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Sunday, June 28, 2009

birthdays don't get better than this!

I'm 41 today. It seems like turning 40 was a lot harder!

For those of you who haven't been following me long, I am an avid fan of slasher films of the '70s and '80s along and every kind of B-movie inbetween.

So when I awoke this morning to Alien Apocalypse on the SciFi channel and watched two astronauts battle aliens that resembled termites that drank the nuclear waste (aka Kool-Aid. Heh), I was in seventh heaven!

So these two astronauts, who have been on a decades-long mission, return to earth to find that aliens have taken it over. And the humans were dressed in animal skins with really bad, knotted, never-been-brushed hair. Kinda' made me wanna' reach through the screen with a hairbrush, but I digress.

When the final battle started, I knew it was going to be good and I wasn't disappointed! Yellow gunk oozing from alien bodies as they were punctured with swords and arrows. Alien heads rolling as they were knocked from their bodies. An astronaut spitting on an alien she had just slaughtered. Ahhh, sheer pleasure!!

I'm convinced that in another life I must have been a serial killer. I like this shit waaaaay too much! But I'll worry about that another day! Today, my daughter's coming home from overnight camp and I can't be concerned about possible underlying serial-killer tendencies, now can I?!


Saturday, June 27, 2009

camp swine flu

You may have heard in the news recently about the flu outbreak in camps in the Georgia/North Carolina areas. My kids go to overnight camp in that general area.

A little more than a week and a half ago, we received an Email from the camp director saying that he wanted to put everyone's mind at ease, that their camp was not one of the camps mentioned in the news. Just days later, we received a conflicting report, saying that there had been concerns with about five of the campers, that the CDC, Family/Children Services and a local hospital administrator had been present at the camp to test these kids [who all were found negative] and to check on the camp's procedures and documentation and all was fine.

As the camp director was writing that Email, two campers came down with what is presently known as the Swine Flu. Motherfucker!

A week later, we received a follow-up Email that said 23 people had come down with it - 20 campers and 3 staff! Fuck-ryingoutloud!

Through all the madness, their operation seems to be on the right track. They have set up several wellness centers, have hired five additional medical personnel along with some camp parents who reside in that general area who run whatever errands need to be done. The good news is that the CDC is disappointed that a name was given to this flu since it seems to be far less severe than other strains they've seen. The bad news is they said Tamiflu is not a viable solution to treat this particular flu. It just doesn't work.

This is like Camp Crystal Lake and Jason is represented by big scary machete-carrying germs!

This morning, I received an Email from the camp director that read:

Good morning! (showing that we should never forget to use our manners during a possible epidemic!)

Your son was just admitted into the infirmary feeling faint with a low-grade fever of 99.3. He said he just needs fluids and rest (Yeah, Dr. Son). We'll monitor him and keep you posted.

I have two words for you...FUCK and ME.

I know my son well. First, I can count on one hand how many times in his 11+ years he's gotten a fever, so this is a definite concern of mine. Secondly, I think this may be more heat-related than flu because the little shit refuses to wear his baseball hat in the blazing sun. No matter how often he's been nagged by me, my sister and my parents through Email messages sent to him in the last two weeks he's been at camp, he just will not fucking listen. Can you say 'stubborn little fucker'?! Unfortunately, both his parents are stubborn fuckers so he had little chance not to develop that gene.

I received a follow-up message a little while ago that read that his temperature was down with meds and they would keep me posted.

I'm hoping for the best. Coincidentally enough, my ex is headed up there today to pick our daughter up as she was only scheduled to attend two weeks. If our son is either not doing/feeling better or he has spiked another fever, my ex and I will decide if he should come home as well.

I'll keep y'all posted.

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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

the ice queen cometh

I think I've officially graduated to cold-hearted, insensitive bitch.

You may remember this post from the beginning of June in which I talked about the gal whose husband passed in early May. Well, yesterday the shit went down.

Last week, she made a comment on my Facebook homepage for me to call her up to spend time with her while my kids were away and I responded that the last time I tried to get together with her, she blew me off.

A few nights ago, a little bit of drama occurred in my life which brought me down low enough to go out and buy alcohol. Those who know me well know I don't drink. Before the other night, the last alcoholic beverage I had was years ago. I can't even give you an exact timeframe because it's been that long. Anyway, a little bit of alcohol goes a looooong way with me - i got pretty fritzed pretty quickly and, if I can toot my own horn a little bit, I can be a pretty funny drunk!

So I was posting a bunch of off-the-wall statuses on my FB profile page and this gal made a comment about bringing some of that alcohol over to her house. Hmmm...it kinda' seems she wants everyone to do everything for her, doesn't it?

I came clean and basically told her I don't make an effort for those who don't care to make an effort with me. Not in those words, but she understood what I was saying alright 'cause I got an Email from her yesterday.

I will admit, I have never had a family member pass away as suddenly as her husband did. I will also admit that I've never known such a strong love like the one they had for each other. I admit, I have not walked a mile in her shoes so I don't have a clue what she's going through. So when she wrote to tell me that she had no recollection of what I said she'd done, my first thought was that she needed to go check herself into the nearest psych ward! I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone and then a few hours later, not recall what that conversation was unless you're losing your flippin' mind?! It never occurred to me that she's just going through the daily motions without really remembering what she was doing.

And I did think it was kinda' odd for someone who lives two minutes down the road for me to Email me and not pick up the phone.

So I wrote her back and I didn't make a big deal out of things. I apologized for not realizing what she was going through and that everything was cool. Not that I'm gonna' go outta' my way for her, but just mending bridges.

But then she called at nearly 11pm last night. Crying. No, bawling. The kind of crying that comes from one's heart and soul and is so strong that you have no idea what the person is trying to tell you.

I had to tell her to calm down several times as I couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying. The first thing I understood was "I don't call people.".

Um...okay. I'm not sure I understand that one. So you're going to call me with these crying jags and use the whole "I don't call people" as your excuse for not calling me back when I made a generous offer to you on your birthday of all days?! And then, after you've already called me, you're going to try to make me feel bad about saying that you called me because of what a great friend I am?


Sorry people. If this makes me a person with a heart of stone so be it, but that's just bullshit. If you don't try to reach out to people at a time of need, then don't complain to me that everyone is fake and no one likes you. They're not fake, they just don't like getting blown off either!! C'mon, I realize she's not thinking clearly these days but can she really believe that these people are fake because they've chosen to stop calling her?

So I let it go and I gave it to her straight. I told her that was bullshit. That this was the time that she needed people to rally behind her and to put her silly no-calling policy behind her. Her life was starting over whether she liked it or not and she was being forced to make changes that she may never grow to like or understand. That because she was feeling weak, she needed the support of others and that when she became stronger again, then she could weed out the fake friends from the true friends.

Blah, blah, fucking blah.

I know I sound like a total icy bitch but as emotional as she was, I still felt nothing. And maybe it's my own shit that I'm trying to deal with right now that caused me to react that way, I don't know. However, I've always been the kind of person who cannot tolerate someone who always plays the victim and while I certainly sympathize with her situation, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our conversation.

And not to make it any worse, but I really don't have time for this. Perhaps these feelings come from knowing what kinds of friendships I find healthy versus what kinds of friendships I find toxic. Lastly, I'm days away from turning 41 and honestly, I'm too damn old to be bothered with this bullshit.

I know some of you out there are trying your hardest not to reach through your computer screens to wring my neck but I can't make myself feel something I just don't feel. Let me have it! I can take it!

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Monday, June 22, 2009

close encounters of the bad kind

Okay, I lied. I wasn't done blogging just yet.

I love movies. All kinds. My least favorite kind of movie are action movies but every so often I'll find one that I really enjoy. My all-time favorites are thrillers. Scary and/or psychological ones.

My kids have now been at overnight camp for a week now. There isn't as much to do around here as I originally thought! Sure, there are projects that require attention but some of these also require money to have them resolved and some of said projects are not in my budget right now. So I have to fill my empty time with things to do, right?! I mean, I just can't sit on my ass all day long and watch TV, can I?!


This past weekend, there seemed to be an extravaganza of psychological thrillers on the tube. The first one was Dr. Giggles which I actually was dumb enough to waste money on at the theater! It's a really stupid slasher film but leaves you wondering about the medical profession! In fact, it's so stupid, there should have never been a synopsis written about it!

The second movie was called
Danika and it totally fucked with my head to the point of possible permanent dain bramage. Bain dramage. Fuck it, you get the point.

The third was called Crazy as Hell which really should have been named Stupid as Hell but nevertheless, it really got me thinking, had me wide-eyed and shaking my head by the end. Great performances but the direction the movie went was a bit disappointing.

Early this morning, after getting into bed and hoping to go to sleep, I was flipping through the channels (first mistake) and saw that The Talented Mr. Ripley was on (No! Damnit, NO, Koolio, you're not watching this again! You know you won't be able to sleep after watching it! Don't be such a dumb fucking twat!). This is the kind of movie where you cannot watch it just once and while I can't recite the lines, I've watched it enough times to be able to tell you which scene comes next and tell you about the scene in detail before it's played out. If you've never seen the movie, go read the synopsis before continuing.

Aside from the fact that Matt Damon plays the role so creepily perfect that I can't watch another movie with him in it without thinking back to his Tom Ripley role, it really gets you thinking about life and how you would have reacted if put in his situation. So here it goes...

If you were some scam artist about to be caught, would you keep lying, cheating and killing to get your way out of it? Would you escape, moving from place-to-place, changing your identity and living your life as someone else just to try to keep yourself out of trouble? And on the flip-side, if you were someone who encountered someone such as Tom Ripley, what would you do? Would you do your best to get away from him or fuck with your own life and destiny and report him to the authorities?

Please don't ask me to answer my own questions as my brain is too fried from all this movie-watching!


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

later, bitches!

I'm just gonna' lay it out for y'all...

I'm kinda' blogged out right now. My kids are off at overnight camp and I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs! I took a few days off and now it's time to get some things done around here that have been on hold for awhile and none of them include blogging.

I'm probably taking the summer off from blogging and when I return, it may be a new and improved blog. Or not. I haven't quite decided.

I will still be around to visit your blogs but for now, my complaints are too few to speak of (I know, can you believe it?!) so I hope y'all enjoy your summers and I'll 'see' you soon!


Friday, June 12, 2009

Y2K 2009

So today was the day for 'the big switch' - TV, from analog to digital. The local news was making a big to-do about it. Like it was the biggest news since...since...well, since sliced fucking bread.

So I waited. And at 8am, a message appeared on my screen that read that the station was ending their broadcast in analog.

And then...

A blank screen.


And I have cable too! They claimed those of us with cable wouldn't notice a change!!

About 30 seconds later, a picture came into focus with the message that the station was commencing broadcasting in digital.


And then...?

The picture started going bonkers!


It corrected itself within a few seconds but I gotta' tell you, this was worse than that whole Y2K bullshit in 2000. They made a huge production over that, warning people of power outages, updating computers and all that other nonsense, and it turned out to be a major disappointment! I mean, raise your hand if you too were hoping for major looting and gang violence in your area?!

Enjoy your digital, yo, and have a wonderful weekend!

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Sunday, June 7, 2009

a little hung up on this one

Every so often, I talk about this girl. We went to high school together and she's an up-and-coming actress. Although after what I saw the other night, I think she's an up-and-cumming actress. Allow me to explain.

Every now and then, I get a message from her dad updating us on her newest projects. She's done commercials, had bit parts on soap operas, done some jobs on and off Broadway, has been in several TV drama and comedy series, her latest playing the mother in the new Jonas Brother's show on Disney.

So I'm flipping through channels the other night and I see a preview for the new HBO series Hung.

And there she is.

The first time I thought I was seeing things but when they showed her again, I couldn't believe it.

She's going to be in a show about a man who has a big pecker and prostitutes himself.

WTF?!?!? I didn't get an Email update about this!!!

But wait...

How do you tell your dad that you're gonna' be acting in a role where you're having sex with a man who has a super duper schlong?! And taking your clothes off?! Would you tell your parents?! I sure as hell wouldn't tell mine!

Hmmm...something tells me her dad doesn't know about this one. And something tells me that it's not gonna' be long (pun intended) before he finds out!

If you get HBO, she'll be on the second episode (July 5th, I believe) entitled Great Sausage. Her character's name is Lorena. Hopefully, she won't Bobbitt off his great sausage. Heh.

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Saturday, June 6, 2009

seriously now...why bother?!

Lemme' just lay it out there for y'all...I have a zero bullshit policy.

So when this dumbass from my past contacted me on Facebook, trying to friend me, and acting like I wouldn't remember how she dissed me several years back, I let her have it...

"Hey Girl! Remember me? I was so bummed we lost touch years ago. B. just told me you are on Facebook. Wanna hook up again?"

Uh, you mean much like I'd wanna' have someone squirt acid in my eyes?! Yeah, thanks, I'll pass.

Here's how the story goes...

Years ago, when I was still married, I was feeling lost and lonely and looking to connect with people as I felt no connection to my then-husband so I registered myself on some penpal website. There was this gal from another country and we connected. Never having met, we continued corresponding with each other for years through Email and IM.

When some psycho blogger didn't like something I had to say on her blog and turned all her little blogging friends against me, this gal friend of mine had some words for this psycho blogger.

We blogged together. Literally. Until the day that someone hacked our blog, probably the psycho blogger or one of her cohorts. After that, this gal and I had both set up separate blogs and it wasn't long after that I noticed that she had become good blogging buddies with some of the psycho blogger's friends.

While I certainly don't tell anyone who they can be friends with, this bothered me. I think we had "known" each other well enough that we wouldn't do that to each other. Or at least I wouldn't have done it to her or anyone else I felt I had established a friendship with. I explained to her my feelings and she laughed off my words. To say that it was hurtful, would be an understatement. It was much later that we lost touch mainly because I couldn't be bothered with someone I felt was a back-stabber.

There was also another incident not long before all that happened in which I learned she couldn't be trusted. When I was on that dating site, I was in touch with this one guy. One night I was IMing with him and her separately and it became too much of a chore so I just set up a conference where we could all chat together.

Shortly before all that happened, I had been trying to get her to give me her phone number so we could chat on the phone and she either ignored me and/or just kept coming up with excuses. So we're in touch with that guy, it was close to New Year's Eve and he asked me to call him on New Years so I did...only to learn that she had sent a picture of herself to him all dressed up for the New Year's Eve party she was attending with the message "Don't tell Koolio I'm sending you this.". Yep, she was trying to keep secrets from me. Luckily, this guy felt uncomfortable enough about this situation that he told me that and that they had also talked on the phone. Nice, huh?!

I decided I'd had enough of her bullshit so I stopped visiting her blog and stopped communicating with her. Suddenly, there was a rush of Email messages that she wrote me which I chose not to respond to and then I chose to delete her from my address book completely so that all her messages went to spam. She sent me some E-card as well which I chose not to open.

Fast forward to tonight when I got that message from her. My response to her was the following...

Yep, I remember you. You were the one who dissed me when I needed a friend. You probably don't remember and it doesn't really matter at this point so let's just leave it at that.

I knew exactly how she would respond, with trying to lay all the blame on me for the friendship falling apart, and reminding me how she'd written Emails that I never responded to with her not once owning up to the true nature of why I stopped corresponding with her.

I ended up blocking her on Facebook so that she can never contact me again. Then I decided to Email the guy who told her I was on Facebook to let him know I wasn't pleased that she had contacted me only to find out that he had his privacy settings set so that I couldn't view his profile. Since it makes no sense to me to have someone on your friends list and then not allow them to view your profile, I deleted him from my friends list. I'm not like some people on Facebook who just add people to their friends list for the sake of adding. I'm not on the same quest as others appear to be to see who can have the most people on their friends list.

Who has time for all this game-playing bullshit?! I don't know about y'all, but I left high school a long time ago!

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Thursday, June 4, 2009

get your thinking caps on

Last night was a strange one. Just as I was putting the kids to bed, the power went out but flickered back to life moments later. Twenty minutes later, the same thing. About twenty minutes later, the power went out and stayed out. Ever try hanging laundry by flashlight?! Loads of fun (get it?! Loads?!)!!

After about ten minutes, I realized the power wasn't coming on anytime soon so I called the electric company to report the outage. It said we should have power by 12:45am. It was only 10-something at the time. Good thing I had a book. Bad thing it was on Georgia ghosts!!

At about the time that the power was supposed to come back on, having had my fill of ghost stories, I went to sleep. I awoke at 1:38, no power. At 2:19, I heard the A/C kick on and the lamp on my nightstand went on. I turned out the light, turned over and went back to sleep 'til my alarm went off at 5:30.

Between the ghost stories and the power, a good night sleep was not to be had and on nights like these where I usually have off-the-wall dreams. It's not often that I remember my dreams so I wanted to share this doozy with y'all!

I was in my office. Having just solved The Black Dahlia case, I was feeling pretty good. I get a call from my girlfriend, actress Scarlett Johansson. I asked her where she wanted to go that night to celebrate my career-making moment and she said Eastrails.

I had never heard of the place (of course I just Googled it and all it turned up were a bunch of railway lines in Asia) and suddenly, I was standing in front of the place, still talking to Scarlett. It was a fine dining establishment with a huge jewelry gallery. Well, of course she wanted me to take her there! The bitch wanted me to buy her jewelry!!

I cannot even explain to you the back-and-forth I had with the hostess. She was some snooty British-wannabe and just annoying in general.

As I'm standing there trying to simulataneously make the reservation and talking to Scarlett, it seems Scarlett had fallen asleep on the phone as she wasn't answering me! And that's where I woke up.

Okay...I'm waiting for your amazing dream-deciphering abilities to take over. Let me have it!


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

the nerve of some people

I think I've used this title for another post. As if I care.

Oh yeah, this is one of my more pissy posts. Hold on, this is gonna' be a bumpy ride.

I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Or the dead's wife. But I'm going to anyway for several reasons - because I can and because she deserves it.

As I promised her mother, I've been trying to check in on her, call her, in other words, look after her. At this point, her mother can go take a flying fucking leap.

It started last Friday when I wished her a Happy Birthday on her Facebook page. The next day, her status showed that neighbors on her street did something special for her's and her son's birthday yet I got no acknowledgment for my good wishes.

Let me back up for a minute and tell you that about a week after her husband's passing, she told me that she wished people would stop doing things for her. That if they wanted to do something, to do it for her son. Since they both share the same birthday, I bought him a gift card to a local movie theater, thinking that I was actually going to have a chance to give it to him. Saturday morning, I called her twice to offer my best wishes. The first time she was out at the gym so I had to call back. I learned that she had plans to go to the beach with some friends that day. I told her I had something for her son and that if they had time, I would love to treat them for dinner later on that night. She told me she would call me when she got back from the beach that afternoon and if for some reason we couldn't get together on Saturday, we'd make it a birthday weekend and get together on Sunday.

I guess I should stop waiting for that call to come.

Yeah, she wasn't able to call me but she was certainly able to respond to my Facebook status...at 11pm Saturday night.

So I waited for that acknowledgment for my extending birthday wishes to her through Facebook. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she didn't. This morning I checked her profile page and would you know that she tagged as liking every other person's birthday wishes but mine?!

To say that I'm annoyed is an understatement. And because of her 'situation' I've chosen not to say anything and just vent it here. I certainly don't want to make her feel bad when her husband has only been dead not even a month but why call me a good friend if you're just gonna' treat me like shit?

Someday, I'm gonna' find a deserted island and leave all this bullshit behind. Apparently I'm doing a shit job in the friendship department so I might as well go be by myself. Just me, the coconuts and a bunch of wind-driven sand up my ass crack. And I'm not inviting her to join me!


Monday, June 1, 2009

word of the day

I haven't done this in awhile so I thought it would be a nice change of pace from my usual complaining. So, the word of the day is...


Again, do not bother looking it up, it is not a real word. I get my 'words' from the word verifcations of blogs that I visit.

Okay, have at it! Create a sentence using the above.