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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

word of the day

Okay kids, get out a #2 pencil and a lined piece of paper.

Today's word of the day is...


Now don't go cheating and try to Google for a definition 'cause it's not a real word. It was one of those obnoxious verification words I had to type in before commenting on someone's blog and I wanted to see how creative y'all were today.

Hell, maybe even some of you will be funny too! *wink*

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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

even i think this is funny

Several weeks ago, while getting my dose of the trashy magazine I like to read, I noticed an advertisement.

It's not really the advertisement that's important, it's the woman in the advertisement who caught my attention.

My daughter noticed it too...

(heh) "She looks a lot like you when you broke your ankles."

And she was right.

Don't look at the shitty quality of the image.

Don't look at Julia Louis Dreyfus' face...'cause we don't look a damn thing alike. Although I really want her hair.

Don't look at her dress.

Or her shoes.

Do pay attention to the expression on her face and the way her feet are positioned.

click to enlarge

was totally me.

She looks funny with twisted ankles and the "Oh fuck me!" expression! However, looking at her ankles alone makes me cringe. I can remember the chain of events leading directly up to my tumble down the stairs. Looking at an image that resembles my experience is amusing but my actual experience? Not so much!!

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

as the blog turns

First there was my mystery man who thought it cute to conceal his phone number and identity when calling me. Oooo, a man from my past, how exciting. *inserts finger in mouth and gags*

Then, there was the dude from Fakebook (not a typo) who just a few weeks ago, decided to, in jest I'll assume, make a rude and unnecessary comment to me during an IM chat and I haven't spoken to him since. A few days ago, I noticed he had written me a cryptic message on my Fakebook profile...


Yep, that was it.
Since he wrote nothing more, I had no choice but to use my handy-dandy pictorial-deciphering techniques to interpret his message. Always giving the person the benefit of the doubt, *snicker* I'll assume that his message meant that he was sad that we hadn't been in touch. Or that he was constipated. Or that he realized he was really a woman trapped in a man's body. Or that he found out the hard way that he should never give himself a hot and spicy salsa suppository. Please, use your own imagination as to what he was trying to tell me because I don't really give a shit. While I do believe each of us was put on this earth for a significant reason, mine was definitely not to decipher that kind of juvenile crap.

Since I really didn't feel like responding but did so because I was brought up with proper manners, I wrote the following in return...

That says it all, don't you think?! IHe didn't go out of his way to explain himself so there was no reason for me to over-exert myself in my response.

I waited. Two days passed with no response. Again, always giving the person the benefit of the doubt, *wink* I assumed that he hadn't been online lately and therefore, hadn't seen my response. I was wrong. Since writing my response, he had spent countless hours playing word games. Apparently, he wanted nothing more than to be the center of my attention and once he had that, he didn't feel it necessary to explain himself. Nevertheless, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for two more days before writing him an Email telling him that if he wasn't going to be courteous enough to respond, not to waste my time with the game-playing. Since some people only respond to conflict, I figured he would surely respond to an Email like that. I was mistaken. Not wanting to be a part any longer of that kind of crap, I deleted him from my friends list. This guy is yet just another example why I choose not to have a man in my life. Not saying that was the direction in which it was headed but when you talk to someone every day whom you think you really connect with, things tend to happen.

Once again, I blame myself for being in touch with someone like him. I'm not beating myself up or anything like that but the red flags were out there from the beginning and I chose to ignore them. One thing I may not have mentioned when first talking about him was that our mutual friend was a college roommate of mine and they met through that dating site I once belonged to. He and I got to talking about how emotionally unstable she is and he shared an Email with me that he had sent her when she wouldn't leave him alone and take 'no' for an answer. Even though I'm aware that this gal has serious issues, that she's very selfish, self-consumed and I don't hold her in very high regards, I told him his message to her was overly harsh. Here's an excerpt...

"...and I told you never to contact me again. I don’t play games (now that's funny!!) and you live for them. It’s in your blood and you won’t change. I know you and pity your life 39 never married almost at the end of your chances of having a normal child. I guess what comes around goes around....I have a great life B. is doing great in 3rd grade he’s on a football team, basketball team and he and I both have great social lives. Once last time I pity you. I have a great life and wonderful family and friends. You have nothing."

I realize that we all have a dark side to the everyday persona we display to others but that was a little too dark for me! This guy gave off the impression that he is this calm, cool, collected, everyone's-best-friend kinda' guy and then to write something like that just raised that red flag to full staph! I should have stopped contact with him then.

I will add, however, that during the brief time that they dated, she completely used him and while I don't think he had the right to say some of the things mentioned above, he did have a right to be angry. During the time they dated, he paid for everything from meals to buying her clothes and bankrolling her during a trip to a casino. She even had the nerve to ask him to pay her credit card debt and later told him it was a test to see if he was a worthy boyfriend! I'm sure most if not all of you are shocked at reading something like that but if you knew her like I did back in school, it wouldn't surprise you that she pulled shit like that. She was always testing people to see if they were truly worthy of her "friendship". I put that word in quotes because I'm not sure, even to this day, that she truly understands the word nor is capable of being a true friend.

Ya' know the saying "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer"...you wouldn't believe how close she kept me! Now that I look back on college times, some of the things she did to me shows me now that she hated me more than she liked me! For instance, there was the time that I had this boyfriend at school, my first real boyfriend, and was devastated to find out that he had been cheating on me for some time and she knew all about it but never told me. Then, after she knew how heartbroken I was over him, I found a photo of he and his new girlfriend on her desk in plain view, not trying to hide it from me at all. Who does that to someone they claim is their best friend??

Then there was the time my senior year that I became ill enough where my roommate had to call an ambulance. I don't really remember much about it but I do know that she came over and was kind of enough to contact a professor of mine to let him know what was happening and that I would not be in class that day to take his final. However, a few days later, as I laid writhing in bed from a serious kidney infection and violently ill from the medication I had been put on, she called me in the middle of the night one night, crying about how she had puked all over someone's lawn that night from an apparent case of food poisoning and
demanded I come over to her room to nurse her! What the fuck you tawkin' about, Willis?! Then she made it clear that she would not be friends with me any longer if I didn't! After that night, let's just say that we would acknowledge each other in passing and that was it. Who has time for that grade school shit?!

In other news, I thought y'all might like to know that Schwartz has so generously been leaving me little Halloween treats. Sometimes he'll alert me in advance that he'd like to make his bu'ness outside and other times, he'll just dump inside whenever the spirit moves he and his bowels to do so. I can't quite figure out why sometimes he tells me and sometimes he doesn't other than he must think he rules the roost and can doo-doo as he pleases!

Enough of that shit (no pun intended, of course)! Thanks for following me over to my new home!

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