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Monday, April 13, 2009

i'm going straight to hell for this one

I did something today that I believe most people would consider unforgivable.
I have this guy friend who's having extreme marital problems. Divorce is eminent but with him it's like shit or get off the pot already! He has become far too needy, and has latched onto me in such ways that it is extremely aggravating, I find myself getting little to no pleasure from the friendship and very frustrated after speaking with him. While I've been where he is emotionally, I decided this morning that being friends with him at this point in my life was not healthy for me. I've neglected far too many people and things trying to help him through his personal issues that I finally put my foot down this morning.
That's not exactly what has gotten me a reservation for first-class seating in hell. What's gotten me there is that I mainly ended the friendship so he would grow a fucking backbone, take charge of his life once and for all and at least separate from that bitch he calls a wife instead of whining about this, that and the other thing, taking one step forward and a hundred back and dragging me along with him.
I, for one, completely understand what he's going through emotionally, that's what makes this even harder for me. When I was going through my own personal turmoil, I did it alone and I knew that was the only way I was going to come out whole again and ten times stronger. I had become too much of a crutch to this guy. He's relied on my support so heavily, there've been days I couldn't get through without him calling, texting or Emailing me every hour. My daughter has even become annoyed with him and she doesn't even know him personally! He's the only one I text message with and every time my phone beeps three, four times in a row she says things like "Ugh! It's him again?!". He is constantly coming up with excuses for things he's doing or not doing, it is beyond ridiculous. And ya' know what? I totally blame myself for this happening! Too often, I have allowed myself to get sucked into other peoples' drama. The advice/suggestions I offer becomes such an intricate part of their lives that, and not to toot my own horn, they use it like it's life support. It's times like these that they are unable to truly appreciate the friendship and/or the true meaning behind it and that's when the hand-holding ceases and an exit strategy becomes necessary.
Do I hate myself for this? Damn straight, I do! When all is said and done, will he understand and accept my reasons for doing it? I can only hope.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

it's bad when even the kid is getting annoyed by him lol

April 13, 2009 at 9:25 AM  
Blogger Charlie said...

Too often, I have allowed myself to get sucked into other peoples' drama.

Damn straight, Gertie. I don't know what you tell these people, but it must be good because they use the hell outta ya.

Cutting bait is not a hell-bound infraction (I think).

April 13, 2009 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Koolio said...

BS/BC, in all fairness to this guy, my daughter gets annoyed with all people very easily, lol. She's gonna' be a real jewel when she's older, LOL!

Charlie, I can't tell you how used I feel, lol. And I agree that "cutting bait" is not hell-worthy, but I already had one foot in hell before this happened, lol.

April 13, 2009 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

In his defense, you did give really good advice. :-)
Too bad you don't have the patience to be a therapist, I could totally see you insulting your clients and threatening them. Okay that was supposed to be funny.
Hopefully one day he will thank you for giving him the push he seems to so desperately need.

April 13, 2009 at 5:17 PM  
Blogger WavyDavy said...

I agree totally with LITC. He may be pissed off at you now, but maybe one day he'll realie why you had to do it. There's only so much of other people's miserableness (is that a word?) you can take before it makes you miserable too. You did the right thing. If he gets his shit together, maybe you'll be friends again one day.

April 14, 2009 at 5:49 AM  
Blogger Koolio said...

Leave perhaps, but I don't recall you ever taking my advice either, lol. Oh c'mon! You know THAT was funny! And you're probably right [to an extent] about my being a therapist. ;)

Dave, his problems didn't make me miserable. What made me sad was not only that he has to deal with the shit in his life but that I couldn't seem to help. And maybe without me around to force him to hear me, he'll be able to come to the proper decisions on his own and will once and for all take control of his own life.

April 14, 2009 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Leave It To Cleavage said...

Well, maybe I didn't take the advice per se, but I listened to it, and yes that was funny. :-)
Well, you might not strangle your clients, you might just insult them. Remember, I've seen you in action. Now that's funny!

April 14, 2009 at 7:04 AM  

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