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Friday, January 30, 2009

life is like a box of chocolates...or a big hairy steamy pile of doggy doo

Jasper's not stupid. Disgusting, but definitely not stupid.

When I woke up this morning and noticed he wasn't in my room, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was up to no good. The last time I had that feeling, he had relieved himself all over my family room carpet.

I'm still not done cleaning the carpet and after this morning, I'm glad I hadn't yet put away my Spotbot.

Rrrrrr.

I walked out of my room to find the dog I knew would be hanging his head in shame. Even in the dark, I could see the pile of shit on my wood floor. I saw Jasper on my living room sofa with his head turned away from me. The little fucker couldn't even look me in the eye! Can you say "I'm a guilty motherfucker!"??!

I went into the family room to see the damage. A nice oblong pee stain. Sweet.

Of course the shit in my hallway wasn't going to clean itself up so I took care of it and came into my bedroom to get caught up on Emails and such. Like every other day, my alarm went off at 5am, I finished doing what I was doing and got up to take the dogs out.

The pile of dog shit had regenerated! There it was, in the same fucking spot, staring at me as if I had never cleaned it up. Again, I cleaned it up and went into the family room. Another oblong-shaped pee stain. In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite, "YES!".

I can't even begin to tell you how pleased I am with this dog. Say that in the most sarcastic tone of voice possible.

Yesterday, he was a good boy. He pooped as if he was on a set schedule. He was chipper and in good spirits when we walked. I even allowed him to stay out of the crate yesterday as a sort of treat for being a good boy. All I can say is that I hope he really enjoyed his freedom yesterday because today he is going to be in that crate like a career criminal in a jail cell.

It would seem that my initial thought that he had such an upset stomach from getting into Schwartz's medication the other day would be incorrect. My newest conclusion is that when he gets upset and he knows others are upset with him, his bowels release much like the Hoover Dam - in a big fucking rush and with little control.

Talk about knowing how to get back at me! What a spiteful little pooch! Do I know how to pick dogs or what?!

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2 Comments:

Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I am so glad I don't own pets! lol

January 30, 2009 at 8:53 AM  
Anonymous Giggle Pixie said...

In a word? Wow!

January 30, 2009 at 12:21 PM  

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