STOP is not the new GO

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you know many of my pet peeves revolve around bad drivers. You name it and I've probably bitched about it!

It seems that around these parts, many people think coasting through intersections where there's a STOP sign is okay as long as there are no cars coming. I'm convinced that many of said people probably don't know the definition of STOP.

I also know that many people around here don't comprehend what YIELD means. For those of you out there who don't know the definition, YIELD, in traffic terms, means that oncoming traffic has the right-of-way and that you pause until the time that you can safely proceed. If you don't get that, you shouldn't be driving.

Almost every day I deal with this one busy intersection where there's a YIELD sign. I can't tell you how many times I've been cut off because of people who react improperly to the sign. Yesterday, some twat hole actually laid on his horn at ME because I didn't let him go! Not only was it rush hour so traffic was slow-moving, but the douche bag pulled up next to me in the other lane and lucky me with my window down, was greeted with an earful. In usual Koolio form, I had a few choice words for him in return:

Hey dumbass! YOU had the YIELD sign which means that not only do other drivers not HAVE to let you merge into traffic but that you just have to hold your fucking horses! But if you want to drive with one fist up your ass and the other hand on your dick, be my guest, just don't EVER get in my fucking way again or I'll report you to 911 as a reckless lunatic who's smoking crack while driving. Have a nice day, fucker!

With that I waved the bird at him high and hard and grinned as wide as I possibly could. I could tell you that he wasn't happy but that would be an understatement. :)

Fucking Congress needs to pass a law that allows people like me to pick off these asswipes with a sawed-off shotgun. Just sayin'.

seriously now...why bother?!

Lemme' just lay it out there for y'all...I have a zero bullshit policy.

So when this dumbass from my past contacted me on Facebook, trying to friend me, and acting like I wouldn't remember how she dissed me several years back, I let her have it...

"Hey Girl! Remember me? I was so bummed we lost touch years ago. B. just told me you are on Facebook. Wanna hook up again?"

Uh, you mean much like I'd wanna' have someone squirt acid in my eyes?! Yeah, thanks, I'll pass.

Here's how the story goes...

Years ago, when I was still married, I was feeling lost and lonely and looking to connect with people as I felt no connection to my then-husband so I registered myself on some penpal website. There was this gal from another country and we connected. Never having met, we continued corresponding with each other for years through Email and IM.

When some psycho blogger didn't like something I had to say on her blog and turned all her little blogging friends against me, this gal friend of mine had some words for this psycho blogger.

We blogged together. Literally. Until the day that someone hacked our blog, probably the psycho blogger or one of her cohorts. After that, this gal and I had both set up separate blogs and it wasn't long after that I noticed that she had become good blogging buddies with some of the psycho blogger's friends.

While I certainly don't tell anyone who they can be friends with, this bothered me. I think we had "known" each other well enough that we wouldn't do that to each other. Or at least I wouldn't have done it to her or anyone else I felt I had established a friendship with. I explained to her my feelings and she laughed off my words. To say that it was hurtful, would be an understatement. It was much later that we lost touch mainly because I couldn't be bothered with someone I felt was a back-stabber.

There was also another incident not long before all that happened in which I learned she couldn't be trusted. When I was on that dating site, I was in touch with this one guy. One night I was IMing with him and her separately and it became too much of a chore so I just set up a conference where we could all chat together.

Shortly before all that happened, I had been trying to get her to give me her phone number so we could chat on the phone and she either ignored me and/or just kept coming up with excuses. So we're in touch with that guy, it was close to New Year's Eve and he asked me to call him on New Years so I did...only to learn that she had sent a picture of herself to him all dressed up for the New Year's Eve party she was attending with the message "Don't tell Koolio I'm sending you this.". Yep, she was trying to keep secrets from me. Luckily, this guy felt uncomfortable enough about this situation that he told me that and that they had also talked on the phone. Nice, huh?!

I decided I'd had enough of her bullshit so I stopped visiting her blog and stopped communicating with her. Suddenly, there was a rush of Email messages that she wrote me which I chose not to respond to and then I chose to delete her from my address book completely so that all her messages went to spam. She sent me some E-card as well which I chose not to open.

Fast forward to tonight when I got that message from her. My response to her was the following...

Yep, I remember you. You were the one who dissed me when I needed a friend. You probably don't remember and it doesn't really matter at this point so let's just leave it at that.

I knew exactly how she would respond, with trying to lay all the blame on me for the friendship falling apart, and reminding me how she'd written Emails that I never responded to with her not once owning up to the true nature of why I stopped corresponding with her.

I ended up blocking her on Facebook so that she can never contact me again. Then I decided to Email the guy who told her I was on Facebook to let him know I wasn't pleased that she had contacted me only to find out that he had his privacy settings set so that I couldn't view his profile. Since it makes no sense to me to have someone on your friends list and then not allow them to view your profile, I deleted him from my friends list. I'm not like some people on Facebook who just add people to their friends list for the sake of adding. I'm not on the same quest as others appear to be to see who can have the most people on their friends list.

Who has time for all this game-playing bullshit?! I don't know about y'all, but I left high school a long time ago!

almost feelin' groovy

Aside from a pinched thingamabob between my shoulder blades that is uncomfortable yet tolerable, I am having a really good day.

For one, I finally got rid of my POS McAfee Internet security. After years of disappointment but unable to find anything decent, I renewed McAfee earlier this month but my account hadn't reflected the change. It was still warning me every day that my subscription was about to expire and it was really irritating the fuck outta' me. Last week, I contacted those assholes and told them to help me figure it out. Punjab wrote me back, instructing me to uninstall and reinstall the products I had renewed. Fucking Punjab. If I ever get the opportunity to meet Punjab in a cold, dark alley...well, for his sake, I hope I'm not PMSing.

Today was the day. I had two days left before everything went up Shit's Creek and my entire life would be exposed to the shit-for-brain hackers out there. As instructed, I uninstalled and reinstalled McAfee. Twice. Nothing happened. It wouldn't install.

Instead of wasting my time contacting their tech support, who may or may not have known their elbows from their assholes and I wasn't the least bit interested in finding out one way or the other, I remembered that when I took my son's computer in for fixing a few months ago, that the guy at the mom-and-pop place downloaded a very reputable and FREE security software to his computer so I Googled, located the site and it took almost the entire day to download it since I still use dial-up (shut up) but it's done and, as a result, my Firefox, which had become completely squirrely in the past year, corrected itself and now works properly!

In the immortal words of Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies...YIPPEEKAIYAY, MOTHEFUCKERS!!!!

In other groovy news, recently, a fellow-blogger trusted me enough to send me a manuscript, his memoirs, if you will. In just a few days, I finished it and I was blown away by it. It was unlike anything I've ever read. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of reading. As I wrote to him in an Email, it was hysterically funny in some parts and overwelmingly emotional in others. Honest doesn't even begin to describe it. Unfortunately, he told me that it was very close to getting published but then things fell through. I have been doing my best to be annoyingly persistent with him so that he will look into trying to get it published again but I'm not sure what he'll do. Hopefully someday each of you will be fortunate enough to read his words as well.

I received my Nike Air Rift sneakers in the mail today. That may not mean shit to y'all, but I'm happy!

Oh yeah, IT'S FRIDAY! Hope it was happy for y'all!

i love my neighbors

While Schwartz and I were out today enjoying a leisurely stroll up and down our street in the gorgeous weather that is upon us, Little Mr. Fuckface my neighbor to the right of us suddenly appeared at his front door demanding that I keep my dog off his lawn. Despite the fact that I never let Schwartz do his business on this neighbor's lawn because I know what a fucker he is and that this man had just seen me pull my dog off his lawn, he still felt it necessary to be his usual pleasant self.

I looked up when he spoke and then turned my head away, choosing to ignore him. Here's the pleasantries we exchanged thereafter:

LMFF: Did you hear me?

Me: Did you hear this? *I flipped him off*

LMFF: If I see you on my lawn again, I'm calling Animal Control!

Me: *laughing* Really?! What are you going to say to them? "Hello? Animal Control? My neighbor, who walks her dog on a leash past my house everyday, allows her dog to touch my grass, please help me!". What are you going to do, show Animal Control the dog crap left on your lawn by your kids' dog and blame me for it?! Yeah, try it. See what happens.

*receiving the hairy eyeball from LMFF*

Me: Or maybe I should call the cops regarding that time I caught you peeping in my kitchen window at my kids. Because that is illegal. By the way, does your wife know what a pervert you are?!

Then I added loudly for effect..."C'mon Schwartz. The mean old man is constipated and doesn't want us on his lawn."

*LMFF goes inside and slams the front door*

Koolio shoots! She scores!

You know damn well whose house I'm walking by again and again, day after day. I've lived in this house going on ten years and that is about the fifth time he's ever spoken to me. The fucker has no idea who he's about to fuck with.

*insert evil laugh here*

more reasons not to like that "friend"

Allow me to start this post with the following statement...sometimes I really feel like I'm still back in high school with the horse shit that I have to deal with.

Last week "that friend" called me a few times. The first time, she called and I let it go to voicemail. She asked if she had the right baseball field where our kids were supposed to practice that afternoon and to only return the call if they were having practice elsewhere. She had the right field and I didn't return the call.

The next day, she called and I chose to let it go to voicemail again. She claimed she was calling to say 'hi' and to see how I was but after the first time she called, it dawned on me that a good bit of the time that she calls me it's to ask me something about baseball. If she would ever check her Email, in which the coach messages us at least once a day, she wouldn't have to call me about it but that's a whole other story. Anyway, because I had this revelation, I chose not to return her call. And also because I was going to see her two hours later for a baseball game.

The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me that afternoon was not "Hi, how are you?" but "I've been trying to call you." as if I shouldn't be hesitating to answer her calls. I told her I received her messages but I figured since we were going to see each other, I would just talk to her at the field. I ask y'all, is there anything wrong with that or do I need to be talking to her as I'm driving up to the baseball field and parking right next to her?! I guess that didn't sit well with her because instead of sitting next to me, she sat at the opposite end of the bleachers. Yeah, okay, whatever, I'm not at your beck and call, sister! I can't be bothered with someone being offended by something like that. I've got my own life with my own shit to deal with, if I stopped to answer every single fucking call that came in, I would never get anything done. Some people just really need to get over themselves.

At some point during the game, she complained that she was cold from the breeze. It was 75 degrees out, people. The breeze was warm and lovely and she was wearing heavy jeans with a long-sleeved shirt. I guess I shouldn't expect everyone to be warm-blooded. Anyway, she parked her car across the field so she would still have direct view of the game and where she could stay out of the frigid weather. *snicker* She called me periodically throughout the game to find out the inning and the score and during one of those conversations, we got onto the topic of how she wanted to take walks with me in the morning after we dropped the kids off at school. Cool, I'm always up for exercise and friendly conversation. She lives in a fabulous house on a very nice street but outside this little community near where our kids' school is located, is predominately lower class families and she refers to this area as 'the hood'. Not very nice but that's not the point. The point is, she's afraid to take walks in her own neighborhood by herself and the gal she usually walks with hasn't been interested in taking walks for the past few months. I mentioned since I'm already in the neighborhood at that time of day and that's the best time of day for me to walk, that I would walk with her since I enjoy the exercise as well. Suddenly, it was all on her terms. Suddenly, she had to do this, that and the other thing in the morning and the best time for her to walk was in the afternoon right before we picked up our kids from school.

Listen up, you fucking bitch! I just offered to walk with you because you're petrified to do it alone. I told you when I could do it and it wasn't up for debate, so if you want me to keep you company so that you're not frightened of your own fucking neighbors, you'll walk when I can walk! I'm doing you a fucking favor, fuck-ryingoutloud!

Rrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, back to the story...

I was sitting here today waiting for my kids to return home from their dad's, and the evil demon-child from across the street rang the bell. I expected him to ring my bell 'til it was broken because that's usually what he does just because he gets extreme pleasure out of watching our dog go into a Cujo-frenzy, barking 'til he's horse. He gets sick pleasure out of torturing our dog. Can you say "future serial killer"?!

In any case, whenever I'm home alone, I don't answer the door for anyone, especially that child. I do not care for him one bit. There are many reasons behind this but I will only mention one of them since it pertains to "that friend".

A month or so ago, we saw the demon-child's mother at the same baseball field that our kids were practicing at. I asked "that friend" who used to live in this subdivision and who is friendly with the child's mother (if y'all recall, this is the only person whom "that friend" would move back to this subdivision for) what she thought about the demon-child. She paused for awhile to search for the right words so I knew she felt the same about him as I. I told her some of the things that he's done and she seemed equally annoyed with him.

Let me stop there for a minute to tell you a little bit about myself. If someone confides in me for any reason, I will always hold that confidence. I am a very trustworthy person and unless you tell me it's okay to mention something to others, I do not say a word. Ever.

So the demon-child came to my house this afternoon and rang the bell. I thought it was my kids coming home the way the dog was barking and all, but it was that evil thing and I luckily retreated back here to my desk without being seen. I waited and waited, expecting the incessant bell-ringing to commence. It did not. About ten minutes later it dawned on me..."that fucking cunt friend" told his mother what I said about her child!!!

Now I know what some of you are saying, "Before you accuse anyone, are you sure that she told the mother?" and I can honestly say without going over there and asking the demon-child's mother myself, I am 100% sure she told her. I mean seriously folks, why else would this kid just suddenly change his ways when he gets so much pleasure out of watching my dog go nuts? There's really no other explanation. I [unfortunately] know how this kid's mind works.

For all those out there who are reluctant to believe how positive I am that "that friend" told my neighbor, here's proof...there have been times before where I've discussed personal things about the person who shall not be mentioned here with "that friend" only for her to tell me that she was going to talk to him about what I had spoken about just to try to help resolve things between us even after I told her not to say anything. I'm pretty sure she never opened up her mouth because the person who shall not be mentioned here is not afraid to give me an earful if he's heard or seen something I've done that has anything to do with him but even so, I can fight my own battles, thankyouverymuch!! If I wanted to resolve anything with him, I would do it myself not through some third party who clearly doesn't know her asshole from her elbow.

This is my fucking neighbor! She lives directly across the street from me and I see her every day. Do you know how this makes me look and feel?!

I'll conclude this post with one question: how fucking more uncool can one person be?

all this unnecessary drama is gonna' make my hair fall out!!

The story I have to tell you may get a little confusing. I don't like using real names in my posts so I usually just use the first initial of the person's name. With that, I am leaving you with a key so that [hopefully] you can follow along.

G = Girlfriend gossip-monger who first reported that my daughter was bullying.

J = The above's daughter who supposedly heard and saw what happened.

K = The mother of the girl who was not bullied.

R = The lying sack of shit who was trying to get my daughter in trouble.

( ) = If you see words written in parentheses, these are things I would have either liked to say and didn't feel it appropriate or just commentary.

On Tuesday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was G.. I knew exactly why she was calling, to get a follow-up on the situation, and I put her to voicemail. I probably would have spoken to her if my daughter hadn't been in the car with me but since the situation had already been resolved in my eyes and I had made no mention of it to my daughter, I wasn't about to talk about it in front of her.

I shouldn't have thought G. would give up so easily because she called two more times within a two hour period. She was immediately sent to voicemail those times as well. She continued to try to call. Her persistence was beyond tiresome. Ya' know, there's a reason for voicemail, people! If you're one of those people out there whose tactic is to pester someone adnauseum instead of leaving messages and waiting for the person to return your call when they're available to do so, stop it! Do I really need to explain why there's voicemail?! Leave a message and the person will get back to you when they can. Grow some patience, fuck-ryingoutloud! Actually, I think I'm growing some in my garden, I'll be happy to share some with you! Oh wait, those are Impatiens. Nevermind. *wink*

Anyway, I finally decided it be best to get it over with and call her back to see what she wanted, even though I already knew.

G: Hi! I was calling to see if you found out anything about the bullying.

(You mean the non-existent bullying.)

ME: Ya' know G., I so appreciate and admire the friendship you must have with K. for you to feel comfortable enough to speak for her, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer not talking to you about this anymore. K. and I know each other well enough that if she needs to discuss something with me, she can call me herself or speak to the teachers and the guidance counselor and they can tell her the same things they told me. We know who each other are, we've made small talk with each other on many occasions so if she needs to speak to me, please tell her I welcome the call.

G.: Oh. Okay.

("Oh. Okay." seems to be a vital part of this woman's vocabulary in order for her to convey the proper message to others.)

G: (humming and hawwing for a few minutes, trying to get out the words) Well, if you must know, J. said...

(It seems that G.'s daughter is following closely in her mother's gossiping footsteps. Well, they do say the apple never falls far from the tree so...)

ME: (interrupting) G., with all due respect, if J. is not directly involved, does not report it to the teachers or the guidance counselor or doesn't have witnesses or evidence to back up her story (I really need to stop watching all these crime dramas on TV), she needs to stay out of it. It's really not her business to police my daughter. I realize that the teachers don't always see the same things the kids see but again, if she sees something happening at school, she has to tell someone other than you. You can't do anything about it, they can. And to be perfectly honest, I was not only very upset after hearing this news from you, as I'm sure you knew I would be, but I was also very upset with myself for jumping the gun and getting so angry before finding out all the facts so in the future, should this type of incident happen again, I think it best to leave it up to the teachers or the parents directly involved instead of relying on the gossip mill. Again, I do appreciate that you alerted me to a potential situation, but if this type of thing happens, again I think it best that I hear it from them or from K. directly.

G: I hope you're not saying that you think J. is lying!!

(Oh God, here we go!)

ME: G., I never said any such thing so please don't put words in my mouth. It's all about perspective. If J. thinks she sees or hears something happening, tell her to speak up. If not or she's not sure something happened, she shouldn't. But if she keeps reporting back to you about something that's none of your business you can't do anything about it and I certainly don't want to get anymore of these phone calls prying into what I now consider personal business. Only the people involved can help to resolve things and if K. isn't willing to speak up for her own child, then I'm sorry, but that's her cross to bear.

G.: But it is my business! K.'s my friend!

ME: G., I realize she's your friend but there's a difference about it being your business and making it your business and this situation is not your business. Now if K. chooses to make her business your business, then that's her right but then you will need to find out the details from her.


By this point, I really wanted to get off the phone! Talking with her on the phone is never fun, she speaks so fast you can barely understand her and the constant interruptions, all so she can get out what she needs to say, are extremely annoying.


G: You sound mad. I hope you're not mad at me!

(Oy vey. This woman can't have anyone mad at her. Ever. She's neurotic about it. If she thinks someone's mad at her, she will obsess over it.)

ME: No G., I'm not the least bit mad at you but I really do need to go so I'll talk to you later, okay? Thanks for calling!

And wouldn't you know it? As of yesterday afternoon, she was still calling me! She called me twice, left one message and then obviously had ants in her pants and couldn't wait for me to return her call so she tried calling me again. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like nosy people! Why is it that some people can't just mind their own fucking business?!