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Sunday, November 30, 2008

ahhh, the joys of life

Another lengthy post, my friends.

My kids returned home to me yesterday. They were so excited to see me (that's me being sarcastic) that my son gave me some limp hug and darted upstairs to his precious computer and to text message the rest of the day away with his on-again/off-again girlfriend.

My daughter was so damn excited to see me (that's me being even more sarcastic) that she came in, dropped her stuff off, gave me a hug a little less limp than my son's and went right back out to do errands with her dad.

Oh don't mind me. I'll just sit here. By myself. Again. It's not like I haven't done enough of that for a week.

I'm having computer issues. Again. Hmmm...where should I start first?!

Talk about acting like a tempermental bitch on the rag! One day it chooses to work, the next it decides it's going on hiatus. I can almost hear it taunting me "I'll work when I want to work, bitch!". It's slower than shit...if that makes any sense. Maybe I should say that it's slower than molasses. Yeah, that's a better description. Imagine molasses dripping s l o w l y out of a bottle and you actually turning gray waiting for that first drop to make an appearance. That's exactly what my computer has been like for the past year.

Most of you know that I choose to use dial-up despite the high-speed technology available at my fingertips so when I got this computer several years back, I just used the internal modem. It started off as a 56k (I know, lightning speed!) and after taking it to those fuckers who are supposedly in the computer technology business and, well, fucked it up while trying to clean all the unnecessary hoo-ha off of it, it came home a 26.4k. WTF?! I once worked for a modem company and I don't even think they make external modems that slow!

Anyway, since then it's been acting like a two year old having a crack-addicted tantrum and I should probably get a new one but since The Great Appliance Meltdown of 2008 (I would direct you to the post from my previous blog but it seems there are several and no one has enough time in a day to get through all of them) struck not too long ago and the economy being in the shitter, I just don't see the point. I realize this would probably be the best time for me to get a new one because of the holiday sales but to be perfectly honest, my parents bought me this one and told me to let them know when I needed another one and since I was born a princess, I'm not dumb enough not to look a gift horse in the mouth, ya' know?! I'm also not smart enough to ask them for a new one since I've just spent lengthy amounts of time getting this fucker to where it's working without giving me any backtalk!

I've used McAfee Security software for my computer for years but I've developed such brain damage from using it in the last two years alone, it makes me want to hunt down Mr. and/or Mrs. McAfee and bust a cap in his/her ass. Every other day it sends me warnings that my computer is unprotected and then when I make any attempts to fix it, I have to wait 82 hours for my computer to kick it into gear and then it tells me that it couldn't fix the fucking problem! Rrrrrr! When it told me the other day that it failed to update a specific portion of it and I had to reinstall the whole damn thing, I washed my hands of it (or so I thought). When I bought my son's computer a few months ago, a bought another type of security software that the salesperson recommended and one that can protect more than one PC. Yesterday, I decided to say 'fuck you' to McAfee, uninstalled it and installed the new one thinking that I would finally have a software I could trust to really protect my computer.

Well, that was short-lived! First it took me two tries to load it, then I had it scan my computer for viruses but I couldn't get it to stop scanning after it was still going after twelve freakin' hours. I should have also heeded the warning I received when the message window popped up to tell me that my computer didn't have enough memory to use this particular software so everything would be considerably slower on my computer. Well, everything's been considerably slower on my computer for a fucking year now so BFD! THEN, the first time I tried to activate the account, I skimmed through a message that said something about if I had a problem with receiving Email messages, blah, blah, blah...which I should have listened to because once this fucker started loading, I couldn't send or receive Email messages. Oh and then it wouldn't allow me to activate the account.

*heavy sigh*

By this time, I realized I was fucked in the fanny with all this computer shit and decided to uninstall the new software and reinstall McAfee. As of this very moment, my computer is still running on 26.4k speed but the McAfee and my Email are working. Yeah, I know I've just jinxed myself, shut up!

Now...let's talk about my thinning hair 'cause I know this is yet another topic y'all would have an interest in. MY thinning hear. Breaking news. No pun intended.

It seems I'm following closely in Schwartz's shadow. My daughter and I have been trying to grow our hair out for some time now for Locks of Love or one of the other hair-donating charities and I'm kinda' fed up. Not only have I not gotten my hair cut in a long time but I have bad hair days everyday and I've recently noticed that there's one part of my hair, of course directly in front for all to notice, where this one portion always hangs away from the rest of the gang and shows my scalp. It's very attractive, lemme' tell you! I know that once I get my hair cut this will correct itself and after doing some research this morning, I learned that after all this time I can't even donate my hair because the person donating has to be 18 years of age or younger. Nor can the person have any gray in their hair which wouldn't work for me either since I have a skunk stripe in my hair (which is really cool, by the way, if I do say so myself!).

And since I've mentioned Schwartz, what would a blog post be without my telling you a little bit about what's going on with him?!

As mentioned in my previous post, he's been taking steroids and ear drops. He's doing fine with the ear drops and he's almost done with them. I haven't seen him pull or scratch at his left ear since the day he started the drops. The steroids are another story. His reaction to those have been drinking more and loss of bladder control. Not a complete loss but after making a moat of pee around my dining room table last night, oh yeah, and me stepping in it again, it's getting close.

Here's the good news...his blood test came back normal. No thyroid issues. The bad news...he may have Cushings Disease and in dogs, that's bad news as it can lead to a multitude of health problems. Generally, Schwartz is very young to have such a problem but given that he has some of the symptoms mentioned in the article, I'm thinking he may just have such a disease. A few of the symptoms are: hair loss, weight gain, darkened pigment of the skin, sores/raised bumps and having accidents inside the house. I'm suspicious about the accidents though because he didn't start having them until after he was started on the steroids and, as I stated in my previous blog post, the doctor warned me he would be thirstier and pee more often from the medication and it just may be that his bladder fills up more quickly and he just can't hold it long enough to warn me that he has to go out. The article reads that the dog may also be lethargic but frankly, this dog has always loved his naps so it's hard to tell if he's actually exhibiting that symptom! Also, they have an aversion to jumping up onto things that they were once used to jumping on and he did demonstrate hind leg issues last week with his bad leg when I first started him on the medication. He's been ravenous at mealtimes, another symptom of Cushings, whereas up until a few months ago I was lucky if he would be interested in eating one meal/day. Now, he can't eat fast enough and will usually eat an entire bowl of food in under two minutes. It also mentions in this article that terriers in general are susceptible to this disease and if any of you recall, Schwartz is mostly terrier. He is getting tested for it this week and I'll let you know the results as I get them.

As many issues as I've had with this dog from the very beginning, he is part of the family, loved, a truly decent dog and the worst case scenario is that I will be forced to cut his life short. IF it's Cushings and we've caught it in the early stages, he may have a better chance at having a fulfilling life but if this requires more tests, I may have to make that decision sooner than later.

I hate to end this post on such a low note but my kids are up by now and starving like they haven't seen food in a year so y'all enjoy the rest of your weekend!

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Friday, November 28, 2008

the world keeps getting smaller and smaller

It almost feels like my past is catching up with me...which can be both good and bad!

Take this morning for instance...I was walking Schwartz and an SUV comes to an abrupt hault nearby. The woman in the passenger seat rolls down her window and asks me if the dog I'm walking is named "Schwartz".


I confirmed her suspicions and she said "Oh we owned him not too long ago." All proud that she was once Schwartz's owner and I'll assume that she was also the one who neglected him before putting him back up for adoption.

I kept strolling along with Schwartz while she tried to talk to me about him, asking me how he was, that he looked good, etc.. I kept a slight smile on my face but inside I was burning up. I wanted to say something, catch her off-guard and out her for the animal abuser that she is. If it had been yesterday when I wasn't as cheery as today, I would have but instead, after about a minute of her trying to have friendly conversation with me, I thanked her for stopping and told her we had to finish up our walk.

Afterwards, I spent several hours just kicking back at home. The kids called me about noon to let me know that they were safe and sound back in town. A little while later, I decided to hit a shoe store that's in a strip mall at the end of my subdivision. It's a store I've been meaning to try because it practically sits alone in this all-but-empty strip mall and I never see anyone go in there and since most of my shoes don't fit me anymore since the accident back in August plus I still have quite a number of shoes a half size too small that I used to fit into before having kids, I decided a little shoe-shopping sale was something I needed to gear my attention on.

Anyway, I go into the store and the owner, a nice-looking woman that looked really familiar, stops and stares at me. She said "Oh my God!", calls me by my name and tells me how I haven't changed a bit (I guess that's a good thing since I'm now 40 and she hasn't seen me since I was 17! But I'm getting ahead of myself!). I'm looking at her, I couldn't place her. It turned out, she and I went to rival high schools, fifteen minutes away from each other and we had met and chatted a few times at parties. She gave me her number and told her to call her sometime so we could hang.

Interesting how things just seem to happen like that, isn't it?!

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

yeah, happy fucking thanksgiving to me

I don't want to put a damper on your Thanksgiving because I realize that many of you out there really enjoy the family, food and festivities of the holiday, but I woke up to a big 'fuck you' this morning and it was just not the way I intended on spending the day!

Before I lead into any stories, this is going to be a long post so please, grab yourselves a piece of pumpkin pie and your drink of choice and chill. This could take awhile!

Let me start off by saying that while I've missed the kids terribly while they've been away, it's amazing what one can get done without having children around to entertain! My kids left on Sunday and I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday tidying up around here and making sure everything was organized and in its place for when my cleaning girl came by Wednesday. I can't stand when she comes and she reorganizes for me!

But I don't want to get ahead of myself. I want to start with Schwartz...

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been treating him for an ear infection. He's been a real trooper taking his steroid medication as well as ear drops and he's definitely improving. The doctor alerted me to the fact that the steroids would make Schwartz thirsty and he would have to pee often and she sure as shit wasn't kidding! When I've taken him out to pee, there have been times that I'm certain he's peed longer than a minute!

This is when all the shit...or pee...started going down for me this morning!

It's not uncommon for me to sleep like total crap when the kids are away so late last night, too late I should add, I decided to take that wonderful non-narcotic pain/sleep aid I was given when I injured my ankles back in August and I slept better than I have in awhile. Problem is, I slept longer than Schwartz's bladder could handle!

I had plans for today. Not plans like you guys because I had no intentions of eating all the stick-to-your-ribs kinda' foods y'all probably ate today, but plans...to give myself a manicure and then hold the sofa down all day long by reading and watching bad TV!

I got up with fried eggs, toasted pumpernickel bread and making a pot of that new pumpkin spice coffee I'd just bought from the Fresh Market the other day occupying my thoughts, went to turn on the kitchen light and stepped right into a kiddie pool-size puddle of dog pee. Lovely. I saw Schwartz cowering on the sofa and clearly he had 'guilt' in capital letters written all over his face. I felt bad 'cause he looked so damn sad!

I cleaned up the pee, went to open the door to my garage to retrieve my mop when...I stepped in pee puddle #2! If you thought it couldn't get worse it most fucking certainly did! No, there wasn't a third puddle and there wasn't any poop (that I was aware of at the time but found some little nuggets in our upstairs room that the cleaning girl forget to shut the door to when she was here, the fucking whore). I cleaned all that stuff up, bagged having my breakfast because I'd lost my appetite by that point, and got onto the computer since I hadn't been on it in a few days. Logged into my Email and the following message appeared:

Failed to create empty document

Hahaha, okay jokes over, dickface!

I tried it again. Same message. I looked around to see if I could see spot the Candid Camera people hiding out in my shrubs but there were none. I tried accessing my Email several more times with the same results before finally deciding that I had been fucked up the ass with a splintered wooden bat.

Luckily, I could still access the Internet, contacted my provider and had a lovely hour-long Thanksgiving Day chat with Maggie K. who helped me fix the problem and access my Email again, with all my addresses still intact. That didn't say anything for my messages, which were ALL gone, every single last one of them, some that I've saved for years because they were that important!

*heavy sigh*

She walked me through some more steps that were supposed to back up all my Email data, including the messages, only when I went to import them into my Email, the fucking file was corrupted and wouldn't import any information. Of course. When I have the time and patience, I'm going to follow the steps again and try to recreate this file on my own but something tells me that all my messages are long gone. Until then, no use crying over spilt milk. Or my fucking POS Email.

(Shhhh. Don't make me jinx myself! I don't need to go through this same shit tomorrow morning too!)

Surprisingly enough, the headache didn't start until after I had gone through all that madness. When I was in the midst of giving myself a manicure and pedicure (which is only half complete at the moment because the brain beating I was taking didn't allow me to polish my nails), is when I felt the migraine hit like someone had just thrown a concrete block at my head going 100 mph.

I took meds, they didn't help. I went into my room to take a nap, it didn't help. I was cranky, dehydrated and nauseous. I hadn't felt that way since the time I decided to throw up on myself in the car while driving home with the kids from visiting the family in Florida. I took more meds and had to resort to using an ice pack on my head which I haven't had to do in a year and a half, since I started taking prescription drugs for my headaches.

And then there was Schwartz, who had to pee every other second and I was telling myself that this was the one time I wish I didn't have a dog so that I could just lay there suffering in peace and quiet!

I took him outside, he peed an ocean, I grabbed my ice pack again and laid on the sofa with the back door open as it was about 68 degrees here with a lovely breeze blowing. About an hour later, I felt human again. Still feeling a bit on the blechy side, still feeling a little dizzy from the meds but much better than I had!

Soon after I became human again, the kids called and I talked to them for awhile. Then I watched the ending of one of my favorite movies (Unbreakable), read for awhile (Stephen King's Duma Key), showered and now here I am, telling you my lovely Turkey Day tale, you lucky fucks!!

Tomorrow morning, I'm having my fried eggs, pumpernickel toast and my pumpkin spice coffee, bitches, and ain't no one or no pee gonna' stop me!

Hope y'all had a great day or at least, better than mine!

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Monday, November 24, 2008

a little bit of this, a little bit of that

I saw Saw 5 (do not read the spoiler if you intend on seeing the film) last night. You would have thought after I saw The Strangers, I would have steered far away from scary movies for awhile, right?! The Strangers was more mind fuck than anything else. There's very little physical violence and the little that there is, you don't even see it actually happen, just the strain of what's occurring on the actors' faces. In the Saw series, you don't have to have seen any of the movies to know that there's a lot of gore but what a huge disappointment! It was actually the first Saw movie I saw in the theater and definitely my least favorite of the whole series in my opinion. Totally didn't live up to the hype it was given prior to its release. Most of it was flashbacks and there were several questions left unanswered so there will definitely be a sixth film. I think Saw is now in the running with the Rocky films for the most sequels!

I took Schwartz to the vet's today. So get this one...he's now off the Clariten because his skin problem is not due to allergies. The balding has gotten worse since he started the Clariten. It's most likely due to an overactive thyroid condition. Despite the fact that he's been on a diet and has not eaten as much food or treats as in the past, he's gained ten pounds! The doctor drew some blood and we'll have some answers by Wednesday. If it comes back as a thyroid condition, Schwartz will be on put on thyroid meds for the rest of his life! Fuckin' A, it's always something with him!

But that's not all! Oh no, why would that be it?! For the last five days, he's been favoring his left ear. Shaking his head, scratching at his ear, etc.. I inspected his ear the other day, cleaned it out and it didn't look red to me but lo-and-behold, he has an ear infection. So now he's on steroids to help with the itch and ear drops every twelve hours. Forget poor Schwartz! My poor bank account!

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Saturday, November 22, 2008

sleeping with the lights on

Under no circumstances, should any of you see the movie The Strangers.

Not even in the day time.

Trust me, this is sane advise from a woman who is going to be alone for a week.

Fuck. Me.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

the nerve of some people

This week has been very busy for me. My son has a concert tonight in which he sings so I've been busy getting together the clothes as there's a guideline he must follow. I've also been trying to organize my kids for the trip they're taking with their dad this weekend to visit his family up north for Thanksgiving.

I was waiting in line at this one particular store yesterday in which a man, whom I believe must have been mentally disabled, was holding up the line trying to pay for something. I will admit that it was a bit annoying as I believe anyone would have felt. However intolerant of others I might be at times, I would never say what the person behind me said.

A young woman who either wasn't brought up with manners, just complete trailer trash or both was more annoying than the man at the head of the line. Uttering comments loudly like "Who has time for this?" or "WTF?". No seriously, she said 'W T F'!!! If she had clicked her teeth one more time, I could have very well punched her in her mouth.

After about ten minutes of waiting, she screamed out to the guy holding up the line "Seriously, are you retarded??!".

O. M. G.

One older woman gasped. I wasn't that polite.

I turned around, glared at her and simply but loudly said "ARE YOU??????".

If you thought I said more to her, you were right.

I said, "Who says something like that other than an intolerant bigot low-life? What kind of insensitive person are you that you would say something like that to someone who may be disabled in some way? If you don't like the wait, I see there's another lane open...over there in the corner with the hat marked DUNCE. I think it would go well with that ugly, second-hand polyester blouse you're wearing."

After she picked her jaw up off the floor, she threw her item down on the counter and stomped off. Ya' know, like a two-year old would do when they don't get their way. Or my 42-year old sister. *snicker*

I didn't get any slaps on the back congratulating me for saying what I said. I didn't get any "way to go's" from other customers. The old lady, whom I thought was going to have a heart attack when the woman asked that guy if he was retarded, did say, "I could have never come up with something like that on the spot.".

Yeah well, normally neither can I. I'm usually the person who says to herself "Shit! I wish I had thought of that!" but that woman really tweaked my melon.

Then, of course, someone from the back of the line jokingly suggested I get store security to walk me to my car in case that woman was waiting for me outside. Great! Luckily for me, she was not waiting there but I did have my key positioned between my index and middle finger just in case I had to stab her in the eye.

Nice experience, huh?!


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

it's wednesday night...do you know where your creepy mute butler and wads of cash are?!

PLEASE tell me that y'all remembered to watch Estate of Panic tonight!!!

If not, I'm deeply disappointed because you missed a lot of excitement.

There was the 34 year old black woman, Adrienne, who if she screamed one more fucking time, I would have reached my hands through the TV screen and bitch-slapped her 'til she bled.

There was the guy, whose name escapes me, who literally lost his pants while searching for cash in the kitchen.

You missed a crawl space under the house not only littered with cash but with seriously huge fucking spiders and snakes.

You missed the kitchen, my absolute favorite room, where the floor had been replaced with icky sticky gunk which stopped people in their tracks. Literally. The guy I mentioned above who lost his pants crawled right out of them while trying to escape the gunk. And one woman slipped, fell over and couldn't remove her hands nor the rest of her from the substance. It may have been exhausting for the contestants to maneuver through that shit but it was more exhausting to hear her say over and over again "I. Can't. Move.". Yeah, yeah, we can see that now shut the fuck up already!

One thing I'm very thankful for after watching this episode, is that the kids will be spending Thanksgiving with their dad this year mainly because there's no fucking way I can eat turkey ever again after what I saw. Resting on a countertop was a turkey. Inside the turkey was cash. And, oh yeah, really big maggots. *yarf*

The last contestant standing visited the vault, this time elevated in a harnass and he had to escape that before escaping the room. Which, of course, he did...$26,000 richer.

I so want to go on this show!

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koolio goes to the dentist

Since a young girl, mostly due to my not taking proper care of my teeth back then, I have been poked, prodded and probed more times than someone who's been abducted by aliens. I'm indifferent towards the dentist - like most people, I don't really care for them but I'm so used to the torture already it barely phases me.

Until yesterday.

I have always been a good patient. When I've had to have dental work done, I take my lidocane shots like a true champ. When I have to get the tartar scraped from my teeth, I don't cringe, not even when I'm stabbed in the gum like evil experiments are being performed on me.

But yesterday, the hygienist, whom I absolutely love, triggered my gag reflex not once but twice! I was mortified! I tried to hide it but how much can you hide the lurching sound coming from the back of your throat?! Thankfully, nothing made an appearance, if you know what I mean. *wink*

After the first time, I tried thinking of positive things. I said "Pretty Ponies Prancing on the Prairie" to myself over and over again but all I envisioned were those stupid My Little Pony dolls with the rainbow-colored mane and it made me want to gag some more.

Then I tried picturing a secluded beach somewhere in the South Pacific with beautiful, untouched palm trees, white glistening sand and crystal clear turquoise-colored waters and then she turned on the contraption that shoots that nasty baking soda into my mouth and completely ruined it for me!

The second time it happened was when I had to get X-rays taken. I have NEVER gagged while getting X-rays taken but when I realized that I would have a metal contraption in my mouth covered in a latex condom, the gagging was unavoidable.

The bitch must have been laughing at me.

Seriously, WTF am I gonna' do when I finally do meet a guy I want to date and he wants a...um...oh nevermind.

In other news...

Schwartz is still losing fur. It's getting to the point where I would probably have enough for a fur hat. Okay, maybe that's a stretch. Maybe just a finger cozy. Even though he's barely noticing this hair loss and isn't scratching, his skin seems a bit dry in spots with a few scabs here and there and after doing research online yesterday for mange, I started to wonder. He didn't fit all the symptoms but with this dog, I can never play it too safe!

I owed the vet a call anyway to report back to him since I started giving Schwartz Clariten for possible allergies and the vet assured me that he was 100% sure it was seasonal allergies and not mange. Then it dawned on me that he's probably reacting to the heat in the house. It's been cold here lately, using the heat has been a necessity and the hair loss started when we first turned the heat on. If my skin dries out in the winter, why couldn't it do the same thing to the dog?! And it's not like we can tell our dogs to drink a lot of water so that our skin doesn't dry out and have them listen to us, right?! Poor, poor needy, high-maintenance dog 'o mine!

My daughter is really cute in the morning. She always wakes up in a good mood, laughs and jokes around with me while I'm trying to coax her outta' bed.

This morning, she looked up at me and she didn't say "Hi Mom" or even "I love you, Mom" but instead she asked...

"Will you pick my nose?"

(As if!)

How did I respond?

First I looked at her like she had two heads. Then I did what any other respected parent would do to their child...I farted right in her face and ran out of the room! I bet she wasn't expecting that!

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

30 years

Ironically enough, when I created this blog, I had no idea that the 30th anniversary of the mass-murder/suicide at Jonestown was upon us.

I watched a CNN two-hour special last Thursday night on those who were fortunate to get out. Up until then, I had no idea that there were people who actually lived. I use the word 'fortunate' loosely as tragedy has followed these escapees since leaving Jonestown but I'll get to that later.

In case you didn't already know, Jim Jones was one crazy motherfucker! They showed news footage and had audiotapes of him preaching his bullshit to these poor people. For the first time, they showed photos of people who were gunned down at the airport when they tried to leave. Thankfully, some lived through their injuries to tell their story.

And these stories were all heart-breaking to say the least. People who believed in this fucknut, went to Guyana and the second they saw Jonestown, regretted it. It was leveled jungle, hot and buggy with shit living conditions and barely any food. They had never taken into consideration that jungle wouldn't be decent conditions to actually grow anything but jungle so most of the food they ate was imported instead of home-grown. Oh...let's not forget the huge trunk full of Kool-Aid that Jones showed off to the media during filming!

And he preached. He preached that it was a socialist society where they would all live as equals and in the end, he took it all back and said he was in control, this Hitler in sheep's clothing. From before the time people followed him to Guyana, he was purchasing cyanide. By the time his followers arrived, he had six pounds of cyanide and he wasn't done. Who knows how long he had been planning to kill everyone but he preached once that the road leading to Jonestown didn't lead back out so his intentions were clear from the start.

They put on this big show for those on the outside. A United States Congressman came to visit and left in a body bag after he and two people from the media were assassinated at the airport when they tried to leave. The senator's aid was shot five times but survived. Some of the escapees were shot but also lived. One mother had her head blown off as her daughter sat by and watched.

The day the senator left was the day everyone met their deaths. After hearing the news that Jones' gunmen had killed the Congressman and announcing it to his followers, he told them that more people would be coming to break up their happy society and "If we can't live in peace, let us die in peace.". You can hear loud cheers from his followers in this audio tape.

The next tape you hear are the horrific cries and screams of young children after getting the shot of death. Jim Jones is heard telling everyone not to worry, that the kids were just scared but not hurting. He continued by telling people that if they just calmed down, they would not suffer. As it was explained later on, the Potassium Cyanide used to kill these people cause violent convulsions before death. Death is not sudden and certainly not painless. These people died scared.

For those of you who've never seen the made-for-TV movie about Jim Jones and Jonestown, not everyone was a willing participant in the end. Those who resisted were given shots and autopsies showed, that a number of people had bruising where they were stabbed with hypodermic needles, some even in their necks. And Jim Jones? Died by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The coward couldn't even die the way his followers did.

As for those who've escaped...they've been met with drug and alcohol addiction and several ended up committing suicide. Many of them live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The CNN reporter covering this story journeyed to Guyana with one woman (she was only twelve years old at the time she escaped), who simply returned to the Jonestown site to make sure that Jonestown and Jim Jones were no longer there. Where this compound once stood, now stands jungle regrowth. Natives dismantled the buildings and took everything with them long ago.

One man, who was Jones' right-hand man, talked about how he wanted to kill himself soon after he escaped simply because he knew he would never be able to get the screams and the smells out of his mind. To this day, he says the smell of almonds, which is what cyanide smells like, makes him physically ill.

One man, who is being called the youngest survivor of Jonestown because his mother was pregnant with him at the time of escape, is a cop-killer, in a California prison for the rest of his life. It's doubtful that his violent actions have anything to do with Jonestown, but it's being used as an example that tragedy has followed these people and their families.

If you want to read the whole story, do so here.

I suppose the point of this post is for each of you to treasure what you have in life and don't let anyone ever take that away from you. Don't be a follower, be a leader in your own lives.

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

i have issues...

...with obnoxious families who go to the movies and talk throughout it. I have issues with such families who don't have enough common sense to teach their turdy children manners and not to constantly stomp on the seat in front of them. Especially my seat. I have huge issues with stupid, redneck women who scream out "HOLY CRAP!!" at something that's happened in a kid's movie. I'm pretty sure the woman got the hint when I turned around completely in my seat and glared at her ugly face.

Even though that's not what this post is about, you should go see Madagascar 2. It's a good movie...as long as you can hear what's being said and you don't have a family of blabbermouths seated behind you!

The real issue at hand is the one I mentioned a few days ago about the injured boy who was the quarterback on my son's football team was recently being permitted to try out for the basketball team despite his serious injury. I waited until the team results were posted before writing this because I didn't want to jump the gun if this boy wasn't on the team. As it turns out, he did make the team as did my son and my son is a bit disappointed that some of his good friends did not make the team.

I truly believe that had this boy not made the team, at least one of his friends would have and this brings me to the point of this post.

As some of you may recall, this boy broke both the ulna and radius in his left forearm, a serious injury that has required him to be in a cast since right before Halloween. Not even a month later, and he's trying out for a new sport. Does anyone else see a problem with this?

I know some of you may not agree with some things I'm about to say, but I'm pissed. It's a whole common sense issue that has left me very annoyed.

I'm wondering if anyone else out there agrees that this boy should not have been permitted to try out for a sport with an existing injury? I want to believe that the coaches/school made he and his parents sign a waiver that did not blame them for any additional injuries that might occur by playing a sport with an injury but I don't know if that happened or if the school even has a policy for such things.

As someone who has broken bones before and who knows that simply removing a cast does not mean all is healed, I really want to know how this boy is going to play once his cast is finally removed? And what would happen if, once the cast is removed, he injures it again during practice or a game as people are pushed and bumped all the time during such games? Who's to blame?

I'll tell you who I think is to blame. I think any coach who allows an injured child to try out for or be on a team should be fired. And I don't care what the injury is, I think any parent who allows their child to play a sport with that serious an injury should be confronted by someone from Social Services because, in my honest opinion, that's not looking out for your child's best interest.

I had a discussion about this with my ex who didn't seem to understand what I was trying to say. He told me that this boy's father was a doctor. Seriously, WTF does that have anything to do with the issue at hand?! I've known doctors who have their heads shoved high up their asses...as apparently this boy's father does for allowing his son to play with an injury.

Then there's the whole moral issue that goes along with this. Do I care that this kid is an all-around athlete, one of the best in the 6th grade? Fuck no! Do I care that a boy with a pre-existing injury made a team because of his athletic abilities over someone who was not injured and actually deserved to be on the team? You're damn right I do!

Unfortunately, I have no say in the matter but if I had the chance, I would pull the cast of this kid's arm and beat him over the head with it. Someone needs to knock some sense into him!

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

i'm in love!!

I know I'm gonna' regret choosing to write this post at this late hour but I just had to tell y'all something and didn't want to put it off in fear that I might forget some important detail!

It's not about the inappreciative bucket of fuck whose purse I returned to her today while at the supermarket and instead of being thanked, I was greeted with "What did you take?"!! Nice huh?! So much for being an honest person!

It's not about the kid who quarterbacked my son's 6th grade football team and who broke both bones in his left forearm but who's still being permitted to try out for the basketball team. This one really irks me and I will most likely address this topic a little later but for now, I must talk about something else.

There is a new show on the Sci-fi channel, which, if you haven't seen yet, you must watch next Wednesday night! It's called Estate of Panic and while I've always said how I despise reality TV, it's absolute genius! The person who thought up the idea behind the show must have been abused in torturous ways as a young child because anyone who's not that psychologically fucked up couldn't possibly dream up something like this!

The show is hosted by the always fabulous British actor, Steve Valentine, who used to play the somewhat creepy medical examiner on the show Crossing Jordan. In a nutshell, six insane people go to this crazy huge mansion and put themselves through sheer torture while collecting as much money as possible through a series of challenges and not being the last one to do so in fear of being locked in or out.

Let me back up for a minute...today, two of my cable boxes went on the fritz, one of which is in my bedroom. Unfortunately, I'm so accustomed to watching TV while in bed at night, that I ended up watching TV in my family room and falling asleep in there, waking to this show. I missed the first challenge but I did watch them pick through high-voltage wires and a ceiling and walls closing in on them, all the while, trying to avoid snakes, worms, crabs and other nasty creepy-crawlies then would curdle your blood!

So the winner was given one last challenge - go into Steve Valentine's vault, collect more money and escape before the door seals shut. The hitch was having an ankle chained to the floor and having to get loose and exit the vault before the last of ten balls drops or he loses all the money he and the others collected throughout the evening, possibly walking away with nothing. I can hear ya'll screaming "motherfucker"! I know! I was too!

So here's the guy, opening 200 safety deposit boxes, releasing possible tools to help him free himself as well as snakes and other nasties and he finally frees himself with a crow bar, grabs some cash and exits just in the nick of time, winning over $28,000!!!

The best part was Steve Valentine ordering the guy to "Now...get out of my house!" and the guy saying in return "Goodbye creepy guy!" I think I howled loud enough to wake up my neighbors two doors down!

It's genius, I tell you! Pure genius!

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Saturday, November 8, 2008

i was born a poor black child

Not me! Schwartz!!

The night before last, while giving Schwartz a good back-scratchin', I felt something...strange. It was cold and just felt plain weird to the touch! Okay stop it! I know some of you out there are thinking evil bestiality thoughts!

I got out a flashlight and there was a patch of exposed skin. Ladies and gents, not only is my dog suffering from male-patterned baldness but underneath all that fur, he's black!

After further inspection, I noticed that his skin looked fine. It wasn't dry or scaly and there were no sores from scratching. It was just...bald! Anyway, I called the vet yesterday morning and while I was waiting for him to return the call, I took him (Schwartz not the vet!) for a walk and noticed that he not only has that one patch of skin showing, but his fur is starting to thin out all over his body! WTF?! Here I am trying to grow his fur out for the upcoming colder season and he's morphing into The Great Baldino! And maybe if I'm really lucky, he'll shed all his fur, become the only Terrier/Cattle Dog mix breed with no fur and we can get him featured on that ridiculous Sci-fi show "Believe it or Not!" with host Dean Kane! Yeehaw!!

The vet eventually called me back and told me to go out and get some Zyrtec. For those of you who don't know what that is, which I'm sure most of you do, it's an OTC allergy medicine. He went onto explain that a lot of dogs in this area tend to develop allergies and gnaw at their fur when one day it's 50 degrees and the next it's 80 like we experience so often here and we're going through that type of back-and-forth weather change right now. This diagnosis would certainly explain why he's been sneezing so much lately!

So let's see if y'all can keep this straight...

1. He's on joint supplements for the rest of his life due to his hip injury when he was hit by a car as a younger puppy.

2. He has to take one Zantac/day because of an acid reflux condition.

3. He now has to take one Zyrtec/day to keep his allergy symptoms at bay.

*shakes head*

Why do I always pick the needy, high-maintenance animals?!


I was driving behind this guy yesterday and he had a bumper sticker that read

I love my wife


No, not 'why does he love his wife?', why must this guy proclaim his love for his wife in the form of a bumper sticker?! I can think of at least 100 other ways to proclaim one's love for another instead of on your little Redneck Mobile! Shit, could he get any classier?! His wife must be so flattered!

If you're gonna' sport a bumper sticker, at least be creative! Take the one I had once, for instance. When I was a senior in college, my mom, the generous soul that she is, gave me her heaping POS Cutlas Brougham Oldsmobile sedan which stalled everytime I turned on the heat so I had to make the 5.5 hour drive back to school in ass-cold Connecticut without heat and shivering my titties off! Where was I?! Oh yeah...this car was so crappy, that whomever was sitting in the front seat with me actually had to lean forward just to get the thing to go up a freakin' hill! I finally decided she was worth getting her very own bumper sticker which, I should add, I created...

0 to 60 in 20 minutes

I'm so cool. You know you wanna' be me. *wink*

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Friday, November 7, 2008

a PSA from MADD...

This will be short but certainly not sweet!

We live in a crazy, fucked-up world.

Life is too short. Too short to deal with the motherfucking assholes sharing the roadways with us.

To all the shit-for-brain drivers out there, here's a thought...


This has been a message from MADDDDD - Mothers Against Dumbass Dickhead Dipshit Douchebag Drivers.

Join me in getting the word out! The more D's, the bigger the tits fight!!

Disclaimer: MADDDDD reserves the right to exhibit road rage to any and all drivers in the world who choose to drive with their thumbs up their asses as well as the right to pick anyone off with a sawed-off shotgun.

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the perfect shot


As I do everyday, I walk Schwartz some time between 5 and 5:30, usually depending when I get my lazy up off my desk chair.

This morning, as he was doing his business, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

There, across the street from me on my neighbor's lawn, was a family of deer. Four of the biggest motherfuckin' deer I've ever seen. All stopped still and staring directly back at me.

Talk about a photo opportunity which I, of course, totally missed.

*gives herself the "Wow! I could've had a V8!" smack on her forehead*

I scampered inside as quickly as my healing ankles could take me but not before my doodyhead dog started woofing at them. It caught their attention and by the time I got back outside to snap their picture, I watched them sprint across several lawns and outta' sight.

These days, I always carry my camera with me in my purse. Other than taking some shots of my daughter playing inline hockey last weekend, it's remained virtually untouched. I haven't posted to my photo blog in awhile because nothing has really motivated me to take pictures. Until today.

I have some shots to post but they're just so lame a blind person would think they were worthless shit!

Alright, I'm gonna' go hang my head in shame now. At least it's Friday, right?!


Thursday, November 6, 2008

word of the day


Y'all know what to do. Get busy!


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

in my honest opinion...

I wanted to write this last night, but the emotions I felt for this election caught up with me and sleep was fast.

Now that the election is over, there are a few things I wanted to say but again I repeat that this is not a political blog and this is the very rare occasion that you will read about such a topic here. I will also say, that the opinions expressed in this post are mine and mine alone. I do not claim to speak for anyone but myself even though I'm sure there will be some who agree and disagree with my point of view, these were just some observations I made during the course of the campaign which, of course, does not mean I'm right in any way.

Before I say anything, this is not a brief post so I suggest you get your beverage of choice before sitting down. Of course, if you don't like reading lengthy posts then I suggest you pass my blog by entirely and go onto something, well, shorter!

First of all, I would like to say how proud I am to be an American. We as a people are about to see some significant changes and while the candidate who won the position of President was not the one I voted for, I do believe him when he said last night that he will do everything in his power to make things better for our society as a whole. It won't happen his first day in office and it may not even happen his first year, but I do believe he wants change and he wants the American people as a whole to be happy.

Before continuing, I am not interested in hearing from anyone about my choice in candidates. There have been a lot of mean people out there making their feelings for McCain known in a very public and rude manner, and I won't tolerate it. Just like those of you who voted for Obama, voting for McCain was a personal choice and I won't be badmouthed for making such a choice. Furthermore, if all you can do is poke fun at either candidate instead of offering an intelligent response, don't bother contributing to this blog because your comment won't be published.

Now, getting down to business...
I don't know if any of you can recall the first time you voted. I know I can't. I can tell you that I was very excited to finally being of age to cast my vote. Unfortunately, the vote was not mine but my parents'. I voted for the party and not the person. Since then, I have never voted a straight Republican ticket as was the case yesterday. I have always listened to the issues, weighed them and made my decisions that way, as it should be.

This brings me to say how disappointed I am in many of our young voters this election. Y'all don't have to agree with me and I'm sure I will receive some backlash for saying what I'm about to say but at the time that Obama was announced the winner, camera shots were shown of students from an all-black college and it is my opinion from reading their expressions that they voted someone into office based on the color of his skin and not the issues at hand.

Now hold on! I am the furthest thing from racist and I do offer my apology to anyone who may be offended by my saying that. Again, try to think back to the first time you voted. Can you honestly tell me that you voted for someone based on the issues they presented? Can you honestly tell me you even comprehended what their issues were? I can honestly not remember anything about the first time I voted other than I know for a fact that I based my decision on who my parents liked and not for any real issues.

Voting someone into office based on the color of his skin is not what bothers me. I am all for change and I think that Obama can bring that. I am disappointed that many of these young people sold out. We will never know now if the President-elect was really meant to win.

Before the bailout happened, I was undecided who to vote for. I was amazed that an African-American man was so close to possibly winning the race. Even ten years ago, that was unheard of. I was in awe of how young he is, just six years older than I. It was what he said when McCain chose to briefly step back from campaigning to offer his assistance in DC with the bailout, that put the nail in Obama's coffin for me. I was proud of McCain for putting his campaigning on hold to help out his fellow-politicians and was disgusted with Obama for saying that McCain needed to learn how to multi-task. Yes, just that alone was the clincher for me and it sealed it tight when even Democratic strategists said that Obama didn't know the full extent of the bailout issue for him to say something like that.

Watching Obama on stage last night, he looked overwhelmed and exhausted. Perhaps I read him wrong and he was just trying to contain his excitement but I am left to believe that he truly doesn't know what's in store for him. McCain has years of experience over Obama which is not saying he would have made a better President but I do expect that we will see the physical changes in Obama soon enough. I don't believe there's ever been a President who hasn't left the office fully gray!

I was also completely unsatisfied with the choices of running mates on both sides. On one side, Joe Biden, who in the last few weeks leading up to the election was speaking before thinking. I had a huge problem with Pailin accepting the nomination as running mate because of her family - a young, pregnant daughter and an infant with Down Syndrome, both who need her in their lives and not a full-time nanny. Frankly, I don't think she should have ever accepted the nomination and for the reason of her family alone, I'm glad that the McCain/Pailin team did not win. All I know, as a mother, I truly feel she needs to continue to be an active part of her childrens' lives and I hope, in a way, that she is relieved that her ticket didn't win because I don't think she put a lot of thought in what it would take her to be Vice President.

While I'm on the topic of being a mother, I have to say how disappointed I am in all those parents who thought it necessary to drag their young children out last night and keep them up so late. Parents, if you had to explain to your children why you were there, then your kids didn't understand and therefore, don't give a flying fuck who won! You know why they liked being out? Because it was late, past their bedtimes and because you were probably letting them skip school today! Call me silly or other, I don't really care, as a parent, you need to put your kids needs before your own and frankly, your kids did not need to be by your side, even if it was to witness history. Seriously, do you think
my kids who are ages 11 and 8 are truly going to understand the magnitude of what's about to happen to our country? I know my kids and even I can say 'doubtful'.

A few more things to add...

I was sad to see the disappointment of losing in Pailin's eyes. I thought John McCain gave the most gracious speech ever given. And I hope that Michelle Obama seeks some expert fashion advice because WTF was she wearing last night?!

I'm done. I have nothing left to offer and/or say things to piss you off! *wink*

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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

the lesser of two evils

I voted this morning. Y'all will decide who the lesser of the evils is based on your own views. I don't share my political views with anyone so that's all I'm sayin'!

I am not a politically-passionate, outspoken person who gladly and rudely tell people "My candidate is the best. Yours sucks. Put up your dukes if you disagree with me!". Unless you're a political commentator, just shut the fuck up. Opinions are like assholes - everyone has them and sometimes they really fucking stink!

I will never judge someone based on their political views. However, I will judge someone if they act like an asshole while expressing such views.

There have been a few such people on Fakebook. I have read their one-sided rigid comments and have quietly kept my opinions to myself. I'm considerate like that. However, if their candidate should lose, I will be happy to laugh at them publicly and throw it in their faces. Ya' know, 'cause I'm considerate like that.

I do not President-bash. I do not fling insults at and/or about a person who has the hardest job in our country. I will listen to the jokes that are created about the person and will laugh at them should I find them amusing but I do not repeat such jokes. I support, and have always supported, whomever our President will be/has been. Unless he's a cigar-smoking filanderer who likes to spill his creamy substance on the navy-blue dresses of his interns. Ick.

To all who expect to be pissed as hell should their candidate lose today...I hear Canada and Mexico have plenty of room for you! Heh.

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Monday, November 3, 2008

"i'll toot if i have to"

Ahh...the fightin' words of an eight year old with very overactive bowels.

But that's not what this post is about.

Lemme' tell y'all just how excited I am for
next Halloween!

My kids and I raided three stores yesterday morning all with post-Halloween sales. For less than $200, we got
all the decorations we'll need to put on a seriously frightening display for next year! It includes the following...

1 miniature poseable skeleton (it resembles the larger classroom models)
1 bag 'o bones that can be displayed in any way
4 decent-sized tombstones
several packages of cobwebs
1 fog machine
3 strobe lights
2 zombie costumes
1 motion-sensored skull that lights up and plays the Halloween movie theme song
1 motion-sensored ghostly spirit that shakes, rattles its chains and screams bloody murder
1 eerie 'welcome' sign
1 lit up gate/fence

And I'm not sure the shopping is done! I'm willing to spend an even $200 total if I happen to spot something elsewhere that I really can't do without! Like a coffin, for instance. Not a real one, bitches!!

The kids and I have already talked out decoration plans for next year. I won't spoil the secret. You'll just have to wait another 362 days to find out.

Although, I will tell you that I have enough props to erect an elaborate cemetery scene. Or open my own cemetery.

Now someone please tell me how the fuck I'm gonna' get all this shit in my attic?!

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Saturday, November 1, 2008

hello, weenie

My son sure knows how to put the 'weenie' in Halloween.

Halloween started off as every other Halloween has in past years...got the kids up early, excitement seeping through their pores. Took them to school, watched my daughter in the lower school parade (my son is a bystander as well now that he's in middle school) and then came home to get some things done including taking a nap as I was up a good part of the night watching my beloved Ghost Hunters doing their thang live and it was the most boring thing I've ever seen!

This Halloween was a bit different. This was the first year that my kids went trick-or-treating separately. The lower school let out at noon and my daughter went to her friend's house. My son brought home a friend and since they are trying out for basketball in the next few weeks, asked me to take me to the court in our subdivision for a few hours so they could shoot some hoops.

This is when the madness of Halloween set in and my son decided it was as good a time as any to start acting like a Weenie McSpazitron.

After dropping my son and his friend off at the court, I headed for Subway to get them their dinner. Only this Subway was full of a bunch of dipshit doofae (the plural of doofus) and had no pepperoni to make their spicy Italian sub. Um, dickheads, the pepperoni is what makes the spicy Italian sub spicy and for fuck sake, there's a supermarket a hop, skip and jump from your fucking store so get crackin'!

I elected to get him the only other item he likes from that place and needless to say, it was the wrong choice and he pitched the fit of a 2-year old in the car on the way home. I can't even imagine what his friend was thinking at the whining and carrying on because I didn't get him the sandwich of his choice. Then he started hitting the back of my seat with his basketball, cutting me off with everything I said but the icing on the cake was when he started to endlessly beg his friend to let him eat his sub until his friend finally caved just to shut my son up! His friend bargained with him and my son was happy again.

This type of behavior reminded me exactly of my sister who pitches a fit whenever she doesn't get her way. Let me assure y'all, that was nipped in the bud real fast yesterday. I took away my son's phone, firmly spoke to him in such a way that he could understand that his obnoxious behavior and rude name-calling (calling me "fart nugget" for instance) was not acceptable and then I spanked him. Oh yes I did! Although it probably did nothing but give him a sore ass for a few minutes, it felt very good to me! I can count on one hand how many times I've had to spank my kids over the years but I never thought I would have to spank an 11 year old!

Unfortunately, my words must have faded in the wind as fast as a fart because he continued with his shit as soon as we were home. His joking and his playful hitting did not go over well with me. I let it go only because I didn't want to put a damper on Halloween and spend the evening embarrassing him in front of his friend but today his Halloween candy is being taken away for several days as punishment. God damn, do these freakin' punishments ever end?!

The kids had dinner and then spent their time playing on the computer until another of their friends arrived around 7ish. Then we headed out to brave the crowded streets. Trick-or-treating started off slow and then got to a point where the streets were so jam-packed it took nearly 20 minutes for us to be able to turn one street corner! They were so thirsty from running around that they were desperate to get back to my house just to get a drink and I couldn't get the truck in front of me to turn the damn corner! Police were everywhere to try and make things go smoothly but it wasn't working very well!

I should mention that one of my son's friends, the one he ate dinner with, whom I liked before last evening, was not on his best behavior either. Twice he called out some nasty things like "suck it" and "move your asses" to the people passing by, and twice I had to told him to stop it because I ive there and see some of these people on a daily basis. I thought things were fine after he apologized the first time, but sadly, I was mistaken when he blurted out the second comment like he had Tourrettes! I was a bit taken aback by what this 12 year old was saying because despite the fact that I have a mouth on me and have been known to let some colorful words slip in front of my kids, last night made it very clear to me that this was not someone I wanted my son to be friends with. My kids know that if I say something, bad it doesn't give them the right or reason to say it themselves, but when my son's at school, I have no idea what he's learning from his friends. I realize that I can't stop him from learning this type of behavior but I can stop him from associating with these kids. I understand that these kids are at the age where they're just trying to find their place in this world but do they have to do it in such a rude way?!

We finally got home, they downed some water and then we headed out to some quieter streets near my house. The highlight of the evening, was watching the kids walk up to this one home when this guy in a Jason mask jumped out from behind a tree and chased them with a chainsaw! Now before any of you parents say something about how dangerous that could have been, there was no chain on the chainsaw and it couldn't have caused a scratch! Of course, my son being the obnoxiously loud tool that he was last night told the guy to come over to the car to scare me and all it did was make me laugh! I high-fived the guy and thanked him for making my son scream like a girl!

Also different from this year was the way we decorated the house. We did away with some of the older, babyish Halloween decorations for more scary, Night of the Living Dead-type props. Several bodyparts laying askew on our front step, a decapitated head hanging from one of our trees, various tombstones scattered on our lawn with a pile of dirt formed in front of one of the tombstones to resemble a newly buried body. We also had some motion-detected decorations including a big-ass hairy spider right above my front door that dropped down at every single little noise, a rattlesnake that lunged for everything that moved and a zombie face that begs people to come closer so that he can scream right at them. There's this awesome costume store right near my house that sells the most incredible decorations including black, red and brown fake spiderwebs, for instance. Last year we opted for the blood red ones and this year was black which we got complimented on left and right. I'm sure the big, gnarly spiders hanging from it had something to do with it as well.


After seeing some of the homes all decked out in Halloween paraphenalia last night, I'm going to have to rethink things for next year. This is really the one time of year that I LOVE to decorate the house and I'm really going to have to go full throttle next year. Right here, right now, I'm taking a solemn vow to be that house in the neighborhood that everyone flocks to every night preceeding Halloween just to get one more look at the decorations! I may be broke when all is said and done but it will be worth it!

I am even willing to take the risk that some toddlers out there will be scarred for life from what they will see! I promise not to have any second thoughts or a guilty conscience for fucking up some poor kid! I'm thoughtful that way.

Hope y'all had a great Halloween!

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