STOP is not the new GO

For those of you who've been following my blog for awhile, you know many of my pet peeves revolve around bad drivers. You name it and I've probably bitched about it!

It seems that around these parts, many people think coasting through intersections where there's a STOP sign is okay as long as there are no cars coming. I'm convinced that many of said people probably don't know the definition of STOP.

I also know that many people around here don't comprehend what YIELD means. For those of you out there who don't know the definition, YIELD, in traffic terms, means that oncoming traffic has the right-of-way and that you pause until the time that you can safely proceed. If you don't get that, you shouldn't be driving.

Almost every day I deal with this one busy intersection where there's a YIELD sign. I can't tell you how many times I've been cut off because of people who react improperly to the sign. Yesterday, some twat hole actually laid on his horn at ME because I didn't let him go! Not only was it rush hour so traffic was slow-moving, but the douche bag pulled up next to me in the other lane and lucky me with my window down, was greeted with an earful. In usual Koolio form, I had a few choice words for him in return:

Hey dumbass! YOU had the YIELD sign which means that not only do other drivers not HAVE to let you merge into traffic but that you just have to hold your fucking horses! But if you want to drive with one fist up your ass and the other hand on your dick, be my guest, just don't EVER get in my fucking way again or I'll report you to 911 as a reckless lunatic who's smoking crack while driving. Have a nice day, fucker!

With that I waved the bird at him high and hard and grinned as wide as I possibly could. I could tell you that he wasn't happy but that would be an understatement. :)

Fucking Congress needs to pass a law that allows people like me to pick off these asswipes with a sawed-off shotgun. Just sayin'.

seriously now...why bother?!

Lemme' just lay it out there for y'all...I have a zero bullshit policy.

So when this dumbass from my past contacted me on Facebook, trying to friend me, and acting like I wouldn't remember how she dissed me several years back, I let her have it...

"Hey Girl! Remember me? I was so bummed we lost touch years ago. B. just told me you are on Facebook. Wanna hook up again?"

Uh, you mean much like I'd wanna' have someone squirt acid in my eyes?! Yeah, thanks, I'll pass.

Here's how the story goes...

Years ago, when I was still married, I was feeling lost and lonely and looking to connect with people as I felt no connection to my then-husband so I registered myself on some penpal website. There was this gal from another country and we connected. Never having met, we continued corresponding with each other for years through Email and IM.

When some psycho blogger didn't like something I had to say on her blog and turned all her little blogging friends against me, this gal friend of mine had some words for this psycho blogger.

We blogged together. Literally. Until the day that someone hacked our blog, probably the psycho blogger or one of her cohorts. After that, this gal and I had both set up separate blogs and it wasn't long after that I noticed that she had become good blogging buddies with some of the psycho blogger's friends.

While I certainly don't tell anyone who they can be friends with, this bothered me. I think we had "known" each other well enough that we wouldn't do that to each other. Or at least I wouldn't have done it to her or anyone else I felt I had established a friendship with. I explained to her my feelings and she laughed off my words. To say that it was hurtful, would be an understatement. It was much later that we lost touch mainly because I couldn't be bothered with someone I felt was a back-stabber.

There was also another incident not long before all that happened in which I learned she couldn't be trusted. When I was on that dating site, I was in touch with this one guy. One night I was IMing with him and her separately and it became too much of a chore so I just set up a conference where we could all chat together.

Shortly before all that happened, I had been trying to get her to give me her phone number so we could chat on the phone and she either ignored me and/or just kept coming up with excuses. So we're in touch with that guy, it was close to New Year's Eve and he asked me to call him on New Years so I did...only to learn that she had sent a picture of herself to him all dressed up for the New Year's Eve party she was attending with the message "Don't tell Koolio I'm sending you this.". Yep, she was trying to keep secrets from me. Luckily, this guy felt uncomfortable enough about this situation that he told me that and that they had also talked on the phone. Nice, huh?!

I decided I'd had enough of her bullshit so I stopped visiting her blog and stopped communicating with her. Suddenly, there was a rush of Email messages that she wrote me which I chose not to respond to and then I chose to delete her from my address book completely so that all her messages went to spam. She sent me some E-card as well which I chose not to open.

Fast forward to tonight when I got that message from her. My response to her was the following...

Yep, I remember you. You were the one who dissed me when I needed a friend. You probably don't remember and it doesn't really matter at this point so let's just leave it at that.

I knew exactly how she would respond, with trying to lay all the blame on me for the friendship falling apart, and reminding me how she'd written Emails that I never responded to with her not once owning up to the true nature of why I stopped corresponding with her.

I ended up blocking her on Facebook so that she can never contact me again. Then I decided to Email the guy who told her I was on Facebook to let him know I wasn't pleased that she had contacted me only to find out that he had his privacy settings set so that I couldn't view his profile. Since it makes no sense to me to have someone on your friends list and then not allow them to view your profile, I deleted him from my friends list. I'm not like some people on Facebook who just add people to their friends list for the sake of adding. I'm not on the same quest as others appear to be to see who can have the most people on their friends list.

Who has time for all this game-playing bullshit?! I don't know about y'all, but I left high school a long time ago!

i love my neighbors

While Schwartz and I were out today enjoying a leisurely stroll up and down our street in the gorgeous weather that is upon us, Little Mr. Fuckface my neighbor to the right of us suddenly appeared at his front door demanding that I keep my dog off his lawn. Despite the fact that I never let Schwartz do his business on this neighbor's lawn because I know what a fucker he is and that this man had just seen me pull my dog off his lawn, he still felt it necessary to be his usual pleasant self.

I looked up when he spoke and then turned my head away, choosing to ignore him. Here's the pleasantries we exchanged thereafter:

LMFF: Did you hear me?

Me: Did you hear this? *I flipped him off*

LMFF: If I see you on my lawn again, I'm calling Animal Control!

Me: *laughing* Really?! What are you going to say to them? "Hello? Animal Control? My neighbor, who walks her dog on a leash past my house everyday, allows her dog to touch my grass, please help me!". What are you going to do, show Animal Control the dog crap left on your lawn by your kids' dog and blame me for it?! Yeah, try it. See what happens.

*receiving the hairy eyeball from LMFF*

Me: Or maybe I should call the cops regarding that time I caught you peeping in my kitchen window at my kids. Because that is illegal. By the way, does your wife know what a pervert you are?!

Then I added loudly for effect..."C'mon Schwartz. The mean old man is constipated and doesn't want us on his lawn."

*LMFF goes inside and slams the front door*

Koolio shoots! She scores!

You know damn well whose house I'm walking by again and again, day after day. I've lived in this house going on ten years and that is about the fifth time he's ever spoken to me. The fucker has no idea who he's about to fuck with.

*insert evil laugh here*

all this unnecessary drama is gonna' make my hair fall out!!

The story I have to tell you may get a little confusing. I don't like using real names in my posts so I usually just use the first initial of the person's name. With that, I am leaving you with a key so that [hopefully] you can follow along.

G = Girlfriend gossip-monger who first reported that my daughter was bullying.

J = The above's daughter who supposedly heard and saw what happened.

K = The mother of the girl who was not bullied.

R = The lying sack of shit who was trying to get my daughter in trouble.

( ) = If you see words written in parentheses, these are things I would have either liked to say and didn't feel it appropriate or just commentary.

On Tuesday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was G.. I knew exactly why she was calling, to get a follow-up on the situation, and I put her to voicemail. I probably would have spoken to her if my daughter hadn't been in the car with me but since the situation had already been resolved in my eyes and I had made no mention of it to my daughter, I wasn't about to talk about it in front of her.

I shouldn't have thought G. would give up so easily because she called two more times within a two hour period. She was immediately sent to voicemail those times as well. She continued to try to call. Her persistence was beyond tiresome. Ya' know, there's a reason for voicemail, people! If you're one of those people out there whose tactic is to pester someone adnauseum instead of leaving messages and waiting for the person to return your call when they're available to do so, stop it! Do I really need to explain why there's voicemail?! Leave a message and the person will get back to you when they can. Grow some patience, fuck-ryingoutloud! Actually, I think I'm growing some in my garden, I'll be happy to share some with you! Oh wait, those are Impatiens. Nevermind. *wink*

Anyway, I finally decided it be best to get it over with and call her back to see what she wanted, even though I already knew.

G: Hi! I was calling to see if you found out anything about the bullying.

(You mean the non-existent bullying.)

ME: Ya' know G., I so appreciate and admire the friendship you must have with K. for you to feel comfortable enough to speak for her, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer not talking to you about this anymore. K. and I know each other well enough that if she needs to discuss something with me, she can call me herself or speak to the teachers and the guidance counselor and they can tell her the same things they told me. We know who each other are, we've made small talk with each other on many occasions so if she needs to speak to me, please tell her I welcome the call.

G.: Oh. Okay.

("Oh. Okay." seems to be a vital part of this woman's vocabulary in order for her to convey the proper message to others.)

G: (humming and hawwing for a few minutes, trying to get out the words) Well, if you must know, J. said...

(It seems that G.'s daughter is following closely in her mother's gossiping footsteps. Well, they do say the apple never falls far from the tree so...)

ME: (interrupting) G., with all due respect, if J. is not directly involved, does not report it to the teachers or the guidance counselor or doesn't have witnesses or evidence to back up her story (I really need to stop watching all these crime dramas on TV), she needs to stay out of it. It's really not her business to police my daughter. I realize that the teachers don't always see the same things the kids see but again, if she sees something happening at school, she has to tell someone other than you. You can't do anything about it, they can. And to be perfectly honest, I was not only very upset after hearing this news from you, as I'm sure you knew I would be, but I was also very upset with myself for jumping the gun and getting so angry before finding out all the facts so in the future, should this type of incident happen again, I think it best to leave it up to the teachers or the parents directly involved instead of relying on the gossip mill. Again, I do appreciate that you alerted me to a potential situation, but if this type of thing happens, again I think it best that I hear it from them or from K. directly.

G: I hope you're not saying that you think J. is lying!!

(Oh God, here we go!)

ME: G., I never said any such thing so please don't put words in my mouth. It's all about perspective. If J. thinks she sees or hears something happening, tell her to speak up. If not or she's not sure something happened, she shouldn't. But if she keeps reporting back to you about something that's none of your business you can't do anything about it and I certainly don't want to get anymore of these phone calls prying into what I now consider personal business. Only the people involved can help to resolve things and if K. isn't willing to speak up for her own child, then I'm sorry, but that's her cross to bear.

G.: But it is my business! K.'s my friend!

ME: G., I realize she's your friend but there's a difference about it being your business and making it your business and this situation is not your business. Now if K. chooses to make her business your business, then that's her right but then you will need to find out the details from her.


By this point, I really wanted to get off the phone! Talking with her on the phone is never fun, she speaks so fast you can barely understand her and the constant interruptions, all so she can get out what she needs to say, are extremely annoying.


G: You sound mad. I hope you're not mad at me!

(Oy vey. This woman can't have anyone mad at her. Ever. She's neurotic about it. If she thinks someone's mad at her, she will obsess over it.)

ME: No G., I'm not the least bit mad at you but I really do need to go so I'll talk to you later, okay? Thanks for calling!

And wouldn't you know it? As of yesterday afternoon, she was still calling me! She called me twice, left one message and then obviously had ants in her pants and couldn't wait for me to return her call so she tried calling me again. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like nosy people! Why is it that some people can't just mind their own fucking business?!

stuck on stupid

For those of you not on Facebook, this will take some explaining. So, once again, grab your beverage of choice and chillax. God, I hate that word but yes, I did in fact use it.

A long, long time ago, on an Internet dating site based out of Beverly Hills, California, I "met" a woman we'll call "Fucked-up Nutcase". Yes, I made more women friends than met actual men. Go figure.

Anyway, FUN and I chatted, became "friends" and eventually and occasionally Emailed off the site. We had a falling out, my mind escapes me exactly what occurred, but nevertheless, she acted fruity and I told her that I was losing her Email address. Fast.

Fast forward to early fall when she requested to be added to my Facebook friend's list. I actually had to ask around for someone to remind me who she was! When I found out, I waited several days before adding her to my list, weighing the pros and cons of doing so. I hesitated for a reason, I only wish I had listened to my conscience then.

Facebook has a gazillion and a half of these stupid game applications that you can log into, one of which is called Celebrity Agent. Now let's stop for a moment and think about what a celebrity agent actually does. An agent represents celebrities. It's a cut throat business in which agents are always trying to scam other agents out of their clients because the entire business is about making more money than ten million Donald Trumps put together.

So what is the point of this game? To start, you select six celebrities. You then invite friends to participate because you need those friends to what? What?! That's right, steal from them. And on top of stealing the celebrity in question, you have the option of locking them in for a certain amount of time so that said celebrity cannot be stolen away from you right away. All very exciting, lemme' tell you. *rolls eyes*

So FUN is on my list of people I play against and over just the last few days she's up $20K. So as a celebrity agent, what do I do? I check out her celebrities to find her money-maker celeb. I find her and I swipe her. Fast and hard, hitting below the belt by locking her. Bwahahaha! She's mine!

I leave home to go watch my daughter play in her hockey game and arrive back awhile later to find a crazy-assed IM from FUN. It read:

Miss Koolio...what ya' doin'? I see Obama on your list all the time, he's available and I don't take him...because I don't do that to friends.

*blank stare*

Did I forget to mention that this lunatic is over 50 years old?! I really hope she's not wondering why she's still single. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, I responded to her IM with an Email. In true Koolio form, it was entitled GET OVER IT. Heh.

Of all the people on here, I never expected YOU to whine about PLAYING A GAME. Since it seems you never read the purpose behind Celebrity Agent, you are supposed to steal others celebs in order to make money. I was playing the GAME, you're just kvetching about it.

Honestly, I am very surprised with myself for even dignifying your ridiculousness over such a thing with a reply but even more surprised that you're acting like a 3 year old. Go throw your tizzy elsewhere, I'm not interested.

With that, I deleted her from my friend's list. Silly perhaps, but if I have one less crackpot in my life, the better it is for me. Then I wrote in my status bar...

Koolio says FYI - if you contact me to whine about how you think I'm not playing an FB GAME fairly, I have 3 words for you - GROW UP and "defriend". Have a nice day.

Her response to me:

Koolio...You're right not to have expected me to whine...I wasn't whining in fact I'm surprised u took the remark so seriously.

STOP! Just back the fuck up!! Did I misread something when she sent me an IM clearly complaining to me about my playing the game in what she thought was an unfair manner? Please, someone tell me! And if she wasn't serious, then what was the purpose of sending me the IM in the first place?!

She continued:

Your prerogative, of course...and if you ever feel like being on my list again, feel free.

Okay, that last part was laughable. If I ever want to be on her list again? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! How was she able to turn this around on me and make me look like I was to blame for her bad behavior?!

I'm undecided as to whether I should ream her out or move on. On one hand, reaming her out would be so fulfilling, on the other hand, haven't I wasted enough time on this fucknut??!

Oh by the way...I'm making a buttload of money off that celeb I stole from her! And the sweet part about the whole thing is that she's no longer on my friend's list which means she's no longer someone who can play against me in Celebrity Agent and she can't steal her celeb back.

Ahh, sweet reward. *insert big evil grin here*

apparently i'm chopped liver

I have this friend. We'll call her Connie Clueless. She's very sweet, has a great personality and is a good conversationalist.

Even though she speaks like she's just sucked in helium which makes it sound like she's a total ditz.

But after yesterday, I know for a fact that she is a ditz!

I feel bad for her. About a year ago, her husband was introduced to that awful World of Warcraft and is addicted to it. He comes home, eats dinner and then spends about five hours on the computer into the wee hours of morning. He and my friend don't spend any alone time together anymore, don't go out together, fight about time spent and not being spent with one another, etc.. He's more in love with his WoW than his own wife.

Connie is from Phoenix, Arizona and speaks fondly of it often. She has a few friends here but no one she can really call close. She doesn't like it here and as often as she praises Phoenix does she put down this city. She feels alone and lonely and wants desperately to return to her hometown.

With or without her husband.

I speak to her often and we talk about everything. She has confided in me about her feelings on her life here and her frustrations with her husband and the new love in his life. We talked yesterday, I listened and made a few suggestions about possibly resolving things with her husband and if not with him, then with herself. That friends are great to talk to but therapists can sometimes enlighten us and help things fall into place. I told her, in all seriousness, that she should consider suing the makers of World of Warcraft for breaking up her marriage and frankly, I think she'd have a case. I told her if her husband doesn't have an interest in going out with her, she should plan a girl's night out from time-to-time.

Pay special attention to that last line!

So she said "I don't know. I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that. All my friends are married with families and have their own things to do."

*blank stare*

Interesting...last time I checked the ink on my 2002 divorce agreement was very dry.

If it weren't for the fact that this is the second time she's said something along those lines to me I'd find it funny, but now I take it personally.

So...if she doesn't consider me a friend, then WTF am I?! What have I been, a pseudo-wannabe-therapist handing out free advice?! I mean, what would y'all call it?! And then there's the question of if she doesn't consider me a friend, do I simply humor myself by continuing to talk to her or stop putting forth my share in the friendship?

This situation is exactly why I am so untrusting of people. As nasty and rude as I can be on here, I am a good friend which sometimes translates for some to take advantage of my kindness.

Motherfuckers.

and this is exactly why i am not in a relationship

A week or so ago, a former lust object of mine resurfaced on Facebook. We started reminiscing and after numerous IM chats and one phone call, it wasn't hard to figure out that he was in an unhappy marriage.

I know, red flag. I have the talent to ignore them when I need to pay attention to them.

So we start talking about his unhappy situation. In no offense to any of you because I don't claim to know your marital statuses, but it pisses me off to no end to hear how people will stay in a marriage just for their kids.

Okay, lemme' tell you something folks, and I can say this because I am a divorced woman with two kids who aren't all fucked in the head from the divorce but ya' know what really fucks the kids up in a divorce? The parents. The fighting and hostility rubs off onto them and that is what affects them. Yes, of course the kids don't want their parents to split and want their parents to be all happy happy, but it's the residual effects the arguing has on them that causes the most damage and not the actual split. Don't believe me? Go do some Googling and read up on it.

Again, I can say that because I was once there. If I wasn't arguing with my ex, then we were ignoring each other. I, too, was one of those parents who told myself I would, I could, stay with my ex simply for the sake of the kids but when it came down to it, the minute I realized how our behavior was affecting our kids, I knew it was time to be selfish for once in my marriage and get out while my kids were still sane!

The fact remains, there is no reason why anyone should ever use their kids as the excuse for staying in a wrecked marriage. My parents did and they are two of the most dysfunctional people I know. I can recall numerous times when I'd find my mother crying in a closet and other times when my sister and I hoped my parents would divorce. Frankly, my father could be really fucking sinister when he wanted to be and it would have done him good to have his balls cut off and shoved down his throat but, of course, that's just my fantasy opinion.

Do you know what happens to the person in the marriage who decides to stay for the sake of the kids? That thing we call a 'spine' shrivels up and disintegrates. If my parents were to get a divorce now, my mother wouldn't know what to do with herself and would probably fall into a permanent catatonic state. Which, in hindsight, wouldn't be so bad because then she'd stop telling me I have a brain tumor whenever I get one of my migraines along with the numerous other health issues she claims she has. Can you say "Hypochondriac?"?! C'mon kids, sure ya' can!

Anyway, divorce...been there, done that, have the T-shirt! Friend-to-friend, I talked with this guy about his situation. It made sense, he got it, he knew that not all would be lost if he and his wife were to divorce. The kids would be sad for awhile and then they would recover.

We've chatted and/or Emailed every day since getting back in touch. Strangely enough, he has such a clear, strong memory of our time together down to the details of our sexual encounters. A bit weird but we were able to joke about it without letting it bother us. Suddenly, I made a comment as I had been for the last 20 minutes of our conversation and he says "Uh...oh by the way, the shit went down last night and I'm moving out soon. I'm so worried about the kids so I won't be able to chat with you for awhile.".

Huh?! How did our conversation go from joking one minute to basically telling me C ya'!!

One of two things happened here...first, I can see a brush off from a mile away and I don't appreciate such a thing from anyone, friend or stranger, more so from someone I consider a friend. Two, it was okay for him to make sexual jokes but the second I make one, he gets all weirded out and heads for the hills?! WTF?!

I will admit that I do have a tendency to read into things a bit too much but what else am I left to think? He's all but admitted to me that he still thinks about me and dangles that little carrot in front of my face and then BAM, he's gone quicker than the Star Ship Enterprise at warp speed!

As someone who's experienced divorce firsthand and who understands the ins and outs of the emotions that come into play during such a mourning period, I'm the first one to understand loneliness, neediness, and a whole multitude of emotions that goes along with first separation, then divorce and then the aftermath when you just want to sow your wild oats 'til the cows come home! I'm also the first one to understand wanting to physically get back out into the dating world but not being ready emotionally. After one experience years ago with a newly separated man that left me kinda' shattered, I made a promise to myself that I would not get involved with men who were not only just separated but also emotionally unavailable mainly because, no matter how much they will try to convince you and themselves, they are just not ready to get back out there after going through what can be such a hurtful process. I just can't do it and up until now, I've been a good girl.

In one way, it's different because this guy is not a stranger to me. When we first talked, we picked up our friendship where we last left it and it was good, familiar and fun. Nothing wrong with that. No promises were ever made to me and even if there had been, I wouldn't have believed any of them. I think what bothers me about this situation the most is that this was supposed to be a friendship, nothing more, and as soon as it restarted, he pushed it aside like it didn't mean shit.

For all I know, I could be reading too much into it and I've put together incorrectly the pieces to this puzzle but nevertheless, it sucks to feel like you've just been shit on when you've done nothing to deserve it. I'll recover, I always do and in no offense to the men out there reading this, sometimes I really hate you guys.

and let the stress begin

I wasn't going to write one of my infamous family posts until shortly before I was to leave next week, but my parents already started with me today about something so I figured now was as good a time as any to get into it and try to write off some of the stress I'm already starting to feel.

For those of you who haven't been reading me long, let me just put it this way...if I could trade my family in for a new one tomorrow, I would jump at the chance to do so. In a nutshell, my sister has a chemical imbalance that she chooses not to acknowledge and my parents are selfish social status snobs whom I've grown to dislike increasingly over the years.

Let me begin the story...

Since my son was born, we have "vacationed" (ha ha) at my parents' place every spring. When my children began school, it became their spring break. So when my ex asked me a few months ago if he could take them this spring break, I certainly wasn't going to deny him that right. Besides, my kids have expressed to me in recent years and recently to their dad, that they are getting tired of having to visit my family because there's nothing overly exciting for them to do there (which is true) and frankly, they're getting tired of vacationing with a grandmother who has to set all activities by such a rigid schedule.

Spring break. Three months away. My kids called my parents today to thank them for sending them monetary gifts for Hanukkah. Afterwards, my parents wanted to talk to me about how much fun (choke, gag, cough) the kids are going to have while visiting and my mother mentioned that they had just bought my son spring training tickets to the Boston Red Sox game.

Yikes!

I was waiting to get down there to tell them that we wouldn't be visiting for spring break because I honestly wanted to watch my sister throw one of her fits when she found out she wasn't going to get her way and get to see the kids in the spring. I know, I'm a mean bitch, sue me!

So I told my parents that my ex was taking the kids away for spring break and they tried every excuse in the book why he wasn't allowed, as if their rights as grandparents come before his rights as their father!

1. We already bought the baseball tickets. (yes and there are many Red Sox fans out there who would LOVE to have those tickets!)
2. He has them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. (actually, we take turns every year with Thanksgiving and he's entitled to celebrate Christmas with his own children even if that means they miss a little bit of Hanukkah on the off-chance that Hanukkah and Christmas fall at the same time of year.)
3. They'll miss being in the warm climate. (actually, no they won't because they're vacationing in the same warm climate...just not with you!)

But that doesn't really paint a complete picture of how fucked up my family really is. No, let me take you back to the time that my son was born and I was suffering from post-partum depression...

My mother came to visit the weekend we brought him home from the hospital and as helpful as she was trying to be, she was driving me nuts! I'd ask her not to do something, to just sit and enjoy her new grandson and I would turn my back for two seconds to find that she went ahead and did exactly what I asked her not to do.

Like all newborns, my son was losing weight in the beginning only he was one of those children who continued to lose so the doctors were keeping an eye on him and he had an appointment every other day to be weighed and examined. One of those times, I asked my ex to take my mom and my son to the doctor so I could get some peace. My mother returned, pulled me aside and told me my son was dying. Oh yes she did!!

That's when I completely broke down and told my ex to take me back to the hospital. He assured me that the doctors never said any such thing about our son dying. He then called my father, explained to him what was happening and that he needed to talk to his wife. "I don't need to talk to her, she's only trying to help."! Help?! Help do what, put her daughter in the looney bin?!

For those of you who weren't reading my blog in August, the kids and I were just days away from leaving on a trip to visit my family when I fell down some steps while pet-sitting a neighbor's dog and I broke both my ankles. As upset as I was, I looked at it as a blessing that I wouldn't have to visit only for my family to tell me the very next day that they were coming here!

Before my sister got on the plane to come here, she called me and told me that her visit was not a social one. That she was here to help me do whatever I needed her help with and then she proceeded to chew me out about what an unappreciative bitch I was because I hadn't thanked her enough for what she was doing for me. Apparently, the five+ times I did thank her wasn't acceptable.

Then, a cousin who has always been closer to my sister and never calls me, called me to see how I was doing. But not before she put my sister high on a pedestal, praising her for being so nice to me. Oh gee, could my sister have possible called her to complain to her about how unappreciative I was?! No, she couldn't have!! *rolls eyes*

From the moment my sister set foot in my house, the tension hung heavy in the air. The day after she and my mom arrived, I recalled what she said about helping me with anything so I asked her to take some cans out to my garage to the recycling bin and she flipped her lid and stomped off to my garage where she proceeded to throw one of her psychotic tantrums she's famous for before coming in and refusing to help me with my recycling. While she was throwing her tantrum, I turned to my mother and told her what my sister had said to me before visiting and then told her that she better have a serious talk with my sister about the behavior she chose to exhibit in my house in front of my kids or she would be leaving and not welcome back. I'm certain my mother never had that discussion with her.

Not long after that, did my son accidentally spill a minute amount of water on my sister's cell phone. God forbid anyone should do anything to her precious cell phone which she rudely carries around with her wherever she goes with it super-glued to her ear at all times. At the same time that my son accidentally spilled water on her phone, he did so on the kitchen floor. My sister magically found the small droplets of water that hit the ground and she did the same, right on her fat ass. My back was turned when I heard The Thud Heard 'Round the World, I turned and sincerely asked what happened when she snapped and said "You know exactly what happened you bitch!". Yes, in front of my kids.

Needless to say, that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I ordered her out of the house. I screamed at her as she very much deserved it and she was taken aback. Then she decided to do a little screaming of her own, getting in my face, threatening me that she was going to take my children away from me, blah, blah, blah, all the while, my mother telling me to stop it. Y'all, I'm telling you, you would have loved to see this shit in action!

Between being incapacitated from the accident and that bullshit of dealing with that crusty cunt of a sister, clearly, I was upset. I turned to my father thinking he would help me only for him to say to me several times "Either tell them to leave or deal with it." Nice, caring advice for a father to give to someone he supposedly loves, right?! Still balling my eyes out, he finally yelled at me and I chose to hang up on him. I heard my mother's cell phone ringing and then heard my sister saying awful things at full volume right in front of my kids.

The story does end, just not yet!

Then my mother angrily came into my room, "How dare you make your father yell at me when he's just had surgery!!". Make him yell at me?! Oh yesI held a gun to his temple while him to scream at me, egging him on to see how many stitches he could pop! I told my mother not to blame beggingme for my father not having control of his temper and that just because she loved my sister more than me, she had no right to be treating me in such a way.

Well, it would seem I caught her a little off-guard with what I had said to her and she backed down a bit. She asked me if she and my sister could take my kids to a movie and I told them if they didn't apologize to me for the way they were treating me in my house, they wouldn't be taking my kids anywhere and reminded her what my sister told me, that this wasn't a social visit. By the expression on my mother's face, clearly she was unaware of the verbal raping my sister gave me before they arrived.

At the exact moment that my mother felt it was okay to offer me an apology and came back into my room to apologize, she was interrupted by my ex who was loudly chewing me out over the phone, reminding me about a blog I once had that he mistakingly found and felt forced to threaten a lawsuit against me because I was talking trash (aka the truth) about he, his wife and his family, how hateful a person I was and that I should die a thousand painful deaths.

I'm telling ya', does my family know how to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional", or what?!?!??!

Eventually, my mom had the chance to apologize and my sister "apologized" as well. The next day, their last day being here, my sister didn't say "boo" to me and we haven't spoken since. Again, that was August.

Oh and my father? He ignored me for the entire month. There I was, calling him every day to check on him after he had major intestinal surgery, and my own father couldn't suck it up and get over the fact that yes, maybe he was wrong at yelling at his daughter when she was at her lowest point, injured and depressed.

I'm sure you can imagine why I get so stressed when I have these visits with my family and while I would like to be able to make the best of things, I'm predicting many uncomfortable situations to befall me next week...

My sister trying to talk to me, for one.. I already decided back in August that I no longer want a relationship with my her. Too much shit has happened between us, she has been an awful person to me my entire life and there are too many things that can no longer be forgotten or forgiven. For instance, she tried to kill me when I was just days old. If my mother hadn't walked into the room when she did, my sister would have succeeded in murdering her baby sister. She chased me around the house with a knife on more than one occasion when we were little. She would do things to me like physically abuse me, then act like I had done something to her and I would be the one to get punished. She would steal personal items of mine and then when I would find them stashed in her room, who do you think would get punished for trespassing?! I'll give you a hint...not her!

I will be as civil as I possibly can be given the hate I feel for her, but I have a strong feeling that my parents will pull me aside and insist that I make up with her. If that happens, I'm afraid I'll have to burst their little fantasy bubble because it will never happen. I'm 40 years old and I'm old enough to decide who I want in my life and who I want, well, dead. And yes, if my sister were to die tomorrow, I would not shed a single tear for her. They can side with her all they want and believe all the bullshit tales that flow from her lying tongue, I will never budge for them as I've done more than my share of things to appease them over the years and I'm done with this shit!

Now can you see why I enjoy these family "vacations" so much?!

sleeping with the lights on

Under no circumstances, should any of you see the movie The Strangers.

Not even in the day time.

Trust me, this is sane advise from a woman who is going to be alone for a week.

Fuck. Me.

30 years

Ironically enough, when I created this blog, I had no idea that the 30th anniversary of the mass-murder/suicide at Jonestown was upon us.

I watched a CNN two-hour special last Thursday night on those who were fortunate to get out. Up until then, I had no idea that there were people who actually lived. I use the word 'fortunate' loosely as tragedy has followed these escapees since leaving Jonestown but I'll get to that later.

In case you didn't already know, Jim Jones was one crazy motherfucker! They showed news footage and had audiotapes of him preaching his bullshit to these poor people. For the first time, they showed photos of people who were gunned down at the airport when they tried to leave. Thankfully, some lived through their injuries to tell their story.

And these stories were all heart-breaking to say the least. People who believed in this fucknut, went to Guyana and the second they saw Jonestown, regretted it. It was leveled jungle, hot and buggy with shit living conditions and barely any food. They had never taken into consideration that jungle wouldn't be decent conditions to actually grow anything but jungle so most of the food they ate was imported instead of home-grown. Oh...let's not forget the huge trunk full of Kool-Aid that Jones showed off to the media during filming!

And he preached. He preached that it was a socialist society where they would all live as equals and in the end, he took it all back and said he was in control, this Hitler in sheep's clothing. From before the time people followed him to Guyana, he was purchasing cyanide. By the time his followers arrived, he had six pounds of cyanide and he wasn't done. Who knows how long he had been planning to kill everyone but he preached once that the road leading to Jonestown didn't lead back out so his intentions were clear from the start.

They put on this big show for those on the outside. A United States Congressman came to visit and left in a body bag after he and two people from the media were assassinated at the airport when they tried to leave. The senator's aid was shot five times but survived. Some of the escapees were shot but also lived. One mother had her head blown off as her daughter sat by and watched.

The day the senator left was the day everyone met their deaths. After hearing the news that Jones' gunmen had killed the Congressman and announcing it to his followers, he told them that more people would be coming to break up their happy society and "If we can't live in peace, let us die in peace.". You can hear loud cheers from his followers in this audio tape.

The next tape you hear are the horrific cries and screams of young children after getting the shot of death. Jim Jones is heard telling everyone not to worry, that the kids were just scared but not hurting. He continued by telling people that if they just calmed down, they would not suffer. As it was explained later on, the Potassium Cyanide used to kill these people cause violent convulsions before death. Death is not sudden and certainly not painless. These people died scared.

For those of you who've never seen the made-for-TV movie about Jim Jones and Jonestown, not everyone was a willing participant in the end. Those who resisted were given shots and autopsies showed, that a number of people had bruising where they were stabbed with hypodermic needles, some even in their necks. And Jim Jones? Died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The coward couldn't even die the way his followers did.

As for those who've escaped...they've been met with drug and alcohol addiction and several ended up committing suicide. Many of them live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The CNN reporter covering this story journeyed to Guyana with one woman (she was only twelve years old at the time she escaped), who simply returned to the Jonestown site to make sure that Jonestown and Jim Jones were no longer there. Where this compound once stood, now stands jungle regrowth. Natives dismantled the buildings and took everything with them long ago.

One man, who was Jones' right-hand man, talked about how he wanted to kill himself soon after he escaped simply because he knew he would never be able to get the screams and the smells out of his mind. To this day, he says the smell of almonds, which is what cyanide smells like, makes him physically ill.

One man, who is being called the youngest survivor of Jonestown because his mother was pregnant with him at the time of escape, is a cop-killer, in a California prison for the rest of his life. It's doubtful that his violent actions have anything to do with Jonestown, but it's being used as an example that tragedy has followed these people and their families.

If you want to read the whole story, do so here.

I suppose the point of this post is for each of you to treasure what you have in life and don't let anyone ever take that away from you. Don't be a follower, be a leader in your own lives.