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Saturday, November 8, 2008

i was born a poor black child

Not me! Schwartz!!

The night before last, while giving Schwartz a good back-scratchin', I felt something...strange. It was cold and just felt plain weird to the touch! Okay stop it! I know some of you out there are thinking evil bestiality thoughts!

I got out a flashlight and there was a patch of exposed skin. Ladies and gents, not only is my dog suffering from male-patterned baldness but underneath all that fur, he's black!

After further inspection, I noticed that his skin looked fine. It wasn't dry or scaly and there were no sores from scratching. It was just...bald! Anyway, I called the vet yesterday morning and while I was waiting for him to return the call, I took him (Schwartz not the vet!) for a walk and noticed that he not only has that one patch of skin showing, but his fur is starting to thin out all over his body! WTF?! Here I am trying to grow his fur out for the upcoming colder season and he's morphing into The Great Baldino! And maybe if I'm really lucky, he'll shed all his fur, become the only Terrier/Cattle Dog mix breed with no fur and we can get him featured on that ridiculous Sci-fi show "Believe it or Not!" with host Dean Kane! Yeehaw!!

The vet eventually called me back and told me to go out and get some Zyrtec. For those of you who don't know what that is, which I'm sure most of you do, it's an OTC allergy medicine. He went onto explain that a lot of dogs in this area tend to develop allergies and gnaw at their fur when one day it's 50 degrees and the next it's 80 like we experience so often here and we're going through that type of back-and-forth weather change right now. This diagnosis would certainly explain why he's been sneezing so much lately!

So let's see if y'all can keep this straight...

1. He's on joint supplements for the rest of his life due to his hip injury when he was hit by a car as a younger puppy.

2. He has to take one Zantac/day because of an acid reflux condition.

3. He now has to take one Zyrtec/day to keep his allergy symptoms at bay.

*shakes head*

Why do I always pick the needy, high-maintenance animals?!


I was driving behind this guy yesterday and he had a bumper sticker that read

I love my wife


No, not 'why does he love his wife?', why must this guy proclaim his love for his wife in the form of a bumper sticker?! I can think of at least 100 other ways to proclaim one's love for another instead of on your little Redneck Mobile! Shit, could he get any classier?! His wife must be so flattered!

If you're gonna' sport a bumper sticker, at least be creative! Take the one I had once, for instance. When I was a senior in college, my mom, the generous soul that she is, gave me her heaping POS Cutlas Brougham Oldsmobile sedan which stalled everytime I turned on the heat so I had to make the 5.5 hour drive back to school in ass-cold Connecticut without heat and shivering my titties off! Where was I?! Oh yeah...this car was so crappy, that whomever was sitting in the front seat with me actually had to lean forward just to get the thing to go up a freakin' hill! I finally decided she was worth getting her very own bumper sticker which, I should add, I created...

0 to 60 in 20 minutes

I'm so cool. You know you wanna' be me. *wink*

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Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Well thank god the dog doesn't have mange! eek

I think dogs' skin is close to the same color as the hair growing out of it. I could be wrong though. One of our old dogs had some surgery on his leg and his skin was quite spotty and multi-colored. LOL

November 8, 2008 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Giggle Pixie said...

My husband loves to tell the story about his car when he was in college. It was an VW bug, and it was so old and rusted out that there were actually holes in the floorboard where your feet could go through to the pavement if you weren't careful!

He could have used your bumper sticker. He was in Oregon and you know that little bug barely made it through the hills there!

November 8, 2008 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger j said...

I think I read somewhere about some crazy church telling the men to put those stoopit bumper stickers on their cars. It drives me nuts too. I wanna see a "I hate my wife!" bumper ornament. How awesome would that be?!

November 8, 2008 at 8:26 PM  
Blogger WavyDavy said...

My favorite bumper sticker is the one I saw about George W. Bush. "Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot." I wouldn't put any bumper sticker on my car though.

November 9, 2008 at 9:31 AM  
OpenID honeywine said...

It's probably to throw his wife off the scent while he looks for new girlfriends! Had one of those this morning!

November 9, 2008 at 12:35 PM  
OpenID catherinette said...

First of all, I think your dog is actually an old man. Second, the reason that guy has that bumper sticker is probably because his wife slapped the sticker on his car and he hasn't noticed it yet.

November 9, 2008 at 7:42 PM  
Blogger Tug said...

Yeah, I was going to say the wife put it on there, too.

Zebras are black, too, did you know that? weird.

I had a car like that once...got passed by semis & motorhomes going up hills... ;-)

November 10, 2008 at 4:50 PM  

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