now just wait a cotton pickin' minute!!!

Nike Air Rift sneakers. Designed on the principle of the African runners who run barefoot. I'm not a runner but I do know cool when I see it! Very comfortable sneakers. Lightweight, feels like you're walking on air. Or in bare feet. Not really but they are comfortable.

When they first came out years ago, the were in the $80 to $90 range. I'd wanted a pair for a really long time but Nike doesn't make them in abundance anymore, the ones they do offer on their site are in ridiculous patterns, I'm not gonna' pay that kind of money for a houndstooth pattern on my sneakers and they're not sold in stores. So when I did a little Googling a week or so ago and found a pair for $65, no tax and no shipping and handling, I thought it was too good to be true.

Nevertheless, as I mentioned yesterday, I received my sneakers in the mail yesterday. All the way from Shanghai, China. Hmmm....

I was organizing my receipts earlier today to be filed away and I found the receipt to the shoes. On the bottom of the receipt were the following charges:

$314.00

$4.00 (shipping)

Total: $319.00


I'm sorry...

"Watchu talkin' about, Willis?!"

Clearly, this is not right. Not only did it say on the online form I filled out that one pair of Nike Air Rift sneakers cost $64.99 but I have a receipt to prove it.

Thankfully, I checked my credit card statement and the proper amount was listed on it. Phew! If anyone has any thoughts to what those charges are on the receipt provided with my sneakers, please feel free to enlighten me!

And if luck would have it...

As I was examining my credit card statement, I did happen to spot a strange charge on it! I called the number provided on my statement and the company sells running equipment.

Huh?! Last time I checked, I had exercise-induced asthma, bad knees and, oh yeah, I DON'T FUCKING RUN!!!!

I've never had to dispute a charge before. I called my credit card company and while I was on hold waiting for a customer service representative, I saw something odd about this transaction - it was made with my Suntrust Visa credit card. The very same one that should have stopped working once I activated my new Bank of America credit card.

Motherfuckers. Someone out there is dying to get their ass kicked.

So now I have to play the waiting game since it takes a payment period or two before the dispute is resolved. In the meantime, I was instructed to contact the merchant to find out WTF is going on. Since they don't have weekend working hours, I had to send an Email asking them to have a representative from their company respond to my Email so that this issue can be properly resolved.

Guess what?! Not ten minutes after sending the Email message to the company did I get a response back. Here's how it started:

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that the auto renewal caught you off guard.

The charge is for your VIP membership renewal. As stated in your club handbook, this renewal is automatic for the convenience of our members. If we caught you by surprise, we apologize, this was not our intention.


*shakes head*

There's more but it would be pointless to bore you with the mindless words of a person who is clearly illiterate. What is it going to take to make this twat understand that I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FUCKING MEMBER AND I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE ANY FUCKING CHARGES ON A NON-WORKING CREDIT CARD?!?!??!?!

This whole dispute is going to make me go on a murder rampage. Dumbassmotherfuckingdouchebagassmunchers.

more reasons not to like that "friend"

Allow me to start this post with the following statement...sometimes I really feel like I'm still back in high school with the horse shit that I have to deal with.

Last week "that friend" called me a few times. The first time, she called and I let it go to voicemail. She asked if she had the right baseball field where our kids were supposed to practice that afternoon and to only return the call if they were having practice elsewhere. She had the right field and I didn't return the call.

The next day, she called and I chose to let it go to voicemail again. She claimed she was calling to say 'hi' and to see how I was but after the first time she called, it dawned on me that a good bit of the time that she calls me it's to ask me something about baseball. If she would ever check her Email, in which the coach messages us at least once a day, she wouldn't have to call me about it but that's a whole other story. Anyway, because I had this revelation, I chose not to return her call. And also because I was going to see her two hours later for a baseball game.

The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me that afternoon was not "Hi, how are you?" but "I've been trying to call you." as if I shouldn't be hesitating to answer her calls. I told her I received her messages but I figured since we were going to see each other, I would just talk to her at the field. I ask y'all, is there anything wrong with that or do I need to be talking to her as I'm driving up to the baseball field and parking right next to her?! I guess that didn't sit well with her because instead of sitting next to me, she sat at the opposite end of the bleachers. Yeah, okay, whatever, I'm not at your beck and call, sister! I can't be bothered with someone being offended by something like that. I've got my own life with my own shit to deal with, if I stopped to answer every single fucking call that came in, I would never get anything done. Some people just really need to get over themselves.

At some point during the game, she complained that she was cold from the breeze. It was 75 degrees out, people. The breeze was warm and lovely and she was wearing heavy jeans with a long-sleeved shirt. I guess I shouldn't expect everyone to be warm-blooded. Anyway, she parked her car across the field so she would still have direct view of the game and where she could stay out of the frigid weather. *snicker* She called me periodically throughout the game to find out the inning and the score and during one of those conversations, we got onto the topic of how she wanted to take walks with me in the morning after we dropped the kids off at school. Cool, I'm always up for exercise and friendly conversation. She lives in a fabulous house on a very nice street but outside this little community near where our kids' school is located, is predominately lower class families and she refers to this area as 'the hood'. Not very nice but that's not the point. The point is, she's afraid to take walks in her own neighborhood by herself and the gal she usually walks with hasn't been interested in taking walks for the past few months. I mentioned since I'm already in the neighborhood at that time of day and that's the best time of day for me to walk, that I would walk with her since I enjoy the exercise as well. Suddenly, it was all on her terms. Suddenly, she had to do this, that and the other thing in the morning and the best time for her to walk was in the afternoon right before we picked up our kids from school.

Listen up, you fucking bitch! I just offered to walk with you because you're petrified to do it alone. I told you when I could do it and it wasn't up for debate, so if you want me to keep you company so that you're not frightened of your own fucking neighbors, you'll walk when I can walk! I'm doing you a fucking favor, fuck-ryingoutloud!

Rrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, back to the story...

I was sitting here today waiting for my kids to return home from their dad's, and the evil demon-child from across the street rang the bell. I expected him to ring my bell 'til it was broken because that's usually what he does just because he gets extreme pleasure out of watching our dog go into a Cujo-frenzy, barking 'til he's horse. He gets sick pleasure out of torturing our dog. Can you say "future serial killer"?!

In any case, whenever I'm home alone, I don't answer the door for anyone, especially that child. I do not care for him one bit. There are many reasons behind this but I will only mention one of them since it pertains to "that friend".

A month or so ago, we saw the demon-child's mother at the same baseball field that our kids were practicing at. I asked "that friend" who used to live in this subdivision and who is friendly with the child's mother (if y'all recall, this is the only person whom "that friend" would move back to this subdivision for) what she thought about the demon-child. She paused for awhile to search for the right words so I knew she felt the same about him as I. I told her some of the things that he's done and she seemed equally annoyed with him.

Let me stop there for a minute to tell you a little bit about myself. If someone confides in me for any reason, I will always hold that confidence. I am a very trustworthy person and unless you tell me it's okay to mention something to others, I do not say a word. Ever.

So the demon-child came to my house this afternoon and rang the bell. I thought it was my kids coming home the way the dog was barking and all, but it was that evil thing and I luckily retreated back here to my desk without being seen. I waited and waited, expecting the incessant bell-ringing to commence. It did not. About ten minutes later it dawned on me..."that fucking cunt friend" told his mother what I said about her child!!!

Now I know what some of you are saying, "Before you accuse anyone, are you sure that she told the mother?" and I can honestly say without going over there and asking the demon-child's mother myself, I am 100% sure she told her. I mean seriously folks, why else would this kid just suddenly change his ways when he gets so much pleasure out of watching my dog go nuts? There's really no other explanation. I [unfortunately] know how this kid's mind works.

For all those out there who are reluctant to believe how positive I am that "that friend" told my neighbor, here's proof...there have been times before where I've discussed personal things about the person who shall not be mentioned here with "that friend" only for her to tell me that she was going to talk to him about what I had spoken about just to try to help resolve things between us even after I told her not to say anything. I'm pretty sure she never opened up her mouth because the person who shall not be mentioned here is not afraid to give me an earful if he's heard or seen something I've done that has anything to do with him but even so, I can fight my own battles, thankyouverymuch!! If I wanted to resolve anything with him, I would do it myself not through some third party who clearly doesn't know her asshole from her elbow.

This is my fucking neighbor! She lives directly across the street from me and I see her every day. Do you know how this makes me look and feel?!

I'll conclude this post with one question: how fucking more uncool can one person be?

the emergency broadcast system...on crack

"This is the Emergency Broadcast System. In case of an actual emergency, Koolio would have taken her son's baseball bat to the fucking TV set."

Rrrrrrrr.

Remember when we were younger and the EBS gave us those monthly required tests? Usually during that one scene of a program we didn't want to miss?!

I'm not sure how it is where y'all live, but here we have weekly tests. With that bright green screen and the incessant beeping that is just begging to trigger one of my outstanding, throbbing migraines.

Only this morning it was different.

The screen was black and it read that it was a monthly required test.

And then there was another monthly required test a few minutes later. I thought maybe I had an alcohol-induced black out, minus the alcohol, and during that time a whole month had passed but when a weekly required test started beeping at me a few minutes later, I knew something was squirrely.

So far this morning, there has been one weekly required test and about a bazillion monthly required tests. With the new colored screen. I guess black must be the new green. The beeping, however, is still obnoxious only toned down a notch. Motherfuckers couldn't change it to Mozart? Or Jimmy Hendrix?! For the love of Pete (not to disrespect Pete, whomever he may be), I would have even taken Britney Spears whining her way through Womanizer!

And someone please explain to me why Schwartz's fur smells like Doritos?!?!??!