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Thursday, December 4, 2008

i'm koolio and i grow penises on my farm

So there I was yesterday, minding my own business, when out of the corner of my eye something caught my attention.

I looked over at this houseplant I have situated by my front door and upon close inspection, I saw these guys growing in the soil.

Anyone ever seen anything like it? Up until now I haven't and it's sorta' freakin' me out!

A few short months ago I repotted this plant because it had outgrown it's pot. It's not like I took soil from outside, I used Miracle Gro potting soil! I guess the name rings true, because it's certainly growing some kind of miracle in the pot!!

I'm assuming it's some kind of fucked-up mushroom. Penis-shaped mushrooms...now I've seen everything!

So I Googled. I couldn't find any written information, but apparently I'm not the only one who's posted about this before because I found this photo online...

I looked at this guy's website and figured he'd know something about them since he's a chef and maybe you can cook with them (not like I'd ever eat them, of course!), but after scrolling through and reading page after page about his concoctions, the occasional person being disappointed in his cooking and the occasional moment when he was disappointed in the outcome of a dish or the presentation, I gave up. There's only so much of that shit I can take!

I wrote him an Email and I guess I'll just wait to see if I hear back from him. In the meantime, if anyone knows what these are, please let me know 'cause it would be nice to put a name to the penis. Just sayin'!

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Blogger WavyDavy said...

Maybe God is trying to tell you something by sending you these phallic mushrooms. And maybe the color yellow has special meaning. Perhaps you fear the penis. You could have ithyphallophobia (look it up). Don't get mad! I am here to provide analysis and interpretation. That's what I do. Or maybe this thing is a sign of things to come (pardon the pun)in your household. Either you are planning on inviting some Asian male friends over for a soiree OR maybe you have a son who will soon be taking orders from his own penis. That's my bet. Whatever - it's a sign. Kill it before it multiplies even further. Having a bunch of big yellow penises around can't be a good thing. Oh, if you do find that they are edible, I recommend trying them with whipped cream....

December 4, 2008 at 7:06 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I have no idea what they are, but think they are pretty awesome!

In reply to your comment, I didn't write about my job loss because of your comment, I just thought it was better to get it on there as it's still a big part of my life at the mo! Plus I'll probably want to whinge more :)

December 4, 2008 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Avalon said...

Koolio - Go take a look at this from Ruth


December 4, 2008 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Charlie said...

Thanks for the tip, Gertie. I'm going to get a shitload of Miracle Gro, bury my prong in it (I call him Prong), and see what happens. If I'm lucky, Martha's headaches will go away at bedtime.

December 4, 2008 at 1:24 PM  
Anonymous Giggle Pixie said...

We get those penis-shaped mushrooms here, except they're a brownish white color. Never saw bright yellow ones!! WOW!

December 4, 2008 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

I found the answer for you.

They are called Lepiota lutea also called the yellow parasol or flower pot parasol.

December 4, 2008 at 7:14 PM  
Blogger Tug said...


I never get penii to grow at my house.

December 4, 2008 at 7:53 PM  
Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Bahahahahaha! You're a dick farmer!

And Charlie---if you're successful then at the very least you'll be able to find prong in the dark. ;-)

December 5, 2008 at 7:22 AM  
Blogger Koolio said...

Dave, I love you, man! I laughed so hard at your interpretation, I think I ruptured my spleen!

Sam, awesome?! Well, to each his own, lol. As for your former job, what's done is done. Again, thank you for explaining and being so honest about it. I know you're going through a rough time lately, just hang in there! xo

Avalon, thanks for finding that story for me! It's nice to know that I'm not alone with these Invasion of the Body Snatcher Penii!

LMAO Charlie! "Prong", huh?! ;)

GP, wow is right! Pretty weird, aren't they?!

Leave, awesome, thanks! Although I'm afraid about what you actually Googled in order to find out that info., lol.

Tug, I see that more are already growing in my houseplant. Please Email me your home address so that I can send you a sample.

Mom, I guess that would be true. On both counts (me being a dick farmer and Charlie's "Prong" glowing)!

December 5, 2008 at 8:36 AM  
OpenID honeywine said...

ROFTLMAO! That toally beats my Cheetos penis!

December 5, 2008 at 1:09 PM  

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