hussy-in-training

I did something today that I think every parent dreads at some point. I made the decision that my son could no longer be a boyfriend to this girl he's been "dating" on and off since last year in the 5th grade.

Here's what happened...he was "dating" her which really consists of talking and texting on the phone and the occasional hug at school. He was invited to her birthday party in October and because he considered her special, he spent $60 on very nice earrings for her.

Little did I know, that during the time it took us to drive to her party, she was already talking to another boy, one of my son's friends, about being boyfriend/girlfriend with him which I actually found that out this very evening.

I found out that my son was no longer "dating" her on Halloween when I was taking he and his friends out trick-or-treating. He didn't seem bothered by it at all. I found out who she was dating from his friend's mother and I was kinda' shocked that this had happened so quickly. I figured this girl was just very boy crazy but then I found there's more to it than that.

Tomorrow night, my kids have a special holiday choir performance and they were at the facility today putting on the final touches. While we were waiting for our kids to finish up, this boy's mom came up to me and told me that this girl broke up with her son on Friday and immediately contacted my son to ask if they could be boyfriend/girlfriend again.

When I found out that this girl had one of her girlfriends tell this boy that she wanted to break up with him and that this boy went home to his mom, my friend, and cried his eyes out because he couldn't understand why, or what he had done for her to be so mean to him, that just made my heart ache for this boy. And it made me so angry that this girl was doing this to both boys.

Soon after arriving home this evening, I sat down with my son and told him that I had to put my foot down with something and told him that he could no longer be a boyfriend to this girl. He took it very hard and started crying. I did my best to explain things to him but I don't really think an 11 year old boy can truly grasp the games that this girl is playing. I told him how she was coming between two friends and that was the most hurtful thing she could possibly do and how friendships are so much more important than girlfriends. I also stressed the fact that he was too young for something like this, even if it made him feel special, and that first and foremost he had to concentrate on school and not be distracted by this girl.

After dinner, I called my friend and told her that I had told my son that he could no longer "date" her and she and I got into an indepth conversation about it. Apparently, when this girl had broken up with my son in October, she had done it in the same manner as she did with his friend. How my son couldn't be hurt by something like that is beyond me but then I remember that he's one of the youngest in his grade and while he just turned 11 over the summer, most of the other kids are turning 12 or have been 12 for some time so perhaps he's not as in tune to his emotions as some of his friends are.

Then I found out that during choir practice today, my friend's son wanted to tell my son to stay away from this girl but then he briefly got angry with my son for taking her back so easily without thinking of his (the friend's) feelings first. I told her it was probably a good idea that her son didn't say anything because while they're both too young to understand, sometimes it's better to find such things out on their own. Frankly, I don't think my son would have listened to his friend and I think if I hadn't said anything to my son, that he would always put this girl before any of his friendships.

But I want my son to hear it straight from his friend's mouth so sometime after school this week. we're gonna' get our boys together and help them to understand the problem behind her actions and that hearing the same thing from both parents will really help them to understand and hopefully to really think for themselves should they encounter a similar experience in the future. Plus, my son really needs to hear straight from his friend how hurt his friend was. I think such a pow-wow will really get them both thinking.

Boy, it's fucking tough being a parent sometimes!