list. I actually had to ask around for someone to remind me who she was! When I found out, I waited several days before adding her to my list, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. I hesitated for a reason, I only wish I had listened to my conscience then.

Facebook has a gazillion and a half of these stupid game applications that you can log into, one of which is called Celebrity Agent. Now let's stop for a moment and think about what a celebrity agent actually does. An agent represents celebrities. It's a cut throat business in which agents are always trying to scam other agents out of their clients because the entire business is about making more money than ten million Donald Trumps put together.

So what is the point of this game? To start, you select six celebrities. You then invite friends to participate because you need those friends to what? What?! That's right, steal from them. And on top of stealing the celebrity in question, you have the option of locking them in for a certain amount of time so that said celebrity cannot be stolen away from you right away. All very exciting, lemme' tell you. *rolls eyes*

So FUN is on my list of people I play against and over just the last few days she's up $20K. So as a celebrity agent, what do I do? I check out her celebrities to find her money-maker celeb. I find her and I swipe her. Fast and hard, hitting below the belt by locking her. Bwahahaha! She's mine!

I leave home to go watch my daughter play in her hockey game and arrive back awhile later to find a crazy-assed IM from FUN. It read:

Miss Koolio...what ya' doin'? I see Obama on your list all the time, he's available and I don't take him...because I don't do that to friends.

*blank stare*

Did I forget to mention that this lunatic is over 50 years old?! I really hope she's not wondering why she's still single. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, I responded to her IM with an Email. In true Koolio form, it was entitled GET OVER IT. Heh.

Of all the people on here, I never expected YOU to whine about PLAYING A GAME. Since it seems you never read the purpose behind Celebrity Agent, you are supposed to steal others celebs in order to make money. I was playing the GAME, you're just kvetching about it.

Honestly, I am very surprised with myself for even dignifying your ridiculousness over such a thing with a reply but even more surprised that you're acting like a 3 year old. Go throw your tizzy elsewhere, I'm not interested.

With that, I deleted her from my friend's list. Silly perhaps, but if I have one less crackpot in my life, the better it is for me. Then I wrote in my status bar...

Koolio says FYI - if you contact me to whine about how you think I'm not playing an FB GAME fairly, I have 3 words for you - GROW UP and "defriend". Have a nice day.

Her response to me:

Koolio...You're right not to have expected me to whine...I wasn't whining in fact I'm surprised u took the remark so seriously.

STOP! Just back the fuck up!! Did I misread something when she sent me an IM clearly complaining to me about my playing the game in what she thought was an unfair manner? Please, someone tell me! And if she wasn't serious, then what was the purpose of sending me the IM in the first place?!

She continued:

Your prerogative, of course...and if you ever feel like being on my list again, feel free.

Okay, that last part was laughable. If I ever want to be on her list again? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! How was she able to turn this around on me and make me look like I was to blame for her bad behavior?!

I'm undecided as to whether I should ream her out or move on. On one hand, reaming her out would be so fulfilling, on the other hand, haven't I wasted enough time on this fucknut??!

Oh by the way...I'm making a buttload of money off that celeb I stole from her! And the sweet part about the whole thing is that she's no longer on my friend's list which means she's no longer someone who can play against me in Celebrity Agent and she can't steal her celeb back.

Ahh, sweet reward. *insert big evil grin here*

ya' know what sucks?

Waking up in the morning and being annoyed with some of you bloggers. Yes, YOU! Not all of you, just some of you. And being annoyed with people I don't even know but nevertheless, yes, annoyed.

Why? Well, every so often I mention on here how sorry I am that I haven't been able to get to your blogs and that I will read them when I can find time to come up from air. Apparently, some of you out there don't believe me when I tell you that being a single, full-time mom is hard work. I've been busy. Super busy, in fact. I was on the go for weeks before my kids went on spring break, then they were away with their dad for their break and while I did get some downtime, I also worked on several projects that I'd had on my TO DO list for some time, some being on there for over a year. So not even then did I get a chance to read any blogs.

Then my kids came home from spring break and their sports started right back up and I had to take my daughter to a Twilight party when the DVD was released because, as you may know, Twilight has a huge cult following and my daughter is one of their newest members. If I ever see her with her eyes all glazed over and handing out flowers on a street corner, I'll kill her...but forgive me for going off on a small tangent.

So I bought a bunch of Twilight crap, over-priced shit I promised I wouldn't buy, all in the name of love I guess, came home and was told that I will now redecorate her room with a Twilight theme. Well fuck me!! With all due respect to my daughter, when I repainted her room a few years ago, a theme was never included so I'm more than happy to oblige.

Then, on top of everything else, I made the poor choice of fucking around with my blog and now everything is wonky. Too many fonts, some that shouldn't even be there. Don't ask me to explain, I'm sure y'all can see for yourselves.

In any case, there are some of you out there who decided to choose shitty templates for your blogs where not all of us can read dark print on dark backgrounds because we've been wearing glasses since the age of 3 and/or don't have super-human X-ray vision. Or something like that. And out of courtesy I mentioned that to you, you know who you are, but you still remove me from your links because I haven't visited your blog lately. HAVE YOU VISITED MINE??????? Then there are those whose blogs take forever and a day to load and who the fuck has the time for that?! I have pee to wipe, children to chauffeur (or however the fuck you spell that word), air to breathe and a shitload of Facebooking to take care of! In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite...GOD!!!

So here I am getting all perturbed over strangers. Stupid, yes I know. But as I'm visiting your blogs, I'm finding too many of you have already given up on me and have deleted me from your links and while it's certainly your choice to do that, I think it's rude. Does all that free advertising you provide of others' blogs take up so much space that you have to make room for those people who hang on your every word and ' lol' at everything you say? I realize I haven't been the best blogging friend but I don't feel like I need to offer anyone excuses/reasons as to why I haven't been to "see" you. So in any case, don't be too surprised if you visit me and find yourself among the deleted here. I don't provide free advertising for those of you who don't reciprocate. Just sayin'.

And to those of you who haven't yet given up on me, thank you.

credit card machines of the world unite!!

Well, it's been quite the week. It actually feels longer than a week since I last blogged with all the shit I've had going on. I apologize for my absence, it's not that I didn't try blogging, it's just that I didn't have enough time to write a complete post at one sitting and when I'd go back to it later, the post seemed so pointless, I'd abandon it. During the week, the thought of taking a break from blogging crossed my mind more than once. I don't find myself having a lot to blog about these days and when I do, as I said above, I really don't have a whole lot of time. Anyway, onto the post...I'll start backwards first...boy, that sounded stupid. Heh.

My kids left around 7pm this evening on their spring break journey with their dad to a resort somewhere in the Florida keys. Not five minutes after leaving, my daughter called me for the first time, crying hysterically about how much she missed me. About an hour into their ride, the same thing. Hopefully, she'll settle down once they start having fun but I have a feeling this is going to be a long week. *heavy sigh*

So how am I trying to take my mind off of things? I'm watching Hot Girls in Scary Places. Yes, I've resorted to watching three bimbo cheerleaders from USC in a paranormal investigation of an old mental hospital. It's quite amusing to say the least.

For those of you who remembered, today was Friday the 13th. I didn't see any strange characters in beat-up hockey masks roaming the streets carrying threatening weapons but as far as I could tell, the world was conspiring against me! I had some errands to do and at three separate locations, the credit card machine one swipes their cards through stopped working as I approached the counters to check out. It was beyond weird.

Happy Pi Day to all who celebrated today! My son and some other brave souls in the middle school, stood up in front of the entire middle school to spout off as many digits of Pi as they possibly could. The other night, my son knew 37 but I knew that wasn't going to be enough so I found a site that had some more digits and thirty minutes later, he knew 50. Then I found the Pi Day site that had one million digits of Pi and I thought it would be so cool for him to do that! When he was younger, he had a photographic memory but unfortunately, he never worked on developing it so he lost his Midas touch. If he still had it, he probably could have taken one look at the long list of digits and easily recited them in front of his classmates. Alas, he made it up to 57 before messing up which is great in my opinion, certainly better than I could ever do! One of his classmates took home a $10 gift certificate to the school bookstore for reciting 150 digits. Not bad at all! The digits, $10 doesn't buy bupkis at the school store!

Earlier this week, my son's baseball team pulled off a gutsy win to their formidable opponents. I was actually kind of surprised given that there are some really seasoned players and some kids who are just trying their hand at the sport for the first time. But win or lose, this year especially, I've really enjoyed watching both my kids show their individuality and express themselves through their differences and likes.

So I guess that's it for now and for the time being. I will be around to your blogs when I can but don't expect any new posts from me. I'm not saying I won't write here and there, I'm just saying that for the time being, it's last on my list. Hope y'all are doing well and enjoy your weekends!

onto more important matters

This past week was quite hectic as my son's basketball playoffs began Monday night and what a week it was! This is one of my longer posts so if you don't care for long, detailed posts then I won't be offended if you choose to bypass this. Otherwise, grab your beverage of choice and let's get down to business!

Monday night's game was against a school that my son's team barely beat during the regular season. And, what seems to be our team's M.O., the boys started off strong and became progressively sloppy towards the end of the game. If they thought the first time they played this team was close, I'd say the final score of 32 to 31 was a tad closer!

But they pulled it off and they moved onto the next round. I was torn between who I wanted them to play - the Baptist school with a boy that was also on the school's football team this past fall who threatened to kill each of the boys on our team or the Christian school, who thought they were hot shit and they could beat everyone. The latter was also the school with the coach who had a big fucking mouth, the same man who once worked as a coach at my kids' school but was fired due to being arrested for DUI and trying to sell drugs to the students.

As luck would have it, Tuesday night we had to play the latter. Us parents rather despise this school for the coach mainly as he instructs his kids to play aggressively. Too aggressively. Within 30 seconds of the game starting, one boy turned around and intentionally pushed one of our kids down with great force. Us parents were so angry, we started screaming to the ref to take the kid out. He did not as the kid was brought over to the coach who either told him to calm down or to do it again, I can't be sure. Whatever he told him, he and another one of his teammates consistently pushed our kids around throughout the game, clearly not being able to control themselves. At one point, I screamed out at the coach that he needed to instruct his kids how to play the game properly. I'll say this...it was a small gymnasium, the noise didn't have far to travel and my negative words attracted the attention of the parents of the opposing team.

To demonstrate the anger problem these boys had, at one point during the game, another boy got tripped up by one of our boys, our boy fell and this boy stood over him with his fist drawn back as if he wanted to punch him! Folks, it was truly shocking how angry some of these 11 and 12 year olds appeared to be but then again, with a coach like that, it wasn't unbelievable.

I had brought with me what I refer to as my Bag of Distractions - a bag full of children's toy instruments that my daughter had collected from her old playthings earlier that day. At the first game of the playoffs, I told parents that I had such noisemakers and I was determined to do whatever I had to to distract the opposing team. At this second game, some of our team's spectators participated along with me and when the other school's team were taking foul shots, we were hooting, hollering, shaking bells, clicking sticks and our strategy was working. It may not have been the most appropriate behavior but it's not like we booed, hissed, told the refs they sucked (which they did), etc.. In fact, after the game, some bitch, a mother of one of the boys on the opposing team, told me from afar that I signed a contract at the beginning of the year that I would not say or do things that would constitute as being mean. I corrected her that I did not do anything that was mean and that she was one to talk since she had a son who clearly needed an anger management course or a few months in juvenile detention. I then turned to a friend and said that my son's dad had signed the contract this year so as far as I was concerned, none of those rules applied to me. *wink*

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Close to the end of the game, one of the pushers was injured. I'm not sure of the details because I looked away at the moment it happened and the next thing I saw was this kid laying on the ground, grabbing his ankle so I don't know if one of our boys unintentionally did something or if this kid was just an asshole and Karma bit him on the ass. I'm assuming the latter occurred.

All throughout the game, one particular ref was making regular traveling calls on our boys and our coach had had enough. Now keep in mind, that this is a man whom us parents never once heard yelling at our boys or instructing them in loud, unproductive ways while they were in motion on the court and how he was able to remain calm through the entire season, is beyond me. Anyway, he fought the call and threw a tantrum like no other! No two-year old with the Terrible Twos would ever be able to do a tantrum justice as this man did! The ref immediately ejected him not only from the game, but from the building! I wish I could have taken a picture of this but it happened too quickly! And the priceless expression on our boys' faces when they realized they had no coach was another missed photo opportunity!

I turned around and told the person who shall not be mentioned here, who was sitting a few rows behind me, that someone had to go to them. There were just a few minutes left in the game and they couldn't do this alone. One of the other fathers flew down from the stands like OJ running from the scene of a murder and helped coach the boys to victory. Actually, I'm not sure what he really did to help other than make sure the boys knew they weren't alone. We were not only very proud of our boys, but we were glad to have put this other team in their place especially since they had been boasting ahead of time how much our team stunk and that they were going to win with ease. Yeah, whatever you little fuckers. It was a perfect sight watching these boys walk away with their tails between their legs.

Am I mean? Am I insensitive to these children? Those of you who've been with me for awhile know that I have a hard time tolerating other peoples' children so please, especially those who deserve to be in a prison cell, so ask me if I care.

After the game, a few things happened. The opposing team's coach came out with his arm around the boy who had an ankle injury and the boy was clearly injured and was crying. My insensitive, bitchy, black-hearted side did not permit me to feel any amount of sympathy for him. Again, Karma. You do something negative, it comes back to you tenfold. Sorry y'all if that makes me a bad person but you had to be there to understand how I felt. Unfortunately for me, his mother overheard me and told me I showed unsportsmanlike conduct. Now, I will admit that there are times I can't control myself and this was one of them! I burst out laughing in her face and said "That's pretty funny coming from the mother of a child who can't control his temper on the court!". I continued to howl with laughter at her comment while I walked to my car! Let's just say that I'm surprised I haven't received any death threats since then.

I later heard a few other stories. A father of a boy on our team, who was exploding with some very loud, negative comments throughout the game, was approached by a father on the other team who actually pushed him! Now I'm not sure what this guy was thinking when he decided approaching a tall, 300 pound black man was a good idea but he did and extended his hand as if to shake it. So Ben, the father of a boy on our team, took his hand and held on tight as this man decided to call him an awful fan, blah, blah fucking blah, and Ben just stood there, holding on and smiling. Finally, this other man knew he was screwed when he couldn't get his hand out from under Ben's grip and actually screamed and pushed Ben away from him, trying to make it look like Ben was assaulting him!

As for our boys' coach, I found out from his wife that he was really mad about the score of the first game our boys had played. Afterwards, he told our boys that they were better than that and they have a tendency to become too sure of themselves and, in turn, slip up. As for the father who ran out of the stands to be with our boys in those last few minutes of the game, the coach had a discussion with him prior to the game that he should be ready as he was so angry he thought he was going to be kicked out of the game!

So onto the championships we went and Thursday night was the big game. Our boys were playing the #1 team and the only game these kids had lost during the regular season was to us so we knew we could beat them and our boys were pumped and ready.

Prior to the game, I made a promise to myself that I would behave! My whole reason for behaving "badly" at the second game was just because I hated the coach and his team and they deserved to be taught a lesson. Yes I know, unsportsmanlike thoughts. Whatever. If my religion believed in hell, trust me, I realize I'd already be there! Anyway, the father who was assaulted agreed with me and we went in there thinking may the best team win. Well, that was short-lived!

As it turns out, the coach of our boys' team had been ejected from the rest of the tournament and was not permitted to coach the last game. Prior to the game, he met with the father who had come down out of the stands and talked to him about what needed to be done. When our coach entered the gymnasium to sit in the stands with the rest of us, we gave him a standing ovation.

Thankfully, we had more fans on our side than on previous nights and we were loud, boisterous and well, a bit on the obnoxious side. After the second quarter, I abandoned the promise I'd made to myself and started the hooting and hollering when the opposing team was making their foul shots. Let me just add, that I was not the only one. There were people who were screaming louder than I and others who were actually stomping their feet quite loudly. To say that this game was intense, is putting it mildly! It was back and forth with our team ahead then their team ahead and then our team pulling ahead of them once again. At the final buzzer, it was tied and we were going into overtime.

Back and forth again and five minutes later, we pulled off the win and our kids were literally doing back flips on the court! And then...the shit started flying.

Two women, mothers of boys on the opposing team, came down out of the stands, stood right in front of me and gave me the hairy eyeball while they discussed loudly how obnoxious I was. Yep me, just me. But me being a team-player, took it for the team! With a smile on my face I gladly agreed with their observation before taking a generous sip of water from my bottle, I held it up as if to toast them and gave them a tooth-filled grin. Then, without missing a beat, I asked her if she'd like me to call her the WAAAAHHHMBULANCE and then told her to get over it, that it was a game and to grow up.

Well, I had done it again! Like the boys working it in overtime, my mouth was working it in overtime! This woman was giving me the stink eye like there was no tomorrow and I was walking around telling all the parents to take a look at how pathetic this woman is. Oh yeah, I was working it alright, having fun yet making a really terrible situation for myself even worse! When she approached a woman that I am acquainted with through my kids' school (she's the mother of one of my son's classmates) and this woman looked back at me as if to say "Yep, I know her and she is obnoxious.", that's when I got mad. Don't get me wrong, I didn't act out or do anything to this woman or my acquaintance but this acquaintance has pretended to be my friend before and let's just say that she has picked the wrong person to fuck with.

Anyway, the mother who didn't care for me was waiting around as if she was going to pounce on me if given the opportunity. I was too busy enjoying our kids' celebration on the court, with us parents taking numerous photos of them holding the trophy. Eventually, this woman gave up and disappeared.

You may think that I enjoy confrontations but I don't. I was actually very nervous that this woman was going to approach me outside of the building and I felt it necessary to have someone excort me to my car. The reason I was nervous is that even though I despise confrontations, when I am engaged in them I tend to let my temper get the better of me and who the hell knows what would have flown out of my mouth had she said something! I, for one, certainly didn't want there to be a fist fight in the middle of the parking lot! I'm there at such events for one reason alone, to cheer my team on. I don't set out to make enemies and I'm certainly not there to intentionally piss people off but I'm also never one to back down from someone's words. I wish I could warn these people ahead of time that engaging in a war of words with me is a losing battle but I'm not there to be friends with them, only to enjoy my children and their teammates.

Then, the person who shall not be mentioned here decided it was necessary to tell me that some of the people saying shit about me were his co-workers and how embarrassed he was of me. Ya' know what? GOOD! I'm glad he was embarrassed and I hope they gave him a hard time because frankly, I couldn't give a flying Fig Newton what these people thought of me! I'm not the one who has to work side-by-side with them day after day and have to hide because I'm a big fucking pussy! I'm certain he had a lot of choice words for me to his co-workers...as he always did even when we were married in his usual snide, joking-but-non-humorous way. But that's not what got me angry. What got me angry is when my son came back from the celebratory dinner at a local pizza place and told me that his dad told him that everyone at the game thought I was obnoxious!

Was that necessary for him to tell my son that? That's like my asking people if the person who shall not be mentioned here should be permitted to survive in this world. It's a rhetorical question.

What's so amusing about all this, is that in the final seconds of the game, my son and his teammates motioned for all of us to stand up and go nuts so we gladly obliged. What's even funnier, is that with all the hooting and hollering we did to distract the kids on the opposing team, their fans did the same exact thing to our kids!!! But yet, I'm the obnoxious one. Again, I'll proudly where this badge of honor and take it for the team!

Here's what I have to say to that...I am a parent who loves watching her kids perform in whatever sport they choose. I will always be the supportive parent who cheers her child on no matter what others say or think about me. I have NEVER nor will I ever, demonstrate the ridiculous, negative behavior that these other parents demonstrated towards me. In fact, when there was just seconds left in the game and one of our kids was making a foul shot with the opposing team going apeshit trying to distract him, I turned around to a friend sitting behind me, laughed hysterically and said "Oops! I think I've created a monster!". When someone on the opposing team makes a good play, I have always acknowledged that with a nod of my head, a smile or applause. If our children had lost last night, I would have certainly been disappointed, but I would have never directed my anger and disappointed towards other people and blamed them for something so ridiculous as cheering my child onto victory.

Anyway, today our kids are champions and us parents couldn't be more proud. And without further ado, I'd like to introduce to y'all, the 2009 6th grade basketball champions...

And as a side note, our boys made school history as no other 6th grade boys basketball team has ever won a championship!

it's a sad day in the Koolio household

Right now I'm mad. Mad because I should be thrilled to pieces over my son and the rest of his 6th grade basketball team became the league champions this evening but it's what happened afterwards that has my insides doing flip flops.

You see this evening, Jasper attacked Schwartz for the last time. This time, he drew blood. Right now, Schwartz is contemplating a chew toy, while his stomach and ear drip blood. And I'm so mad right now...well, I don't think there are words to accurately describe how I feel right now.

I'm beyond furious at Jasper because this has happened every single fucking day since we adopted him. Clearly, this dog is not good with other dogs and/or cats as we were told. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to continue and everyday thinking it would get better. Obviously, it has only gotten only worse. And despite the tremendous agony and guilt I feel over this decision, I know it's for the best. I will tell you more about this situation sometime in the next day or so when I've had time to calm down.

My kids understand that this is no longer two dogs having a spat and they know that Schwartz's safety is now involved. So tomorrow, Jasper is going back to the shelter, Schwartz is going to the vet where he will probably need stitches for something and antibiotics to help him heal and I will hopefully be in a better mood to tell you all about my son's basketball championship and why big mouths and basketball moms don't go hand-in-hand.

Until then...

support your local geeks

This is a warning to all you Best Buy shoppers - Best Buy is great when it comes to reasonably-priced household appliances and techy gadgets and gizmos, but do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take your computers to The Geek Squad.

Take it from this dissatisfied customer, it's not worth the temper tantrum you will throw.

I thought I had written back in January about my son's computer problems, but either I'm blind, which is always a possibility, and can't find the post or I didn't actually write about it. In any case, my son's computer browser stopped working and he couldn't access the Internet which meant that he couldn't play his Internet games or AIM his friends. Gasp! The horror! Anyway, I took it to Best Buy to have it evaluated by The Geek Squad. The way I figured it was the computer was still considered new since I had just purchased it in September, and it was under warranty so if it needed fixing, they could fix it and it wouldn't cost me that much in the process.

The latter is a misconception. The Geek Squad is not part of Best Buy, they only rent space from them so Best Buy endorses them. The Geek Squad was not willing to offer me any great deals just because I had purchased the computer from the same store they were in. Fuckers.

But that's not really the beef I have with them.

Two weeks ago today I dropped the computer off for a full diagnostic. The first expected completion date read January 31st - one week since dropping off the computer. On a separate piece of paper, the expected completion date read February 2nd. Either/or, it was past both expected completion dates and I was determined to find out once and for all WTF was going on with the computer!

Deep inside, however, my psychic abilities had already kicked it into high gear and I knew before I even entered the store yesterday that they hadn't even touched my computer. Sure enough, I was right.

The geek punched in my information, returned from the back room where they store the computers needing work with an "Uh oh, this 'puter ain't done!" expression on his face and broke the bad news to me. I gestured to him to give me my computer, I was taking it with me. At the same time, I told him I wanted to speak to a store manager. Not quite sure why it took him five more minutes to plug in information into their computers, get me the computer and then get me a manager, but it did.

Why did I want the store manager? Well, aside from the fact that they hadn't fixed my computer in the alloted timeframe, I had tried calling the store five separate times on Monday afternoon to find out the status on my computer, each time waiting several minutes for someone to answer and no one ever answered the fucking phone. Not at the Geek Squad desk nor any sales associate within the entire store. I tried calling once a day thereafter and even then, no one ever answered the fucking phone.

I'm talking Best Buy here, people! I'm not talking some little mom-and-pop set-up where one person at a time occupies the store and may need to leave on his lunch break, I'm talking a big fucking store with at least 50 employees working the store at a time. Not one of them was able to answer the phone?!

He got my computer and went over to a fellow geek who came over to see me. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

Aside from global warming and there not being world peace, I told him that it was a problem that I asked for a store manager and that given the 'Geek Squad' printed on his shirt, clearly he was not a store manager. But I told him what the problem was anyway and he asked me "Well, didn't the person who helped you tell you that it was a 3-4 week turnaround time?". NOTE: everything in italics except for the cursing, were my exact words...

No [dipshit]. I was told a 1-2 week turnaround time and if the guy assisting me had told me it would have been a 3-4 week turnaround time, then I most certainly would have not left my computer here.

"Even so," he said, "It clearly states on the contract you signed that we're entitled to change the turnaround time at our descretion."

And clearly, [asshole], if you tell someone that you will have it done for them within a certain timeframe, then you either have it done for them or you learn how to pick up that little device otherwise known as a 'telephone' and give what's called a 'courtesy call' so that the person isn't wondering where their computer is. But given that I tried calling you guys several times this week alone and there's not a phone anywhere on your counter here, I can understand why you wouldn't even think of calling me to inform me about my computer or would have heard your phone ringing because you don't have a [fucking] phone! Now get me a store manager!

Having waited another five minutes, I saw out of the corner of my eye a store manager approach the counter.

"Yeah?". (No seriously, that's how the store manager greeted me.)

I gave her the evil death glare. I tried to get deathly, skin-piercing laser beams to shoot from my eyeballs but my Super Duper Skin-piercing Eye Laser Beams must have been on the fritz.

"Yeah"? That's how you greet your customers?

Staring. "What can I help you with, ma'am?".

Oh there's the proper customer service you must have briefly lost along with your brain cells! (yes, I did say that, too.)

I then explained again what happened but emphasized the phone calling and how no one in her store answered.

"Oh...sorry."

That's all you have to say?!

"Hmmm...well, we're very busy."

Honestly folks, I thought I was being punked and that someone from the new and improved Candid Camera show was going to jump out and surprise me that all this professionalism I was being treated with was just a really bad joke being played on me.

We're all busy, you moron! I yelled at her, grabbed my receipt, got her name and the Geek Squad manager's name so I can report them later to Best Buy's corporate headquarters, called them "incompetent idiots" (redundant, I know), not only at full volume but also made sure to enunciate so that everyone within a 100 foot radius could hear me clearly.

Upon walking away, I heard her wishing me a great day in the most sarcastic voice I've ever heard. She is who they hired to manage the store. Brilliant. I guess she thinks that after I'm done reporting her to the company that she'll still have a job by the end of the week.

But the story's not done.

I whisked my computer away to a small mom-and-pop computer shop that I had taken my computer to once before. At 4pm yesterday afternoon, Tweaks by Geeks had fixed my son's computer.

WHAT!!