the ice queen cometh

I think I've officially graduated to cold-hearted, insensitive bitch.

You may remember this post from the beginning of June in which I talked about the gal whose husband passed in early May. Well, yesterday the shit went down.

Last week, she made a comment on my Facebook homepage for me to call her up to spend time with her while my kids were away and I responded that the last time I tried to get together with her, she blew me off.

A few nights ago, a little bit of drama occurred in my life which brought me down low enough to go out and buy alcohol. Those who know me well know I don't drink. Before the other night, the last alcoholic beverage I had was years ago. I can't even give you an exact timeframe because it's been that long. Anyway, a little bit of alcohol goes a looooong way with me - i got pretty fritzed pretty quickly and, if I can toot my own horn a little bit, I can be a pretty funny drunk!

So I was posting a bunch of off-the-wall statuses on my FB profile page and this gal made a comment about bringing some of that alcohol over to her house. Hmmm...it kinda' seems she wants everyone to do everything for her, doesn't it?

I came clean and basically told her I don't make an effort for those who don't care to make an effort with me. Not in those words, but she understood what I was saying alright 'cause I got an Email from her yesterday.

I will admit, I have never had a family member pass away as suddenly as her husband did. I will also admit that I've never known such a strong love like the one they had for each other. I admit, I have not walked a mile in her shoes so I don't have a clue what she's going through. So when she wrote to tell me that she had no recollection of what I said she'd done, my first thought was that she needed to go check herself into the nearest psych ward! I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone and then a few hours later, not recall what that conversation was unless you're losing your flippin' mind?! It never occurred to me that she's just going through the daily motions without really remembering what she was doing.

And I did think it was kinda' odd for someone who lives two minutes down the road for me to Email me and not pick up the phone.

So I wrote her back and I didn't make a big deal out of things. I apologized for not realizing what she was going through and that everything was cool. Not that I'm gonna' go outta' my way for her, but just mending bridges.

But then she called at nearly 11pm last night. Crying. No, bawling. The kind of crying that comes from one's heart and soul and is so strong that you have no idea what the person is trying to tell you.

I had to tell her to calm down several times as I couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying. The first thing I understood was "I don't call people.".

Um...okay. I'm not sure I understand that one. So you're going to call me with these crying jags and use the whole "I don't call people" as your excuse for not calling me back when I made a generous offer to you on your birthday of all days?! And then, after you've already called me, you're going to try to make me feel bad about saying that you called me because of what a great friend I am?

HUH?

Sorry people. If this makes me a person with a heart of stone so be it, but that's just bullshit. If you don't try to reach out to people at a time of need, then don't complain to me that everyone is fake and no one likes you. They're not fake, they just don't like getting blown off either!! C'mon, I realize she's not thinking clearly these days but can she really believe that these people are fake because they've chosen to stop calling her?

So I let it go and I gave it to her straight. I told her that was bullshit. That this was the time that she needed people to rally behind her and to put her silly no-calling policy behind her. Her life was starting over whether she liked it or not and she was being forced to make changes that she may never grow to like or understand. That because she was feeling weak, she needed the support of others and that when she became stronger again, then she could weed out the fake friends from the true friends.

Blah, blah, fucking blah.

I know I sound like a total icy bitch but as emotional as she was, I still felt nothing. And maybe it's my own shit that I'm trying to deal with right now that caused me to react that way, I don't know. However, I've always been the kind of person who cannot tolerate someone who always plays the victim and while I certainly sympathize with her situation, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our conversation.

And not to make it any worse, but I really don't have time for this. Perhaps these feelings come from knowing what kinds of friendships I find healthy versus what kinds of friendships I find toxic. Lastly, I'm days away from turning 41 and honestly, I'm too damn old to be bothered with this bullshit.

I know some of you out there are trying your hardest not to reach through your computer screens to wring my neck but I can't make myself feel something I just don't feel. Let me have it! I can take it!

exit strategy my ass

Some of you may remember this post in which I felt it necessary to stop talking to this guy friend of mine who's going through a difficult time in his marriage right now. Well, the night I posted that story was the same day I had Emailed him and that night, he called me and we talked it through.

Then, about a week later, the same bullshit started all over again. Here's how it went down...

I [unfortunately] know the ins and outs of his marriage. His wife is a total mental case and, well, he's allowed her to stomp on his balls 'til they turned into squashed little grapes. To sum it up, their marriage is coming to an end and despite her daily giving him a dose of her psychotic behavior and blaming him for everything gone wrong in their marriage, he continues to take her abuse and is too pussy to leave.

I once again ended the friendship and told him not to contact me again. Here's why....

Those of you who've been following my blog(s) for awhile know that in 2002 I went through a divorce. My kids were two and five, young enough not to understand what was going on so they were able to adjust rather well. Don't get me wrong, they had their moments but today, they are very happy well-adjusted kids who enjoy their two homes.

Allow me to apologize in advance for the tone this post may take on because just thinking about this topic makes my fucking blood boil.

I am the first one to understand the difficulty of divorce especially when there are kids involved. My divorce wasn't like others because we chose not to get lawyers involved and only had a mediator. While I know that doesn't work for everyone, it worked out favorably for us. We were divorced within a few short months. He signed over the house to me and even though we lived in separate rooms, he still resided in this house for about nine months so that he could save up to find his own place. It was very amicable.

Amicable is not a word used in my former friend's situation. Here are just a few examples of the shit that's going on his life - his wife wants it her way or no way. She orders him to 'move out' and then when he says 'fine' she flips out and blames him for ruining hers and her kids' lives. She's constantly saying derogatory things about him in front of the kids. She once asked him if he was gay because they don't have sex.

Let me stop with that last one. When he told me that, I think I laughed for three days straight! That the man she chooses to put down each and every day would still have the desire to be intimate with her! What, does she shit gold or something?! I've seen his wife and trust me, she shouldn't be acting like she's all that!

In any case, it pains me to end a friendship with someone who clearly needs the support during this time, but I cannot tolerate the excuses anymore. He claims to have thought everything through, the term 'exit strategy' keeps reappearing every so often. I guess when you and your wife are business partners, there's got to be some kind of exit strategy, right?

But his supposed exit strategy never takes shape. "It's hard because of the kids." he told me. No, it's not hard because of the kids. Do NOT use your kids as an excuse!!! Again, I've been there. My kids had their rough moments after we divorced but kids are resilient, they bounce back and once you start acting like your kids won't be able to handle things without you being there, that's when you should just give up and sign them up for years of expensive therapy because all you're doing is enabling the undesirable behavior instead of encouraging them to be strong individuals.

I've been put in this kind of position before and I hate it. I've learned from experience that the only way people pick their sorry asses up off the floor is when you get mean. So, I got mean.

I told him to stop blaming the kids for him not leaving. That he was the reason he wasn't leaving and when he finally dug his head out of his ass, hopefully sooner rather than later, he would clearly see that. That deep down inside he enjoyed the attention she gives him, because however negative it may be, it's still attention. I told him to stay with her and be miserable. To shit his whole life away on someone like that when someone else out in the world could bring him a loving relationship that he truly deserves. And lastly, I told him I no longer wanted to communicate with him until he was no longer married to her. At the rate he's going, I could be collecting Social Security by the time I hear from him again.

I cannot tolerate massive amounts of drama especially someone else's drama and the fact that we were always having these heated discussions about his ridiculous wife, well I'm fairly certain that anyone in my shoes would have gotten tired of it all as well. Then again, maybe I shouldn't assume that since I pretty much can't tolerate anyone or anything these days!!

After several back-and-forth Email messages, I finally told him to respect my wishes and not to contact me again. I have not heard from him in days and guess what? I don't miss him. Sad to say but true. It became very clear to me that despite my enjoying supporting people during difficult times, these are not relationships I thrive on.

In the past few years, as I was approaching the big 4-0, I realized what was healthy and not healthy for me in my life. I ended a lot of friendships and while I don't want to wind up alone and friendless, I just can't seem to get past other peoples' flaws and I realize that is a huge problem. But I know what I want and need in my life. If I can't be true to myself, who can I be true to?

i feel like i drank the Kool-Aid

I feel like a hem that has become unraveled.

Every day it's another ache or ailment to deal with.

In early April, I was sick with some kind of funky virus that went on for nearly two weeks. My tonsils were the size of rocks, my throat was swollen, I woke up one morning with the start of a sinus infection, goop in my eyes and on and on it went. Every time I sneezed, I thought I saw a little piece of gray matter coming out my nose. Okay, maybe those were boogers but still...Honestly, it was one of the worst and strangest sicknesses I've ever had.

The only good thing that came of it is that it seems to have cured my migraines. I went from taking a migraine pill every day for the past two+ years to taking only two this month. Not really sure what happened but now it seems that OTC meds work fine for me. I'm sure it's only temporary but at least for now, I don't get many severe headaches and I'm very happy about that.

Now I'm sick again. Well, at least I felt sick yesterday so I'm not sure if it's another cold coming on or my allergies are going wonky. Whatever the case, I've been hacking up heaves of guam. Heaves. I like that word. I wonder if they use that measurement in the metric system?! I like 'guam' too because you can almost taste the mucus and you don't think I'm talking about the country.

Last week, I started feeling some minimal discomfort in my right thigh. When I stand up from a seated position, whether I'm at my desk or getting outta' the car, I have to limp it off. I feel like I'm channeling Dr. House (you won't understand that unless you watch House). I'm sure it's just another crazy thing that will work itself out soon enough, but it's fucking annoying!

Last night, I was doing dishes when I felt a strange pain in my chest. I'm still here so I take it is was nothing but c'mon already!!

I'm a good girl. I take my vitamins daily, drink my juice, eat fruit like it's going out of style, watch my weight (and sometimes I watch it grow), etc.. Is it too much to ask that I be healthy as I enter my 41st year?!

And to make matters worse, a few days ago, I noticed a pimple on my chin. I've been forgetting to apply zit cream so of course now, it's the size of Mt. Hood. Fucking pimple.

As I get older, I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of people in general. First it was just other peoples' kids, now it's people. All of 'em! Including my own son! Take what happened the other day, for instance...

On Saturday, I was dealing with that crazy credit card bullshit. It was also the country fair at my kids' school. Just last Saturday, I had to buy my son a new pair of sneakers and, of course, the most comfortable were a pricey pair of Under Armor. So Saturday night he was having a triple date (at 11 years of age) and he calls me an hour before he's supposed to meet his friends at the movie to tell me that when he was at the country fair, he picked up a pair of size 3 sneakers that looked just like his.

Now here's the problem with that...my son is a size 6.5. He can't see the difference between the two sizes?! Furthermore, what was he doing between 3pm, the time that the fair ended, and 6pm, when he was getting ready for his date? Obviously he hadn't been wearing any shoes for the those three hours so, what, he was walking around like a fucking caveman?!

That on top of the fact that he broke his cell phone again a few weeks ago. IF I choose to replace it (the jury is still out on that one), that will be his fifth phone. He is so fucking irresponsible with it and then with the whole shoe thing, it just really irks me to no end. Here's the story...when he was on spring break with his dad in March, he jumped into a pool with the phone still in his pocket. Apparently, my son was completely unaware that the phone was not water-proof. *shakes head*

I got him a new one, telling him that was it. If he broke the next one I was canceling the account. "Fine." he said (yeah, right). TWO WEEKS later, while at his dad's for the weekend, he was walking aimlessly around texting non-stop to his friends, phone hip-high as he's walking, when he slammed into a dining room chair and CRUNCH! The screen cracked. The person who shall not be mentioned here Emailed me to TELL me to replace his phone, ending the message that my son was too scared to talk to me about it.

Ya' know, if it wasn't for the person who shall not be mentioned here, I wouldn't have had to get our son a phone at age ten and now he's TELLING me to get him a new one.

Well, I sent him back a rather scathing message, telling him that I didn't appreciate him TELLING me to replace the phone. "I'm not made of fucking money!" I yelled at him through the computer. Furthermore, he needs to stop enabling our almost-12 year old son and help me make him understand that there are consequences for our actions and to have our son fight his own battles instead of him doing the dirty work for him.

Sorry for the tangent. My whole point of telling y'all that story was because after my son told me about his sneakers, I asked him if he was going to continue to be so irresponsible with his things, how was I to trust him with a new phone? I made his dad go get him another pair of quality shoes yesterday and I told my son I was withdrawing the money I spent on the sneakers from his bank account at which he was horrified because, as he said, "What happens if I find the shoes in lost and found?". Ya' know what, sweetie? Who the fuck cares?! Do you see dollar bills dangling from my armpits from which I can just grab at whenever I need to pay for something?! IT'S TO TEACH YOU A DAMN LESSON!!!!

I was just too steamed for words. That night, I posted as my Facebook status that going on a murdering rampage sounded like an acceptable idea. Suddenly, I was getting lectured from some dickhead that my status wasn't cool, and starts going on and on about a story in his area about how so-and-so murdered his entire family because he didn't want them to know that he was embezzling money from his company, blah, blah, blah. Ya' know what I told him? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

It's my fucking profile page but because some asswipe doesn't like the status I've written, I deserve to be lectured for it?! Am I not permitted to have a bad day and vent my frustrations in the form of a measly status? Oh yeah, like I'm really going to go out and kill people because my son hasn't caught onto the whole responsibility thing yet?! Well, I'll tell y'all something - I may be psycho but I'm not that psycho! Heh.

When I woke up Sunday morning, he had deleted his comment without so much as an apology for offending me. I gave him ample time to offer me one throughout the day but when he didn't, I deleted him. Ta-ta, assclown!

Shit, if I wanted to be lectured about something I'd call my freakin' parents!

now just wait a cotton pickin' minute!!!

Nike Air Rift sneakers. Designed on the principle of the African runners who run barefoot. I'm not a runner but I do know cool when I see it! Very comfortable sneakers. Lightweight, feels like you're walking on air. Or in bare feet. Not really but they are comfortable.

When they first came out years ago, the were in the $80 to $90 range. I'd wanted a pair for a really long time but Nike doesn't make them in abundance anymore, the ones they do offer on their site are in ridiculous patterns, I'm not gonna' pay that kind of money for a houndstooth pattern on my sneakers and they're not sold in stores. So when I did a little Googling a week or so ago and found a pair for $65, no tax and no shipping and handling, I thought it was too good to be true.

Nevertheless, as I mentioned yesterday, I received my sneakers in the mail yesterday. All the way from Shanghai, China. Hmmm....

I was organizing my receipts earlier today to be filed away and I found the receipt to the shoes. On the bottom of the receipt were the following charges:

$314.00

$4.00 (shipping)

Total: $319.00


I'm sorry...

"Watchu talkin' about, Willis?!"

Clearly, this is not right. Not only did it say on the online form I filled out that one pair of Nike Air Rift sneakers cost $64.99 but I have a receipt to prove it.

Thankfully, I checked my credit card statement and the proper amount was listed on it. Phew! If anyone has any thoughts to what those charges are on the receipt provided with my sneakers, please feel free to enlighten me!

And if luck would have it...

As I was examining my credit card statement, I did happen to spot a strange charge on it! I called the number provided on my statement and the company sells running equipment.

Huh?! Last time I checked, I had exercise-induced asthma, bad knees and, oh yeah, I DON'T FUCKING RUN!!!!

I've never had to dispute a charge before. I called my credit card company and while I was on hold waiting for a customer service representative, I saw something odd about this transaction - it was made with my Suntrust Visa credit card. The very same one that should have stopped working once I activated my new Bank of America credit card.

Motherfuckers. Someone out there is dying to get their ass kicked.

So now I have to play the waiting game since it takes a payment period or two before the dispute is resolved. In the meantime, I was instructed to contact the merchant to find out WTF is going on. Since they don't have weekend working hours, I had to send an Email asking them to have a representative from their company respond to my Email so that this issue can be properly resolved.

Guess what?! Not ten minutes after sending the Email message to the company did I get a response back. Here's how it started:

Oh no! I am so sorry to hear that the auto renewal caught you off guard.

The charge is for your VIP membership renewal. As stated in your club handbook, this renewal is automatic for the convenience of our members. If we caught you by surprise, we apologize, this was not our intention.


*shakes head*

There's more but it would be pointless to bore you with the mindless words of a person who is clearly illiterate. What is it going to take to make this twat understand that I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FUCKING MEMBER AND I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANYONE TO MAKE ANY FUCKING CHARGES ON A NON-WORKING CREDIT CARD?!?!??!?!

This whole dispute is going to make me go on a murder rampage. Dumbassmotherfuckingdouchebagassmunchers.

all this unnecessary drama is gonna' make my hair fall out!!

The story I have to tell you may get a little confusing. I don't like using real names in my posts so I usually just use the first initial of the person's name. With that, I am leaving you with a key so that [hopefully] you can follow along.

G = Girlfriend gossip-monger who first reported that my daughter was bullying.

J = The above's daughter who supposedly heard and saw what happened.

K = The mother of the girl who was not bullied.

R = The lying sack of shit who was trying to get my daughter in trouble.

( ) = If you see words written in parentheses, these are things I would have either liked to say and didn't feel it appropriate or just commentary.

On Tuesday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was G.. I knew exactly why she was calling, to get a follow-up on the situation, and I put her to voicemail. I probably would have spoken to her if my daughter hadn't been in the car with me but since the situation had already been resolved in my eyes and I had made no mention of it to my daughter, I wasn't about to talk about it in front of her.

I shouldn't have thought G. would give up so easily because she called two more times within a two hour period. She was immediately sent to voicemail those times as well. She continued to try to call. Her persistence was beyond tiresome. Ya' know, there's a reason for voicemail, people! If you're one of those people out there whose tactic is to pester someone adnauseum instead of leaving messages and waiting for the person to return your call when they're available to do so, stop it! Do I really need to explain why there's voicemail?! Leave a message and the person will get back to you when they can. Grow some patience, fuck-ryingoutloud! Actually, I think I'm growing some in my garden, I'll be happy to share some with you! Oh wait, those are Impatiens. Nevermind. *wink*

Anyway, I finally decided it be best to get it over with and call her back to see what she wanted, even though I already knew.

G: Hi! I was calling to see if you found out anything about the bullying.

(You mean the non-existent bullying.)

ME: Ya' know G., I so appreciate and admire the friendship you must have with K. for you to feel comfortable enough to speak for her, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer not talking to you about this anymore. K. and I know each other well enough that if she needs to discuss something with me, she can call me herself or speak to the teachers and the guidance counselor and they can tell her the same things they told me. We know who each other are, we've made small talk with each other on many occasions so if she needs to speak to me, please tell her I welcome the call.

G.: Oh. Okay.

("Oh. Okay." seems to be a vital part of this woman's vocabulary in order for her to convey the proper message to others.)

G: (humming and hawwing for a few minutes, trying to get out the words) Well, if you must know, J. said...

(It seems that G.'s daughter is following closely in her mother's gossiping footsteps. Well, they do say the apple never falls far from the tree so...)

ME: (interrupting) G., with all due respect, if J. is not directly involved, does not report it to the teachers or the guidance counselor or doesn't have witnesses or evidence to back up her story (I really need to stop watching all these crime dramas on TV), she needs to stay out of it. It's really not her business to police my daughter. I realize that the teachers don't always see the same things the kids see but again, if she sees something happening at school, she has to tell someone other than you. You can't do anything about it, they can. And to be perfectly honest, I was not only very upset after hearing this news from you, as I'm sure you knew I would be, but I was also very upset with myself for jumping the gun and getting so angry before finding out all the facts so in the future, should this type of incident happen again, I think it best to leave it up to the teachers or the parents directly involved instead of relying on the gossip mill. Again, I do appreciate that you alerted me to a potential situation, but if this type of thing happens, again I think it best that I hear it from them or from K. directly.

G: I hope you're not saying that you think J. is lying!!

(Oh God, here we go!)

ME: G., I never said any such thing so please don't put words in my mouth. It's all about perspective. If J. thinks she sees or hears something happening, tell her to speak up. If not or she's not sure something happened, she shouldn't. But if she keeps reporting back to you about something that's none of your business you can't do anything about it and I certainly don't want to get anymore of these phone calls prying into what I now consider personal business. Only the people involved can help to resolve things and if K. isn't willing to speak up for her own child, then I'm sorry, but that's her cross to bear.

G.: But it is my business! K.'s my friend!

ME: G., I realize she's your friend but there's a difference about it being your business and making it your business and this situation is not your business. Now if K. chooses to make her business your business, then that's her right but then you will need to find out the details from her.


By this point, I really wanted to get off the phone! Talking with her on the phone is never fun, she speaks so fast you can barely understand her and the constant interruptions, all so she can get out what she needs to say, are extremely annoying.


G: You sound mad. I hope you're not mad at me!

(Oy vey. This woman can't have anyone mad at her. Ever. She's neurotic about it. If she thinks someone's mad at her, she will obsess over it.)

ME: No G., I'm not the least bit mad at you but I really do need to go so I'll talk to you later, okay? Thanks for calling!

And wouldn't you know it? As of yesterday afternoon, she was still calling me! She called me twice, left one message and then obviously had ants in her pants and couldn't wait for me to return her call so she tried calling me again. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't like nosy people! Why is it that some people can't just mind their own fucking business?!

whisper down the lane

Remember that children's game where you sit in a line, someone starts off whispering something and by the time it reaches the last person, it becomes something entirely different than what was originally said?

On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from a friend of mine, a mother of a girl in my daughter's class. She told me that she'd gotten a call from another mother in the class that my daughter was bullying her daughter and that her daughter was "very scared" of my daughter.

I can't recall if I blogged about the time several months ago where I got a call from the guidance counselor how my daughter had been doing some bullying. Either way, I was mortified to know this about my daughter. As a young girl, I was bullied by kids for the glasses I wore and only finally stood up for myself in the 7th grade against that little Oompa Loompa-sized dork, Kipp Cohen after calling me a four-eyed caboose and I told him "Shut up, brace face!". That was the last time Kipp Cohen ever spoke to me. I can still see the expression on his face when he realized I fought back. Ahhh, priceless.

Anyway, because my daughter is a sweet girl in general (don't get me wrong, she has her moments!) and, most of the time, respectful of others, she was given a slap on her wrist, told how inappropriate it was to say certain things and let go with a warning not to do it again. Later on that same day, I made her promise to me that she would never do that again and that I took promises seriously so if she promised, she had to keep it. She promised. And I believe her.

So when I got this phone call, you can imagine how my blood started to boil. I had already thought about all the things and privileges I was going to take away from her after just hearing this from someone whom I knew was a gossip and doesn't get all her facts straight.

Before school let out on Monday afternoon, I was able to find some alone time with my daughter's teacher and assistant teacher. We sat down, I spoke and they both sat there looking dumbfounded. They hadn't heard squat about my daughter doing any such thing, nor had anyone reported her, nor did they really think my daughter had any opportunity during the day to behave in such a manner since there was always a teacher around, teachers are supposed to report such incidences and there were no said reports against my daughter. In fact, they said that she was delightful to have in class, that she was really keeping to herself, doing her work diligently and accurately and was the most improved student of all the kids in the class.

*blank stare*

I didn't know what to say especially since I never expected to get such a favorable report after hearing potentially bad news. They assured me that they would do some digging but that most of the kids in the class were very good about reporting others if they acted out (yeah, those freakin' tattle-tales!) and they honestly hadn't heard anything. It really was quite the odd meeting!

I left feeling very bad that I would go souly on the word of a gossip-monger and that I thought my child would be guilty of something before finding out the truth. Coincidentally enough, as I was leaving the building, I ran into the mother of the girl who said my daughter was bullying her! I stopped her to talk to her and was not about to apologize to her for anything until I finished my investigation into the matter. She was on her way in to meet with the principal as her daughter, the same one who was accusing my daughter of hurting her, was doing very poorly in school and because of that, everything else negative that happened in her life was greatly magnified. In other words, she was blowing shit outta' proportion.

Hmmmm...I had a feeling right then and there that her daughter was a little fucking liar.

Prior to my meeting with my daughter's teacher, I had already contacted the guidance counselor. She got back to me later on in the day and I met with her yesterday morning. She, too, had done some investigating and neither saw or heard anything wrong with my daughter. In fact, again, quite the opposite and she said how everyone was so proud of her. Talk about a sense of relief!

She also said that the girl in question has quite a way of dramatizing things. And with three other sisters, she was most likely doing it to get attention. She said she would bring her in to talk about. I told her that I didn't feel it was a good idea to bring my daughter in with her. After all the positive changes my daughter has gone through, I would hate for her to feel shot down if she found out someone was making up stories about her. The guidance counselor agreed.

She also assured me that the little girl doing the accusing is not scared about anything. That she knows how to stick up for herself just fine and it was probably just a case of perception. Regardless, if that little girl every tries to fuck with my daughter again, I'M gonna' kick her ass myself!

support your local geeks

This is a warning to all you Best Buy shoppers - Best Buy is great when it comes to reasonably-priced household appliances and techy gadgets and gizmos, but do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take your computers to The Geek Squad.

Take it from this dissatisfied customer, it's not worth the temper tantrum you will throw.

I thought I had written back in January about my son's computer problems, but either I'm blind, which is always a possibility, and can't find the post or I didn't actually write about it. In any case, my son's computer browser stopped working and he couldn't access the Internet which meant that he couldn't play his Internet games or AIM his friends. Gasp! The horror! Anyway, I took it to Best Buy to have it evaluated by The Geek Squad. The way I figured it was the computer was still considered new since I had just purchased it in September, and it was under warranty so if it needed fixing, they could fix it and it wouldn't cost me that much in the process.

The latter is a misconception. The Geek Squad is not part of Best Buy, they only rent space from them so Best Buy endorses them. The Geek Squad was not willing to offer me any great deals just because I had purchased the computer from the same store they were in. Fuckers.

But that's not really the beef I have with them.

Two weeks ago today I dropped the computer off for a full diagnostic. The first expected completion date read January 31st - one week since dropping off the computer. On a separate piece of paper, the expected completion date read February 2nd. Either/or, it was past both expected completion dates and I was determined to find out once and for all WTF was going on with the computer!

Deep inside, however, my psychic abilities had already kicked it into high gear and I knew before I even entered the store yesterday that they hadn't even touched my computer. Sure enough, I was right.

The geek punched in my information, returned from the back room where they store the computers needing work with an "Uh oh, this 'puter ain't done!" expression on his face and broke the bad news to me. I gestured to him to give me my computer, I was taking it with me. At the same time, I told him I wanted to speak to a store manager. Not quite sure why it took him five more minutes to plug in information into their computers, get me the computer and then get me a manager, but it did.

Why did I want the store manager? Well, aside from the fact that they hadn't fixed my computer in the alloted timeframe, I had tried calling the store five separate times on Monday afternoon to find out the status on my computer, each time waiting several minutes for someone to answer and no one ever answered the fucking phone. Not at the Geek Squad desk nor any sales associate within the entire store. I tried calling once a day thereafter and even then, no one ever answered the fucking phone.

I'm talking Best Buy here, people! I'm not talking some little mom-and-pop set-up where one person at a time occupies the store and may need to leave on his lunch break, I'm talking a big fucking store with at least 50 employees working the store at a time. Not one of them was able to answer the phone?!

He got my computer and went over to a fellow geek who came over to see me. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

Aside from global warming and there not being world peace, I told him that it was a problem that I asked for a store manager and that given the 'Geek Squad' printed on his shirt, clearly he was not a store manager. But I told him what the problem was anyway and he asked me "Well, didn't the person who helped you tell you that it was a 3-4 week turnaround time?". NOTE: everything in italics except for the cursing, were my exact words...

No [dipshit]. I was told a 1-2 week turnaround time and if the guy assisting me had told me it would have been a 3-4 week turnaround time, then I most certainly would have not left my computer here.

"Even so," he said, "It clearly states on the contract you signed that we're entitled to change the turnaround time at our descretion."

And clearly, [asshole], if you tell someone that you will have it done for them within a certain timeframe, then you either have it done for them or you learn how to pick up that little device otherwise known as a 'telephone' and give what's called a 'courtesy call' so that the person isn't wondering where their computer is. But given that I tried calling you guys several times this week alone and there's not a phone anywhere on your counter here, I can understand why you wouldn't even think of calling me to inform me about my computer or would have heard your phone ringing because you don't have a [fucking] phone! Now get me a store manager!

Having waited another five minutes, I saw out of the corner of my eye a store manager approach the counter.

"Yeah?". (No seriously, that's how the store manager greeted me.)

I gave her the evil death glare. I tried to get deathly, skin-piercing laser beams to shoot from my eyeballs but my Super Duper Skin-piercing Eye Laser Beams must have been on the fritz.

"Yeah"? That's how you greet your customers?

Staring. "What can I help you with, ma'am?".

Oh there's the proper customer service you must have briefly lost along with your brain cells! (yes, I did say that, too.)

I then explained again what happened but emphasized the phone calling and how no one in her store answered.

"Oh...sorry."

That's all you have to say?!

"Hmmm...well, we're very busy."

Honestly folks, I thought I was being punked and that someone from the new and improved Candid Camera show was going to jump out and surprise me that all this professionalism I was being treated with was just a really bad joke being played on me.

We're all busy, you moron! I yelled at her, grabbed my receipt, got her name and the Geek Squad manager's name so I can report them later to Best Buy's corporate headquarters, called them "incompetent idiots" (redundant, I know), not only at full volume but also made sure to enunciate so that everyone within a 100 foot radius could hear me clearly.

Upon walking away, I heard her wishing me a great day in the most sarcastic voice I've ever heard. She is who they hired to manage the store. Brilliant. I guess she thinks that after I'm done reporting her to the company that she'll still have a job by the end of the week.

But the story's not done.

I whisked my computer away to a small mom-and-pop computer shop that I had taken my computer to once before. At 4pm yesterday afternoon, Tweaks by Geeks had fixed my son's computer.

WHAT!!

life is like a box of chocolates...or a big hairy steamy pile of doggy doo

Jasper's not stupid. Disgusting, but definitely not stupid.

When I woke up this morning and noticed he wasn't in my room, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was up to no good. The last time I had that feeling, he had relieved himself all over my family room carpet.

I'm still not done cleaning the carpet and after this morning, I'm glad I hadn't yet put away my Spotbot.

Rrrrrr.

I walked out of my room to find the dog I knew would be hanging his head in shame. Even in the dark, I could see the pile of shit on my wood floor. I saw Jasper on my living room sofa with his head turned away from me. The little fucker couldn't even look me in the eye! Can you say "I'm a guilty motherfucker!"??!

I went into the family room to see the damage. A nice oblong pee stain. Sweet.

Of course the shit in my hallway wasn't going to clean itself up so I took care of it and came into my bedroom to get caught up on Emails and such. Like every other day, my alarm went off at 5am, I finished doing what I was doing and got up to take the dogs out.

The pile of dog shit had regenerated! There it was, in the same fucking spot, staring at me as if I had never cleaned it up. Again, I cleaned it up and went into the family room. Another oblong-shaped pee stain. In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite, "YES!".

I can't even begin to tell you how pleased I am with this dog. Say that in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible.

Yesterday, he was a good boy. He pooped as if he was on a set schedule. He was chipper and in good spirits when we walked. I even allowed him to stay out of the crate yesterday as a sort of treat for being a good boy. All I can say is that I hope he really enjoyed his freedom yesterday because today he is going to be in that crate like a career criminal in a jail cell.

It would seem that my initial thought that he had such an upset stomach from getting into Schwartz's medication the other day would be incorrect. My newest conclusion is that when he gets upset and he knows others are upset with him, his bowels release much like the Hoover Dam - in a big fucking rush and with little control.

Talk about knowing how to get back at me! What a spiteful little pooch! Do I know how to pick dogs or what?!