the taming of the spew

I'm really getting tired of this shit.

Up until last night, neither of my kids has had a stomach bug for about two years. My kids were at their dad's but came home earlier than usual because my son was complaining about a stomach ache. I was hoping for the best but kinda' knew what was going to happen.

Sure enough, about an hour after he went to bed, I heard coughing from his room and I knew what had happened. This is the part that pisses me off...

My kids have always gotten sick in the middle of the night. And always at my house, never at their dad's! And as familiar as they are with the uncomfortable stomach pains that go along with an approaching stomach bug, why can't they ever fucking run to the sink, toilet or aim it at a trash receptacle for instance?! Why must they always puke all over their beds and floor?! Don't get me wrong, I'm a compassionate person when they're ill but they're going on 9 and 12 here, so is that too much to ask them to at least try to keep their vomit off my walls?!

Please forgive me if you're reading this over breakfast. Just be happy I didn't go into color and consistency of the spew.

Needless to say, I had him remove his pajamas and redress himself, got him situated in a comfy spot in the family room with a basin by his side as there was no fucking way in hell that I was gonna' allow him to crawl into another bed, removed his bedding, immediately put everything in the washer and sat with him all night.

That's right, I have yet to clean his room. I'm sure it'll be a delightful experience.

Luckily, what he did in his bedroom was it. He sucked on a few popsicles in an attempt to get rid of that burning sensation in his throat and was able to sleep as was I. Until I realize that my stomach was knotting up on me. Oh, joy!

Thankfully, my stomach upset was due to a shitty dinner I'd eaten and a little sleep took it away. That's not to say that my daughter and I still don't have something to look forward to, that's just saying I made it through the night without my own shit to deal with.

I'll let y'all know later how the cleaning of his room went 'cause I know you're on the edge of your seats in anticipation. Heh.

now just wait a cotton pickin' minute!!!

Nike Air Rift sneakers. Designed on the principle of the African runners who run barefoot. I'm not a runner but I do know cool when I see it! Very comfortable sneakers. Lightweight, feels like you're walking on air. Or in bare feet. Not really but they are comfortable.

When they first came out years ago, the were in the $80 to $90 range. I'd wanted a pair for a really long time but Nike doesn't make them in abundance anymore, the ones they do offer on their site are in ridiculous patterns, I'm not gonna' pay that kind of money for a houndstooth pattern on my sneakers and they're not sold in stores. So when I did a little Googling a week or so ago and found a pair for $65, no tax and no shipping and handling, I thought it was too good to be true.

Nevertheless, as I mentioned yesterday, I received my sneakers in the mail yesterday. All the way from Shanghai, China. Hmmm....

I was organizing my receipts earlier today to be filed away and I found the receipt to the shoes. On the bottom of the receipt were the following charges:

$314.00

$4.00 (shipping)

Total: $319.00


I'm sorry...

"Watchu talkin' about, Willis?!"

Clearly, this is not right. Not only did it say on the online form I filled out that one pair of Nike Air Rift sneakers cost $64.99 but I have a receipt to prove it.

Thankfully, I checked my credit card statement and the proper amount was listed on it. Phew! If anyone has any thoughts to what those charges are on the receipt provided with my sneakers, please feel free to enlighten me!

And if luck would have it...

As I was examining my credit card statement, I did happen to spot a strange charge on it! I called the number provided on my statement and the company sells running equipment.

Huh?! Last time I checked, I had exercise-induced asthma, bad knees and, oh yeah, I DON'T FUCKING RUN!!!!

I've never had to dispute a charge before. I called my credit card company and while I was on hold waiting for a customer service representative, I saw something odd about this transaction - it was made with my Suntrust Visa credit card. The very same one that should have stopped working once I activated my new Bank of America credit card.

Motherfuckers. Someone out there is dying to get their ass kicked.

So now I have to play the waiting game since it takes a payment period or two before the dispute is resolved. In the meantime, I was instructed to contact the merchant to find out WTF is going on. Since they don't have weekend working hours, I had to send an Email asking them to have a representative from their company respond to my Email so that this issue can be properly resolved.

Guess what?! Not ten minutes after sending the Email message to the company did I get a response back. Here's how it started:

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that the auto renewal caught you off guard.

The charge is for your VIP membership renewal. As stated in your club handbook, this renewal is automatic for the convenience of our members. If we caught you by surprise, we apologize, this was not our intention.


*shakes head*

There's more but it would be pointless to bore you with the mindless words of a person who is clearly illiterate. What is it going to take to make this twat understand that I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FUCKING MEMBER AND I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE ANY FUCKING CHARGES ON A NON-WORKING CREDIT CARD?!?!??!?!

This whole dispute is going to make me go on a murder rampage. Dumbassmotherfuckingdouchebagassmunchers.

i'm going straight to hell for this one

I did something today that I believe most people would consider unforgivable.

I have this guy friend who's having extreme marital problems. Divorce is eminent but with him it's like shit or get off the pot already! He has become far too needy, and has latched onto me in such ways that it is extremely aggravating, I find myself getting little to no pleasure from the friendship and very frustrated after speaking with him. While I've been where he is emotionally, I decided this morning that being friends with him at this point in my life was not healthy for me. I've neglected far too many people and things trying to help him through his personal issues that I finally put my foot down this morning.

That's not exactly what has gotten me a reservation for first-class seating in hell. What's gotten me there is that I mainly ended the friendship so he would grow a fucking backbone, take charge of his life once and for all and at least separate from that bitch he calls a wife instead of whining about this, that and the other thing, taking one step forward and a hundred back and dragging me along with him.

I, for one, completely understand what he's going through emotionally, that's what makes this even harder for me. When I was going through my own personal turmoil, I did it alone and I knew that was the only way I was going to come out whole again and ten times stronger. I had become too much of a crutch to this guy. He's relied on my support so heavily, there've been days I couldn't get through without him calling, texting or Emailing me every hour. My daughter has even become annoyed with him and she doesn't even know him personally! He's the only one I text message with and every time my phone beeps three, four times in a row she says things like "Ugh! It's him again?!". He is constantly coming up with excuses for things he's doing or not doing, it is beyond ridiculous. And ya' know what? I totally blame myself for this happening! Too often, I have allowed myself to get sucked into other peoples' drama. The advice/suggestions I offer becomes such an intricate part of their lives that, and not to toot my own horn, they use it like it's life support. It's times like these that they are unable to truly appreciate the friendship and/or the true meaning behind it and that's when the hand-holding ceases and an exit strategy becomes necessary.

Do I hate myself for this? Damn straight, I do! When all is said and done, will he understand and accept my reasons for doing it? I can only hope.

it's a sad day in the Koolio household

Right now I'm mad. Mad because I should be thrilled to pieces over my son and the rest of his 6th grade basketball team became the league champions this evening but it's what happened afterwards that has my insides doing flip flops.

You see this evening, Jasper attacked Schwartz for the last time. This time, he drew blood. Right now, Schwartz is contemplating a chew toy, while his stomach and ear drip blood. And I'm so mad right now...well, I don't think there are words to accurately describe how I feel right now.

I'm beyond furious at Jasper because this has happened every single fucking day since we adopted him. Clearly, this dog is not good with other dogs and/or cats as we were told. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to continue and everyday thinking it would get better. Obviously, it has only gotten only worse. And despite the tremendous agony and guilt I feel over this decision, I know it's for the best. I will tell you more about this situation sometime in the next day or so when I've had time to calm down.

My kids understand that this is no longer two dogs having a spat and they know that Schwartz's safety is now involved. So tomorrow, Jasper is going back to the shelter, Schwartz is going to the vet where he will probably need stitches for something and antibiotics to help him heal and I will hopefully be in a better mood to tell you all about my son's basketball championship and why big mouths and basketball moms don't go hand-in-hand.

Until then...

a little bit of this. a little bit of that.

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged or visited many of your blogs but I've had a lot of shit going on here.

It's been one week since we've had Jasper and in that time, I've taught him how to walk with a leash, he' responds to his name, he's learned which food bowl is his and he's taken 4 heaping shits inside the house, one of which has probably permanently stained my family room carpet. In that time, Schwartz has regressed some much like a young child would when he/she sees his/her sibling doing his/her business in diapers and has peed a few times in the house right in front of us.

Jasper also has a very mean, dark side and at least twice a day, I'm screaming at Jasper when he lashes out at Schwartz and literally attacks him when playtime gets outta' hand. Thankfully, Schwartz does not have an existing injuries but if this continues past the 6 month mark, I will be taking Jasper back to the shelter. I don't think Jasper would harm any of us but I have to keep that in mind while all this is going on plus his interest in the cats has taken him to trying to lay down on them and squash them, of which he gets reprimanded for as well. I'm thinking that I should change his name to Damien because he definitely has an evil side to him.

For weeks now, I have been trying to refinance my mortgage through my mortgage company but early last week, the guy I had been working with stopped returning my phone calls and Emails and I missed out on locking in a 4.625% rate. Since I will not be ignored (thank you Glenn Close for that perfect line), I called the mortgage company to start over with someone new only to find out that no one could speak to me right then and there because all the loan officers are so extremely busy with other clients wanting to refinance and that I'd probably hear back from someone within 10 business days. Probably? I don't think so.

I then decided to contact my bank thinking that since I'm a long-time customer, they could hook me up with something decent only to find out that since I'm not employed, there's probably little chance that I could get a mortgage through them.

My only other option was to put my tail between my legs and talk to my parents about helping me refinance since that's really the only other option I have and I have to do something now because my 5 ARM/6 month deal is about to be up in the next few months and I'll be damned if I keep giving this shitty mortgage company my business.

*takes a deep breath*

Then, if all that wasn't enough, I got a call just a little while ago from the lower school guidance counselor that my 8-year old daughter has been singled out by quite a number of girls in her grade as saying bad words to them and talking about "hairy body parts". My daughter, who's been instructed by me since she started Pre-K at this school, that she will not be mean to others, is being a social bully and I am absolutely mortified and horrified at her behavior.

Do you know why she's doing this? Because the person who shall not be mentioned here and his lovely (cough, cough) bride of just over a year and a half are getting a divorce and my daughter is pissed off. She doesn't care that she knows she will feel my holy wrath when she comes home today because if she did, she would have never done what she's done. She knows she can't get away with this shit at school or at home, yet this is the kind of disturbing behavior she's exhibiting.

And, although I should be thankful, the person who shall not be mentioned here is once again his old social self with me, going out of his way to talk and be nice to me. Why should this bother me? Because the guidance counselor told me that she was going to call him when she was done speaking with me and when he called to mention that they had spoken and I mentioned "hairy body parts", he thought it appropriate to ask me if I was having "grooming" issues. Nice, huh? Here is a man who has treated me with such disrespect while he was with this woman only to continue to treat me with more disrespect after the fact. I'm glad he thinks it's funny.

I hope the person who shall not be mentioned here is happy with himself and his dysfunctional, ugly fucking cunt of a tramp soon-to-be ex gold-digging whore of a wife.

As a side note, I don't know who my daughter has heard say bad words. It certainly isn't me. Heh.

I need a nap.

tips on how to start a really great fire in your fire place

Anyone have any?! 'Cause, let's just say, if I was a Girl Scout, I would have failed miserably at getting my fire badge!

When we moved into this house 9+ years ago, my kids were young. We set up a play table and chairs right in front of the fire place and made the choice not to use it until they were older to avoid any possible accidents. This past summer, I told the kids that this was the year.

I was going to do this right. I called a chimney company to have them inspect my chimney. One part has to be replaced but doesn't effect having fires so I went ahead, got the wood stand, the tools and bought some firewood. I still had those long fire place matches from the last house we lived in back in Atlanta.

I bought the wood from our supermarket. It was convenient, the wood appeared to be fine and I didn't expect there to be a problem. We didn't need a lot because I only intended on having fires here on weekends I have the kids.

This past weekend I had the kids. They were excited Saturday night because we were going to have a fire. My first mistake was using newspaper as kindling. Bad idea. With the flue open, the room still started filling with smoke! Luckily, the wood hadn't yet ignited, so I put out the fire and aired out the room.

A little while later, we tried again without the newspaper. Match after match, and nothing happened. Nothing. It seemed this wood was flame retardant! I used the entire box of matches and still the wood wouldn't catch fire! I stuck matches in every crevice possible and we thought we had fire a few times but it turned out it was just the match sticks burning! I noticed some parts of the wood were charred but never actually caught fire!

My kids told me about the Duraflame pine cones that their dad uses. I had seen those while shopping in Target the other day but thought, "How hard could starting a fire possibly be that I need these pine cones?!". Now it seems that I do, in fact, need those pine cones, or some other fire starting product, if I ever want to see any actual wood-burning fire in my fire place!

Any suggestions? Does anyone out there take pity on a poor, pathetic fire starter-challenged woman?!

fucking awesome!!

Have any of you read this article? It claims that if you spend some time swearing, you'll have less stress in your life. Well shit, I could have fucking told them that!!

So, I hearby proclaim December 2nd as National Swear All You Fucking Want Day! Balls up, people, and join me in this fucking celebratory event! It will fucking rock...if I do say so myself!

a PSA from MADD...

This will be short but certainly not sweet!

We live in a crazy, fucked-up world.

Life is too short. Too short to deal with the motherfucking assholes sharing the roadways with us.

To all the shit-for-brain drivers out there, here's a thought...

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE, STAY OUT OF OUR DAMN WAY!! BETTER YET, DON'T FUCKING DRIVE, PERIOD!!

This has been a message from MADDDDD - Mothers Against Dumbass Dickhead Dipshit Douchebag Drivers.

Join me in getting the word out! The more D's, the bigger the tits fight!!

Disclaimer: MADDDDD reserves the right to exhibit road rage to any and all drivers in the world who choose to drive with their thumbs up their asses as well as the right to pick anyone off with a sawed-off shotgun.

the perfect shot

Missed.

As I do everyday, I walk Schwartz some time between 5 and 5:30, usually depending when I get my lazy up off my desk chair.

This morning, as he was doing his business, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

There, across the street from me on my neighbor's lawn, was a family of deer. Four of the biggest motherfuckin' deer I've ever seen. All stopped still and staring directly back at me.

Talk about a photo opportunity which I, of course, totally missed.

*gives herself the "Wow! I could've had a V8!" smack on her forehead*

I scampered inside as quickly as my healing ankles could take me but not before my doodyhead dog started woofing at them. It caught their attention and by the time I got back outside to snap their picture, I watched them sprint across several lawns and outta' sight.

These days, I always carry my camera with me in my purse. Other than taking some shots of my daughter playing inline hockey last weekend, it's remained virtually untouched. I haven't posted to my photo blog in awhile because nothing has really motivated me to take pictures. Until today.

I have some shots to post but they're just so lame a blind person would think they were worthless shit!

Alright, I'm gonna' go hang my head in shame now. At least it's Friday, right?!