koolio goes to the dentist

Since a young girl, mostly due to my not taking proper care of my teeth back then, I have been poked, prodded and probed more times than someone who's been abducted by aliens. I'm indifferent towards the dentist - like most people, I don't really care for them but I'm so used to the torture already it barely phases me.

Until yesterday.

I have always been a good patient. When I've had to have dental work done, I take my lidocane shots like a true champ. When I have to get the tartar scraped from my teeth, I don't cringe, not even when I'm stabbed in the gum like evil experiments are being performed on me.

But yesterday, the hygienist, whom I absolutely love, triggered my gag reflex not once but twice! I was mortified! I tried to hide it but how much can you hide the lurching sound coming from the back of your throat?! Thankfully, nothing made an appearance, if you know what I mean. *wink*

After the first time, I tried thinking of positive things. I said "Pretty Ponies Prancing on the Prairie" to myself over and over again but all I envisioned were those stupid My Little Pony dolls with the rainbow-colored mane and it made me want to gag some more.

Then I tried picturing a secluded beach somewhere in the South Pacific with beautiful, untouched palm trees, white glistening sand and crystal clear turquoise-colored waters and then she turned on the contraption that shoots that nasty baking soda into my mouth and completely ruined it for me!

The second time it happened was when I had to get X-rays taken. I have NEVER gagged while getting X-rays taken but when I realized that I would have a metal contraption in my mouth covered in a latex condom, the gagging was unavoidable.

The bitch must have been laughing at me.

Seriously, WTF am I gonna' do when I finally do meet a guy I want to date and he wants a...um...oh nevermind.


In other news...

Schwartz is still losing fur. It's getting to the point where I would probably have enough for a fur hat. Okay, maybe that's a stretch. Maybe just a finger cozy. Even though he's barely noticing this hair loss and isn't scratching, his skin seems a bit dry in spots with a few scabs here and there and after doing research online yesterday for mange, I started to wonder. He didn't fit all the symptoms but with this dog, I can never play it too safe!

I owed the vet a call anyway to report back to him since I started giving Schwartz Clariten for possible allergies and the vet assured me that he was 100% sure it was seasonal allergies and not mange. Then it dawned on me that he's probably reacting to the heat in the house. It's been cold here lately, using the heat has been a necessity and the hair loss started when we first turned the heat on. If my skin dries out in the winter, why couldn't it do the same thing to the dog?! And it's not like we can tell our dogs to drink a lot of water so that our skin doesn't dry out and have them listen to us, right?! Poor, poor needy, high-maintenance dog 'o mine!


My daughter is really cute in the morning. She always wakes up in a good mood, laughs and jokes around with me while I'm trying to coax her outta' bed.

This morning, she looked up at me and she didn't say "Hi Mom" or even "I love you, Mom" but instead she asked...

"Will you pick my nose?"

(As if!)

How did I respond?

First I looked at her like she had two heads. Then I did what any other respected parent would do to their child...I farted right in her face and ran out of the room! I bet she wasn't expecting that!