camp swine flu

You may have heard in the news recently about the flu outbreak in camps in the Georgia/North Carolina areas. My kids go to overnight camp in that general area.

A little more than a week and a half ago, we received an Email from the camp director saying that he wanted to put everyone's mind at ease, that their camp was not one of the camps mentioned in the news. Just days later, we received a conflicting report, saying that there had been concerns with about five of the campers, that the CDC, Family/Children Services and a local hospital administrator had been present at the camp to test these kids [who all were found negative] and to check on the camp's procedures and documentation and all was fine.

As the camp director was writing that Email, two campers came down with what is presently known as the Swine Flu. Motherfucker!

A week later, we received a follow-up Email that said 23 people had come down with it - 20 campers and 3 staff! Fuck-ryingoutloud!

Through all the madness, their operation seems to be on the right track. They have set up several wellness centers, have hired five additional medical personnel along with some camp parents who reside in that general area who run whatever errands need to be done. The good news is that the CDC is disappointed that a name was given to this flu since it seems to be far less severe than other strains they've seen. The bad news is they said Tamiflu is not a viable solution to treat this particular flu. It just doesn't work.

This is like Camp Crystal Lake and Jason is represented by big scary machete-carrying germs!

This morning, I received an Email from the camp director that read:

Good morning! (showing that we should never forget to use our manners during a possible epidemic!)

Your son was just admitted into the infirmary feeling faint with a low-grade fever of 99.3. He said he just needs fluids and rest (Yeah, Dr. Son). We'll monitor him and keep you posted.

I have two words for you...FUCK and ME.

I know my son well. First, I can count on one hand how many times in his 11+ years he's gotten a fever, so this is a definite concern of mine. Secondly, I think this may be more heat-related than flu because the little shit refuses to wear his baseball hat in the blazing sun. No matter how often he's been nagged by me, my sister and my parents through Email messages sent to him in the last two weeks he's been at camp, he just will not fucking listen. Can you say 'stubborn little fucker'?! Unfortunately, both his parents are stubborn fuckers so he had little chance not to develop that gene.

I received a follow-up message a little while ago that read that his temperature was down with meds and they would keep me posted.

I'm hoping for the best. Coincidentally enough, my ex is headed up there today to pick our daughter up as she was only scheduled to attend two weeks. If our son is either not doing/feeling better or he has spiked another fever, my ex and I will decide if he should come home as well.

I'll keep y'all posted.

the ice queen cometh

I think I've officially graduated to cold-hearted, insensitive bitch.

You may remember this post from the beginning of June in which I talked about the gal whose husband passed in early May. Well, yesterday the shit went down.

Last week, she made a comment on my Facebook homepage for me to call her up to spend time with her while my kids were away and I responded that the last time I tried to get together with her, she blew me off.

A few nights ago, a little bit of drama occurred in my life which brought me down low enough to go out and buy alcohol. Those who know me well know I don't drink. Before the other night, the last alcoholic beverage I had was years ago. I can't even give you an exact timeframe because it's been that long. Anyway, a little bit of alcohol goes a looooong way with me - i got pretty fritzed pretty quickly and, if I can toot my own horn a little bit, I can be a pretty funny drunk!

So I was posting a bunch of off-the-wall statuses on my FB profile page and this gal made a comment about bringing some of that alcohol over to her house. Hmmm...it kinda' seems she wants everyone to do everything for her, doesn't it?

I came clean and basically told her I don't make an effort for those who don't care to make an effort with me. Not in those words, but she understood what I was saying alright 'cause I got an Email from her yesterday.

I will admit, I have never had a family member pass away as suddenly as her husband did. I will also admit that I've never known such a strong love like the one they had for each other. I admit, I have not walked a mile in her shoes so I don't have a clue what she's going through. So when she wrote to tell me that she had no recollection of what I said she'd done, my first thought was that she needed to go check herself into the nearest psych ward! I mean, how do you have a conversation with someone and then a few hours later, not recall what that conversation was unless you're losing your flippin' mind?! It never occurred to me that she's just going through the daily motions without really remembering what she was doing.

And I did think it was kinda' odd for someone who lives two minutes down the road for me to Email me and not pick up the phone.

So I wrote her back and I didn't make a big deal out of things. I apologized for not realizing what she was going through and that everything was cool. Not that I'm gonna' go outta' my way for her, but just mending bridges.

But then she called at nearly 11pm last night. Crying. No, bawling. The kind of crying that comes from one's heart and soul and is so strong that you have no idea what the person is trying to tell you.

I had to tell her to calm down several times as I couldn't make heads or tails of what she was saying. The first thing I understood was "I don't call people.".

Um...okay. I'm not sure I understand that one. So you're going to call me with these crying jags and use the whole "I don't call people" as your excuse for not calling me back when I made a generous offer to you on your birthday of all days?! And then, after you've already called me, you're going to try to make me feel bad about saying that you called me because of what a great friend I am?

HUH?

Sorry people. If this makes me a person with a heart of stone so be it, but that's just bullshit. If you don't try to reach out to people at a time of need, then don't complain to me that everyone is fake and no one likes you. They're not fake, they just don't like getting blown off either!! C'mon, I realize she's not thinking clearly these days but can she really believe that these people are fake because they've chosen to stop calling her?

So I let it go and I gave it to her straight. I told her that was bullshit. That this was the time that she needed people to rally behind her and to put her silly no-calling policy behind her. Her life was starting over whether she liked it or not and she was being forced to make changes that she may never grow to like or understand. That because she was feeling weak, she needed the support of others and that when she became stronger again, then she could weed out the fake friends from the true friends.

Blah, blah, fucking blah.

I know I sound like a total icy bitch but as emotional as she was, I still felt nothing. And maybe it's my own shit that I'm trying to deal with right now that caused me to react that way, I don't know. However, I've always been the kind of person who cannot tolerate someone who always plays the victim and while I certainly sympathize with her situation, I found myself rolling my eyes a lot during our conversation.

And not to make it any worse, but I really don't have time for this. Perhaps these feelings come from knowing what kinds of friendships I find healthy versus what kinds of friendships I find toxic. Lastly, I'm days away from turning 41 and honestly, I'm too damn old to be bothered with this bullshit.

I know some of you out there are trying your hardest not to reach through your computer screens to wring my neck but I can't make myself feel something I just don't feel. Let me have it! I can take it!

Y2K 2009

So today was the day for 'the big switch' - TV, from analog to digital. The local news was making a big to-do about it. Like it was the biggest news since...since...well, since sliced fucking bread.

So I waited. And at 8am, a message appeared on my screen that read that the station was ending their broadcast in analog.

And then...

A blank screen.

OMFG.

And I have cable too! They claimed those of us with cable wouldn't notice a change!!

About 30 seconds later, a picture came into focus with the message that the station was commencing broadcasting in digital.

Phew!

And then...?

The picture started going bonkers!

LOL!!!

It corrected itself within a few seconds but I gotta' tell you, this was worse than that whole Y2K bullshit in 2000. They made a huge production over that, warning people of power outages, updating computers and all that other nonsense, and it turned out to be a major disappointment! I mean, raise your hand if you too were hoping for major looting and gang violence in your area?!

Enjoy your digital, yo, and have a wonderful weekend!

seriously now...why bother?!

Lemme' just lay it out there for y'all...I have a zero bullshit policy.

So when this dumbass from my past contacted me on Facebook, trying to friend me, and acting like I wouldn't remember how she dissed me several years back, I let her have it...

"Hey Girl! Remember me? I was so bummed we lost touch years ago. B. just told me you are on Facebook. Wanna hook up again?"

Uh, you mean much like I'd wanna' have someone squirt acid in my eyes?! Yeah, thanks, I'll pass.

Here's how the story goes...

Years ago, when I was still married, I was feeling lost and lonely and looking to connect with people as I felt no connection to my then-husband so I registered myself on some penpal website. There was this gal from another country and we connected. Never having met, we continued corresponding with each other for years through Email and IM.

When some psycho blogger didn't like something I had to say on her blog and turned all her little blogging friends against me, this gal friend of mine had some words for this psycho blogger.

We blogged together. Literally. Until the day that someone hacked our blog, probably the psycho blogger or one of her cohorts. After that, this gal and I had both set up separate blogs and it wasn't long after that I noticed that she had become good blogging buddies with some of the psycho blogger's friends.

While I certainly don't tell anyone who they can be friends with, this bothered me. I think we had "known" each other well enough that we wouldn't do that to each other. Or at least I wouldn't have done it to her or anyone else I felt I had established a friendship with. I explained to her my feelings and she laughed off my words. To say that it was hurtful, would be an understatement. It was much later that we lost touch mainly because I couldn't be bothered with someone I felt was a back-stabber.

There was also another incident not long before all that happened in which I learned she couldn't be trusted. When I was on that dating site, I was in touch with this one guy. One night I was IMing with him and her separately and it became too much of a chore so I just set up a conference where we could all chat together.

Shortly before all that happened, I had been trying to get her to give me her phone number so we could chat on the phone and she either ignored me and/or just kept coming up with excuses. So we're in touch with that guy, it was close to New Year's Eve and he asked me to call him on New Years so I did...only to learn that she had sent a picture of herself to him all dressed up for the New Year's Eve party she was attending with the message "Don't tell Koolio I'm sending you this.". Yep, she was trying to keep secrets from me. Luckily, this guy felt uncomfortable enough about this situation that he told me that and that they had also talked on the phone. Nice, huh?!

I decided I'd had enough of her bullshit so I stopped visiting her blog and stopped communicating with her. Suddenly, there was a rush of Email messages that she wrote me which I chose not to respond to and then I chose to delete her from my address book completely so that all her messages went to spam. She sent me some E-card as well which I chose not to open.

Fast forward to tonight when I got that message from her. My response to her was the following...

Yep, I remember you. You were the one who dissed me when I needed a friend. You probably don't remember and it doesn't really matter at this point so let's just leave it at that.

I knew exactly how she would respond, with trying to lay all the blame on me for the friendship falling apart, and reminding me how she'd written Emails that I never responded to with her not once owning up to the true nature of why I stopped corresponding with her.

I ended up blocking her on Facebook so that she can never contact me again. Then I decided to Email the guy who told her I was on Facebook to let him know I wasn't pleased that she had contacted me only to find out that he had his privacy settings set so that I couldn't view his profile. Since it makes no sense to me to have someone on your friends list and then not allow them to view your profile, I deleted him from my friends list. I'm not like some people on Facebook who just add people to their friends list for the sake of adding. I'm not on the same quest as others appear to be to see who can have the most people on their friends list.

Who has time for all this game-playing bullshit?! I don't know about y'all, but I left high school a long time ago!

the nerve of some people

I think I've used this title for another post. As if I care.

Oh yeah, this is one of my more pissy posts. Hold on, this is gonna' be a bumpy ride.

I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Or the dead's wife. But I'm going to anyway for several reasons - because I can and because she deserves it.

As I promised her mother, I've been trying to check in on her, call her, in other words, look after her. At this point, her mother can go take a flying fucking leap.

It started last Friday when I wished her a Happy Birthday on her Facebook page. The next day, her status showed that neighbors on her street did something special for her's and her son's birthday yet I got no acknowledgment for my good wishes.

Let me back up for a minute and tell you that about a week after her husband's passing, she told me that she wished people would stop doing things for her. That if they wanted to do something, to do it for her son. Since they both share the same birthday, I bought him a gift card to a local movie theater, thinking that I was actually going to have a chance to give it to him. Saturday morning, I called her twice to offer my best wishes. The first time she was out at the gym so I had to call back. I learned that she had plans to go to the beach with some friends that day. I told her I had something for her son and that if they had time, I would love to treat them for dinner later on that night. She told me she would call me when she got back from the beach that afternoon and if for some reason we couldn't get together on Saturday, we'd make it a birthday weekend and get together on Sunday.

I guess I should stop waiting for that call to come.

Yeah, she wasn't able to call me but she was certainly able to respond to my Facebook status...at 11pm Saturday night.

So I waited for that acknowledgment for my extending birthday wishes to her through Facebook. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she didn't. This morning I checked her profile page and would you know that she tagged as liking every other person's birthday wishes but mine?!

To say that I'm annoyed is an understatement. And because of her 'situation' I've chosen not to say anything and just vent it here. I certainly don't want to make her feel bad when her husband has only been dead not even a month but why call me a good friend if you're just gonna' treat me like shit?

Someday, I'm gonna' find a deserted island and leave all this bullshit behind. Apparently I'm doing a shit job in the friendship department so I might as well go be by myself. Just me, the coconuts and a bunch of wind-driven sand up my ass crack. And I'm not inviting her to join me!

i am not shitting you

Actress Kelly McGillis licks the clitoris!

That's right, folks. I was just sitting here, minding my own mindless business on the computer when I should be organizing/packing for my kids' camp and folding laundry while Entertainment Tonight was on in the background, when Kelly McGillis herself announced that she's a lesbian!!

You may have already heard this news as she apparently confirmed this towards the end of April. But just in case you didn't and give a shit, she has, in fact, gone the way of the gay.

Nothing wrong with lesbians, just sayin'.

As you were. *wink*

the taming of the spew

I'm really getting tired of this shit.

Up until last night, neither of my kids has had a stomach bug for about two years. My kids were at their dad's but came home earlier than usual because my son was complaining about a stomach ache. I was hoping for the best but kinda' knew what was going to happen.

Sure enough, about an hour after he went to bed, I heard coughing from his room and I knew what had happened. This is the part that pisses me off...

My kids have always gotten sick in the middle of the night. And always at my house, never at their dad's! And as familiar as they are with the uncomfortable stomach pains that go along with an approaching stomach bug, why can't they ever fucking run to the sink, toilet or aim it at a trash receptacle for instance?! Why must they always puke all over their beds and floor?! Don't get me wrong, I'm a compassionate person when they're ill but they're going on 9 and 12 here, so is that too much to ask them to at least try to keep their vomit off my walls?!

Please forgive me if you're reading this over breakfast. Just be happy I didn't go into color and consistency of the spew.

Needless to say, I had him remove his pajamas and redress himself, got him situated in a comfy spot in the family room with a basin by his side as there was no fucking way in hell that I was gonna' allow him to crawl into another bed, removed his bedding, immediately put everything in the washer and sat with him all night.

That's right, I have yet to clean his room. I'm sure it'll be a delightful experience.

Luckily, what he did in his bedroom was it. He sucked on a few popsicles in an attempt to get rid of that burning sensation in his throat and was able to sleep as was I. Until I realize that my stomach was knotting up on me. Oh, joy!

Thankfully, my stomach upset was due to a shitty dinner I'd eaten and a little sleep took it away. That's not to say that my daughter and I still don't have something to look forward to, that's just saying I made it through the night without my own shit to deal with.

I'll let y'all know later how the cleaning of his room went 'cause I know you're on the edge of your seats in anticipation. Heh.

exit strategy my ass

Some of you may remember this post in which I felt it necessary to stop talking to this guy friend of mine who's going through a difficult time in his marriage right now. Well, the night I posted that story was the same day I had Emailed him and that night, he called me and we talked it through.

Then, about a week later, the same bullshit started all over again. Here's how it went down...

I [unfortunately] know the ins and outs of his marriage. His wife is a total mental case and, well, he's allowed her to stomp on his balls 'til they turned into squashed little grapes. To sum it up, their marriage is coming to an end and despite her daily giving him a dose of her psychotic behavior and blaming him for everything gone wrong in their marriage, he continues to take her abuse and is too pussy to leave.

I once again ended the friendship and told him not to contact me again. Here's why....

Those of you who've been following my blog(s) for awhile know that in 2002 I went through a divorce. My kids were two and five, young enough not to understand what was going on so they were able to adjust rather well. Don't get me wrong, they had their moments but today, they are very happy well-adjusted kids who enjoy their two homes.

Allow me to apologize in advance for the tone this post may take on because just thinking about this topic makes my fucking blood boil.

I am the first one to understand the difficulty of divorce especially when there are kids involved. My divorce wasn't like others because we chose not to get lawyers involved and only had a mediator. While I know that doesn't work for everyone, it worked out favorably for us. We were divorced within a few short months. He signed over the house to me and even though we lived in separate rooms, he still resided in this house for about nine months so that he could save up to find his own place. It was very amicable.

Amicable is not a word used in my former friend's situation. Here are just a few examples of the shit that's going on his life - his wife wants it her way or no way. She orders him to 'move out' and then when he says 'fine' she flips out and blames him for ruining hers and her kids' lives. She's constantly saying derogatory things about him in front of the kids. She once asked him if he was gay because they don't have sex.

Let me stop with that last one. When he told me that, I think I laughed for three days straight! That the man she chooses to put down each and every day would still have the desire to be intimate with her! What, does she shit gold or something?! I've seen his wife and trust me, she shouldn't be acting like she's all that!

In any case, it pains me to end a friendship with someone who clearly needs the support during this time, but I cannot tolerate the excuses anymore. He claims to have thought everything through, the term 'exit strategy' keeps reappearing every so often. I guess when you and your wife are business partners, there's got to be some kind of exit strategy, right?

But his supposed exit strategy never takes shape. "It's hard because of the kids." he told me. No, it's not hard because of the kids. Do NOT use your kids as an excuse!!! Again, I've been there. My kids had their rough moments after we divorced but kids are resilient, they bounce back and once you start acting like your kids won't be able to handle things without you being there, that's when you should just give up and sign them up for years of expensive therapy because all you're doing is enabling the undesirable behavior instead of encouraging them to be strong individuals.

I've been put in this kind of position before and I hate it. I've learned from experience that the only way people pick their sorry asses up off the floor is when you get mean. So, I got mean.

I told him to stop blaming the kids for him not leaving. That he was the reason he wasn't leaving and when he finally dug his head out of his ass, hopefully sooner rather than later, he would clearly see that. That deep down inside he enjoyed the attention she gives him, because however negative it may be, it's still attention. I told him to stay with her and be miserable. To shit his whole life away on someone like that when someone else out in the world could bring him a loving relationship that he truly deserves. And lastly, I told him I no longer wanted to communicate with him until he was no longer married to her. At the rate he's going, I could be collecting Social Security by the time I hear from him again.

I cannot tolerate massive amounts of drama especially someone else's drama and the fact that we were always having these heated discussions about his ridiculous wife, well I'm fairly certain that anyone in my shoes would have gotten tired of it all as well. Then again, maybe I shouldn't assume that since I pretty much can't tolerate anyone or anything these days!!

After several back-and-forth Email messages, I finally told him to respect my wishes and not to contact me again. I have not heard from him in days and guess what? I don't miss him. Sad to say but true. It became very clear to me that despite my enjoying supporting people during difficult times, these are not relationships I thrive on.

In the past few years, as I was approaching the big 4-0, I realized what was healthy and not healthy for me in my life. I ended a lot of friendships and while I don't want to wind up alone and friendless, I just can't seem to get past other peoples' flaws and I realize that is a huge problem. But I know what I want and need in my life. If I can't be true to myself, who can I be true to?

i feel like i drank the Kool-Aid

I feel like a hem that has become unraveled.

Every day it's another ache or ailment to deal with.

In early April, I was sick with some kind of funky virus that went on for nearly two weeks. My tonsils were the size of rocks, my throat was swollen, I woke up one morning with the start of a sinus infection, goop in my eyes and on and on it went. Every time I sneezed, I thought I saw a little piece of gray matter coming out my nose. Okay, maybe those were boogers but still...Honestly, it was one of the worst and strangest sicknesses I've ever had.

The only good thing that came of it is that it seems to have cured my migraines. I went from taking a migraine pill every day for the past two+ years to taking only two this month. Not really sure what happened but now it seems that OTC meds work fine for me. I'm sure it's only temporary but at least for now, I don't get many severe headaches and I'm very happy about that.

Now I'm sick again. Well, at least I felt sick yesterday so I'm not sure if it's another cold coming on or my allergies are going wonky. Whatever the case, I've been hacking up heaves of guam. Heaves. I like that word. I wonder if they use that measurement in the metric system?! I like 'guam' too because you can almost taste the mucus and you don't think I'm talking about the country.

Last week, I started feeling some minimal discomfort in my right thigh. When I stand up from a seated position, whether I'm at my desk or getting outta' the car, I have to limp it off. I feel like I'm channeling Dr. House (you won't understand that unless you watch House). I'm sure it's just another crazy thing that will work itself out soon enough, but it's fucking annoying!

Last night, I was doing dishes when I felt a strange pain in my chest. I'm still here so I take it is was nothing but c'mon already!!

I'm a good girl. I take my vitamins daily, drink my juice, eat fruit like it's going out of style, watch my weight (and sometimes I watch it grow), etc.. Is it too much to ask that I be healthy as I enter my 41st year?!

And to make matters worse, a few days ago, I noticed a pimple on my chin. I've been forgetting to apply zit cream so of course now, it's the size of Mt. Hood. Fucking pimple.

As I get older, I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of people in general. First it was just other peoples' kids, now it's people. All of 'em! Including my own son! Take what happened the other day, for instance...

On Saturday, I was dealing with that crazy credit card bullshit. It was also the country fair at my kids' school. Just last Saturday, I had to buy my son a new pair of sneakers and, of course, the most comfortable were a pricey pair of Under Armor. So Saturday night he was having a triple date (at 11 years of age) and he calls me an hour before he's supposed to meet his friends at the movie to tell me that when he was at the country fair, he picked up a pair of size 3 sneakers that looked just like his.

Now here's the problem with that...my son is a size 6.5. He can't see the difference between the two sizes?! Furthermore, what was he doing between 3pm, the time that the fair ended, and 6pm, when he was getting ready for his date? Obviously he hadn't been wearing any shoes for the those three hours so, what, he was walking around like a fucking caveman?!

That on top of the fact that he broke his cell phone again a few weeks ago. IF I choose to replace it (the jury is still out on that one), that will be his fifth phone. He is so fucking irresponsible with it and then with the whole shoe thing, it just really irks me to no end. Here's the story...when he was on spring break with his dad in March, he jumped into a pool with the phone still in his pocket. Apparently, my son was completely unaware that the phone was not water-proof. *shakes head*

I got him a new one, telling him that was it. If he broke the next one I was canceling the account. "Fine." he said (yeah, right). TWO WEEKS later, while at his dad's for the weekend, he was walking aimlessly around texting non-stop to his friends, phone hip-high as he's walking, when he slammed into a dining room chair and CRUNCH! The screen cracked. The person who shall not be mentioned here Emailed me to TELL me to replace his phone, ending the message that my son was too scared to talk to me about it.

Ya' know, if it wasn't for the person who shall not be mentioned here, I wouldn't have had to get our son a phone at age ten and now he's TELLING me to get him a new one.

Well, I sent him back a rather scathing message, telling him that I didn't appreciate him TELLING me to replace the phone. "I'm not made of fucking money!" I yelled at him through the computer. Furthermore, he needs to stop enabling our almost-12 year old son and help me make him understand that there are consequences for our actions and to have our son fight his own battles instead of him doing the dirty work for him.

Sorry for the tangent. My whole point of telling y'all that story was because after my son told me about his sneakers, I asked him if he was going to continue to be so irresponsible with his things, how was I to trust him with a new phone? I made his dad go get him another pair of quality shoes yesterday and I told my son I was withdrawing the money I spent on the sneakers from his bank account at which he was horrified because, as he said, "What happens if I find the shoes in lost and found?". Ya' know what, sweetie? Who the fuck cares?! Do you see dollar bills dangling from my armpits from which I can just grab at whenever I need to pay for something?! IT'S TO TEACH YOU A DAMN LESSON!!!!

I was just too steamed for words. That night, I posted as my Facebook status that going on a murdering rampage sounded like an acceptable idea. Suddenly, I was getting lectured from some dickhead that my status wasn't cool, and starts going on and on about a story in his area about how so-and-so murdered his entire family because he didn't want them to know that he was embezzling money from his company, blah, blah, blah. Ya' know what I told him? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

It's my fucking profile page but because some asswipe doesn't like the status I've written, I deserve to be lectured for it?! Am I not permitted to have a bad day and vent my frustrations in the form of a measly status? Oh yeah, like I'm really going to go out and kill people because my son hasn't caught onto the whole responsibility thing yet?! Well, I'll tell y'all something - I may be psycho but I'm not that psycho! Heh.

When I woke up Sunday morning, he had deleted his comment without so much as an apology for offending me. I gave him ample time to offer me one throughout the day but when he didn't, I deleted him. Ta-ta, assclown!

Shit, if I wanted to be lectured about something I'd call my freakin' parents!

i love my neighbors

While Schwartz and I were out today enjoying a leisurely stroll up and down our street in the gorgeous weather that is upon us, Little Mr. Fuckface my neighbor to the right of us suddenly appeared at his front door demanding that I keep my dog off his lawn. Despite the fact that I never let Schwartz do his business on this neighbor's lawn because I know what a fucker he is and that this man had just seen me pull my dog off his lawn, he still felt it necessary to be his usual pleasant self.

I looked up when he spoke and then turned my head away, choosing to ignore him. Here's the pleasantries we exchanged thereafter:

LMFF: Did you hear me?

Me: Did you hear this? *I flipped him off*

LMFF: If I see you on my lawn again, I'm calling Animal Control!

Me: *laughing* Really?! What are you going to say to them? "Hello? Animal Control? My neighbor, who walks her dog on a leash past my house everyday, allows her dog to touch my grass, please help me!". What are you going to do, show Animal Control the dog crap left on your lawn by your kids' dog and blame me for it?! Yeah, try it. See what happens.

*receiving the hairy eyeball from LMFF*

Me: Or maybe I should call the cops regarding that time I caught you peeping in my kitchen window at my kids. Because that is illegal. By the way, does your wife know what a pervert you are?!

Then I added loudly for effect..."C'mon Schwartz. The mean old man is constipated and doesn't want us on his lawn."

*LMFF goes inside and slams the front door*

Koolio shoots! She scores!

You know damn well whose house I'm walking by again and again, day after day. I've lived in this house going on ten years and that is about the fifth time he's ever spoken to me. The fucker has no idea who he's about to fuck with.

*insert evil laugh here*

more reasons not to like that "friend"

Allow me to start this post with the following statement...sometimes I really feel like I'm still back in high school with the horse shit that I have to deal with.

Last week "that friend" called me a few times. The first time, she called and I let it go to voicemail. She asked if she had the right baseball field where our kids were supposed to practice that afternoon and to only return the call if they were having practice elsewhere. She had the right field and I didn't return the call.

The next day, she called and I chose to let it go to voicemail again. She claimed she was calling to say 'hi' and to see how I was but after the first time she called, it dawned on me that a good bit of the time that she calls me it's to ask me something about baseball. If she would ever check her Email, in which the coach messages us at least once a day, she wouldn't have to call me about it but that's a whole other story. Anyway, because I had this revelation, I chose not to return her call. And also because I was going to see her two hours later for a baseball game.

The first thing out of her mouth when she saw me that afternoon was not "Hi, how are you?" but "I've been trying to call you." as if I shouldn't be hesitating to answer her calls. I told her I received her messages but I figured since we were going to see each other, I would just talk to her at the field. I ask y'all, is there anything wrong with that or do I need to be talking to her as I'm driving up to the baseball field and parking right next to her?! I guess that didn't sit well with her because instead of sitting next to me, she sat at the opposite end of the bleachers. Yeah, okay, whatever, I'm not at your beck and call, sister! I can't be bothered with someone being offended by something like that. I've got my own life with my own shit to deal with, if I stopped to answer every single fucking call that came in, I would never get anything done. Some people just really need to get over themselves.

At some point during the game, she complained that she was cold from the breeze. It was 75 degrees out, people. The breeze was warm and lovely and she was wearing heavy jeans with a long-sleeved shirt. I guess I shouldn't expect everyone to be warm-blooded. Anyway, she parked her car across the field so she would still have direct view of the game and where she could stay out of the frigid weather. *snicker* She called me periodically throughout the game to find out the inning and the score and during one of those conversations, we got onto the topic of how she wanted to take walks with me in the morning after we dropped the kids off at school. Cool, I'm always up for exercise and friendly conversation. She lives in a fabulous house on a very nice street but outside this little community near where our kids' school is located, is predominately lower class families and she refers to this area as 'the hood'. Not very nice but that's not the point. The point is, she's afraid to take walks in her own neighborhood by herself and the gal she usually walks with hasn't been interested in taking walks for the past few months. I mentioned since I'm already in the neighborhood at that time of day and that's the best time of day for me to walk, that I would walk with her since I enjoy the exercise as well. Suddenly, it was all on her terms. Suddenly, she had to do this, that and the other thing in the morning and the best time for her to walk was in the afternoon right before we picked up our kids from school.

Listen up, you fucking bitch! I just offered to walk with you because you're petrified to do it alone. I told you when I could do it and it wasn't up for debate, so if you want me to keep you company so that you're not frightened of your own fucking neighbors, you'll walk when I can walk! I'm doing you a fucking favor, fuck-ryingoutloud!

Rrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, back to the story...

I was sitting here today waiting for my kids to return home from their dad's, and the evil demon-child from across the street rang the bell. I expected him to ring my bell 'til it was broken because that's usually what he does just because he gets extreme pleasure out of watching our dog go into a Cujo-frenzy, barking 'til he's horse. He gets sick pleasure out of torturing our dog. Can you say "future serial killer"?!

In any case, whenever I'm home alone, I don't answer the door for anyone, especially that child. I do not care for him one bit. There are many reasons behind this but I will only mention one of them since it pertains to "that friend".

A month or so ago, we saw the demon-child's mother at the same baseball field that our kids were practicing at. I asked "that friend" who used to live in this subdivision and who is friendly with the child's mother (if y'all recall, this is the only person whom "that friend" would move back to this subdivision for) what she thought about the demon-child. She paused for awhile to search for the right words so I knew she felt the same about him as I. I told her some of the things that he's done and she seemed equally annoyed with him.

Let me stop there for a minute to tell you a little bit about myself. If someone confides in me for any reason, I will always hold that confidence. I am a very trustworthy person and unless you tell me it's okay to mention something to others, I do not say a word. Ever.

So the demon-child came to my house this afternoon and rang the bell. I thought it was my kids coming home the way the dog was barking and all, but it was that evil thing and I luckily retreated back here to my desk without being seen. I waited and waited, expecting the incessant bell-ringing to commence. It did not. About ten minutes later it dawned on me..."that fucking cunt friend" told his mother what I said about her child!!!

Now I know what some of you are saying, "Before you accuse anyone, are you sure that she told the mother?" and I can honestly say without going over there and asking the demon-child's mother myself, I am 100% sure she told her. I mean seriously folks, why else would this kid just suddenly change his ways when he gets so much pleasure out of watching my dog go nuts? There's really no other explanation. I [unfortunately] know how this kid's mind works.

For all those out there who are reluctant to believe how positive I am that "that friend" told my neighbor, here's proof...there have been times before where I've discussed personal things about the person who shall not be mentioned here with "that friend" only for her to tell me that she was going to talk to him about what I had spoken about just to try to help resolve things between us even after I told her not to say anything. I'm pretty sure she never opened up her mouth because the person who shall not be mentioned here is not afraid to give me an earful if he's heard or seen something I've done that has anything to do with him but even so, I can fight my own battles, thankyouverymuch!! If I wanted to resolve anything with him, I would do it myself not through some third party who clearly doesn't know her asshole from her elbow.

This is my fucking neighbor! She lives directly across the street from me and I see her every day. Do you know how this makes me look and feel?!

I'll conclude this post with one question: how fucking more uncool can one person be?

something to be concerned about?

I think I've been scammed.

Which wouldn't be the first time but this one I'm particularly steamed about.

About a month ago, I received a notice in the mail from a bank. It read on the envelope "Important information about your account". Funny enough, I don't have an account with that bank, still, I felt compelled to open the envelope.

For years, I've had a Visa credit card through Suntrust bank. This letter informed me that Suntrust could no longer afford to keep their credit card division running so they sold their credit card accounts to Bank of America and that in a few weeks, I would receive my new Bank of America credit card in the mail. A few weeks later, just like they said, I received my new credit card.

I called the number on the back of my Suntrust credit card to find out if all this was legitimate and it was forwarded to Bank of America customer service department. They told me I should have also been informed of this change through Suntrust, which I was not. With that call, I had unknowingly activated my new card so my Suntrust Visa could no longer be used at that point.

Fine, whatever. I've been using my new credit card without issues. Until today...

Today I received a notice in the mail that I was pre-approved for a Suntrust Visa credit card. Um...sorry, come again?!

I have an appointment with my bank's financial advisor next week which is something I do every few years to make sure that the kids and I are up-to-date with the kinds of accounts best suited for our needs. And when I'm there, the bank is gonna' get a serious piece of my mind.

whisper down the lane

Remember that children's game where you sit in a line, someone starts off whispering something and by the time it reaches the last person, it becomes something entirely different than what was originally said?

On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from a friend of mine, a mother of a girl in my daughter's class. She told me that she'd gotten a call from another mother in the class that my daughter was bullying her daughter and that her daughter was "very scared" of my daughter.

I can't recall if I blogged about the time several months ago where I got a call from the guidance counselor how my daughter had been doing some bullying. Either way, I was mortified to know this about my daughter. As a young girl, I was bullied by kids for the glasses I wore and only finally stood up for myself in the 7th grade against that little Oompa Loompa-sized dork, Kipp Cohen after calling me a four-eyed caboose and I told him "Shut up, brace face!". That was the last time Kipp Cohen ever spoke to me. I can still see the expression on his face when he realized I fought back. Ahhh, priceless.

Anyway, because my daughter is a sweet girl in general (don't get me wrong, she has her moments!) and, most of the time, respectful of others, she was given a slap on her wrist, told how inappropriate it was to say certain things and let go with a warning not to do it again. Later on that same day, I made her promise to me that she would never do that again and that I took promises seriously so if she promised, she had to keep it. She promised. And I believe her.

So when I got this phone call, you can imagine how my blood started to boil. I had already thought about all the things and privileges I was going to take away from her after just hearing this from someone whom I knew was a gossip and doesn't get all her facts straight.

Before school let out on Monday afternoon, I was able to find some alone time with my daughter's teacher and assistant teacher. We sat down, I spoke and they both sat there looking dumbfounded. They hadn't heard squat about my daughter doing any such thing, nor had anyone reported her, nor did they really think my daughter had any opportunity during the day to behave in such a manner since there was always a teacher around, teachers are supposed to report such incidences and there were no said reports against my daughter. In fact, they said that she was delightful to have in class, that she was really keeping to herself, doing her work diligently and accurately and was the most improved student of all the kids in the class.

*blank stare*

I didn't know what to say especially since I never expected to get such a favorable report after hearing potentially bad news. They assured me that they would do some digging but that most of the kids in the class were very good about reporting others if they acted out (yeah, those freakin' tattle-tales!) and they honestly hadn't heard anything. It really was quite the odd meeting!

I left feeling very bad that I would go souly on the word of a gossip-monger and that I thought my child would be guilty of something before finding out the truth. Coincidentally enough, as I was leaving the building, I ran into the mother of the girl who said my daughter was bullying her! I stopped her to talk to her and was not about to apologize to her for anything until I finished my investigation into the matter. She was on her way in to meet with the principal as her daughter, the same one who was accusing my daughter of hurting her, was doing very poorly in school and because of that, everything else negative that happened in her life was greatly magnified. In other words, she was blowing shit outta' proportion.

Hmmmm...I had a feeling right then and there that her daughter was a little fucking liar.

Prior to my meeting with my daughter's teacher, I had already contacted the guidance counselor. She got back to me later on in the day and I met with her yesterday morning. She, too, had done some investigating and neither saw or heard anything wrong with my daughter. In fact, again, quite the opposite and she said how everyone was so proud of her. Talk about a sense of relief!

She also said that the girl in question has quite a way of dramatizing things. And with three other sisters, she was most likely doing it to get attention. She said she would bring her in to talk about. I told her that I didn't feel it was a good idea to bring my daughter in with her. After all the positive changes my daughter has gone through, I would hate for her to feel shot down if she found out someone was making up stories about her. The guidance counselor agreed.

She also assured me that the little girl doing the accusing is not scared about anything. That she knows how to stick up for herself just fine and it was probably just a case of perception. Regardless, if that little girl every tries to fuck with my daughter again, I'M gonna' kick her ass myself!

extra extra, read all about it!

I've got updates people!!

Let's start with FUN (Fucked-up Nutcase) since that story is freshest in our minds...

Back when I didn't know that FUN was a FUN, we had two mutual friends in common on Facebook. It didn't dawn on me until I was about to delete her from my friend's list, that we presently had only one mutual friend in common. I was curious, I mean, you don't delete someone without a valid reason, right?

So I wrote my friend who no longer appeared on FUN's friend's list inquiring about why that was and this was her response:

She was at one point on my friends list, however It got to be weird because she was almost a stalker. If I blocked her from seeing my friends list, etc she would type me immediately and say I can't see anything on your profile. Also, R. dropped her because she acted really weird to her too. R. dropped her and she wrote her asking why she dropped her, then R. felt bad and added her and G. stole all her celebrities and removed her from her friend list. She has issues, and isn't all there. She is a stalker and weirdo.

Wait a minute...did she say celebrities?!

That's right folks, when she made the choice to try to slam me for something so insignificant, she became a third-time offender. Too bad she doesn't live in the US 'cause I know some states have the "Three times you're out" policy before throwing someone in jail. Not that her psychotic behavior is punishable by jail time but a girl can dream, can't she?!

So being Koolio, I wrote her an Email basically telling her that I knew all about the shit she's pulled with others and that while I wasn't a doctor, I knew enough people suffering with mental illnesses to know when specific behavior warrants psychiatric treatment and that she should seek it immediately. 'Cause ya' see, Koolio doesn't just put the knife in half-way. If I'm gonna' stick someone, I'm gonna' really stick 'em!

Boy, I would be so cool in prison, wouldn't I?!

Onto the next update...

You may remember this post from the other day.

Last night, my son participated in a wonderful school choir performance. I'll tell you...this choir teacher knows her shit. She selects just the right amount of Hallelujahs and classical stuff balanced with fun little numbers. The kids had a great time and the audience enjoyed it as well.

Right before the show, I was studying the program and I see out of the corner of my eye someone sit in the seat in front of me and says 'hi' to me. It was my "friend". Seemed very happy to see me, said she had seen me around town in the last few days and had tried to wave to me but I didn't see her. She repaid me for a favor I did for her and then told me that the next time I didn't have the kids for the weekend, she wanted to go out somewhere with me.

*blank stare*

I thought I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone for a minute. A total turnaround. She also seemed happier since she'd had the WoW talk with her husband and things had improved over the weekend.

Wait...someone actually took my advice?!

Anyway, I said I was available this weekend and sure, let's do something and then she blew it.

"Okay, call me!" she said as she waved and walked back to her seat.

Some of you out there might understand what it is I hate about that last sentence. I have always been the "okay, call me" girl. I have always been "selected", if you will, to initiate gatherings and plan them. It's like it's expected of me. What is it about people that they can't initiate something as simple as a phone call? Is it a popularity thing? Do they want to be able to brag to others, "Oh, all these people called me this week, blah, blah, blah...!". I just don't get it.

And honestly, such a statement still makes me feel a bit unwanted as far as friendships are concerned. It still makes me wonder if I should bother. Yeah, I complained that it felt like she didn't consider me a friend and all but do I just suck it up, take it for what it is and make plans knowing inside that's just how she is or do I count my losses and move on?