and let the stress begin

I wasn't going to write one of my infamous family posts until shortly before I was to leave next week, but my parents already started with me today about something so I figured now was as good a time as any to get into it and try to write off some of the stress I'm already starting to feel.

For those of you who haven't been reading me long, let me just put it this way...if I could trade my family in for a new one tomorrow, I would jump at the chance to do so. In a nutshell, my sister has a chemical imbalance that she chooses not to acknowledge and my parents are selfish social status snobs whom I've grown to dislike increasingly over the years.

Let me begin the story...

Since my son was born, we have "vacationed" (ha ha) at my parents' place every spring. When my children began school, it became their spring break. So when my ex asked me a few months ago if he could take them this spring break, I certainly wasn't going to deny him that right. Besides, my kids have expressed to me in recent years and recently to their dad, that they are getting tired of having to visit my family because there's nothing overly exciting for them to do there (which is true) and frankly, they're getting tired of vacationing with a grandmother who has to set all activities by such a rigid schedule.

Spring break. Three months away. My kids called my parents today to thank them for sending them monetary gifts for Hanukkah. Afterwards, my parents wanted to talk to me about how much fun (choke, gag, cough) the kids are going to have while visiting and my mother mentioned that they had just bought my son spring training tickets to the Boston Red Sox game.

Yikes!

I was waiting to get down there to tell them that we wouldn't be visiting for spring break because I honestly wanted to watch my sister throw one of her fits when she found out she wasn't going to get her way and get to see the kids in the spring. I know, I'm a mean bitch, sue me!

So I told my parents that my ex was taking the kids away for spring break and they tried every excuse in the book why he wasn't allowed, as if their rights as grandparents come before his rights as their father!

1. We already bought the baseball tickets. (yes and there are many Red Sox fans out there who would LOVE to have those tickets!)
2. He has them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. (actually, we take turns every year with Thanksgiving and he's entitled to celebrate Christmas with his own children even if that means they miss a little bit of Hanukkah on the off-chance that Hanukkah and Christmas fall at the same time of year.)
3. They'll miss being in the warm climate. (actually, no they won't because they're vacationing in the same warm climate...just not with you!)

But that doesn't really paint a complete picture of how fucked up my family really is. No, let me take you back to the time that my son was born and I was suffering from post-partum depression...

My mother came to visit the weekend we brought him home from the hospital and as helpful as she was trying to be, she was driving me nuts! I'd ask her not to do something, to just sit and enjoy her new grandson and I would turn my back for two seconds to find that she went ahead and did exactly what I asked her not to do.

Like all newborns, my son was losing weight in the beginning only he was one of those children who continued to lose so the doctors were keeping an eye on him and he had an appointment every other day to be weighed and examined. One of those times, I asked my ex to take my mom and my son to the doctor so I could get some peace. My mother returned, pulled me aside and told me my son was dying. Oh yes she did!!

That's when I completely broke down and told my ex to take me back to the hospital. He assured me that the doctors never said any such thing about our son dying. He then called my father, explained to him what was happening and that he needed to talk to his wife. "I don't need to talk to her, she's only trying to help."! Help?! Help do what, put her daughter in the looney bin?!

For those of you who weren't reading my blog in August, the kids and I were just days away from leaving on a trip to visit my family when I fell down some steps while pet-sitting a neighbor's dog and I broke both my ankles. As upset as I was, I looked at it as a blessing that I wouldn't have to visit only for my family to tell me the very next day that they were coming here!

Before my sister got on the plane to come here, she called me and told me that her visit was not a social one. That she was here to help me do whatever I needed her help with and then she proceeded to chew me out about what an unappreciative bitch I was because I hadn't thanked her enough for what she was doing for me. Apparently, the five+ times I did thank her wasn't acceptable.

Then, a cousin who has always been closer to my sister and never calls me, called me to see how I was doing. But not before she put my sister high on a pedestal, praising her for being so nice to me. Oh gee, could my sister have possible called her to complain to her about how unappreciative I was?! No, she couldn't have!! *rolls eyes*

From the moment my sister set foot in my house, the tension hung heavy in the air. The day after she and my mom arrived, I recalled what she said about helping me with anything so I asked her to take some cans out to my garage to the recycling bin and she flipped her lid and stomped off to my garage where she proceeded to throw one of her psychotic tantrums she's famous for before coming in and refusing to help me with my recycling. While she was throwing her tantrum, I turned to my mother and told her what my sister had said to me before visiting and then told her that she better have a serious talk with my sister about the behavior she chose to exhibit in my house in front of my kids or she would be leaving and not welcome back. I'm certain my mother never had that discussion with her.

Not long after that, did my son accidentally spill a minute amount of water on my sister's cell phone. God forbid anyone should do anything to her precious cell phone which she rudely carries around with her wherever she goes with it super-glued to her ear at all times. At the same time that my son accidentally spilled water on her phone, he did so on the kitchen floor. My sister magically found the small droplets of water that hit the ground and she did the same, right on her fat ass. My back was turned when I heard The Thud Heard 'Round the World, I turned and sincerely asked what happened when she snapped and said "You know exactly what happened you bitch!". Yes, in front of my kids.

Needless to say, that was the straw that broke the camel's back and I ordered her out of the house. I screamed at her as she very much deserved it and she was taken aback. Then she decided to do a little screaming of her own, getting in my face, threatening me that she was going to take my children away from me, blah, blah, blah, all the while, my mother telling me to stop it. Y'all, I'm telling you, you would have loved to see this shit in action!

Between being incapacitated from the accident and that bullshit of dealing with that crusty cunt of a sister, clearly, I was upset. I turned to my father thinking he would help me only for him to say to me several times "Either tell them to leave or deal with it." Nice, caring advice for a father to give to someone he supposedly loves, right?! Still balling my eyes out, he finally yelled at me and I chose to hang up on him. I heard my mother's cell phone ringing and then heard my sister saying awful things at full volume right in front of my kids.

The story does end, just not yet!

Then my mother angrily came into my room, "How dare you make your father yell at me when he's just had surgery!!". Make him yell at me?! Oh yesI held a gun to his temple while him to scream at me, egging him on to see how many stitches he could pop! I told my mother not to blame beggingme for my father not having control of his temper and that just because she loved my sister more than me, she had no right to be treating me in such a way.

Well, it would seem I caught her a little off-guard with what I had said to her and she backed down a bit. She asked me if she and my sister could take my kids to a movie and I told them if they didn't apologize to me for the way they were treating me in my house, they wouldn't be taking my kids anywhere and reminded her what my sister told me, that this wasn't a social visit. By the expression on my mother's face, clearly she was unaware of the verbal raping my sister gave me before they arrived.

At the exact moment that my mother felt it was okay to offer me an apology and came back into my room to apologize, she was interrupted by my ex who was loudly chewing me out over the phone, reminding me about a blog I once had that he mistakingly found and felt forced to threaten a lawsuit against me because I was talking trash (aka the truth) about he, his wife and his family, how hateful a person I was and that I should die a thousand painful deaths.

I'm telling ya', does my family know how to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional", or what?!?!??!

Eventually, my mom had the chance to apologize and my sister "apologized" as well. The next day, their last day being here, my sister didn't say "boo" to me and we haven't spoken since. Again, that was August.

Oh and my father? He ignored me for the entire month. There I was, calling him every day to check on him after he had major intestinal surgery, and my own father couldn't suck it up and get over the fact that yes, maybe he was wrong at yelling at his daughter when she was at her lowest point, injured and depressed.

I'm sure you can imagine why I get so stressed when I have these visits with my family and while I would like to be able to make the best of things, I'm predicting many uncomfortable situations to befall me next week...

My sister trying to talk to me, for one.. I already decided back in August that I no longer want a relationship with my her. Too much shit has happened between us, she has been an awful person to me my entire life and there are too many things that can no longer be forgotten or forgiven. For instance, she tried to kill me when I was just days old. If my mother hadn't walked into the room when she did, my sister would have succeeded in murdering her baby sister. She chased me around the house with a knife on more than one occasion when we were little. She would do things to me like physically abuse me, then act like I had done something to her and I would be the one to get punished. She would steal personal items of mine and then when I would find them stashed in her room, who do you think would get punished for trespassing?! I'll give you a hint...not her!

I will be as civil as I possibly can be given the hate I feel for her, but I have a strong feeling that my parents will pull me aside and insist that I make up with her. If that happens, I'm afraid I'll have to burst their little fantasy bubble because it will never happen. I'm 40 years old and I'm old enough to decide who I want in my life and who I want, well, dead. And yes, if my sister were to die tomorrow, I would not shed a single tear for her. They can side with her all they want and believe all the bullshit tales that flow from her lying tongue, I will never budge for them as I've done more than my share of things to appease them over the years and I'm done with this shit!

Now can you see why I enjoy these family "vacations" so much?!