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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

the emergency broadcast system...on crack

"This is the Emergency Broadcast System. In case of an actual emergency, Koolio would have taken her son's baseball bat to the fucking TV set."


Remember when we were younger and the EBS gave us those monthly required tests? Usually during that one scene of a program we didn't want to miss?!

I'm not sure how it is where y'all live, but here we have weekly tests. With that bright green screen and the incessant beeping that is just begging to trigger one of my outstanding, throbbing migraines.

Only this morning it was different.

The screen was black and it read that it was a monthly required test.

And then there was another monthly required test a few minutes later. I thought maybe I had an alcohol-induced black out, minus the alcohol, and during that time a whole month had passed but when a weekly required test started beeping at me a few minutes later, I knew something was squirrely.

So far this morning, there has been one weekly required test and about a bazillion monthly required tests. With the new colored screen. I guess black must be the new green. The beeping, however, is still obnoxious only toned down a notch. Motherfuckers couldn't change it to Mozart? Or Jimmy Hendrix?! For the love of Pete (not to disrespect Pete, whomever he may be), I would have even taken Britney Spears whining her way through Womanizer!

And someone please explain to me why Schwartz's fur smells like Doritos?!?!??!

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Blogger Charlie said...

During all those tests, how many times did you bend over, put your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye? You're probably pooped.

Which reminds me of Schwartz. He obviously found your stash and has been having a Doritos festival. You'll know for sure when he pukes.

I'm a big help, aren't I.

February 25, 2009 at 11:23 AM  
Anonymous Giggle Pixie said...

Ours are still monthly here. What I hate is how loud and obnoxious that "ERRRRRR...ERRRRRRRR...ERRRRRRR" is that announces the test. I sometimes turn the TV up loud so I can hear it as I move from room to room cleaning, and then that sound will come on and blast our ears out!

February 25, 2009 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger derfina said...

Every time they air here, the birds go bonkers and I get to listen to them replay it for the next thirty minutes.

February 25, 2009 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger Tug said...

I haven't seen one of those on TV in 100 years (give or take a few). Radio has them all the time, but I seriously couldn't tell you the last time I saw one on TV.

February 25, 2009 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Our closest news station aquired a doppler thingy and has to get its money's worth out of it.

In the spring---every freaking day it seems like---they have to interrupt Judge Judy with an important news bulletin that a blizzard or a tornado is hovering over the northeast corner of the state.

Those people don't even get the &^%$$^&!** station fer chrisssakes! It would take a minimum of 6 hours for it to reach our area, and you can't wait an hour to show it on the 5 o'clock news?


February 27, 2009 at 6:25 AM  
OpenID honeywine said...

I'm not sure I would WANT to know why the dog smells like Doritos. Something tells me the answer can't be good. lol I hate those tests. Want fun? Live on an Army base just across the street from the hurricane sirens that they test all afternoon long every 3 weeks or so. I can still hear it.

March 3, 2009 at 1:42 PM  

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